Dating Sarah Cooper (6 page)

“What’d he want?” she asked.

“Validation,” I told her shortly, and she wisely didn’t ask any more questions.

Despite my conversation with Austin, Sarah and I had an amusing drive home. As it turned out, she’d been worse than me; I’d feared she’d tease me when I revealed that
The L Word
was actually mildly addicting, but in reality I’d showed restraint where she had not. The young adult novel she’d found had taken four hours to read, and so that’s what Sarah had done from about six to ten o’clock last night.

“And how was the ending? Satisfying?” I asked her, grinning from ear to ear.

“Shut up. It was okay. They didn’t end up together though, which was total bullshit.”

“Why not? It seems pointless otherwise.”

“Well, one of the chicks was just experimenting, so she went back to guys and the other one realized she was actually into girls. The story was more about the second girl, I think. Anyway, how was
The L Word
?”

“Uh, sexual.” I shrugged.

“Sounds like my kind of show,” she joked. “So how many episodes did you watch?”

“Just the one I was supposed to.” I shot her a sly smile. “Why, did you expect me to have spent, say…
four hours
on it?”

“Shut up!” she repeated, but she was hiding a smile. “It was a good book. What happened on the show, seriously?”

“Um… I don’t know. Girls hooked up, there was this writer girl with a boyfriend – Jenny – but you can tell she’s gonna realize she’s gay.”

“So what I’m gathering from this is that you should know how to have lesbian sex now.”

“Oh, I’m an expert.” I rolled my eyes at her as she chuckled. “I’ll teach you all about it.”

“I’m sure you will.” She winked as we pulled into my driveway, and I rolled my eyes again as I got out of the car.

“Thanks for the ride.”

“Anything for my girlfriend.” She grinned. “Especially since we’re
cute
together!”

“The obsession never stops,” I deadpanned, waving goodbye to her.

“Never!” she called back as she drove away.

I dodged dinner this time and spent the rest of the night in my room alone, absorbing and reevaluating everything I’d been through in the past few days.

I was torn on what to do about Sarah and I’s little ruse. She’d hate the idea of calling it off now, I knew, given that she’d gotten one more word than usual out of Sam, but I didn’t feel obligated to her, honestly. I felt obligated to Jake and to the other LAMBDA members… and I have to admit I was a little afraid of how much worse I’d be treated for
faking
lesbianism, given how awful it was to actually
be
a lesbian.

I could picture the insults now, from the shallow ones to the ones that attacked the very core of who we were: that we’d do anything for attention; that we’d manipulated and used a minority group for our own gain. Maybe we really were already in too deep to back out now.

But at least tomorrow was Friday, and all I had to do was get through seven more hours of school and then I’d be able to take the weekend to have some quiet time to myself.

I got on my laptop eventually, and hadn’t been online for more than a half-hour before a window popped up telling me that Sarah was requesting a video chat. Confused, I accepted, and a second later her face was on my laptop screen.

“You are not gonna believe this bullshit,” she fumed, trying to show me something on her phone. I squinted, the blurry video quality making it hard to see.

Finally, the picture cleared and I could barely make out the words of a text message. I read aloud, “Hey, I hear bi chicks are freakier in bed. Come sit on my-” I made a disgusted face and stopped reading, and Sarah pulled her phone away, looking embarrassed.

“Sorry, wrong text.”

“Wait, who sent that?” I asked her.

“Unknown number. Whatever,” she shrugged it off, and if I hadn’t known her as well as I did, I might’ve genuinely believed she was unaffected. “
This
is the one I meant to show you.”

“Wait, I’m getting them, too. I figured you’d be cut some slack because you’re not saying you’re a lesbian, though.”

“Yeah, well, apparently the bisexuals don’t have it all that great, either.” She sounded impatient. “Look, that’s nothing compared to this.”

I forced myself to drop the subject for the time being, and focused on the new message she was holding up to the screen. It was another from an unknown number, but the text cleared up who’d sent it right from the beginning. “This is Jessa. I saw you in the hallway and I know what you two are up to, and it’s really shitty of you to use actual gay people like this. I’ll give you until the meeting on Tuesday to come clean or else I’m telling everyone. I’m serious.” My eyes widened. “Uh, that’s not good.”

“Can you believe she’d send me that?” Sarah yanked the phone back, infuriated all over again.

I shifted uncomfortably, already thinking ahead. God, people were going to absolutely loathe us. But a part of me was glad that the lying would be short-lived. I don’t think I could’ve pulled off an entire eight months, so it was all kind of bound to come crashing down eventually. I just hoped we wouldn’t lose our friends from lunch. “Well…” I hesitated. “I mean, yeah. She’s right.”

“That doesn’t mean she gets to call me out on it! Doesn’t she know who we are?”

I rested my chin in my hands and let out a sigh. “Yeah, considering everyone else does, I’d imagine so.”

“How are you being so chill about this? Like, if we don’t do something drastic our cover is blown.”

“Something drastic? It kind of seems like it’s blown regardless. There isn’t anything we can do except to apologize and hope Jake and everyone else doesn’t hate us, and then do what we can to make amends if they do.”

She shook her head. “No way. C’mon, we can’t only last
two days
, Katie. We just need to work a little harder.”

“You always do this,” I sighed out. “Sometimes you can stockpile every resource you have and it just isn’t enough, Sarah. We did the homework and we did a decent enough acting job, but
you
were the one who gave it away by obsessing over Sam. You know that’s what she saw, right?”

Sarah groaned, and her head fell forward into her hands. “We’re seriously gonna go down like this, though?”

I watched her for a moment, and swallowed hard. “I mean, you got us into this, so if either of us has the right to be mad or disappointed or upset, it’s me.”

She raised her head, and I expected a snippy retort or a glare from her. Instead, she looked inspired. “Wait. I got us into this, right?”

“I just said that,” I told her, exasperated now.

“And you had no choice in the matter.”

“It’s nice to hear you admit that,” I deadpanned. “Yes, I had no choice and now my reputation is gonna go down in a blaze of not-glory.”

“Maybe not.”

“Sarah, she
knows
. Give it up. We’re surrounded; just put your hands in the air and surrender.” I could tell from the way she was tapping her chin with her finger that I was about to be entirely ignored. “Sarah,” I tried again anyway, “you’re smart. If a cop caught you in the middle of committing a crime, would you really try to convince them you hadn’t done it?”

“…No…” she answered vaguely.

“No,” I echoed. “You’d plead guilty and hope for a laxer sentence.”

She mulled that over for a moment, and then smirked at me. “But it’s like you said… how much of a difference can one girl make?”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning Jessa isn’t the cop. She’s the prosecutor, and that means we’ve just gotta convince that twelve-member LAMBDA jury.”

Chapter Five

M
om insisted on spending Saturday having a “girls’ day” while Dad went out for lunch with a couple of guys he’d known back in college who were visiting from Atlanta. She gave me the option to invite Sarah along, but I decided against it.

Sarah was on this self-indulgent “I’m gonna use my superior knowledge to get us out of this” kick and also wouldn’t tell me anything about what her plan was, so I’d mostly spent Friday just going through the motions with her. We visited our lockers together, walked to class together, and generally did everything we’d done for the past several years as friends together, only with bonus hand-holding, and I tried hard not to notice Jessa throughout the day, who seemed to be watching us everywhere we went.

Sarah, to her credit, ignored not only Jessa but also Sam – even when he blatantly stared at us and tried to get her attention at one point –, but that was the only indication I got that she had some sort of plan she was implementing. Knowing her, she probably just planned to tone down her heterosexuality for a few days and then try to talk her way out of the mess she’d made at the LAMBDA meeting next Tuesday. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted her to succeed or not anymore, honestly.

My mom and I went to go see a movie, but before that, we grabbed lunch at this little bistro a short walk away from the theater.

“So you’ve been quiet this week,” she observed as we ate. “Is everything okay?”

“Fine,” I said. “Just always hate the first week back after a break. No more free time.”

“Well, if it’s more free time you’re after, you don’t necessarily have to go to that club Sarah talked you into joining,” Mom pointed out. “What was it again? Some kind of volunteer club?”

“Yeah, um…” I took a bite and chewed slowly to give myself some time to think. “It’s animal-based. You know I’ve always loved dogs, so.”

“Oh, are they volunteering at shelters?” she asked. I nodded. “That’s nice. But even so, if it’s making you exhausted, it’s not worth it. Your grades are good enough that you don’t need any extracurriculars to get you into Creswell.”

She was right. My college application, which I’d be sending out any week now, was only going to a few local schools, the best of which was Creswell State University. I was a shoe-in. Not like Sarah, who was shooting for Emory and needed all the help she could get.

“I’m fine, Mom,” I insisted. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Well, that’s a tall order from my only child,” she joked. “If I don’t worry about you, what am I supposed to worry about?”

“I don’t know.” I hid a smile. “Menopause?”

“Katie! I am not that old,” she said, and reached across the table to slap playfully at my arm.

“Right, I forgot. You’re a young, hip Mom. Even hipper than Amy Poehler was in
Mean Girls
.”

“Exactly.”

I raised my head to grin at her. “That was a test. No one says ‘hip’ anymore.”

“Well if I can’t be hip, at least I’m groovy,” she replied, and then smiled when I laughed through a mouthful of food.

“Please don’t repeat that around my friends.”

“Only around Sarah,” she promised. “She accepts me and all I have to do in return is talk her into eating my dinners every now and then.” I felt my smile die slightly, and Mom, being Mom, immediately caught on and went into mothering mode. “I knew it; you two are fighting, aren’t you?”

“Mom,” I whined, drawing the word out, “Sarah and I are not fighting, okay? Everything’s seriously fine. I promise.”

“Then why haven’t I seen her since Monday? Did you two fight that day you went over to her house?”

“No,” I said. “We’re fine.”

“If you use the word ‘fine’ one more time I’ll call her myself,” Mom joked. “Honey, friends fight all the time. You two have had your fair share, from what I can recall. It always works itself out.”

“We’re not fighting!” I insisted. “Can you please just drop it?”

I didn’t realize how loud I’d been until I caught several nearby diners shooting glances at us. Mom set down her silverware with a sigh, speaking quietly. “Katie, honey, you need to keep your voice down.”

I chewed on my bottom lip, embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I’ve just had a rough week. That’s all. Sarah and I are fine… we’re
okay
. It’s just me. I’ve been…” I hesitated, and then admitted, “I’ve been getting teased again.”

Mom’s face fell immediately, but there was an understanding in her expression that relieved me. Provided I could avoid giving her any details, this was a safe, believable, and semi-truthful route to take. “Oh, honey. About what?”

“Just stuff,” I mumbled. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Certainly not about your weight? You know you’re a beautiful girl, don’t you? You’re perfectly healthy.”

“Yeah, I know,” I told her half-heartedly. “I’m not gonna stop eating again. People… just suck sometimes, is all.”

“Does Sarah stick up for you?” Mom asked.

“That’s not her job,” I deflected. “It wasn’t her job in middle school and it’s not now.”

“But in middle school she did it anyway,” Mom reminded me.

“Well, she has her own stuff to worry about now,” I said.

“Oh, I see,” she said. “So like that boy and your new club.”

“I guess.” I nudged at the food on my plate with my fork. “It’s nothing I can’t handle. Anyway, aren’t we gonna be late for the movie?”

“Don’t change the subject,” she chided me, but motioned for our waiter to bring the check nonetheless. “You’re a strong girl, Katie. You’ve been through a lot more than most girls your age. Sarah or no Sarah, you can handle bullies. I’d just sleep easier at night knowing you have someone on your side.”

“I do. Believe me, Sarah may be busy, but she and I are definitely in this one together.”

“Well, good. I’m glad you have her. That girl’s always had a unique way with words; that’s for sure.”

“I come here today, accused.”

I pressed my lips together and tried to follow my instructions from Sarah as best as I could, but given that she’d left me completely in the dark from Thursday night through… well, five minutes before our LAMBDA meeting, and given that my only instructions were to “just look victimized” because she’s “got this”, I was a little lost and more than a little disheartened by her opening statement. Regardless of how many years she’d spent on our middle school debate team, this seemed like the wrong way to approach our dilemma, to say the least.

Nearly everyone else in the room, including Jake
and
Jessa, looked just as startled by Sarah’s statement as I felt. Five minutes into our LAMBDA meeting, she’d asked that she be given the floor in the center of our little circle in order to make an announcement, and now here we were, staring at her while she spoke, confident and indignant.

As I watched, one eyebrow raised, she pointed an accusing finger at Jessa, who responded with an expression that probably looked pretty similar to my own. “Jessa here doesn’t seem to believe that Katie and I are a real couple.”

Now it was Jessa’s turn to look indignant. She rose from her seat. “Because you-!”

“Hey!” Sarah cut her off. “It’s my turn to talk. If you want the floor, you can have it when I’m done.” As Jessa let out a disbelieving laugh and took a seat with a shake of her head, Sarah addressed the rest of the group. “Look, I’ve known Katie for practically my whole life. A lot of you guys have, too. Have you ever known her to throw herself at boys? No, right? Because she’s gay.”

I tried hard to keep a straight face as she pressed on. There was no way this was going to work. Sarah had school smarts, but she put her foot in her mouth
way
too much for this to go smoothly. She’d been a terrible debater in middle school, honestly, but I’m not sure anyone ever had the heart to tell her.

“And I’ll admit I have a bad reputation,” she continued, “but I don’t think it’s right to just assume I’m faking a relationship with my best friend just because I like boys, too. Bisexuals can settle down, you know.”

“She has a point, Jessa,” Hattie chimed in, looking mildly offended. “
I’m
bisexual, and I’ve mostly dated girls. Sarah might prefer guys but she can still commit to Katie, and I think it’s kind of offensive to imply that she’s faking a relationship with a girl just because she’s not a lesbian.”

“They’re
both
faking it,” Jessa insisted. “I’m sure they’re both straight. At the very,
very
least, Sarah is. She’s just doing this to rile up some guy she’s trying to sleep with; I’ve seen her fawning all over him.”

“It’s called
flirting
, Jessa. It doesn’t always mean I’m interested. Maybe if you knew how to do it you’d have a girlfriend, too.”

“Alright, guys, c’mon,” Jake cut in hastily as Jessa began to get to her feet again. “Look, this is where we come for
support
. It’s supposed to be a safe haven to talk about how we feel. Sarah and Katie have been through a lot this week and I think we should cut them some slack.”

“Seriously,” Sarah echoed, folding her arms across her chest and shooting Jessa a smug look. “There are some real issues we could actually be talking about here, so how about you drop this and move on?”

Jessa, surprisingly, looked just as smug. “Fine, Sarah. I will.”

“Good.”

“Just do one thing for me real quick, though: Kiss your girlfriend.”

Sarah froze in place, and my head swiveled so fast I almost pulled a muscle in my neck. Thankfully, Sarah recovered quickly. “Um, no. Do I look like your own personal porno?”

“I didn’t say you have to make out,” Jessa shot back. “It’s just a quick kiss. That’s no big deal if you’ve been dating for months and into each other for longer, right? I mean, if you’re really
so
in love…”

I tried my best to help her out there, jumping in quickly with a hasty, “Jake.”

He came to our rescue. “Jessa, c’mon. They’re a couple. Let’s move on.”

“If they’re a couple why won’t they kiss?” she asked the group, and I saw a few people exchange thoughtful looks, as though she had somewhat of a point. The unpleasant nervousness that’d been building in my stomach all day began to swell and creep up into my chest.

“Maybe I’m not into PDA,” Sarah insisted, but the excuse was flimsy, and Jessa countered it easily.

“Sarah Cooper, not into PDA. Uh huh. That’s real convincing.”

“Uh, I’m kissing someone in front of thirteen people here, too, you know,” I cut in weakly. “I don’t like PDA.”

“Blah blah blah, all I’m hearing right now is that both of you are making up excuses not to kiss each other. What does that tell us?”

“Sarah. Katie,” Hattie said abruptly, drawing both of our gazes to her. “Look, just shut her up. She’s just jealous.”

“Yeah, I’m just jealous,” Jessa echoed, smirking at us. “So go ahead and prove me wrong, ladies.”

Sarah and I exchanged looks as she stood in the center of the group and I remained seated. In three seconds, we had a mental conversation that went a little like this:

Her: “???”

Me: “No. No way.”

Her: “Are you sure? C’mon! We can’t let her win this.”

Me: “Sarah, no.”

Her: “Yes?”

Me: “No!”

Her: “Oh, just suck it up.”

And then, aloud, she sighed heavily and announced, “Okay, this is stupid,” stalked over to me even as I gave her the most subtly withering look I could muster, heaved me to my feet by my hand, then gave me a brief look that said: “you better act like you’re enjoying this” before pressing her lips to mine.

And I blanked. My hands, completely of their own volition, found their way to her hips and rested against them, and at some point my eyes must have fluttered shut, because right around the time her lips started moving against mine I realized I couldn’t see anything.

Her own hands were surprisingly gentle on my cheeks as they cupped my face, and she was kind of an amazing kisser. Her lips were soft and I could taste her favorite lipgloss on them, and for a brief moment, sometime before I remembered where exactly we were, I had the briefest of thoughts: “So
this
is kissing a girl. Huh.”

When I first started kissing her back, which took a few seconds, I kissed her like she was Austin. Like she was someone I cared about and wanted to have romantic feelings for, but just couldn’t quite get there with. Because that was what she was. It would’ve been much easier to be a real couple in that moment, surrounded by people who would then have loved us for who we actually were and not for who they thought we were. And it was kind of nice, kissing her like I kissed Austin, because kissing Austin was always kind of nice. Kind of
okay
.

But then it hit me,
really
hit me that she wasn’t Austin, that she was my best friend Sarah, and it was like we’d been moving in silent slow motion and now someone had hit the “play” button.