Dating Sarah Cooper (9 page)

“Yeah,” I said, and then left the room.

I had to stay at Sarah’s for a little while to make sure I felt one-hundred percent recovered so that there was no evidence of where I’d been last night. But once I was feeling better, she took me home and dropped me off. My parents were waiting inside for me: Dad in the kitchen reading the paper, and Mom working on brunch.

“Hey honey, did you have a good time with Sarah? I could use some help with cooking, if you’re up for it,” Mom said.

“It was fun,” I lied. “We actually stayed up until, like, five in the morning, so I think I might go back to sleep, actually.”

“Oh, okay.” Mom sounded intrigued more than disappointed, and I saw her and dad exchange a look. “What’d you two do all night?”

“Um, just talked and stuff.” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Okay,” Mom repeated, and I went to my room.

Once I was there, I took out my phone and exchanged a few texts with both Dina and Josephine, who I’d sent about a thousand thank-you texts to earlier after what Sarah’d told me they’d done. They both seemed amused more than anything, which was nice, but I was still really embarrassed. Last night hadn’t been like me; I’d never really been anything more than tipsy before, and I vowed right then to never drink that much again.

I leaned forward as I sat in my bed, closing my eyes and resting my head in my hands. Everything felt confusing now, and I just wanted this thing with Sarah to end before I wound up more frazzled than I could handle. But it wouldn’t end. We still had over seven months left to go.

“It’s fake, it’s fake, it’s fake,” I murmured over and over again, and then I laid down, and, at some point, mercifully fell back to sleep.

Chapter Seven

L
AMBDA’s first out-of-school meeting was the following Tuesday. Rather than sitting in our usual circle in room 405, we all carpooled to a place about ten minutes away, which Jake described as “Flowery Branch’s local LGBT resource center”. I hadn’t known such a place existed, and Sarah expressed the same ignorance as we drove there.

With Sarah and I included, there were fifteen people in our club, and we all gathered inside the building – which featured a small rainbow flag outside its front door – to have a talk with a man named Owen Bradshaw, although he told us immediately that he preferred to just be called by his first name. He was in his late twenties and worked at the center.

“Our general mission is to make sure the local LGBT youth… or, in other words, you guys,” he said, “feel comfortable having a place to come to when you need somewhere to turn, whether it’s for answers to questions or if you have family issues and don’t feel comfortable returning home. We’ve housed teens overnight, and we’ve also given them hot meals. But for less serious circumstances, we’ve had people stop by just to borrow a good book or a movie from our collection over on that shelf.”

He pointed across the lobby, to a bookshelf filled to the brim with DVDs and novels. I raised both eyebrows, surprised there were enough to fill the shelf. It’d been like pulling teeth for Sarah and me to try and find any books or movies a couple of weeks ago.

“So, anyway, why
you
guys are here. We were contacted by Jake about some of you potentially being unaware that we were here, although I will say I do see a few familiar faces amongst you.” He smiled. “Additionally, we’ve decided we’d like to do something small for National Coming Out Day, which is coming up when?”

Owen raised a hand to his ear expectantly, and the rest of the group chorused, “October 11
th
!” as Sarah and I stood dumbly amongst them.

“Right. So, for today, just feel free to explore, look around, talk amongst yourselves… and I’m sure Jake will keep you posted, but we’ll probably meet back here in a few days on Sunday the 10
th
and work out what we’ll be doing on the 11
th
. Let me know if you guys have any questions or need anything. We’ve got some food out on the table over there if you’re hungry; help yourselves.”

Our group of fifteen immediately dissolved into several familiar cliques. Henry, Hattie, and Jessa headed for the buffet table with some others, and I saw Jake stay back to talk to Owen.

“Let’s go look at the shelf,” Sarah suggested, looking genuinely excited at the prospect. “We can see if there’s anything good we haven’t heard of.”

“Why?” I asked, raising an eyebrow and following her anyway. “Are you gonna actually read another book?”

“Maybe.” She knelt down by the shelf and I watched her, surprised by her answer. “I mean, the first one I read was decent, minus the ending. Maybe I’ll find one that has a happy ending.” She picked out a book that caught her eye, and grinned. “Holy crap. Look, Katie… lesbian
erotica
.”

“Put that back,” I hissed, but she waved it in my face, still grinning.

“I should definitely borrow this. I mean,
you
aren’t taking care of me sexually so I’ve gotta pick up the slack somehow now that I’m no longer sleeping with boys, either.”

“Gross. I do not need to know about your high sex drive.”

“Hey, girls.” I jumped abruptly at the sound of Owen’s voice, and turned to see him approaching us. “See anything you’re interested in? If you want to check out a book or a movie, all you have to do is sign your name, phone number, email, and the item of your choice on that sheet over there.” He pointed to a desk just a few feet away, and Sarah looked over at it with interest. I realized pretty quickly that it wasn’t the sheet that’d caught her eye, but what was stacked next it.

“Wait, are those condoms?” she asked.

“Yes,” Owen said. “We always have free condoms available to promote safe sex. Feel free to take one.”

“Oh, no.” Sarah waved him away quickly. “No need for those with this one.” She tilted her head toward me, and Owen smiled at us.

“Well, feel free to keep browsing. Just let me know if you end up signing anything out.”

“We will,” Sarah agreed. Once he’d left and she was sure no one was looking, she leaned over and stole a condom.

I rolled my eyes at her. “I thought you couldn’t sleep with boys anymore because you’re with me?”

She smirked at me. “Doesn’t hurt to be prepared. After all, I
am
talking to Sam, now.”

It was true. After whatever’d happened at the party Friday, Sam and Sarah had begun texting casually, and both yesterday and today, he’d talked to her in their English class. It was risky to call it this early on, but it seemed like she had his attention now and that they were well on their way to a hookup. I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. I guess it was good that Sarah’d probably get what she’d wanted from the beginning, but the closer she got to achieving that goal, the more used I felt.

It was safe to say now that if it weren’t for Jake and the rest of the LAMBDA club, I’d end our fake relationship and come clean. But I genuinely liked them all – with the exception of Jessa, who I was still a little cool toward after Friday. Still, I didn’t want her or any of the others to hate me.

I wandered away from Sarah to where Violet was sitting in one of the lounge chairs, flipping through an issue of “Out” magazine that’d been lying on one of the end tables beside her. She looked up at me and smiled. “Hey,” she said.

“Hey.” I took a seat next to her and leaned over to look at the magazine. On one page was a picture of a Pride parade in New York; on the other, a news story on the latest state to legalize gay marriage. “Have you been here before?” I asked her.

She nodded. “Yeah, a couple of times.” She hesitated for a moment, and then explained, “Things were a little rough between my parents and I right after I came out to them. I stayed here for a night.”

“Wow,” I breathed out. I knew, of course, that there were parents out there who reacted badly to having a gay child, but it was so hard to imagine it when I knew it would be such a non-issue with mine.

“How did you parents react when you told them?” she asked me.

I colored slightly. “Oh… I haven’t told them.”

She set the magazine aside, curious now. “Why? Do you think they’ll be upset?”

“No.” I shook my head. “My uncle’s gay, so I know they’ll be fine.”

“Then why haven’t you told them?” she asked, confused. I opened and closed my mouth for a moment, struggling for an answer, but Sarah saved me by plopping down on my other side, a book in her hand.

“Hello, ladies.”

I shot her a knowing look. “You didn’t.”

“I did. Already signed the sheet.” She waved the book in my face, and I rolled my eyes at her as Violet watched the both of us.

“You got the erotica, didn’t you?”

“No!” Sarah retorted, defensive. “I was just kidding about that.”

“Shame,” I sighed out. “You could’ve used the sex tips.”

“Hey!” she replied, mock-offended, and I grinned at her until she slapped at my arm.

“Ow!” I grabbed for her hand, but she pulled it out of my reach, smirking at me.

On my other side, Violet smiled widely at us and said, “Aww… you guys are so cute together. Stop it; you’re making me sad I don’t have anyone.”

My smile died a little and I turned away from Sarah, facing Violet again. Eager to change the subject, I asked, “What about you and Hattie? I see you guys hanging out sometimes.”

Violet shook her head, looking a little embarrassed. “Um… yeah, we kind of tried it last year, but it didn’t work out. I’m lucky we made it out of that one with an intact friendship.”

“Well, you can’t go wrong with any of the girls here as long as you don’t pick Jessa,” Sarah told her, rolling her eyes.

“She’s not my type,” Violet dismissed. “I mean, what she did to you guys… I thought that was really weird and uncalled for. She’s, like, way too abrasive for me.”

I searched the room briefly for Jessa and found her still talking to Henry by the buffet table. She must’ve sensed I was staring at her, because after a moment, she turned to look back at me, and then winked. Sarah’s hand, which had moved to rest on my shoulder at some point, fleetingly tightened its grip, and I realize she’d been watching Jessa, too. That explained the wink.

“You know what I don’t get,” I finally said. “If she doesn’t think we’re faking it anymore, then she has no reason to have any ill will toward us, and if she
does
still think we’re faking it, then she should think flirting with me wouldn’t piss you off, right?” I looked to Sarah for confirmation, but Violet, instead, was the one who answered.

“Jessa’s kind of strong-willed. She’ll probably never be fully willing to admit she was wrong… even to herself.”

“She hates me for showing her up,” Sarah said. “Now I’m glad I got that jab in about her not having a girlfriend.”

“In retrospect, it was deserved,” I said, playing along. “Anyway, tell me about your book.”

She flashed the cover at me. “Pretty basic. Girl meets girl, girls fall in love, and as far as I know, no one dies or goes back to men or gets pregnant, or any combination of the three. I’m determined to get my happy ending.”

“You really are big on them, aren’t you?” I asked her. Sarah nodded proudly and tucked the book into the bag hanging off of her shoulder.

“That I am,” she confirmed. “I won’t stop until I get one.”

“Good luck,” Violet cut in, grinning. “We don’t get them often.”

“So how was your club meeting?” Mom asked me at dinner later that night. “Did you do anything interesting?”

“Yeah.” I nodded at her. “We visited an animal shelter.”

“That sounds fun,” Dad said. “What kinds of animals did they have?”

“Oh, just the usual. Dogs, cats, birds, fish… it was like a zoo in there. It was kind of tempting to just take them all home with me.”

Mom smiled over at me. “We’d forgive you if you did. I’m sure they were adorable, honey.”

I let out a short laugh. “So you’d still love me even if I brought a random dog home?”

“Of course.” There was a short pause, and Mom added, “A dog… a cat…
both
, neither… we’d love you regardless.”

I paused to stare at her, my fork stilling over my plate as Mom’s eyes stayed resolutely glued to hers. She took a piece of the steak she’d cooked and brought it to her mouth, and her gaze shifted to Dad as she chewed. He scooped up a spoonful of mashed potatoes and glanced back at her.

I set my fork down, suddenly not hungry. “Maybe I be excused,” I deadpanned, and then got up without waiting for an answer.

I heard the sound of a chair scraping against the floor behind me, and then my mom called, “Honey!” but I was already gone.

I slammed my bedroom door shut behind myself, locked it, and immediately grabbed my phone and called Sarah. “Pick up, pick up,” I murmured, and let out a sigh of relief when I heard the click of her answering.

“Hello?”

“Sarah, my parents know,” I said quickly. I could feel myself beginning to panic.

“What? What do you mean?”

“I mean they
know
,” I emphasized. “They know that I’m fake-gay, but they think I’m actually gay. I don’t know what to do. I think I’m about to have a panic attack.”

“Wait, calm down, Katie. How do they know?”

“I don’t know! I didn’t do anything differently, I swear! I didn’t say or do anything! They just do!”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! They know I didn’t really join a club for animals; I think they might even know it’s a gay club. They asked me how it went and started using freaking metaphors about how they’d love me whether I brought home a cat or a dog.”

“Shit,” Sarah breathed out, and then seemed to collect herself. “Okay, listen. Katie, they already told you they’d love you regardless. So the worst won’t happen, right?”

“Except I can’t tell them I’m gay when I’m not!” I pointed out, my voice rising. “What the hell?!”

To my surprise, Sarah replied, “Yeah, okay.”

I paused, momentarily calm. “Wait.
Okay
?”

“Yeah. They’re your parents, not just kids we go to school with. They’re family. If you think telling them the truth is the best decision, I’m not gonna tell you to lie to them. But you aren’t gonna call this off if they tell you to, right?” I was silent on the other end, honestly unsure of my answer, and she pressed, “Right, Katie?”

“Yeah,” I agreed, nodding my head even though she couldn’t see it. “Sure. Right. I don’t have to take their advice, that’s true. I’ll just, you know…” I swallowed hard, “…be a total disappointment of a daughter until I tell everyone at school the truth.
Or
tell my parents I’m gay and go back on it later. Great.”