Dawn of Darkness (Daeva, #1) (9 page)

Ash's
hands latched onto my hips, restricting my movement. I looked down
to see his eyes focused on mine. He moved slowly up and down, and
it wasn't enough. I thrashed wildly against him, trying to find my
release, but his grip held me firm, prolonging the
torture.

I
whimpered softly when he lifted his head and climbed back into
position, kneeling over me. His arousal brushed against mine and he
took them both in one hand. The salty taste of his lips was thrust
into me, his tongue exploring deeper than before. I mimicked its
movements as I pressed into the kiss, and it was back
again.

It
started in one leg, a small twitch. My fingers dug into Ash's
shoulders and he grunted, the sound mixing into my pants and
groans. Then out of nowhere, I felt it hit me. My body writhed and
convulsed under him. I screamed my pleasure into his mouth as he
fought to keep the kiss going. It racked through my body until it
spilled over, a warm, wet feeling landing on my chest and stomach.
Ash began to shudder above me, his strokes losing their rhythm. He
broke the kiss, gasping for air. I felt the length of him, still
pressed against me in his hand, begin to spasm as he let out a
chorus of moans. The wet feeling hit me again, mixing with my own
release.

Ash gave
a long sigh and collapsed on top of me, his face buried in the
pillow. My chest heaved against Ash as we panted to regain our
breath. It was a few minutes before Ash pushed himself up onto his
elbows. He looked down at me and smiled.

"I guess
you're not so asexual after all." He laughed. I tried to frown, to
think of something to say, but nothing came. My mind was blank,
still awash with the afterglow. A feeling of relaxation spread
through my entire body, turning my limbs to jelly. "I'll go get a
towel," he said, bringing my attention to the stickiness that
joined us together.

It was
then the realisation started to sink in. I had had sex with Ash, my
best friend and room-mate. Not full intercourse though. Thank God.
However, I definitely needed to rethink my self-proclaimed
asexuality. Or was it too far-fetched to blame it on the
alcohol?

Ash was
stood in the doorway, wiping himself down with a blue towel. "God,
you look so hot like that," he said, walking towards the bed. He
climbed over me, dropping the towel on my chest. A quick look down
as I wiped away the evidence of our drunken adventure told me he
was ready to go again. The sight of it was enough to hitch my
breath and my lower regions responded to him.

"Wanna go
again?" he whispered in my ear.

"Fuck
you," I said, pushing him off to one side. There, I was sobering up
already.

"That
could be arranged." I didn't need to see his face to know he was
smirking behind me. He spooned against my back, trapping his hard
length between us. One arm draped across my chest. Somehow, I
hadn't pictured Ash as the type to cuddle after sex. But I couldn't
have imagined I would end up having sex with him either, so my
judgements could hardly be trusted. And then there were the other
thoughts plaguing my mind. What did this mean for me, and for
us?

"Don't
think about it too hard," Ash said. "Just take it for what it is
and don't try to complicate things."

I asked,
"How do you do that?" It was as if he knew what I was thinking,
though that was beyond the limits of his ability.

"What?
Read your mind?" He laughed. "I can't, but I've known you for a
year now, so I can take a pretty good guess. Plus, you're
broadcasting your emotions clearly tonight."

I hadn't
even thought about keeping up my psychic shields. Shit!

"Don't
bother. Alcohol messes with your shielding," he said. I wish I had
known that before drinking myself stupid. "You're confused and
scared. Why?"

"Because... I don't know what this means."

"It was
just sex. It doesn't have to mean anything. Nothing has to change
because we had a bit of fun."

I thought
about it for a minute. Could sex be nothing more than a bit of fun?
I had never thought of it as anything other than pointless
intimacy, designed to create attachments and ultimately end with
pain. I couldn't deny that it felt good. Scratch that, it felt
amazing. Maybe it was as Ash had said, and I should accept it for
what it was, a bit of drunken fun.

Ash's
fingers danced lightly over my skin, his warm breath caressing the
back of my neck. I sighed, and his arm wrapped around me tighter,
pulling me deeper into the embrace. His lips pressed against my
cheek and I could feel his smile widen.

"What are
you afraid of?" he asked. "You could have this and so much more if
you let yourself." When I didn't answer, he said, "Okay, let me
tell you a story then. Once upon a time, there was a boy named Ash.
He fell in love with the most beautiful girl in the world, Lisa
Albridge. But Ash wasn't like the other boys and girls. He had a
secret."

"Why are
you telling me this?"

His hand
reached up, and he pressed a single finger to my lips. "Just
listen. For a while he didn't tell Lisa, but he hated keeping it
from her and lying to her. So one day, he told her. Lisa was scared
and angry. She ran all the way home and refused to speak to him.
Ash was so upset that he locked himself in his room and wouldn't
come out. Then later that day, Lisa called and asked to see him. He
was so happy to see her, but she had another boy with her. A new
boyfriend."

Ash's
arms began to twitch. His head buried into the nape of my neck, and
I felt the slightest trickle run across my skin. "She wanted to
show me how little I meant to her. She wanted to watch as her new
boyfriend beat me up. They called me a freak, and a monster. He
started hitting me and I let him. That's when the ice
came."

The
trickle turned into a steady stream. I rolled over to face him and
meet his eyes, their sparkle hidden behind a veil of tears. God,
I'd been so selfish and stupid. All those times he tried to get me
to open up and help me with my pain, and I denied him. All the
times I saw his pain surface, and I did nothing, thinking only of
myself and my desire to keep a distance between us. I was a
horrible friend.

"They were right," he sobbed. I
lifted a hand to his cheek, wiping away the tears with my thumb. It
hurt inside, like a knife twisting deep within me, to see Ash like
that. He was supposed to be happy and carefree. Not
this.

"You're not a monster," I said.
"You are
anything
, but a monster. You're a good person and they didn't
deserve you. I don't deserve you."

"Don't
say that."

"Why not?
It's true. All I've ever done is wallow in my self-pity. I saw you
were hurting deep down, and I ignored it. A good friend would have
done anything to try and make it better."

"But you
have done something." He gave me a weak smile. "This. Right here.
You're the only person I've told willingly about what I did. You're
here for me now, and that means a lot to me."

"What
else can I do?"

"Trust
me," he said. "Tell me what bothers you so much, so I can help
you."

I sighed
and looked away from him, turning to face the ceiling. Whether it
was the alcohol or a sense of duty to Ash that made me open up, I
don't know. "Everybody leaves me. My parents, Mrs. Rousseau, the
kids at the orphanage, foster parents... everyone. There's
something wrong with me, and it makes everyone leave me. I don't
know if I could go through that again."

"I get it
now. You're scared to get close to anyone, because you think
they'll leave you."

I nodded.
"It scares me, you know, how close I've gotten to you without
realising it. I tried to push you away at first, but you kept
coming back. Truth is, deep down I was happy that someone wanted to
be my friend." Now it was my turn with the tears, my eyes starting
to fill up. "But I'm scared I'll wake up one day, and you'll be
gone too. I don't know what I'd do if you were gone."

Without
Ash, I honestly believed I would have nothing. Lucas, Brad,
Katiya... I considered them friends, but not in the way Ash was my
friend. They didn't understand me like Ash did. He was my only real
close-friend. He got me in a way that no-one else did, and now I
understood why. Ash had been through his own hell, and had his own
pain to show for it. The thought of him being gone was too much to
even think about.

"Shh,
it's all right," he said, one hand running through my hair. "I'm
not going anywhere." He leaned in to plant a kiss on my forehead.
"Do you want me to sleep with you tonight?"

I nodded
and turned away from him. His chest moulded against the line of my
back and his arm reached over to take my hand in his.

"I won't
leave you," he whispered. "Not ever. You can count on
it."

I lay
there, afraid to move. I felt the rise and fall of Ash's chest, his
breath ghosting over my skin. His heart beat against me, slowing as
he drifted off. Nothing has to change, I thought, his words echoing
in the back of my mind. I didn't believe him. Something had already
changed, and I wasn't sure if we'd be able to turn back now. A
sudden wave of fear washed over me. Ash's hand gripped mine
tighter. It was as if he was trying to comfort me, even in
sleep.

He's
still here, I thought. And in that moment, it was
enough.

From the
moment I opened my eyes the next morning, I knew something was
wrong. For one thing, the light seemed brighter than usual, and it
felt as though someone had used my skull as a drum. More worrying,
was the fact that I couldn't move for the heavy arm wrapped tight
around me, and said arm had a body attached to it. A very happy,
naked body, for that matter.

I lay
completely frozen, hoping not to wake Ash as I recalled the events
of the previous night. A suffocating heat began to creep over my
body. I had to get out. Fighting the wave of panic, I lifted the
arm carefully and began shuffling to the edge of the bed. Ash moved
suddenly and I froze. He withdrew his hand to scratch at his face,
giving me the opportunity to escape.

Standing
up quickly, however, was not a good idea. My stomach lurched into
my mouth and I ran into the bathroom, tripping over the clothes
that lay strewn across the floor. Upon reaching the toilet, I
collapsed to my knees and lifted the seat, just in time as my
stomach convulsed and the first wave of bitter vomit forced its way
out. When one wave ended, another started, giving me no time to
regain my breath. This continued until I was sure there was nothing
left inside me, leaving me with an empty hollow feeling in my
stomach.

"You okay
in there?" Ash asked. I looked round to see him peering round the
door frame.

"Just
great."

"If you
say so. Make sure you drink plenty of water."

I glared
at Ash. Just because it was my first time drinking, didn't mean I
knew nothing about hangovers. I mean, I had witnessed Ash's more
than a few times. He shrugged and retreated back into the main
room, presumably to crawl back into bed now he was sure I wasn't
dying. I flushed the toilet and pulled myself up to the sink, where
I drank from the tap, attempting to wash away the horrid taste that
clung to my mouth and throat.

Content
that the taste had subsided, and worried that drinking any more
would make me feel sick again, I closed the bathroom door. It was
only then it dawned on me, I was well and truly naked. The events
of the previous night bombarded my mind again, the insufferable
heat crawling over my skin. I stepped into the shower and the icy
water blasted over me.

I slid to
the floor, not bothering to adjust the temperature dial. What had I
done? Surely there was some rule against sleeping with your best
friend. And to top it off, it went against my own personal rules,
designed to keep me from getting attached to anyone. Then there
were the other implications. All my life, I had had no desire to be
close to anyone, so what was different about last night? I could
blame everything on the alcohol, but I knew that would be a lie. I
was upset over killing someone, and that left me vulnerable. But
was I ready to accuse my best and only real friend of taking
advantage of me? No, it wasn't his fault. I was as much to blame
for not saying no.

Our pain
was drawing us to each other and soon we'd pass the point of
no-return, if we hadn't passed it already. If we continued on, it
would only make things worse in the end. I needed to distance
myself from Ash. It was the only option.

I pulled
myself to my feet and turned off the water. My whole body shivered
as I wrapped a towel around me and dried off. Ash was asleep, as
expected, though he had moved to his own bed now. Trying to make as
little noise as possible, I opened the wardrobe and grabbed a white
t-shirt and black joggers. I dressed, threw a change of clothes in
my gym bag and left the room. I needed to work out some
frustration. Alone.

*****

The gym
was almost deserted, as you might expect early on a Sunday morning.
I stored my bag in one of the lockers and grabbed a pair of boxing
gloves from the storeroom. After a quick stretch, I started on the
punching bag. Given my condition, it wasn't the greatest workout of
all time, but it helped.