Daybreak: The Days of Redemption Series, Book One (21 page)

“I see.”

Ed could almost see her wrapping a cold, hard shell around herself. “No, I don’t think you do. I feel really torn, Viola. I just came back to Berlin. After feeling vaguely like a visitor in my own home, I’m finally settling into living in America again. I’m seeing my father daily, and I love seeing him.”

“I understand . . .”

“But if I push this off and refuse, I know I’ll feel guilty. And I’ll worry that the Lord had meant for me to take this position, but that I refused it for my own selfish reasons.”

She blinked. “That would be difficult, I suppose . . .”

But she still seemed distant. As if she’d been hoping he’d say something more. And so though it was surely too early to confide in her, he forged ahead. “And there’s more. There’s you.”

“Me? What do I have to do with anything?”

It was time. Time to take a step forward, time to let the feeling that was running through him override all his doubts and worries. “A lot. I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”

“I’m sorry. I . . . I don’t understand.”

He knew she didn’t. And honestly, he was struggling, too. He felt just as conflicted about his relationship with her and the future he wanted with her as he did about everything else. He wasn’t a man who liked to rush decisions or rush to judgments.

But he didn’t have time to wait. He knew his feelings for her were impacting his decision or at least how he felt about the opportunity. “The truth is that I’ve grown to really appreciate our friendship, Viola.”

“I, as well,” she said slowly.

Since she looked just as stunned by the fact that she was opening up as well, it gave him the strength to continue. “Since we’re being so honest, I suppose I need to tell you that more than once I’ve entertained thoughts of there being something more than just friendship between us.”

“What do you mean by ‘more’?”

She had to know what he meant! But perhaps she needed to hear the words? Though it was painful, he continued, feeling the whole time like he was precariously perched on the edge of a cliff. “More, as in I want to have a deeper relationship with you.” Even as he heard himself, he wanted to slap his words away. He sounded awkward and childish.

He was a man. If he could attend to hundreds in a foreign country, surely he could manage to describe his feelings to one petite woman with brown eyes?

“Let me try this again. What I’m trying to say is that I really like you. I want to court you.”
Ach
, but his collar suddenly felt as if it were choking him. “It’s true,” he added, for good measure.

But it looked as if Viola Keim was determined to have everything he said written out as clear as day. “Court, as in marriage?”

“Yes.” His whole body felt hot. Could he be any more of a stumbling fool? Goodness, but he’d always imagined that he’d feel more sure of himself when he fell in love.

Her eyes wide, she whispered, “Edward, I don’t know what to say.”

He felt so twisted inside, he couldn’t resist teasing her. “You always know what to say.”

Her lips curved up slightly before pressing together in consternation. “Thirty minutes ago, I might have agreed with you about having a future. Now? I’m not so sure.”

Feeling lower than an ant at a picnic, he wondered if the Lord had encouraged him to speak so he could put all hope of a future with Viola out of his mind. Now what he really needed to do was slink away and hope that he didn’t see her alone anytime soon. “Viola, I’m sorry for speaking my mind like I did. I can see that you’re uncomfortable. I hope I haven’t embarrassed you too much.”

She shook her head. “I’m not embarrassed. I have to admit, that I, too, have felt some of the very same things that you have. I’d really hoped you’d be here long enough for us to figure them out.”

“I didn’t go looking for this opportunity. And I don’t even know if I’m going to take it.”

“But you might.”

“Yes. I might.”

She pulled her drink toward her and took another sip. And then another one. “May I ask you a question?”

“Of course. Ask all the questions you want. I really need your help to figure out what to do.”

“Well, are any of the missionaries, um, married?”

“Some.”

“And do their wives and husbands go there, too?”

“Some. Others stay behind.”

“Truly?”

Now that they’d come so far, he ached to pepper her with questions. Was she hinting that she would want to go with him? Or was she using this as another excuse to show that they weren’t meant to be together?

“Some wives don’t feel comfortable living out of the country, or they don’t feel comfortable raising their
kinner
on foreign soil,” he admitted. “So they stay behind.”

“Ah.”

He didn’t know what that meant. He was in over his head. He’d started the conversation with selfish motives. He’d needed someone to listen to him, to help him weigh his options. But suddenly, they were not only discussing whether or not he would go, but their future.

Standing up, he said, “I’m sorry. This wasn’t what I intended to happen.”

She stood up as well, a small smile on her lips. “What did you intend?”

“I don’t know. I went to Daybreak to see my father. Now I’ve told you far too much.” He backed away. “I need to go.” He pulled his coat on. “I’ll walk you back home.”

“
Nee,
I’m going to go see my aunt Lorene. She lives in town.”

“I’ll walk you there, then.”

“I don’t need you to do that.” Resting her fingers lightly on his arm, she said, “Perhaps we could continue this discussion sometime soon.”

“Um,” he said, before he turned away. Then practically raced down the sidewalk in the opposite direction.

And realized only after a few minutes that he had no idea where he was walking to. After a moment’s pause, he continued.

It seemed fitting that his feet were in the same mind-set as his head.

chapter twenty

Viola discovered if she concentrated only on trying not to fall while walking on the slick sidewalk that she could neatly push aside the whirlwind that was taking place in her head.

Five minutes went by. Ten. She stopped at an intersection, then hurriedly crossed when the signal told her she could. She kept her head lowered in order to keep her eyes from getting the worst of the wind.

But, of course, no matter how much she tried to avoid it, her brain buzzed with snippets of her conversation with Edward. She felt a sense of loss and hope all at the same time. For most of her life, she’d wondered why no other men in her community had ever created a pattering in her heart like Ed seemed to. For years, she’d wondered if something was wrong with her insides, that perhaps love and marriage and children weren’t in her future. That God had intended for her to always look out for Elsie.

But now it seemed as if God had intended for her to experience love and romance and giddiness, too. It just happened to be with a man whom she shouldn’t have looked twice at. Edward Swartz was altogether wrong for her.

But what was she going to do when he was gone? She had no idea. Already it felt as if her heart was breaking, and she hadn’t even decided if she wanted to see him again.

But he liked her. And moreover, it seemed as if he wanted to spend his life with her. He definitely had talked courting and marriage.

It was all so overwhelming. But at the same time, she felt as if she’d been gifted with the most wonderful of surprises. And she wanted to hold that feeling close to her chest and keep it to herself.

What was she going to do? She could only imagine how her parents would react if she wandered in their house and announced that she planned to marry Edward Swartz and become a missionary’s wife in Belize.

Her parents would probably team up with her grandparents and lock her in her room. She didn’t know if she would blame them, either. Why, she had no idea where Belize was! It had been all she could do to keep a straight face when Ed had mentioned that it was near Guatemala and Honduras. Those countries sounded just as strange and unfamiliar.

She needed a geography lesson, not a marriage proposal!

Stewing on it all, Viola couldn’t think of another person in the world who would understand what she was struggling with better than her aunt Lorene. She hoped she would be home.

When she arrived at Lorene’s house, she took care to only step on the salted areas so she wouldn’t slip.

Lorene opened the door before she could knock. “I’m so glad to see you,” she said. Pulling her inside, she gasped. “Your hands are like ice. And your cheeks are bright red! Have you been walking outside for hours? Come into the kitchen and I’ll give you some tea.” She paused. “Or wouldja rather have coffee?”

Coffee could now only remind her of sitting with Edward. “Tea would be
gut
.”

“Tea it is.” Lorene hummed softly as she filled her kettle with water and set it to boil.

Viola watched her with interest. Her favorite aunt’s cheeks glowed and she seemed to be almost bursting with good spirits. “You seem happy.”

“Oh, I am. Take off your cloak and sit down.”

She did as her aunt asked, but kept her eyes on Lorene. No, she hadn’t been mistaken. Lorene wore a smile as big as Texas. “Is there a particular reason you’re so happy?”

Lorene glanced at her over her shoulder. “You mean why can’t I stop smiling even though our family is practically falling apart at the seams?”

“Pretty much.”

Lorene’s expression softened. “Are you doing all right? Elsie called me and told me about Peter. I’m sure it was difficult to learn about your father’s drinking.”

She nodded. “Did you suspect?”

“
Nee.
And though I am worried about him, I am not that surprised,” she added after a moment’s hesitation.

“Why not?”

“Peter has always been the type of man to try to keep a calm outer shell. But sometimes that isn’t the best way to solve one’s problems. All covering up your feelings does is give way to the temptation to pretend that they don’t exist.” With a wry expression, she added, “Believe me, I know this to be true. I’ve tried to hide underneath a happy shell.”

“Mamm said that she talked with him.” Viola ached to say more, about how angry her father had been with her. And how upset she and Elsie had been. And how it had even felt as if their mother wasn’t on their side. But revealing those things felt vaguely like a betrayal.

And she now had even more things to think about. Things, she suddenly realized, that had to do with planning her future, not her family’s. “Lorene, tell me your good news.”

“Oh, I will. Just give me a moment to finish brewing us tea. I made cookies, too. Sour-cream cutouts.”

“They sound delicious.” And they did sound
wunderbaar
. If she’d thought she could eat. Which she didn’t.

“Oh, they are,” Lorene said with a smile. “I sampled a few just to make sure.”

In no time at all, a pretty china teapot was on the table, along with two white teacups decorated with soft pink flowers. There was a matching plate filled with heart-shaped cookies, as well. Heart shaped!

But what drew her attention the most was her aunt. Lorene was sitting across from her, her cheeks flushed and her eyes bright. She looked younger and happier than Viola could ever remember her being.

“Lorene, I canna take it anymore. What happened?”

“I’ve fallen in love, all over again.”

“With John Miller?”

“Of course.” She picked up her teacup, then abruptly set it right back down, as if even thinking about sipping a hot brew was too distracting. “Last night, I went to John’s house and he cooked me dinner.”

“That sounds romantic.”

“It was. He made me soup and we promised that we’d do things differently now.” Lorene sighed, looking out into the distance, like she was in her own world. “Oh, Viola, I can’t tell you how happy I am. It’s the most amazing feeling in the world to know that the man you love loves you back.”

“He told you that he loved you?”

“But of course.” She looked at her strangely. “Viola, I’m not playing here. This thing we’re feeling? It’s serious. John and I aim to marry soon.”

“Soon?”

“As soon as possible.”

“What about Mommi? I thought she didn’t approve of him.”

“That hardly matters anymore.”

“Because she kept her own secrets?”

“Partly.” Shrugging, she added, “I think it’s also because I grew up. Finally. I stopped worrying about what my parents wanted me to be and started concentrating on what I wanted, and what I thought God was wanting for me.”

This was just what Viola needed to hear. Leaning forward, she said, “Don’t you think it’s hard to know what He wants?”

“I used to think so,” Lorene said after a moment’s pause. “I used to think that hearing his word was going to be like hearing a voice over my shoulder. Of feeling a nudge from behind. But now I’m realizing that I simply had to be open to His will. I realized that He put John and me together again. That this was our time. Thank goodness for you and Edward Swartz!”

Hearing her name linked with Ed made her feel a little awkward, as if Lorene had suddenly read her mind. “Ed and I didn’t do anything.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have gone to Daybreak if you weren’t working there. And John wouldn’t have been there if Atle wasn’t living there. And of course, Atle wouldn’t have been living there if Ed hadn’t decided to listen to the Lord and go on a mission trip. Of course God put all that in motion.” She chuckled softly. “Viola, I got nowhere on my own for ten years!”

Viola supposed her aunt had a point. But Lorene sounded so sure. So convinced!

Was God really in charge? Did everything happen for a reason? Had the Lord been moving all of them in one another’s path in order to do his will?

It just felt too simple. Surely falling in love was supposed to be harder?

“When are you going to tell the family about you and John?”

“One night this week. John has quite a bit of work to do . . . and I wanted things to quiet down with Peter and my
mamm
a bit before I sprung this on them.”

“I hope no one will tell you that you can’t marry him now.”