Dazzled (31 page)

“Mum! Where did you get it? It’s beautiful! It must have cost you an arm and a leg. Thanks so much! Wow!”

Her happy laugh echoed down the line.

“No, silly! Miles sent it – except he sent it to our house. I had to run around trying to find a courier to get it to you in time.”

Miles sent it
.

I didn’t hear much of what she said after that.

“Are you going to try it on?” Polly whispered, reverently stroking the silky material.

“Uh, I suppose so.”

“Wow!” she said, peering at the label. “Versace! This must have cost… Hell! I have no idea how much a dress like this would cost.” She smiled at me eagerly. “You’re so lucky, Clare!”

I didn’t know what to feel.
Miles had sent me a dress?
Maybe it was a peace offering.

It fit perfectly. Of course.

I loved it. Of course.

We decided to walk from our hotel as it was only about 300 yards from the cinema where the premiere was being held.

Polly had insisted that we shouldn’t wear coats because they’d look rubbish in photographs, and that Versace shouldn’t be covered with a coat from Walmart.

“Nobody’s going to take pictures of us!” I said, frowning.

“Ya never know,” she grinned at me.

“Fine, whatever. But we’ll freeze our arses off.” Then a thought struck me. “But at least our nipples will look sensational.”

“You’re weird.”

“What, you’re only noticing that now?”

As soon as we left the hotel, we were fighting our way through hordes of screaming girls. It was a scrum just to get anywhere near the red carpet, and some slapper tried to pinch the silver invitations I was holding that showed we were legitimate premiere guests.

She was a couple of years younger than me, but taller, scraggier, and showing more flesh than a stripper in a
Soho revue.

“Oi, get off,” I snarled, snatching the invitation out of her filthy claws.

“Get over yourself,” she laughed, completely unabashed at having been caught. “Nice dress, by the way. More Asda than Prada, love!”

“Oh, go and play with the traffic,” I muttered, and pushed on through the crowd.

We showed our invitations to the security guards, who examined them at insolent length. I almost expected them to do a body search in case I’d got a weapon shoved down my cleavage. But that dress fitted like a glove, and trust me when I say
nothing
was getting down the front of there.
Unless Miles’ hand happened to slip, in which case all bets were off
. No! Mustn’t think like that.

I gave myself a mental slap.

It was a relief to be inside the warmth of the cinema. I’d been there many, many times before, and quite a few times with Miles. But not like this. It was familiar, but completely different.

For one thing, they’d gone to town with the decorations. I think it was supposed to be sort of heavenly, with swaths of silvery fabric drifting down the atrium.

Waiters, dressed completely in white, slid through the small knots of guests, offering English champagne (
seriously
), and funny little white canapés that I didn’t fancy the look of. I was glad Polly and I had shared a box of donuts before we’d come out. The food at these things was rubbish.

I recognized two of the producers who were standing off to one side, looking a little nervous, but self-satisfied at the same time. That took some doing. Either that, or they were just constipated. Yeah, I’d probably better brush up on reading body language.

Polly and I clung together, trying to look relaxed, but we didn’t recognize anyone else, and nobody spoke to us. It was like the first day of high school all over again. Except this time, Miles wasn’t with me.

Gradually, the number of guests increased, and the excitement began to ramp up. When the actors who’d played Esther’s parents arrived, the crowd outside started going crazy. It was only a matter of minutes now before Miles made his entrance, followed by Lilia.

They were traveling in separate limos, of course, but they’d be close together. It was the best compromise the producers could rightfully expect.

Jo-Anne Moody arrived looking happy and excited. She saw us immediately and walked straight over. That’s what I liked about Jo-Anne – she wasn’t always rubbernecking to see if there was someone more important to talk to.

“How ya doing, ladies!” she said. “Awesome, isn’t it? Great dress, Clare. Bet I can guess where that came from,” and she winked at me.

We chatted for a while, catching up on mutual friends, what she was working on next, gossip about the Biz, and some of the other cast members came over, whiling the time away until the real action started.

When the screams reached an unbelievable level, I knew Miles was on his way.

I stood by the door, and saw Prue stagger inside, ashen and shaking. I knew she’d come as his ‘date’ for the evening. She’d been nervous about it, but now she looked shell-shocked.

“Oh my God!” she said, as she stumbled into my hug. “That… that… bloody hell!”

“I know. Mad, isn’t it?”

“Thank God for your friendly face, love.”

I introduced her to Polly, then casually asked, “How’s Miles?”

She smiled and patted my cheek. “Looking forward to seeing you, love.”

Polly and Prue yakked away like old friends. I left them to it and watched Miles’ slow progression up the red carpet. He was stopping to talk to as many fans as possible, and had obviously become adept at using their camera phones to take pictures of himself with them. He smiled and smiled and smiled, then stopped to do sound bite interviews with at least seven different sets of reporters.

I could tell that he was on edge, but whether that was because of the noise, the crowds, the fact of being blinded by camera flashes, or his dread of being asked something personal, I couldn’t tell. Probably all of the above.

God, he looked gorgeous. He was wearing a severe, black suit that emphasized his lean body and angular face. It was the sort of beauty that didn’t seem destined for us mere mortals – even ones dressed in Versace. I couldn’t help dying just a little bit inside, wondering who his next actress love would be.

When he finally made it through the entrance, Prue pulled him into a tight hug, and I could see him smiling as she whispered in his ear. He kissed her cheek then straightened up.

I thought he was going to say something to me, but Melody got to him first.

“Well done,” she said, and he gave her a tired smile.

“I managed to keep my foot out of my mouth, Melody. Do I get a prize?”

She laughed. “Yes, a big, fat pay check for your next film. Don’t push it, buster.”

Then she strolled off to do some grip and grin with the producers, and we were left staring at each other.

“Hi,” he said, quietly.

“Hi. You look well.”

“You, too.”

“Thanks for the dress.”

A smile lit up his face. “Do you like it? I thought it would really suit you – it does.”

“Yeah, um, it was a nice surprise. Thanks.”

I snagged an extra glass of bubbly from a passing waiter and handed it to Miles.

“God, thanks, Clare. I need that!” he said, emptying almost the whole glass in one go.

“Steady,” said his mum, her voice a gentle warning.

He laughed and gave her a bright smile.

“Have you met my mum, Polly?” he said. “She wants someone else to boss around, so watch your back.”

“You’re not too old to put over my knee!” Prue threatened, wagging her finger.

I was the only one who heard Polly murmur, “Oh, I’d do that for you.” And she sighed heavily.

I became aware that the sounds outside had changed. The screams and shrieks had changed to something deeper, more sinister.

I listened for a moment, trying to work out what was happening. And then it hit me – the crowd was booing. They were booing Lilia.

“Can you hear that?” I said, in a shocked voice.

Silence flowed out across the guests inside the cinema, and all eyes automatically swiveled to Miles.

But he didn’t see everyone scrutinizing his face, waiting for his reaction – he was staring out of the window. He looked really angry. Furious, in fact.

“That shit is just wrong,” he growled.

I couldn’t help agreeing. The noise outside sounded like it could turn into a mob at any moment, and a shiver passed down my spine.

Before anyone realized what was he was doing, before his security team had a chance to react, Miles had pulled the door open and shouldered his way through the baying crowd, fighting his way back up the red carpet. To her. To Lilia.

Prue gripped my arm, the fear apparent on her face. But the crowd fell back, the booing and catcalls giving way to angry murmurs, then sullen silence. I could see Lilia’s shocked face and her desperate relief when Miles put a protective arm around her shoulders and guided her toward the cinema’s sanctuary, while her security team faced down the crowd.

It started with just one person, the sound echoing through the plaza, but a few more people began clapping, then full-blown applause rang out. Lilia whispered something to Miles and I saw him lean down to listen, her lips just inches from his ear.

I felt sorry for her. And really fucking annoyed that she’d managed to get Miles’ attention, and his arms around her,
again
.

They turned in unison, glancing briefly at the crowd, and stepped inside.

He was still talking to her quietly, and she was nodding and smiling up at him.

The producers looked ecstatic and swept over to greet them, smiling, shaking hands, giving air-kisses, as if there had never been a moment’s disquiet.

Polly raised her eyebrows as she looked at me.

I shook my head and poured the cheap, fizzy wine straight down my throat, draining my champagne flute. I emptied Miles’ abandoned glass, too.

Then I hurried to the ladies’ room before I made my mascara run.

I stood by the sink, splashing cold water onto my face, hoping it would help. It did. A bit. Enough for me to give myself a stiff talking to.

You are one stupid cow, Clare Milton! You’re as thick as the floor. You keep going back for more punishment. Why not just have the word ‘doormat’ tattooed on your backside and…

The door opened and I looked up. I was eyeball to eyeball with
her
– Lilia I’m-a-fucking-cheating-slag Purcell.

“You!” she snapped. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Oh, just chilling. Checking out the scenery. Thought I’d go and look in the shop window for ‘Slags R Us’, but now I don’t need to, seeing as you’re here.”

“You bitch!”

“That’s so lacking in originality, Lilia, I’m disappointed. But as you mentioned it, yes, I am a bitch, I’m just not
your
bitch. You, however, are a skinny, mean-minded, pointy arsed, two-timing, dick breath bint. Have a nice day.”

Wow, that felt good.

I heard her gasp, and it made me smile.

“You know,” I couldn’t help adding, “you’re lucky Miles is even talking to you. You’re lucky he’s such a nice guy. But he doesn’t like cheats. Boy, you really fucked up badly.”

“It was an accident!” she hissed.

“Falling over in the street is an accident. Falling onto someone’s dick seems premeditated.”

“Fuck you!”

“No, thanks. I have standards.”

She folded her arms over her scraggy tits and clamped her lips in a tight line.

“You’re just jealous – because I fucked Miles and you never have and never will. Why would he want old ham when he can have steak?”

“You’re entitled to your opinion, Lilia. It’s just hilarious that you think yours actually matters to me.”

She smirked. “Yeah, you’re jealous.”

“You must still be on drugs if you think I’m jealous of you, you frowzy tart.”

Her eyes shrank to tiny points as her anger mounted. “You’re a fat, ugly, sarcastic little bitch!”

“I should deduct points for repetition.”

“Do you think you’re funny?”

“No, I’m just allergic to cheating trollops – it makes me break out in sarcasm.”

I thought she was going to hit me, and part of me really hoped she would, because my fingers were just itching to slap the shit out of her.

Her lip curled. “Let’s see who’s laughing when Miles is back in
my
bed.” And she swept out of there like the Queen of fucking Sheba.

Damn
.

Love Actually

Miles

I was so amped up I could barely remember my own name.

Not about the premiere, about seeing Clare.

I
had
to make this right between us. I felt sick at the thought of losing my best friend just because I’d been a stupid, selfish, navel-gazing dickhead. I was relieved when mum told me that Clare would definitely be attending the premiere, because it wouldn’t have surprised me if she’d refused to go.

Then it occurred to me that she probably wouldn’t have anything to wear, so maybe that was a way back – a peace offering.

I got Honey to phone Natalia Da Silva, and
she
used her contacts to get something special for Clare. I’d had three dresses sent to my suite at the Dorchester, and had picked the dark green one. Then I had it couriered to her house. I hoped she might send me a text when she got it, but I heard nothing.

Of course, I was too dumb to get rid of the surplus dresses quickly.
That
was an interesting conversation when my mum saw them.

“Oh, love! Why didn’t you tell me?”

I frowned at her.

“Tell you what?”

“Not that it matters. I’ll love you whatever you do.”

“Thanks, mum. Any particular reason you’re telling me this now?”

“Well, I don’t think magenta is your color, love.”

“What?”

“You know. Your, er, dress.”

What?

“Bloody hell, mum! Those dresses aren’t for
me!
I got them for Clare.”

The relief on her face was more than a little apparent.

“Oh. Oh, well that’s alright then. I just thought, you know, now you’re a proper actor…”

“Yeah, thanks, mum. Please stop talking.”

“Don’t you be cheeky!”

“Whatever.”

“Mind your lip! And while I’m at it, have you planned what you’re going to say to Clare?”

“Other than ‘sorry’. Not really.”

“For goodness sake, Miles! You need to come up with something better than that. Can’t you, you know, act it or something?”

“Yeah, well, I need a script for that, and I don’t think that would work with Clare.”

She sighed. “No, probably not. Just sort it out, will you. I hate seeing you both so miserable.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Of course it is, love. I’m your mother.”

The screaming crowd, followed by the walk up the red carpet, had been a real head spin, but it was worth it just to see Clare waiting for me, looking really fucking hot. I’d definitely picked the right dress.

And then the moment, the very fucking second that we started talking, I heard the crowd booing Lilia.

I couldn’t leave her to deal with that by herself – it was a mob out there, and they sounded like they were out for her blood. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Whatever they’d done.
Or whoever they’d done.
And I hadn’t forgotten how gut-wrenchingly horrible it had felt the first time I’d gone on
Ellen
, and the audience had yelled things at me.

But once I’d got Lilia inside the cinema, the producers were all over us like a rash. I suppose they were just happy to see us in the same room without lobbing rotten fruit at each other.

Lilia disappeared to the bathroom, and before I could get back to Clare, Donald Hyde grabbed my arm.

“Goddamn freakin’ masterstroke, Miles! You couldn’t have planned it better.”

“I didn’t
plan
it at all.”

“No, sure, sure, but it’ll play real well. The fans loved it!”

I wrenched my arm free, trying to calm the fuck down before I did something he’d regret.

“Is that all you care about? Why on earth wasn’t there more security? It could have turned really nasty out there – nastier.”

He waved a hand.

“I’ll deal, don’t sweat it. Look, kid, enjoy tonight, and we’ll talk about the sequel when you get back to LA.”

“The what?”

But he was already sliding away, oily bastard that he was, and then I heard Lilia’s soft voice behind me.

“Miles. Darling, can we talk?”

I was aware that people were staring and hoping to eavesdrop on our conversation, but more than that, I
really
didn’t want to talk to her.

“There’s nothing to say, Lilia.”

“Please, Miles. Just a minute, please? I can’t… not here… Please?”

I should have been expecting this, but for some reason I thought she’d just ignore me, or pretend nothing had happened.

Ah hell
. “Fine. You can have one minute.”

She pouted. I used to find that hot.

“Somewhere private,” she whispered. “Everyone’s watching us.”

Against my better judgment, but curious as to what the hell she could possibly say, I let her lead me to a small room next to the cinema’s booking office.

I leaned against the desk, and she closed the door behind her.

“You look good,” she said, with a small smile. “But then again you always did. Right from that first day.”

Seriously? She wanted to do small talk?

“Just say what you’ve got to say, Lilia.”

“Don’t be angry with me, Miles,” she gasped, her voice breaking.

God, I hated it when women cried. It always made me feel like such a shit.

“I’m not angry – now,” I replied, watching as she bit her lip. “I just don’t particularly want to talk to you.”

She took a step closer.

“I’m sorry about what happened. I… I love you.”

“I doubt that very fucking much, Lilia. You don’t fucking cheat on someone you love.”

A sob escaped her chest, and she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.

I tried really hard not to care what she said, but I kept seeing the images of her with Joe Blow. I closed my eyes, but the pictures were still there.

“Miles? Please, baby?”

“Why? Why did you do it?” I couldn’t help the words spilling out. “Were you… with him… the whole time we were together?”

“No, of course not!” she cried, even managing to sound upset. “I… I was drunk… It was just that once.”

I studied her face. She seemed so sincere. If nothing else, Lilia was a brilliant actress. She’d win an Oscar some day.

“And the woman – the other guy? Was that just once, as well? Are there any other ‘just one times’ that you want to tell me about?”

“You’re being hateful!”

She was crazy if she thought I’d feel bad about saying that. And she hadn’t answered my question.

“How can I believe a word you’re saying?”

“It’s true, Miles. I promise.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t believe you.”

“Then what can I say? What can I do to make it right?”

Her voice was pleading, but there was a hint of calculation in her eyes, and I remembered that Clare had never liked her – or trusted her.

“That first evening, when we went to the Metron Awards… do you remember that?”

“Of course,” she smiled, relaxing a little. “You were so nervous.” She giggled, and placed a quick kiss on my cheek.

I leaned away from her touch, and she looked irritated. Well, screw her! We were going to finish this conversation she’d been so desperate to start.

“And do you remember when I saw… when I saw
him
with that woman in the men’s bathroom.”

“Oh,” she said, softly, lowering her eyes.

“How did you know?”

She looked up and frowned.

“How did I know what?”

“You said,
He does that. It’s his thing
. But how did you know? Unless you already…”

I couldn’t finish the sentence because I was afraid I’d vomit.

There was a long, heavy silence.

“You don’t know what it’s like,” she said at last, her voice crisper, harder.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“
The business!
” she snarled, all pretence falling away, all acting finished. “You don’t know what it’s like!”

I stared at her in disbelief. “I think I’ve got a pretty fucking good idea!”

She snorted.

“You’ve done it for eight months. You’ve been a
star
for just a few weeks.”

The bitch actually used air quotes when she said ‘star’.

“Do you really think you know how it works? I’ve been in this business since I was seven years old. Seven! Have you any idea how difficult it is for a
child
star to be taken seriously? To win real, adult roles? Do you think anyone actually cares about you? Because they don’t. It’s all about money. It’s all about
who
you know.”

“So, you just thought… what? Give some head to get ahead?”

“You bastard!”

“Yeah? Well,
I
took you seriously, Lilia.
I
cared about you! But that wasn’t important. You just ripped my fucking heart out like it was worthless, like it meant nothing.”

I was struggling to get the words out, and I tugged roughly at my bow tie before I managed to undo it and loosen a few buttons on my shirt, allowing air into my lungs.

“I’ve had hate mail,” she said quietly, her lip trembling.

“Yeah?” I said, harshly. “It’s probably from my mum.”

“Miles, please.”

“Please
what
, Lilia? What do you want from me?”

She took another step closer, and her hand drifted down my arm, coming to a rest on my waistband.

I flicked her hand away.

“Can’t we be friends?” she pleaded.

“No. I’ve got all the friends I need.”

“Like Clare!” she hissed, her face twisting with an ugly sneer.

“What the fuck has Clare got to do with anything?”

“She was always there – always in the way!”

I couldn’t believe she was spouting this shit.

“We went to that fucking premiere together, Lilia. You and me. Remember? You offered to blow me in the limo. Maybe you remember that, or were you confusing me with him already? You left the party without a word. You got high. You got laid. I wasn’t there. Your responsibility, Lilia. No one else’s.”

I was
so
finished with that conversation. I brushed past her and got the fuck out of the room.

As I walked back to the party, my heart was racing and anger was firing jets of fury through my veins. I took several deep breaths and tried to look like I wasn’t about to smash something or hit someone.

Clare was talking to mum and Polly, and I felt better seeing her there, calm and assured as ever. She pushed her hand through her hair and another wave of sudden anger washed over me. She wasn’t wearing the bracelet I’d given her.

And then I realized what had happened.

She hadn’t wanted to come tonight. In all likelihood mum had talked her into it. A sick, hollow feeling squeezed my heart.
How had I let this happen?
And, more importantly, could I make it right?

I walked up to mum, trying to smile.

Clare’s eyes narrowed as she looked at me. Then she turned her back. My smile died on my face and I was going to say something to her but mum grabbed my arm.

“Let me fix your bow tie,” she said, tugging me toward her. “You look a mess. And you have lipstick on your cheek,” she hissed, scrubbing furiously at my face with a tissue.

Before I had a chance to say anything, Hyde stood up to give a quick speech, thanking everyone on some ridiculously long list, including God, and then we were all ushered into the theater. Mum was sitting next to me, and Jo-Anne was on my other side, with Lilia next to her. I couldn’t see where Clare was sitting and I slumped down in my seat, knowing it would be another two hours before I could talk to her.