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Authors: Bruce Wagner

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BOOK: Dead Stars
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M M M Money on my mind

M M M Money on My Mind

M M M Money on my Mind

 

Fuck bitches

 

Get money

 

Fuck bitches

GET MONEY

 

<3<3<3<3<3<3

. . .

Reeyonna's mom (Jacquie) was a photographer who became famous taking nude pre-pubescent pics of her daughter. It was a cyclical thing but back in the day there happened to be a whole crowd of arty photog moms who got their kicks from family nudies. Jacquie (that's what Ree called her, never Mom) always had legal problems when she showed at galleries which was kind of the point because it was good for sales. She had affairs with whatever 1st-Amendment lawyers represented her, just to give em a little more incentive heh heh. Jacquie
loved
when her work got banned, she came alive & glowed like she was preg (Ree wondered when
she
was going to start to glow, and worried if the glow started too soon it might be a giveaway). Once when they almost charged Jacquie with kidporn, the gallery got so much press it totally sold out of pics & Jacquie had to go print more. The whole mom putting you in nature
au snatchurel
at age 8 with your
Lord of the Flies
hair & no tits/nohair'd slit was a total creepathon. Which definitely got creepier as Ree grew older & more self-conscious of her body.

———now she was 16, way over the hill for the mom to cash in anymore. Plus Jacquie was really struggling, hadn't had a show in 5 years, didn't know what direction to take her Art.
Definitely
couldn't do the nudie thing again.

Reeyonna thought:
it's my time to shine
.

She was slowly coming into her own and the world was starting to take notice, to pay attention in funny little ways.

 

Dear Reeyonna,

 

We missed you so much, we've created an exclusive Proactiv® package—just for you . . .

. . .

The mom was always dragging her to
events
, like chambermusic performed in galleries, or artwalks&openings, art this's & art that's. The
events
of course being all about Jacquie promoting herself, or trying to anyway. Kind of sad. Her big brother Jerry (½brother from the mom's first marriage) joked about Jacquie lugging Ree along as pussybait. That was true; part of Jacquie's master plan. She called the mom
Pimp My Ride
to her face. Ree laughed when she saw the
Keeping Up With the Kardashians
where Kim gets a psoriasis outbreak before filming a commercial & their mom panicks and Kourtney tells their mom not to pretend to be worried about Kim's health when what she's
really
worried about is that the bad skin shit might ruin “the
moneymaker
, that
big fat ass
.”
I love Kourtney!

But last month was cool because James Franco was the
event
—Central Library again—talking about a novel he wrote. Reeyonna didn't understand how or
why
(anyone) James Franco would want to or could even
write
a novel, tho Kourtney, Kim & Khloé were writing one and asking their fans to name it. One of the perks of being the World's Biggest Loser Artist and Has-Been was that sometimes Jacquie could hang with whoever-famous after whatever
event
, which was sometimes good and sometimes bad. So that was how they came to hang with James Franco (definitely good). At
events
, there was always that torture moment (sweet revenge for Reeyonna) at the end of each
event
when Jacquie slowly edged her way to the front of the room toward whoever-famous while letting Reeyonna hang back, she could tell Jacquie was shitting her thriftstore YSL slacks (Ree thought that her mother seriously needed a swag coach) over whether or not whoever-famous would recognize her—even if they once collected her back in the toast of the town nudie days. During those post-
event
deathmarches Jacquie always tried to be cool, pretending for her daughter she didn't
expect
to be recognized, didn't care if she
wasn't
, when the truth was, if whoever-famouses were merely polite upon self-introduction, Jacquie died 1,000 deaths & the ride home would be skulky & sucky, her mother so preoccupied with her bullshit that Ree could swallow pills without really too much bothering to conceal. But sometimes the moment of torture could be avoided/mitigated by a little reconnoitering on Jacquie's part, say, if she managed to contact the famous-whoever directly,
before
the Event, by personal email or cell. If that happened and the famous-whoever told her yes, do say hello, evincing a proper enthusiasm, one that seemed
promising
, well then they'd approach the famous-whoever at
event's
end, Jacquie hovering between fear & confidence/hopefulness, & pathetically
not
let her daughter hang back, not just because the possibility of rejection had (for the most part) been averted, but the pussbait might just be the thing that tipped everything over in her favor . . . . . . of course she'd kept her little secret—that contact had been made—from Reeyonna—it was
so
pathetic!—fortunately, in the case of James Franco, the mother's whorish maneuver had been welcomed—by his smile and some of the little things he said Ree could deduce that he knew Jacquie was coming, you could smell her coming anyway, smell her panic and toady whoriness,
so
pathetic to be an old hooker no one wanted to fuck on
top
of even still having a
sliver
of the need to impress your daughter with the amazing legend of who you used to be. So sick & disgusting! So World's Biggest Loser!

Evidently James Franco apparently (supposedly) owned or once-owned a few of Jacquie's pics. It was embarrassing to be standing there with James Franco when he probably knew what her naked body looked like when she was 8 or 10 or 12, maybe he even refreshed himself with ipad images on his way to the
event,
maybe the image was warmscreening in his pocket right while he was talking to them. Or while
Jacquie
was talking to
him
, because James wasn't really saying much. Maybe at home he had that famous pic of Reeyonna née Jerilynn standing in a swamp in Lafayette-St Martinville, the one that almost had her up on a porn charge, the one with her holding a toy gun next to her pee-hole while some anonymous 3-year-old tyke cupid-dick arc-pisses in the artily unfocussed b.g. Whenever Jacquie took particularly risqué pix she made sure to do them in silver gelatin or platinum/palladium or some such other obsolete pricey process/technique to dignify&justify&signify her shit.
So
fucking pretentious sick. While the World's Biggest Loser climbed up James Franco's asshole, Reeyonna stuffed embarrassment by imagining herself sucking on his cock, then him lifting her by the armpits to do with her what he will. She pictured him going over his lines or writing a pome or the chapter of a novel while he fucked her up the ass, her other holes filled by Andrew Garfield & T Lautner, & Taylor Swift/Rooney Mara sucking on her tits too——————————————
;D <3 lol

. . .

Tonight's
event's
whoever-famous was called Steve Martin, who she mos def did
not
want to fuck, suck
or
be sashagrey'd by. Jacquie said he was a famous comedian who played the banjo and used to work at Disneyland.
Whatever!
Oh: then she said he hosted
SNL
a lot, like maybe “I think he's hosted the most after Alec Baldwin,”
so
Biggest Loser now ask me if I give a shit. But when her mom said
Steve Martin
sold a painting for 28 million dollars, one single painting by someone not Picasso who Reeyonna totally never heard of
,
that got her attention. For like 10 seconds. It made her think of the
Hollywood's Richest Teens
article she read in
People
about Miranda Cosgrove's multi-mill$$$$$ contract with Neutrogena/Justin Bieber's fragrance selling $3 mill in 3 weeks/Taylor L splurging on a 300K Mercedes-Benz ALS AMG Roadster.

Just before the
event
started, she excused herself to the bathroom to text & swallow 4 Percs and a 100 mills of adderall, washed down with a coke zero minican she always traveled with in her purse—the only way Ree was going to get through it. She went back to her seat and not-texted, letting her mind drift—————————— . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . the same pic of Whitney Port was in all the weeklies, lounging by a pool with her rockin body at a hotel in Hawaii. Ree wished she had Whitney's rockin hardbody, not Audrina's, even though Audrina's body was awesome, but Audrina had
issues
, and maybe a mom more horrible than even Jacquie (not quite). She had implants then had them taken
out,
a lot of stars did that, even Brittany from
Glee
, they put them
in
then have infections or whatever then take them
out
, only the smart ones like Natalie never think of it, they have too much class, or like Drew, Drew had to have a
reduction
because she was so stacked that she used to get backaches & whatever. But you never really believe Audrina, Audrina might
say
she took them out when they were really still
in
. Reeyonna drifted, wishing she had Whitney Port's face and body, even tho Whitney was kind of
over 
. . . . . . . Audrina was
definitely
over. No—————better to have a face like Blake Lively or Scarlett or Mila . . . . . . . . . . . . . or a face/body like the Olivias: Olivia Palermo, Olivia Munn, Olivia Wilde, Olivia the pig . . .
LMFAO
——
I
love Olivia the pig!
At home she'd trip out smoking the Blue Ivy weed that Rikki got her, googling
  celebrity baby olivia?     
  to see who was having or already had
Olivia
babies, it was like
everyone
, like the
Scarface
guy Al Pacino, and Kirk Cameron & Chelsea Noble, the
Borat
guy & Isla—no wait! Is she called
Olive
?—& Justine Bateman (<3!!!), Lori Loughlin, James V Der Beek, Ben Stiller, (& Denzel & Kelsey Grammer) . . . . . .
oh
shit
, she could
never
name her daughter Olivia which was
so sad
because she loved Olivia, tho maybe it didn't really even matter——————————————the audience was laughing and she heard the faraway drone of Mr. Steve Martin as her head slopped & slurped around in the methoxycodone mishmash, flitting and drifting to the porn Rikki made her watch then pretending she was a judge on
The
Voice
then just TV overall in general, warm dreamy pillworld backwash. Her BFFs were still totally into MacMainlining whole seasons, they had this rule where they only watched by the season, big clumps on the free tv sites, they were
obsessed
with that rad motocross chick Lisa Kelly on
Ice Road Truckers
, she was
awesome!
no one cared about
The New Girl
or
Glee
or
Idol
but they still liked
The Voice
and the Kardashians & sometimes watched
2½ Men
because they wanted to
so bad
fuck&suck Ashton . . . you watched different shows on different drugs, the drugs were your clicker. Rikki watched old
Dexters
&
Walking Deads
& weird Netflix DVD docs and made her watch when she didn't want to which was tight as long as they kushed, which they always did anyway before sex or after and even during, she was actually really trying not to smoke, even tho her BFFs said she had it wrong, she could smoke 4ever but stop the roxys & addies til after the baby. 2 fucking hard!!! When Rikki made her watch porn of course they smoked & usually started out with those crazy docs, making girls watch lame scary gross stuff on the internet or wherever was such a guy thing, she didn't even know how he found this shit, some were kind of interesting but some there was no way she could
even
, like the site with different drunk women being raped & it looked like
killed
, Rikki said it was fake but there was no way! or the one with movies spectators took on their iPhones after car crashes before the ambulance got there, poor little kids laying in the road their bodies all bent in the craziest sickeningest ways, people crying and screaming and barfing. He showed her one about a city in China that had this tradition that when a guy died & he was single, his parents would go out and find a woman who was dead to be his bride. They'd dig up her body and bury the two together so they could be a married couple in the afterlife! It was like a really gross, really sad version of
The Bachelor
. The doc said the dead guys needed to be at least 12 to be eligible, it was the law that you couldn't have a dead wife if you were like underage. Sometimes the parents of the dead girls could make money too, like if you had a daughter & she drowned or whatever, you could fish her out of the water and get money by selling the body like a dowry.
So
gross and
so
sad. If you lived in China and your wife died, now you had to worry about people digging her up and selling her like on Craigslist!
OMG!!!
She couldn't remember if there was the minimum age thing with girls, probably not, because girls were so discriminated against in Asia and the rest of everywhere, in school the teacher said sometimes in India or Africa or China if the woman has a girl the husband kills the baby right then and there, just like throws it against a wall. So sick and disgusting, so ratchet and
beyond!
If someone tried to kill
her
baby (if it was a girl, or even if it wasn't) she would so torture them forever! Whenever Reeyonna heard shit like that she was so happy and grateful to be living in America, no matter how fucked up things were like the economy. Another doc Rikki made her watch was about a British actress/model with a thing for serial killers—and well
of course
she lived in LA, where
else
would you go for your Dexter dreamdate? This girl like became
obsessed
with a truck driver who was in jail for killing prostitutes. They couldn't seem to catch him so he like wound up having to walk into the police station like the guy in
7even
who cut off Gwyneth's head, he walked straight in carrying a
breast
in a Ziploc bag!!!——
O M G
—like his last kill!
So gross
and
so sad
. It said that she visited him in jail and they sang Dwight Yoakam songs through the glass, which actually does go to show there's someone for everyone. ((( ;p lol ))) Rikki cackled when the voice said the Brit in love with the Dexter used to model for “Herbal Grobust”———a company that made pills supposed to give you bigger tits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BOOK: Dead Stars
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