Deadly Shadows (13 page)

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Jesslyn admired the way Aiden talked, stressing a point by leaning forwards. Dinner flew by as they talked about dreams and hopes, his business and her writing, discovering small things about each other. Topics covered colors, people, moods, music, birthdays, any and everything. She loved the way he was as casual, yet powerful in his suit as he was in jeans and a pull over. Aiden wore a dark suit. She knew enough to suspect it was custom made, and what the man could do to a suit conjured up all sorts of lustful ideas. The cobalt blue shirt matched the color of his eyes, and the multicolored silk tie, perfectly knotted, pulled the whole look together without making him seem too impersonal. In fact, she thought he looked damn appealing.

Candlelight played over his features as they talked and laughed.

Being with Aiden was like nothing she’d ever experienced. She’d wondered where they’d go on this date. His restaurant, in his hotel again. What Aiden Kinncaid wanted, it seemed Aiden Kinncaid got.

Here he was in his element, at ease, gracefully confident. This was his world and he was the ruler. What did that make her? There was an energy that pulsed around them, an awareness.

She’d done some deep thinking today after the scene on the countertop. She just hadn’t told Aiden what conclusion she’d come to.

Better to just show him when they got back. She’d already rattled and prattled like a socialite. And if she tried to explain this to him….

Aiden sat watching her and she realized neither had said a word for some time. He had that small almost-grin on his face.

“I did some thinking today,” she admitted, her chin propped in her hand.

“Did it hurt?”

She smiled. “Amazingly, not as much as I thought.”

His eyes. She could get lost in those blue depths.

“What did you think about?” he asked, his voice deep.

“Lots of things.” Jesslyn sighed, and turned her hand over when he reached for hers. “I decided no more.”

“No more? No more what?”

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She took a deep breath. “No more letting fear rule my life, no more feeling sorry for myself, and no more shutting myself in isolation.”

Might as well get the rest of it out. He sat unmoving, and under that intense blue stare, she looked at the white tablecloth.

“I’ve thought about you all damn week. Ever since I saw you holding that stupid lamp in my bedroom.” She chuckled. “You make me laugh, make me smile. Which, if you ask anyone, is not easy. You make me feel alive again.” No, that was wrong. “I mean, you make me happy that I am alive, if that makes any sense.”

She wanted to look up at him to see what he was thinking about all this, but she didn’t have the guts to. “It’s degrading knowing that I’m spending my life looking out the window at the world instead of living it. So I came up with a new motto while I was getting ready this evening. Want to hear it?”

This time she chanced a look up at him. The tenderness in his gaze stilled her heart for the barest of moments.

“What is it?”

Jesslyn licked her lips and took a deep breath. “Live a little.”

Aiden’s grin made his dimple peek out at her. “Live a little?”

She smiled back. “Yeah. I had what you might call an epiphany while I was getting ready, and that’s the motto I came up with.”

“Well, guess it’s better than kick-all-ass, or something.” He rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand. “What epiphany?”

She loved how he could keep enough humor in something so that she didn’t get bogged down in the oil of depression. “I’m tired of being scared. Scared of wanting more, let alone going for it.”

“What is it you want?” he whispered, his hand letting go of hers so that his thumb grazed her lip. “You.”

The corners of his eyes creased as Aiden narrowed his eyes, his gaze intense and weighing. Finally, on a sigh, he said, “I need to know….” he trailed off.

“Yes?” It wasn’t like him to be at loss for words.

“I can’t compete with a ghost, Jessie. I’m me. Just me. I want you to know that.” His hand holding hers again tightened and the angles of his face seemed to pull taut.

Ahhh. “Jerrod.” Jesslyn shook her head. She leaned back. Where to begin? “Jerrod was everything to me.” She squeezed his hand. “But, he’s gone. I, better than anyone, know that. He isn’t coming back. I’m here and I have a choice to pine for what was, what could have been or to live. I get to see him in dreams sometimes and that’s good. It’s like visiting with an old friend.”

There was no humor in his eyes, no shock, no condemnation or pity. Just Aiden, his silent, understanding stare.

“I loved him very much. Part of me always will, what we had. But, life chose something different for me. I don’t know what that is yet, but for the first time since I woke up in the hospital after the accident, I want to know what that plan is. I’ll always wonder what might have been, on odd days. However, it doesn’t change the facts. I’ve just tried to learn to live with it, tried not to become bitter and hard, though I guess I’m those things too.”

“You’re not bitter or hard.” The deepness of his voice hummed along her nerves.

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“Rough around the edges maybe….”

“Rough edges, huh? If you’re wondering if you have to compete with Jerrod, the answer is, no. You don’t. You have to compete with me, and that’s worse.”

He pulled his black brows down. “What do you mean?”

This conversation was surprising in the fact it was so easy. It might not make a bit of sense to him, but it was to her. The path before her seemed so clear now. Well, maybe not clear, but for the first time in three years she could at least see a damn path.

Jesslyn nibbled on her bottom lip. How to explain? “I’m actually thinking of spending time with another man. Of being with another man. And I don’t just mean--that is--it’s not just sex. It’s you. It’s fighting, and laughing, and wondering what you’re doing.” Her finger absently traced a pattern on the tabletop. She stopped.

If she weren’t sitting, holding Aiden’s hand, she’d probably be pacing. This was so important to her, to get this said right, to make Aiden understand. Yet, she felt like she was screwing everything up. His eyes told her nothing.

“It’s breakfast dates, evening meals. It’s a kiss, or just a touch. I like spending time with you, like your smart ass comments--don’t know what that says about me--and when we’re apart I wonder when I’ll get to see you again. It’s you.” She leaned over and cupped his face. “You. I hope you understand that I want to move forward. I do. While I was getting ready for tonight, it hit me like a rock slide. I was spending my life missing out. And I don’t want to do that anymore. You made me see that, or maybe I would have seen it on my own, but you made me realize it now.” Jesslyn stopped to catch her breath, to try and gather her scattered thoughts. She couldn’t read Aiden, wished she knew what he was thinking.

She shook her head. “Hell, who am I fooling? I’m scared. I want you to understand that whatever happens between us, there will be times I’ll push you away. I don’t mean to. It’s just something I do when things are bothering me. I’m used to holing up alone. But, since you’ve come along, alone’s become lonely.”

There, she’d said it all. Hadn’t she? God, what was he thinking? Silence stretched between them. Should have just kept her thoughts and ideas to herself. She sounded like some babbling desperate woman. From seconds to a minute. If he didn’t say something….

A small smile played at the corner of his mouth, his eyes softened. “Are you telling me I need to be patient?”

Her breath whooshed out. “Since I’m an incredibly moody person, that would be a good assumption, yeah. I’ll probably require more than you’ve got.”

“More patience than I’ve got? Ah, Jessie.” He looked at their joined hands, brushed his thumb over her palm. Back and forth. “I don’t think so. I’m sorry if talking about this was difficult.”

“No, it wasn’t.” She took in a deep breath, released it quickly, “I haven’t felt this contented, this at peace in a long,
long
time. And believe you me, I have been searching. I needed to say what I did. I hope you don’t mind. Does talking about Jerrod, about all this make you uncomfortable?”

Aiden shook his head. “I’d wondered if it would, but no. I wish I had met the man. He was one lucky guy.” The hand holding hers squeezed.

“It was the other way around,” she told him, relieved.

“I’d have to disagree.”

Jesslyn leaned over and kissed his cheek, felt the thump of his heart against her hand.

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Her own heart felt as if a weight had been lifted.

She started to pull back, but he caught the back of her head, his fingers at the base of her skull, sending shivers down her spine. He held her there, half sitting half standing.

His eyes this close shot little shocks of awareness through her.

“Thanks,” he said, his breath hot on her mouth.

“For?”

“Talking to me.” He pulled her gently closer. “I want to know every little thing about you.” His mouth closed over hers and Jesslyn closed her eyes, losing herself in the moment, in the feelings his coaxing kiss evoked.

Okay, maybe she wasn’t quite at
peace
. Peace was a little too passive for what she was currently feeling.

She pulled back, pecked his cheek and sat down.

Aiden motioned with his hand and in moments a platter of chocolate covered strawberries and coffee were set in front of them.

He watched Jessie’s eyes light up at the desserts.

“Can we take these back with us?” she asked.

“Ready to call it a night already?”

She only cocked a brow.

Well, he’d discovered his perverse streak the day he met her. “I want to dance first.”

The music changed. Bluesy jazz came swaying out to the voice of Etta James.

Jesslyn grinned. “How did you know I like this music?”

“I know lots of things.”

For a moment, they stared at each other. Then Jessie placed her small hand in his palm, his gut tightened, and he led her out onto the small dance floor.

A love song swagged out on the air and she sighed, putting her head on his chest and wrapping her arms loosely around his waist.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” he asked. They’d talked about life changes, and favorite foods and everything in between, but he wanted to know if she really did like tonight.

Her dark chocolate eyes made him think that he’d rather have asked her to go upstairs with him.

“Need an ego boost already?” she asked.

He sighed, and wished it didn’t matter that the easy talk with her was back to barbs.

“Haven’t had my proper amount today.”

“Well,” she said and grinned wickedly. “In that case, I guess it’s only fair to tell you that I haven’t had this much fun in a long time.” Her head rested back on his chest. “Thanks.”

Tonight with her was both wonderful and pure hell. He wanted to know what she thought about everything, but found a person generally more guarded than himself. Not that she was secretive or overly cautious, but he sensed that hesitancy in her, the way she often weighed a response. He couldn’t figure out what it was about this small woman that beat at him like the tide against the rocks.

“Tonight is beautiful, isn’t it?” she whispered.

He looked down at her, saw so much he wanted to claim as his and only said, “Yes, yes it is.”

They stayed like that, she in the protective circle of his arms until the song drifted to a close. Another started and he kept her there with him as they swayed together. Their differences

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in height reminded him again how tiny she was. He often forgot. It must be her attitude. Her breasts brushed low on his chest and made him think of things he might want to steer clear of for now. Better not to rush things. Right now he could at least hope how the evening would end.

Once they left, he’d have to face the fact that he’d promised not to pressure her. Hell.

Jesslyn took Aiden’s hand and pulled him up the steps. In his other hand was the package of strawberries and another bottle of bubbly.

The time had come.

Sink or swim.

Run or fall.

Bravery or cowardice.

Sex or not sex.

She grinned.

“What are you smiling about?” Aiden asked.

He pushed her back up against the front door. The handle bit into her back, but she really didn’t care.

She swallowed the blithe remark and decided to go with honesty. Well, not really. “Just thinking what a lovely evening this has been,” she finally answered him.

God his cologne, she could all but taste it. “This is stupid,” she said.

In the porch light, she watched as one ebony brow arched sardonically. “What’s stupid?”

Had she said that out loud? She licked her lips.

“Quit doing that,” he all but growled.

“Quit what?” Smiling she slowly licked her lips again.

He started to lean closer and Jesslyn slapped her hand on his chest, asking, “What are you doing?”“Living a little.” He started to lower his head, but she ducked under his arm and dug in her purse.

“We’ll live in a minute. I’d rather do this inside,” she muttered, nudging him out of the way and slipping the key into the lock.

His breath was hot on her ear and she shivered. “This?”

Thank God. The door opened and she all but stumbled inside. Real sexy.

She dropped her purse on the side table, moved out of the way as Aiden shut the door and put his armload down. With his eyes still on her, he discarded his suit jacket and tossed it over the newel post. He walked towards her and she backed into the living room. Aiden glanced at her, then behind her. Smiling, he strode past her over to the stereo, put in three CD’s and punched some buttons.

Jesslyn breathed a sigh of relief. She could do this. More importantly, she
wanted
this.

No. She wanted
Aiden
.

She turned around as Billy Holiday sang out about lost love. Jesslyn smiled. “You

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picked a good one.” The CD was one of her favorites.

Aiden bent down and lit the logs in the fireplace. Jesslyn leaned against the wall and watched him as he poked at the logs, added more paper. The blue silk shirt bunched and stretched over the muscles of his back. Finally, the blaze caught and roared to life. The fire poker clattered as he sat it back into its stand.

“You want to dance?” she asked, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth as he stared at her. Then slowly he walked towards her.

“In a manner of speaking,” he said, his voice deep rich velvet.

Aiden wondered if he was rushing things as another song started on the stereo.

Stopping in front of her, he wondered how to put her at ease. She stepped the last step to him and laid her head on his chest. Moments passed and he only held her, felt the rapid beat of her heart high against his stomach.

Jessie was nervous and absolutely beautiful. Aiden pulled back and watched as the firelight danced shadows across her face. Earlier when he’d first seen her on the stairs, he’d thought his idea of giving Jessie all the time she’d need might be the end of him. Her whispered words tonight were sweet and precious and humbling. He had an idea what her confession had cost her and it amazed him.

Aiden didn’t know if it was the candlelight, the music, or the grace of God, but whatever the reason Jessie had let him in, had opened up to him, he was thankful. Her almond shaped eyes watched him, black in the low light. Aiden leaned down and did what he’d wanted to all evening. He kissed her, the way he’d wanted to kiss her.

She leaned up on her toes to meet him and he was smiling at that as their lips met. Her lips were soft and warm. His arms wrapped her to him as his tongue played along her mouth.

When hers opened under his teasing, the kiss deepened, turned from one of gentle restraint to heated passion. He could taste the sweet of the wine she’d been drinking earlier. Her tongue danced with his. Aiden wanted more. His hand got lost in the silk tresses of her hair, removing the pins so that it fell down. He loved her hair down.

Pressed against him as she was, her soft curves taunted him. Jesslyn’s hands fluttered against him, ran the length of his arms. Her moan pulled his thoughts back to where they were.

He gentled the kiss before breaking it.

“I want you. But only if….”

Her fingers against his lips silenced him.

“Aiden. Shut up. You CEO’s think too damn much. Kiss me.”

He did. This time he picked her up, plundered her mouth as a sigh escaped her. Her hands clasped his head. Her cool fingers tickled along his ears, smoothed down his jaw, traced up his hairline. Blood raced through his system, heated and hurried. He broke the kiss again to see where they were going. Just his luck, he’d fall over the coffee table and break both their damn necks.

Carefully, he lowered her to the plush rug in front of the crackling fire. Jessie kissed his neck, her tongue trailing a line of heat to flick his earlobe. The rough edge of her teeth scraped the sensitive flesh. Yes, the bedroom was too far away. This was good. Great.

They ravaged each other with their mouths battling, giving, yielding to the onslaught of emotions raging through them. He ran his hands over her, the soft, silky material of her dress gliding between them. He laced his fingers with hers, pulling her hands up above her head.

Laying atop her, he pressed her to the floor, but was careful to support his weight as to not crush

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her. Her breasts rose and fell, the filmy material lower than it had been before. He leaned down, licking the slopes of her breasts through the sheer material until it stuck to her. She sighed, whispered his name.

He caressed down the insides of her arms, noting how she shivered as his fingers grazed over the inner part of her elbows. He watched her eyes watching him as he ran his hands all the way down to cup her breasts. The bra under the material was thin, the edge of the lace peeking over the solid bust line of her dress. He could feel her nipple growing.

Smiling he watched her, as he circled his thumbs, caressed, and weighed. Her breath froze when he finally flicked, and gently pressed the distended peaks.

He ran a hand down her taut stomach. Aiden pulled her skirt up, ran his hand up her stocking calf, her hose whispering against his hand. Up higher still to the lace tops of her hose.

Garters. He paused. The woman was wearing garters. Silky stockings were sexy in and of themselves, but garters … He slipped one finger under the band.

He moaned into her mouth and her lips curved into a smile beneath his.

“Thought you might like those,” she whispered, grasping the side of his head, plundering his mouth with a mind-numbing kiss. Her tongue battled his, her fingers pressed into the back of his skull. He wanted to cherish, to make this last, but the woman was making him forget.

Too fast. This was all going too damn fast.

But her hands were everywhere, pulling his shirt from his pants. One of her chilled fingers hooked inside the band and skimmed along his waist, smoothed along his ribs.

His gut clenched as her hand flattened and smoothed down to his groin.

“God, Jesslyn. I want to go slow.”

“Slow is for later. Now.”

Aiden pulled back to look down at her. “How the hell do you get this dress off?”

Her grin was wicked. “Let me show you.” Quickly she stood and began to hurry.

“Stop.”

She froze one arm free, the other halfway out. “Why?”

“Slow down. I want to watch you undress for me.”

A slow catlike smile spread across her lips and tightened more than his gut. The music slowed and deepened, became grittier as Holiday sang about love. Jesslyn swayed to the music, smiling that come-and-get-me smile. Slowly she drew her arm up until it was free, rotated her hips. The dress slipped from her and fell in a pool at her feet.

Good Lord. The woman was wearing black. A black lacy, see-through bra, garters and hose. And stiletto screw-me heels, complete with the silver pendant and arm band.

His gaze rose back up and stopped midway. He swallowed even as his blood heated even more. “You’re not wearing any underwear.”

Her brow cocked at him, propped her hand on her hip, and stuck one leg out. “I’m living a little. Besides, panty lines aren’t good, ya know.”

Aiden reached out and ran his hand up the stockings again, up to the garters. He leaned up, ran his hand up the inside of her thigh. He felt her heat before he even touched her.

She moved away, but he jerked her back down beside him. “Living a little? More like torturing me.”

And torture it was.

She was so responsive, so giving. His hands skimmed along her smooth creamy stomach.

The pale skin contrasting to her undergarments.

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He leaned over and kissed her stomach, flicked his tongue around her navel. She shuddered.

God he was making her crazy.

His hot wet mouth moved higher. He licked the outline of her bra, trailed his teeth along the edge of the black lace. His fingers were quick and deft, swirling around and around, until finally they touched her nipples. Jesslyn couldn’t help but moan. He suckled her through the lace, the material abrading her gently, making her want more. Lying as he was, his pants were a contrast to the tops of her naked thighs, to her core.

“You surprise me, Jessie girl. As much as I do love this look, I want these off of you.”

Their hands tore at clothing, tossing barriers aside. Finally, skin met skin and his groan mixed with her sigh.

Hot breath skittered against his cheek as he kissed her throat. He wanted her here and now. His fingers again teased, tormented until she was all but begging. His mouth, tongue and teeth drove her up and close to the edge, before stopping.

She grabbed him. “Stop teasing me.”

His grin was wicked. She felt his hand warm and gentle, yet determined on her thigh.

Higher and higher and….

He cupped her, she arched against him.

God, she wanted him now. Immediately. “Now, Aiden. Now.”

The man sparked a fire in her, and she had no idea it would be this inferno. Consuming, scorching, demanding to be quenched.

His chest was hard and muscled beneath her hands. She ran her fingers up his neck, to trace his mouth, before she pulled him back down for a kiss. His fingers trailed from her navel to her breast. Slowly, leisurely, torturing. Aiden was driving her to the brink.

Finally, finally, he touched her. Lights dimmed and swirled behind her eyelids as his fingers began their magic. He teased and fondled, making her wet and wanting. He circled and avoided touching the one spot. The one….

Finally, he pressed against it, just as he pierced her with his fingers.

“Oh, God.”

He found her hot and ready.

Later, later, they would go slowly. He reached over to his pants. Thank God they were right there, and pulled out a condom. Slipping it on, he turned to Jessie.

“Later I will make you beg. And in the damn bed.”

Jessie wiggled next to him. “Forget the damn bed.”

Her cool hand wrapped around him and he thought he’d lose it then and there.

Aiden rolled and pinned her beneath him, entering her in one swift thrust.

“Yes!” She convulsed around him, squeezing tighter and tighter.

He thrust once, twice.

Her mouth found his, his hers, and together as though a fire consumed them, they exploded.