Death of a Coupon Clipper (5 page)

“Did you arrange your coupons by sections? Produce, frozen food, breads and pastries,
household cleaning supplies, canned goods?” Mona asked, pushing her grocery cart up
next to Hayley’s in the Shop ’n Save.

“Mona, please, I’m not an amateur,” Hayley said, fanning through her stack of coupons
to make sure they were in order and she was ready to rumble.

When Hayley discovered that Mona had also applied to be on
Wild and Crazy Couponing,
she suggested they do a dry run at the store to prepare in the event that one or
both of them were chosen to compete on the show.

It had finally stopped snowing in Bar Harbor, but the temperature barely remained
above zero and snow still blanketed the entire town. However, it was easier now for
Hayley to get where she needed to go on foot, since she was without a car. Luckily,
Mona owned a flatbed truck, so she could transport her purchases from this practice
run back to the house. Even though she was broke, Hayley was confident enough about
her couponing skills that she knew she would manage to buy three hundred dollars’
worth of groceries for about seventeen dollars after discounts. If she couldn’t pull
that one off, Hayley had no business being on the show.

Although Hayley had been shopping at the Shop ’n Save for years, and knew every inch
of the store, the owner had recently remodeled and added on. Therefore it was imperative
that she and Mona use this practice couponing session as a refresher course and an
opportunity to memorize every aisle that was reorganized and every new product that
had been stocked. They were leaving nothing to chance.

Mona reached into her coat pocket and pulled out an old-fashioned gold stopwatch.

“I know, I know,” she said. “My kids make fun of me for keeping this. They got all
sorts of timers on their iPads and iPhones, but this belonged to my grandfather, so
it has sentimental value.”

“I think it’s sweet,” Hayley said. “Okay, how much time are you giving us?”

“Thirty minutes, and then we both have to be up front at the register ready to check
out,” Mona said, setting the watch. “Okay, ready, set . . . go!”

Mona pressed down the button on top of the stopwatch and stuffed it back in her pocket.
Then she went flying down the breakfast cereal aisle with her cart. Hayley ran in
the opposite direction. She was starting with pet food. She could feed Leroy for the
next six months with the amount of Kibbles ’n Bits she was going to load into her
cart; and if her calculations were correct, the final cost would be mere pennies.

Hayley skidded to a stop and began tossing boxes of dog food into the bottom of her
cart. She almost cleared the shelf before she was off and running again. She veered
around the corner to the next aisle, where she planned to work her upper-body strength
by grabbing industrial-size bottles of laundry detergent. When she got there, another
woman’s cart was blocking her access.

“Excuse me, I’m trying to get to the laundry detergent!” Hayley said, trying not to
sound bossy, but hyperaware she was on the clock.

The woman slowly turned around, holding two giant plastic bottles of All-Tempa-Cheer.

It was Candace Culpepper.

She was dressed in gray sweats, had her own stopwatch hanging around her neck, and
wore a headband to keep her long brownish hair out of her eyes. She was also in Nike
running shoes. She looked like she was in training for the Olympics.

And she was.

The Supermarket Olympics.

Hayley and Mona were not the only potential coupon-clipping queens in the market testing
their abilities today.

Candace glared at Hayley, suddenly aware that Hayley had indeed overheard her conversation
with her fellow nurse Tilly and was now planning on horning her way in as competition.
Candace dropped the two bottles of detergent in her cart with a loud bang and then
turned to grab two more.

Hayley was silently counting in her head how many she needed. Maybe five or six to
get the full discount. But it was quickly clear that Candace was going to upset her
carefully planned strategy by grabbing them all.

“You mind leaving one or two for me, Candace?” Hayley asked.

Candace emptied the shelf of the Cheer and then started grabbing bottles of Tide.
Hayley was not going to just stand around and let Candace outshop her. She stepped
to the right in order to walk around Candace’s cart and approach the detergent shelf
from the other side, but Candace anticipated her move. With one foot Candace shoved
her cart forward, blocking Hayley’s maneuver. By the time Hayley forcefully pushed
the cart to the side, Candace had her arms filled with all the available detergent
and hurled them into her cart like a disc thrower.

Then she gripped the handle of her cart, knuckles whitening, and hissed at Hayley,
“Get in my way again and I will take you down, bitch.”

And then she was off, disappearing around the corner, heading for the meat-and-poultry
section.

Hayley checked her watch. She had lost valuable time. Mona was probably already in
the beverage aisle, hauling twelve-packs of soda off the shelf like she was stacking
her lobster traps.

She could still catch up if she made a beeline to the toothpaste and mouthwash. She
had clipped coupons for about two dozen Crest and Listerine products. That would really
add to her total, and end up costing her, after discounts, at tops maybe twenty-five
cents.

Yes, she still had a fighting chance.

A pathway to victory.

Mona’s Achilles’ heel was subconsciously equating the bigger the product, the more
it cost; so she was focused on heavy-duty items that filled her cart up faster. Hayley
concentrated on lighter, more expensive products that would rack up her total faster
and take up less room in her cart.

Hayley pushed her cart, rounding the corner at lightning speed, where the store owner,
Ron Hopkins, was mopping up some spilled apple juice off the floor. Hayley gasped
and tried to avert a collision by yanking the cart to the right. But she was too late
and the wheels rolled right over Ron’s foot. Hayley’s cart tipped over on its side,
sending all her items scattering across the floor.

Ron howled in pain and dropped his mop. Ron was a decent-looking man, but with a perpetual
look of angst on his face. He never intended to be a small-business owner. He was
kind of a screwup in school. Never had any real direction. So when his parents retired,
it was either take over the family grocery store or enlist in the military. Kind of
a no-brainer. His parents fled to the warmer climes of Florida, just like Hayley’s
own mother, and Ron was left to run the store. A job he detested.

He was planning to sell the store and use the money to travel, but then he met Lenora,
a local middle-school teacher, and they married. Not long after that, Lenora gave
birth to triplets, so Ron’s dreams of blowing town and slumming around the world evaporated
faster than Hayley’s biweekly paycheck from the paper. Ron now had a family to feed.
He put on a brave face. He loved his wife and children. But one night at Drinks Like
A Fish, he let himself go, had one too many beers, and wept about the state of his
life and how much he hated running the store and how things just didn’t turn out the
way he imagined.

Now that the kids were in high school, just one year behind Dustin, Ron saw a light
at the end of the tunnel. Pretty soon the triplets would be off to college and Ron
and Lenora would finally have the opportunity to finally travel a little bit. Ron
still had hopes of selling the store and cashing out, so he decided to do some renovations
in order to increase the value of the business.

Hayley was happy for him.

And sad for him.

Because at this moment Ron Hopkins was in an incredible amount of pain.

“Ron, I am so sorry. Are you all right?” Hayley asked, grabbing his arm.

Ron nodded. His face was flushed red, his eyes watery.

“I didn’t even see you,” Hayley said, simply because she didn’t know what else to
say. Secretly she was ticking off the precious seconds she was losing standing here
talking to Ron.

“It’s okay, Hayley. What’s a couple of toes, right?”

Hayley stared at him, her mouth open in shock.

“I’m kidding. I think I’ll live,” Ron said, cracking a half smile. “But do you know
how many collisions we’ve had in the store ever since that extreme coupon-clipping
show announced they were going to shoot an episode here at the Shop ’n Save? It’s
been a free-for-all, and don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about, Hayley.
I know why you were in such a hurry. Half the town has been in here seeing how fast
they can shop.”

Hayley checked her watch again. She was done. There was no way she was going to beat
Mona’s time and total now. She sighed and turned to Ron.

“It’s very exciting, you have to admit, Ron,” Hayley said.

“You bet it is. A national promotion such as this is like hitting the lotto. Everyone’s
going to know this store. I even started a Twitter account so I can keep people informed
about all the exciting things happening here. If I play my cards right, by this time
next year, I’ll be touring the ancient city of Petra in Jordan.”

It was clear Ron saw
Wild and Crazy Couponing
as his ticket out of Dodge.

“What do you think of all the renovations, Hayley?”

“The place looks great, Ron. Really impressive,” Hayley said, still smarting from
mucking up her dry run at couponing. “Billy Parsons did a real nice job.”

“I hear Billy was down at your place giving you an estimate to repair the roof on
your garage the other day.”

“How did you hear that?”

“It’s Bar Harbor, Hayley.”

Of course.

Small town.

No secrets.

“Well, let me tell you something. If this coupon-clipping show wasn’t paying me a
tidy sum to tape their episode here, I might be in bankruptcy court. Billy went way
over budget and gouged me on everything. So be careful if you hire him.”

“Not an issue, Ron. Even if I wanted to hire him, I just don’t have the money. Which
is a big reason I’m here with my coupons.”

“Good luck to you, Hayley. I’d rather see you on the show than Candace Culpepper—the
way she prances around this store, acting like she owns the place, barking orders
at the stock boys and yelling at the cashiers. Sometimes I just want to snatch those
coupons right out of her hand and shove them up her—”

“I can hear you,” a deep, gravely, disembodied voice said.

Hayley and Ron swiveled their heads around, but there was nobody else in the aisle
with them. Ron’s eyes widened, a fearful look on his face. He reached over and pushed
aside some bottles of Scope mouthwash so he and Hayley could look through to the next
aisle. There, standing with an armful of Dove soap, was Candace Culpepper, and she
did not look happy.

“It’s a good thing I don’t have a mean streak,” Candace said, her voice lower and
meaner than ever. “Or I’d be plotting ways to get back at both of you for all your
trash talk.”

Then she dumped the soap into her cart and moved on.

Hayley turned to Ron, who was physically shaking.

“Are you as scared of her as I am?” Ron asked in a meek voice.

“Of course not. She’s all bark and no bite,” Hayley said.

But Hayley didn’t really believe one word she was saying.

No, Candace Culpepper had a vicious mean streak, and it was in everybody’s best interest
not to cross her.

After listening to Mona gloat all the way back to Randy’s house about her easy victory
at the store, Hayley was feeling less confident about landing a coveted spot on
Wild and Crazy Couponing
. Once in the kitchen, she unloaded the ingredients for a beef stew she was going
to prepare and take down to the Hollingsworth estate. Lex lived in a caretaker’s house
on the property, but she knew he was most likely at the hospital now, at his boss
Edgar’s bedside. However, visiting hours would be over at nine o’clock and he would
probably just drive his truck back to the estate. That gave her plenty of time to
whip up the stew and borrow Randy’s Prius to delivery it to him personally. She knew
he wasn’t eating right. He never remembered to eat when something was worrying him.

Hayley couldn’t relate. She always ate when she was worried. She also ate when she
wasn’t. Happy, mad, sad. Damn. Now that she thought about it, there wasn’t one emotion
or feeling that didn’t cause her to want to eat. She just loved food.

Randy was working at the bar, so Hayley had the kitchen to herself as she prepared
the stew for Lex. She checked her watch when she was done.

It was 9:15
P.M.

Lex was probably at home by now.

She ladled the stew into a large plastic Tupperware container and warmed some rolls,
wrapping them up in Saran wrap and placing everything in one of her reusable bags.
After feeding Leroy and leaving him a chew toy, she walked out the door to Randy’s
car. He was kind enough to leave it for her, in case she needed it, and bummed a ride
to the bar from one of his employees.

 

 

Hayley drove the mile and a half to the sprawling Hollingsworth estate. The gate was
open and she drove right through, veering left toward the caretaker’s house. As she
pulled up and looked through the home’s window, she saw Lex in the kitchen. He was
pacing back and forth, a hand over his mouth, his eye twitching. It was a habit she
noticed whenever he got stressed out about something.

She hoped Edgar hadn’t taken yet another turn for the worse.

When she rang the bell, and he answered the door, she instantly had a suspicion that
Lex was not upset about his boss’s failing health. In fact, his face was full of anger;
he looked like he was ready to blow at any second.

“Did I come at a bad time?” Hayley asked, her voice almost squeaking.

“No,” Lex lied. “Come in.”

“I brought you dinner,” she said with a smile.

He didn’t smile back.

Lex ushered her inside. She noticed him glancing at the main house, Edgar’s mansion,
located across the property through a thicket of pine trees. Lex scowled and then
slammed the door so hard behind her that she almost dropped the bag, sending the meal,
which she had so lovingly prepared for him, sliding across the floor. Hayley managed
to keep a grip on it as she jumped.

She knew Lex had a temper. It had gotten him into trouble before, but mostly during
his heavy-drinking days. Hayley hadn’t concerned herself with it much. As she crossed
to the kitchen to unpack his dinner, she noticed a bottle of scotch on the table.
It was opened and half of it was gone.

She averted her eyes from the half-empty scotch bottle and pulled a dinner plate out
of the cupboard. Then she popped open the Tupperware container and began scooping
out her stew onto the plate with a wooden spoon she found in a drawer. She could feel
Lex’s hot breath on the nape of her neck.

“You want to talk about it?” Hayley asked.

“Not really,” Lex barked. The smell of alcohol on his breath wafted up into her nostrils.

“Something’s gotten you riled up, Lex. You might as well tell me.”

“Clark Hollingsworth showed up today.”

“Edgar’s nephew? He hasn’t been here in years.”

Clark Hollingsworth was the wealthy man’s only living relative, with the exception
of Edgar’s twentysomething grandson, who was currently serving a life sentence in
prison for murder.

Hayley had known Clark when they were kids and they attended the same summer camp.
They were never close. In fact, she barely remembered what he looked like. He would
only come to Bar Harbor with his parents—his mother was Edgar’s sister—for a few weeks
during the summer season. He would promptly be shipped off to a church-sponsored camp
so he wouldn’t be in his mother’s hair while she visited all her relatives. It was
the same camp where Sheila sent Hayley and Randy because Hayley was a wild child and
needed structure and Randy spent too much time in front of the TV watching cartoons
during the summer months. Sheila was desperate to break him of the habit and expose
him to a little sunshine.

Hayley loved the scenic camp on the lake and all the social interactions with the
other kids. Randy, on the other hand, wrote a desperate letter to Sheila even before
her station wagon had turned onto the main road back toward Bar Harbor after dropping
him off. In his plea he threatened to hang himself if she didn’t immediately return
for him. He even took a Polaroid of his G.I. Joe dangling from his top-bunk bedpost,
a piece of string serving as a noose, as an example of what the horrific scene might
look like if she didn’t come get him. Sheila called Randy’s camp counselor and asked
him to keep an eye on Randy. Their mother didn’t make the two-hour drive back to the
lake until the three weeks were over. By then, Randy had refused to shower out of
protest and stank up the station wagon pretty bad. Sheila had to pull over into a
gas station, drag him into the bathroom, and wipe all the dirt and grime off his face
and arms.

Hayley had loved camp and had racked up at least a dozen new pen pals. She had even
made a valiant effort to befriend the quiet, withdrawn Clark, but he didn’t seem interested.
She even stood up for him when some big, rowdy bullies picked on him, but even that
didn’t endear her to him. And that’s pretty much all she remembered about him. She
hadn’t even heard his name again until now.

“He didn’t even call first to let us know he was coming,” Lex spat out. “Just showed
up this morning, barking orders at my crew and yelling and pointing his finger in
my face, saying he wouldn’t tolerate me and my boys slacking off while his uncle was
in the hospital. We’d been plowing and shoveling snow since five in the morning and
just took a quick ten-minute coffee break, when he rolled up in a taxi and jumped
out and started spewing insults at us, calling us a bunch of deadbeats!”

“That doesn’t sound like the shy little boy I remember from summer camp,” Hayley said.

“Well, he’s not shy anymore. Prancing around here in his expensive winter coat and
with those designer glasses that hung off the bridge of his nose like some snot-nosed
fancy-pants professor!”

“Maybe he’s just so worried about his uncle that he isn’t being himself,” Hayley said.

“You defending him, Hayley?” Lex said, eyes flaring.

Hayley threw her hands up in the air as a sign of surrender. “Nope. Not me. Guy sounds
like a real jerk if you ask me!”

“You should’ve seen the way he talked to my guys. Made them feel so small and stupid,
as if they were taking advantage of the boss and not busting their asses to get all
the chores on the estate done. So if he does come home, he’d be proud of all their
hard work.”

“I’m so sorry, Lex.”

“Then he marched inside the main house and started screaming at the household staff.
I heard later he drove poor Ginnie Leighton to tears by complaining she hadn’t changed
the bedsheets properly. Ginnie’s been Edgar’s maid for years. A real sweetheart. Totally
devoted to the old man. She didn’t deserve that.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Not much I can do until Edgar gets better,” Lex said, pausing, his eyes drifting
off and staring at nothing. “If he gets better.”

Hayley walked up behind Lex and put her arms around his waist. She held him tightly,
resting her chin on his back.

“I don’t mean to rant and rave, but I got so riled up today and I just can’t seem
to shake it,” Lex said softly.

“Have some beef stew. A hearty meal will make you feel better.”

“Sure smells good, Hayley.”

Lex was slowly calming down. Hayley released her grip and then went to work laying
out the stew and bread for Lex’s supper at a small table in a nook off the kitchen.
Her phone in the back pocket of her jeans began buzzing with a text message.

She whipped it out and read the message.

It was from Randy: Get to the bar ASAP! Emergency!

Hayley’s eyes popped open.

What could be happening now?

“Lex, I have to go. There’s a situation at Randy’s bar.”

“Nothing serious, I hope.”

“Me too.”

She gave Lex a quick peck on the cheek and then hurried out the door, grabbing the
railing on his front porch to make her way down the snowy, icy steps. She had no intention
of falling flat on her back.

She jumped in Randy’s Prius and sped off.

 

 

When Hayley walked into the bar, Mona was there, nursing a beer. A few locals were
spread out at a couple of tables. One customer played darts, but it was otherwise
a quiet night. Most people were at home warming up in front of a fire. Hayley didn’t
even bother taking off her coat. She scurried up to the bar.

“Randy, what is it?”

Randy was ringing up a patron’s cocktail at the register. He counted out the correct
change and slammed the cash drawer shut. He had a grave look on his face. He picked
up the receiver of the bar phone and punched in some numbers.

“I just called home for my messages. You better listen to this one,” Randy said.

Hayley grabbed the phone and listened.

After a beep there was a woman’s cheery voice. “Hello, Hayley Powell, this is Christina.
I work in the production office of
Wild and Crazy Couponing,
here in New York. Let me be the first to congratulate you on your selection to be
a contestant on our show, which will be shot next Tuesday in your hometown of Bar
Harbor, Maine, at the Shop ’n Save on Cottage Street.”

Hayley glanced up to see Randy and Mona beaming from ear to ear. Randy was jumping
up and down slightly on one foot, unable to contain his excitement.

She had listed Randy’s home number on the application as an alternate contact number,
since her cell service at his house was always spotty.

She couldn’t believe they picked her.

She was Queen for a Day!

Now Hayley found herself jumping up and down. Randy raced out from behind the bar
and enveloped his sister in a bear hug. They were both jumping up and down in unison.
Hayley rolled her eyes over to Mona, who lifted her beer bottle and toasted Hayley
before chugging down what was left of it.

“Mona, did you . . . ?”

“I’m first runner-up. That’s what they called me, like I’m some airhead beauty pageant
contestant. Though I do clean up pretty good and could probably win Miss Maine if
I didn’t have so much belly fat left over from popping out all those kids,” Mona said.

“What does first runner-up mean?” Hayley asked.

“Anything happens to either of the two contestants they picked before the taping of
the show, I take his or her place,” Mona said.

“Well, do we know who else they picked?” Hayley asked, excited and breathless.

Randy shrugged. “Don’t know. But if I were a betting man . . .”

“You
are
a betting man,” Hayley said. “You drive up to Bangor with me every weekend to play
the slots.”

“It has to be Candace Culpepper, don’t you think?” Randy said.

Mona slammed her beer down on the polished-hardwood bar. “Looks like I’m going to
have to take out Candace. Never liked that sourpuss anyway, ever since high school
when she bad-mouthed me after that championship soccer game.”

“Don’t even joke about something like that, Mona,” Hayley said, laughing.

“Who says I’m joking?” Mona said, gesturing to Randy to fetch her another beer. Her
face was cold and expressionless. “I can’t kill you. You’re my best friend. That leaves
Candace.”

After a few seconds Mona broke into a smile and winked at Hayley and Randy.

Mona was only joking.

But the few customers in the bar seated behind her, eavesdropping, didn’t see her
smile or her wink. Just the back of her head.

And to them, she sounded dead serious.