Debra Ullrick (17 page)

Chapter Thirteen

H
arrison lay on the floor in his sons’ bedroom, and in his mind he relived his kiss with Abby. Something he now realized should have never taken place. Most of the night, he tossed and turned, trying to figure out a way to make things work between them, but no rational solution came to him. He even made a mental list of why it wouldn’t work.

She lived here, he lived in Boston.

Her dream was to own her own dinner theater, something she was extremely passionate about.

His was to right the wrongs his father had done, something he couldn’t do from here.

Further, his only goals before arriving here were to restore his family’s good name and to claim his sons’ inheritance. He couldn’t give those up, could he?

No matter how many angles he examined the problem from, he saw no way to make their worlds mesh. Besides, he couldn’t subject someone as sweet and innocent as Abby to the people of his society. While she may be able to carry her own here, those people were ruthless. Especially the Bostonian women. So taking her back there was not an option, either.

After hours of agonizing, the verdict was clear—it was best to put an end to any notions Abby may have gotten from his carelessness the last evening.

That decided, he finally got up cleaned and got dressed. Just before sunrise, he got the boys ready and headed down to Abby’s, dreading the conversation that he knew must take place.

When he pulled the buggy in front of Abby’s mansion, Josiah hollered, “Miss Abby, Miss Abby!” His son leaped up and started to step out of the buggy while it was still moving.

Harrison barely managed to grab the back of Josiah’s collar and settle him back onto the buggy’s seat. A quick glance over at Abby sitting in her usual early morning spot at the small table on her front porch, sipping her tea and watching them, and he turned his attention back to Josiah. “What did I tell you about leaving your seat before the buggy is stopped, Josiah?”

“To wait till the horsey stopped and till you come and help us down.”

“That’s right. And why do we do that?”

“’Cause we could get hurt if we don’t.”

“That’s right. Very good, son.” He kissed the top of Josiah’s head, and then Graham’s so as not to leave him out. Thankfulness that he could still do something so simple with them breezed through him. He got out to help them down.

The second their feet hit the ground, the twins darted up the walkway.

Abby met them halfway, dropped to a squat and gathered them into her arms, a place he wished he himself could be. He gave himself a quick reprimand about tormenting himself with such thoughts.

“Good morning, boys. Morning, Harrison,” she said, never once looking up at him.

That wasn’t good. He needed to have that talk with her as soon as possible.

“Did you boys sleep well?”

Both bobbed their heads.

“I’m so glad. Now, how about some cookies and milk? I know it’s not your typical breakfast food, but if it’s all right with your father, maybe he’ll let you have them just this once.” Her uncertain gaze slid up to his as did his sons’ eagerly expectant ones.

As soon as he nodded his assent, she quickly looked away, stood and brushed herself off. Hand in hand the three of them made their way up the steps and to the table. They looked so right together, like they were family, and yet Harrison knew he had no right even thinking that way.

She seated his sons at the table and placed a glass of milk and a plate with three cookies on each one in front of them. “Let’s pray and then you can eat.”

“Why do you pway, Miss Abby?” Graham asked.

She sent a quick glance Harrison’s way, searching for his approval to answer Graham’s question. Normally he wouldn’t allow someone to disillusion his children with such nonsense as prayer, but Abby strongly believed in it. And even though prayer had never done a thing for him, hers had, so he found he wanted to hear her answer to that himself. With a quick close of the eyes and a nod, he once again gave her his consent.

She offered him a half smile before turning her attention back to his sons. “Well, I pray because it makes God happy when I talk to Him. When I thank Him for the things He does for me. And, whenever I need help, I ask God for it, and He helps me. Just like your daddy helps you boys. Do you tell your daddy thank you when he helps you and takes care of you and gives you things?”

They smiled up at him and bobbed their heads. Love for his sons turned his insides to mush.

“Do you think that makes him happy when you do?”

Their eyes brightened and they nodded yes again.

“Well, it’s the same way with God. God is the One who provided this food for us to enjoy, so we need to thank Him for it.”

Josiah tilted his head, and his tiny brows gathered together. “But Who is God? And where is He?” He raised his hands, palm sides up, and looked all around. “I don’t see Him anywhere.”

“God is invisible. We can’t see Him with our eyes. We can only see Him with our hearts, but He is always here with us. He’s the One who made me and you.”

“Did he make Daddy, too?” Graham asked.

“Yes. He made everyone and everything. He made the sky, the trees, the flowers, the animals and everything else you see.”

“Even the cookies?” Josiah asked with wide-eyed wonder.

Abby smiled. “No. Not the cookies. Veronique made those. But...” She held up a finger. “God provided the ingredients she needed to make them.”

“Well, we better pray and thank Him, then, huh?” Josiah rushed out.

Harrison’s chuckle blended with Abby’s.

Those smiling eyes of hers matched the curve of her lips and lifted his heart. “Yes, we should.”

They bowed their heads, and Abby prayed a short prayer.

Breakfast was quickly devoured, and Harrison wiped the crumbs and milk mustache off his sons’ mouths. “It’s time to find Miss Zoé and go with her.”

“Aww. We wanna stay with Miss Abby.”

“I know you do. But, Miss Abby and I have things to discuss. So come with me.” He stood and gazed down at Abby. “I’ll be right back.”

She responded with only a nod.

Unable to stand the strain of tension between them, he couldn’t wait to drop his sons off with Zoé and get back here so he could clear the tense air between them.

Oh, good-night. Why did he ever kiss her?

* * *

Abby watched Harrison head into the house. Normally she and Harrison took the boys to Zoé together, but she needed these few minutes to pray and to gather her thoughts on what she would say when he returned.

For the first time in her life, she didn’t know how to act around someone. Their shared kiss had changed everything, and not for the good, either. Harrison was right. They needed to talk. Otherwise, she didn’t see how they could possibly continue to work together under this umbrella of tension.

She offered up a silent prayer, confident that God would take care of the situation between her and Harrison. A man she admired and loved enough to realize she had to let him go.

The object of her last thought stepped out of her front door, his face fraught with uncertainty. She understood exactly how he felt. She refilled his coffee cup while he sat down in the chair across from her.

Seconds ticked by until finally Harrison rested his clasped hands on the table. “Abby, about last night.” Their gazes touched. “I owe you an apology for kissing you. We were both distraught over Graham and Josiah’s disappearance and equally relieved when we found them. However, it was wrong of me to kiss you. There’s no excuse for my action, and I do not intend to try and make one. Please accept my sincere apology.”

Abby shrugged it off as if her heart wasn’t breaking inside her. “It’s like you said, I think we were both so relieved that we found the boys safe and unharmed that we just got caught up in the moment. So, there’s nothing to forgive. We’ll just forget the whole thing ever happened and go on from here.” Even the amount of conviction she managed to put into her voice hurt. The whole situation was vastly unfair to all of them.

Still, she had to tamp her inward snort down. As if she could ever forget his kisses. Kisses that had her dreaming about them and the person behind them until the wee hours of the morning.

But that was simply one more thing she needed to give over to God—her need to stop dreaming about Harrison Kingsley.

Another quick prayer went upward before she turned her full attention onto Harrison. “Before I forget, I want to let you know that I promise to be more careful about the things I say in front of Josiah and Graham. None of this would have happened if it hadn’t been for me and my big mouth.”

“Abby, I told you it wasn’t your fault.”

Yes, he had, but she knew better than that. Not wanting to discuss the subject any further because it hurt too much knowing she had indeed been the one responsible for the boys’ actions, she changed the subject. “I have news.”

“Oh?”

“I got a letter yesterday from the acting company I had scheduled to come from Philadelphia. They won’t be able to make it in time for the grand opening.”

“What?”

She felt bad about the concern that fell across his face. “They double-booked with another festival for the same two weeks, but they assured me they would be here the month after.”

Harrison frowned. “So what do we do until then? Delay the grand opening?”

“No.”

“What, then?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m confused. We have a grand opening coming up, and no actors. Why are you not worried?”

“Because I know that God will work it all out. Last night when I was praying, God impressed it on my heart to write my stepfather and ask him if he could send his understudies until my crew arrives.”

He still looked utterly confused. “Do you think he will?”

The peace she felt probably didn’t make sense to anyone else, but she knew this feeling. God would no doubt handle the situation with amazing insights and perfection. “I’m sure he will. He has more than enough actors and actresses in his employ. In fact, I should have listened to him in the first place. He offered to send part of his company with me, but I assured him that the traveling crew I had gotten to know very well from back East would work out just fine.”

Harrison nodded and splayed his fingers across his clean-shaved chin. “You really believe in prayer, don’t you?”

“Yes. I do.” And she didn’t quite understand why he didn’t. Why anyone didn’t, for that matter. But it wasn’t her place to judge him or anyone else. Her place was to pray and leave all of the other in God’s hands.

“Did you ever have your prayers go unanswered?”

Childbearing, or rather the lack thereof, popped into her mind. So yes, she’d had her prayers go unanswered. But her faith in God and His wisdom was stronger than her feelings and her hurts. Therefore, her faith in Him remained in tact. “Yes. I have. But that doesn’t stop me from trusting God. Or from praying.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because I love Him, and I know He loves me, and that He has my best interest at heart.” God’s best interest in her not being able to bear children—she struggled with that one. “I will admit sometimes it’s hard. And I don’t always understand why things are the way they are or why He answers the way He does. His word says that His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I’ve learned to accept that. Well, most of the time, anyway.” She chuckled.

“Even so, if God never answered another one of my prayers, I would continue to pray, and continue to trust Him because my faith isn’t based on answered prayers. It’s based on a God who loved me so much He sent His Son to die on a cross for me so that I could communicate and have a relationship with Him. That’s what prayer is really all about—communicating and having a relationship with a loving God.”

“How can you call Him loving when He allows so many bad things to happen in this world? And most of the time it’s to good people.”

Abby noted the anger in Harrison’s voice and wondered what had happened to make him so bitter against God. “I don’t pretend to have all the answers, Harrison. I only know what I feel in my heart. In here.” She pressed her hand to the center of her chest.

“How can you be so sure that God even exists? You can’t see Him.”

“Oh, but I do.” At his frown, she continued. “I see Him everywhere. I see Him every time I look at the sun or the stars or the moon, and I am amazed at how they know just when to show up every day. Look around you. How do you explain the various species of birds and animals and plants and flowers that you see? And how every human being is unique and different?”

“That doesn’t prove there is a God. I can see these things, but I can’t see Him.”

“Okay, let me ask you something. Do you see the air?”

“No.”

“Then how do you know it exists?”

“Because I can feel it and breathe it.”

“Exactly. It’s the same way with God. I can’t see Him, but I feel Him.” The peace settled over and in her once again. She didn’t work for it, it just was.

“That’s different.”

“Is it? Let me ask you something else. Do you
see
the love you have for your children?”

“No.”

“But you
feel
it, right?”

“Yes.”

“How do
you
know that love is real? After all, you can’t see it with your eyes.”

“I just do.”

Abby pursed her lips and hiked a shoulder, letting her words sink in.

Harrison remained silent. She could tell he was thinking about what she’d said. Wanting to give him time to do just that, she closed her eyes and listened to the hummingbirds flitting by as she inhaled the pleasant menagerie of sweet scents. But mostly she prayed quietly that God would take her bumbling ways of explaining things and open Harrison’s eyes to the truth of His existence and of His amazing love.

* * *

Harrison contemplated Abby’s words. She really believed all the things she said to him. And she had a point. He couldn’t see love, and yet he knew it existed. He felt it every time he held his sons in his arms or thought of them or looked at them. He felt it when he’d met his wife, and now with Abby. Perhaps there was something to what she said, after all. He’d ponder all of that later. Today, he had something he wanted to talk to her about. “Abby, I was wondering if you could help me with something.”