Deception (22 page)

'Because
I feel this is an occasion when only complete
frankness will do,
it doesn't mean I'm an animal, my dear.'

Twice
she had asked him, yet he hadn't denied he didn't
love
her. She loved him and would be willing to give him
anything,
if it would make him happy, but she could see
now that some
things might be far from easy to give when
he didn't love her in return.

What
if you should fall in love with someone else?' she
asked,
feeling she would be unable to bear it.

'I
won't,' he said thinly. I assure you I can be faithful,
if
you stick to the same rules yourself. And you'd better
decide
to,' he finished curtly, 'if you're going to marry me.'

Still
she wasn't able to commit herself, although every
part
of her was urging her feverishly to do so. She gazed at
him,
her eyes reflecting something of her longing, the
tensing
of her body something of her apprehension.

'Thea!'
he exclaimed tersely, taking hold of her hands
and forcing her to
look at him. 'I think you want to say
yes, that you want to
stay here with Jamie and me, and I
can't understand all
this hesitation. You've been around,'
he continued brutally.
'This I can understand, and you
don't have to feel
compelled to act as if no man had ever
touched you before.'

'I
hate you!' she gasped, not taking into account that his opinion of her was one
she had deliberately fostered her
self.

'It might be better to
calm down, rather than exhaust
yourself
with imaginary emotions,' he retorted coldly. 'Do
you really think I'd have either time or patience
to take on an innocent young girl? I want a woman who'll be willing
to
give me what I want,'with no fuss.'

Covered
by his large ones, Thea felt her hands clench.
She would never
dare tell him that all her experience
amounted to was a few chaste kisses.

Inexorably,
when her face went white, he went on, 'I'll make you a promise, Thea. If you
keep your side of the
bargain, you won't ever need to walk the
roads looking
for a home again.'

Weakness
invaded Thea's limbs, confusing her ability
to think. She knew only
an urgent longing, a sudden
illogical desire to lay her head
against Logan Murray's
broad shoulders and give herself up to the
remembered
excitement of his arms. And their promise of a haven.

Her
pale cheeks flushed scarlet as she managed to re
strain
herself. "What you're trying to say,' she accused
jerkily,
'is that you want someone to go to bed with, to
provide you with more children and look
after your house, so you can forget about all three?'

For
a moment his eyes flickered, then he said dryly, It sounds worse spelt out, but
you seem to have the general
idea. I'll just stress that I'm not desperate. If it
hadn't
been for Jamie I doubt if I would
have mentioned marriage
at all. And
I'm not using force, it's entirely up to you.'

'All
right, I accept.' Briefly she closed her eyes, unable
to
resist her own clamorous heart; unable to bear the
thought of not seeing
him again.

The
tightening grip on her hands as he drew her slowly to her feet was the only
contact, but she felt her head reel. She tried to look at him but found it
difficult as her heart
lurched crazily. His face, with its high
cheekbones and
straight nose, seemed to be hovering hazily
above her. She
hadn't realised his mouth was so sensual yet
finely moulded,
self-willed. When he bent down, brushing his
lips lightly
across hers, as though to seal their bargain,
she closed her
eyes, fighting the urge to fling her arms
around his neck
and drag him to her. Even so, she could feel
herself beginning to spin, warning her of a whirlpool in which she might
eventually drown.

His
voice came from a great distance. 'You're absolutely
sure you know what
you're letting yourself in for? I
won't
allow you to change your mind, once you walk out of
here.'

'I
won't,' her throat ached with suppressed emotion, but she made herself go on.
'I've given you my promise and I don't cheat.' Suddenly she stopped, wondering
why each
word should rear up and mock her. 'I don't cheat,' she
muttered,
feeling like someone drunk on their own deceit.

The
sensation which suddenly flowed between them
made her shiver.
His touch released such a torrent of emotion it made her weak. She was no stranger
to his
breath on her face, and as she felt it quicken roughly
her
own
accelerated to match it.

Nervously
alarmed, she stepped back, but, as if im
patient of her
reactions, he held her tighter. 'If you shrink like this now, you'd perhaps be
wiser to think again?'

If only his voice had
held one softer note! 'Could I
have time?'
Her courage rapidly disappearing, her great
eyes implored him more beseechingly than she knew.

*How
much? Six months? And after that another six?'
he jeered
cynically. 'You aren't in a position to play for
time, child. It
has to be either yes or no, and now!'

Of
course it had to be yes. There was no way she could
bring
herself to refuse him. Silently she might argue that with a little more
will-power she ought do so, but Logan
and Jamie, with
Drumlarig thrown in, were too power
ful a combination to
resist. All she ever wanted was here,
but most important, the
two people she cared for most in
the world. Here was a
future to start dreaming of, to be
part of, to help to
shape. Logan had said he would mould
her, but she was wise
enough to know that a wife's influence
counted for a lot. In
this instance, Thea was suddenly deter
mined that hers would
help to make Logan a new man, a
man who would lose the
bitterness from bis face and learn
to smile again without
cynicism. And maybe one day, if
she tried hard enough to
please him, he might begin to
love her.

Suddenly
the future didn't appear black any more. Thea's
look of
apprehension was banished by a smile—a tentative one, to be sure, but
one which lit up the gentle angles
of her face,
accentuating all her young, fresh beauty. 'Yes,'
she said clearly,
lifting her chin and, despite her racing
pulse, able to look him
clearly in the eye. "Yes, I'm quite
sure I want to marry
you, Logan, if you really want me to.'

A
week later they were married in Edinburgh and after the
ceremony
left for London, for the weekend. Jamie, quite
jubilant with
delight at such a turn of events, was to stay
in Edinburgh with his grandmother until
they returned to pick
him
up on the Sunday evening.

Mrs
Murray had been delighted when Logan rang to tell her that Thea and he were to
be married. She had
frankly confessed that she had prayed this
might happen,
for all their sakes. On arriving in Edinburgh
Thea had
been almost moved to tears by the welcome she received.
It
seemed to her like a miracle that she was so warmly accepted, and once
more part of a close family circle.

Thea had wanted to go
straight back to Drumlarig,
but Logan had
insisted it would be easier if they had a
few days in London first. While she couldn't argue about
this, she wasn't at all keen to go to London, as
it seemed
to be the centre of all
her guilt. To refuse, however, might
only
draw Logan's attention to it. She could only protest
feebly that it might be nicer to go elsewhere, but
when he told her quietly that he had some business there which he
must
attend to, she had said no more. What, after all,
could happen? Even the chances of seeing someone she knew were so
remote as to be scarcely worth considering.
If they did bump into someone, no one, Thea felt sure,
would have the nerve to start talking of his
wife's money
to a brand new
bridegroom. Certainly not to a man like
Logan Murray.

When
they took a taxi from the airport to one of the
city's largest,
most luxurious hotels, she thought she
understood why Logan had
made her buy some smart new clothes in Edinburgh. Not a lot, but they included
two
evening dresses, which she could see now she was
going to need.
With the knowledge of all the smart clothes hanging in her London Rat, it had
taken a great deal of
self-control to stay silent about them. She
had had to positively force herself to allow Logan to buy those she
was
now wearing. Not once had he left her side and given
her
the chance of paying for them herself. The money, she
felt
unhappily, might have been better spent on the estate,
and
she was terribly apprehensive as to what he would
say if he ever found
out about her legacy.

At
Edinburgh, in the cathedral, she had felt so proud
of
him. He had turned slowly to watch her walking hesi
tantly
towards him, and when she reached his side he had
taken
her hand, holding it tightly in his until her first,
trembling
nervousness had passed. As she had regained a little composure she had been
almost startled by a fleeting
tenderness in his eyes. She had
known she looked sur
prisingly lovely in the white dress, a
present from Mrs Murray which had also been bought in a great hurry, but
she
had never guessed that the first sight of her would
affect
Logan so strangely. His jaw had gone tight and
there had been a
rather frightening whiteness about his
mouth, together with a
leaping flame in his eyes. But when
she had looked again, it
had been gone and there had only
been the momentary
tenderness which, although reassur
ing, was vaguely disappointing.
 

Glancing
at him, as they were shown to their suite, she
felt proud to be
seen with him. He was so good-looking
in his well cut grey
lounge suit. She saw his hair so dark
as to be almost black
and his eyes which were often ex
pressionless but always
alert. Beneath his square brow and
straight nose was a very
firm mouth and chin. If only he
had loved her this could
have been a perfect day. Already
her new mother-in-law
liked her and Jamie made no secret
that he was ready to
adore her, but this could never make
up wholly for Logan's
lack of affection. Thea had hopes
of winning his love.
Sharing his bed might partly achieve
this, but curiously she
found herself shrinking nervously
from such a final
commitment. It was even difficult to think
of when for him this
would mean merely the gratification
of his physical appetites.

'Like
it?' she heard him ask formally when they were
once more alone.

'Oh,
yes.' Forcing an appreciative smile, she gazed about
her,
having been too absorbed with her immediate thoughts
to
concentrate on her surroundings. Her smile faded to a
quick
frown as she realised just how luxurious their rooms
were.
'Logan, are you sure you can afford this? Honestly,
I
wouldn't have minded something not quite so—well, you.
know what I mean.'

His
face darkened and belatedly she wished she had
kept her mouth
"shut, but his reply, she was relieved to
hear, belied his
momentary anger. Carelessly he shrugged,
'As it's only until
Sunday I think I can manage it.'

In the slightly brittle silence that followed, Thea wan
dered
aimlessly to the dressing unit, nervous again at
being so alone
with him yet eager to make amends for
her thoughtlessness. 'I
didn't mean to sound ungrateful,
Logan. Any girl would
love this, naturally.'
                                      

'Usually
women like luxury.'

'Now
and again,' she agreed. He came up behind her
and she added too
quickly, 'London seems busy today.'