Deception (27 page)

'Wait
a minute!' With a thick expletive, Logan jammed
on the brakes,
searching grimly for a place to get off the
road. Then, just as she
was wondering unsteadily why he
wanted to speak to her so urgently, with
another tight curse he drove on. 'I'm afraid it will have to wait. My
sister-in-law happens to be behind us.'

'Ingrid?'

'The same,' he
anticipated Thea's next query curtly. *Yes, she'll be coming to Drumlarig to
visit Jamie.'

'I see.' Uneasily,
Thea hesitated. 'Does she know we've split up?'

She felt rather than
heard him wince. 'She knows you didn't come back with me from London.' Again
there was underlying tension in his voice. 'We have to talk, Thea.'

Forcing an indifferent
shrug, which she sensed angered him, she replied, 'Ingrid mightn't dare
question you, hut she will me. What do I say?'

'Tell her to mind her
own damned business.'

'With pleasure,' Thea
smiled, yet she could see that the lightness of her answer didn't please him.

At Drumlarig the first
thing she did was to run and find Jamie. 'Jamie!' Forgetting, as she had done
on other occasions, that he was an eight-year-old boy, she flung her arms
around him. To her dismay he clung to her feverishly and burst into tears.

'Oh, Thea,' he cried,
'why did you leave us?'

Having forgotten to
ask Logan about that, she didn't know what sort of explanation to give. How did
you explain a broken marriage to a small boy? Hadn't he already had one to
cope with? Mightn't one more be too much?

Before she could think
of a suitable reply, if there was one, Ingrid spoke from behind them. 'What a
charmingly touching scene! Lovers' quarrel over, I suppose? All's well that
ends well—happily ever after and all that!'

Cringing
before such pointed sarcasm, Thea said weakly,
'Every marriage has its ups and downs.'

'After only two days?'

'I—I had
business to see to in London.'
 
     

'Was that all?'

'Was it, Thea?' Thea
became aware of Jamie anxiously repeating Ingrid's question. He was staring at
her closely,
his small face pale and weary.
And she was aware of Logan
standing in the doorway, his face taut and
expressionless, as usual, but curiously she knew he was waiting as tensely as the
others for her answer. A quick anger shook her because Logan was so obviously
fearful that she might begin discussing their personal differences in front of
the others. His opinion of her must be low.

'Of course,' she
answered Jamie swiftly, dragging her eyes away from her husband.

'Then you won't go
away again?'

'Oh, Jamie,' she
laughed awkwardly, 'I've only just got back!'

This appeared to
satisfy him, diverting his attention. Logan helped as he moved quickly to his
side and began telling him of friends who had asked about him in Fort William.
He had some parcels, too, which Jamie immediately pounced on and began
opening. It was almost as if Logan had anticipated such a crisis and prepared
for it, Thea thought bitterly.

Throwing off the
fur-lined anorak she wore over her jeans, she announced that she would go and
make them all a cup of tea. As Jamie glanced up apprehensively, she wondered
unhappily how long it would take to restore the trust to his eyes. How much
longer, she wondered, even more unhappily, would it take to find some painless
way of convincing
him
that her place wasn't here?

Logan, as she left
them, made no attempt to stop her. It seemed he, too, was glad of the respite.
Until they decided what to tell Jamie. This must have been what he had
wanted to stop about on the road.

Martha exclaimed when
she entered the kitchen. 'Ha, I knew you'd be back!'

Trying to keep her
voice steady, as the sight of the
kitchen,
and Martha, all the dear, familiar things began
hitting her painfully, Thea replied sharply, 'I'm not staying
for
ever. I suppose you know that too?'

'I
know the answer, yes.' Old Martha cast a suave glance
at
the emotion Thea failed to disguise. 'Which is more
than
you do, my girl, but I'll leave you to find out for
yourself.'

By
the time Jamie was safely in bed, Thea was so ex
hausted she woula like
to have gone to bed herself.
Feeling
battered by the events of the day, it was no consolation to know it wasn't
yet over. Logan wanted to speak
to
her, he had told her again after dinner, and she knew if
she put him off much longer he was quite capable
of com
ing to her room to seek her out.

He
had given her the room next to Jamie's. After showing her to it he had
hesitated, murmuring something about
it being a temporary
arrangement until after they talked.
The numbness inside her,
making her indifFerent, had saved her the bother of assuring him that she would
be
quite content to stay here alone—until she went
away
again.

Quickly
she rinsed her face and applied a light make
up which she hoped
might effectively disguise the thin
hollows in her cheeks.
Staring in the mirror she saw, almost
with surprise, that she
still looked beautiful. If anything,
the weeks of suffering
appeared to have accentuated her good points and fined down the voluptuous
lines of her
slender young figure. With a careless shrug
she turned
away.

Going
downstairs, she knocked on the library door and
entered, not
surprised to find Logan in his usual stance
beside the fire. His
shoulders were bowed, she noticed,
and when he turned his
face was pale. Quickly he came to
draw her forward, pushing
her gently down in a chair
beside the fire, where she would be
warm and comfor
table.
 
     

His
eyes, dwelling on her intently, saw her weariness.
'I
don't want you killing yourself,' he asserted tersely. 'I
have
someone coming to help in the morning.'

His
concern might have moved her, but it didn't. 'I'm
young
and healthy, Logan.' She spoke for the first time.

'You're
looking too frail.' His eyes stayed on her even
when she moved
uneasily. 'Thea, I have to speak to you and
I don't know where to
begin.' He took a deep breath. 'I
don't want to ruin
everything by expressing myself badly.'

Steadily
she looked at him, grateful that she was able
to do this
without a quiver. 'You want to speak to me about
a divorce.
Couldn't it have waited until the morning?'

'Divorce?'

Thea's
eyes widened. If she hadn't known better she could
have
sworn he was completely stunned. 'It's the logical
thing
to do, isn't it?' she cried. 'Our marriage was a mistake, so there's
nothing else for it. You brought me here
today because of Jamie,
but you don't have to stress that
it was only because of
him. I already realised...'

Hoarsely,
Logan interrupted, at last seeming to find his voice, 'It wasn't altogether
because of Jamie. Maybe he
brought things to a head. Brought me
to my senses, would
be a better way of putting it.'

In
turn, Thea cut in, 'You aren't trying to make me
believe you aren't
always in control of your senses, Logan,
as well as everything else!'

Taudy,
he held her dry gaze. *I deserved that, I guess.'

Her
thin shoulders lifted, giving the impression that she
wasn't
interested enough to argue. 'We don't have to ex
amine
every small facet of our individual personalities,
Logan.'

'Stop
it, Thea!' Swifdy, angrily, he was pulling her to her feet. 'I don't want you
talking like this. Or about a
divorce, either.'

'It's
a free country, and you started it.'

His hands on her arms
tightened, his eyes a blaze of sudden fury. 'All right!' Then, just as quickly
as it had risen, his anger left him and he groaned, 'Oh, Thea! I'll admit
you're entided to your pound of flesh, after what I did. I'll admit, after I
discovered about your money, my reactions could justifiably be described as
outrageous. I can only plead that it was a culmination of many things. My first
marriage was no good, you see. I've told you before I was as much to blame as
Kay, but while I've always tried to be honest, Kay didn't recognise the meaning
of the word. To find you weren't above deceiving me either was like putting a
match to a keg of dynamite. I couldn't think straight. I expect it was my pride
that wouldn't allow me to, not until I came back here.'

'It took you some
time,' she taunted.

He winced at her tone
but continued. I was mixed up. I didn't sleep, which didn't improve my ability
to think. It wasn't until last week, when my aunt died, that it suddenly struck
me how short life is. Suddenly I realised I was throwing away the things that
really mattered. In London, the day after we were married, I had people to see
about some foreign investments I had. When I sold everything I had in that
line, in order to buy Drumlarig, they hadn't been worth putting on the market.
But mining abroad can be unpredictable. Practically overnight, it seemed, I'd
become a wealthy man.'

With a humility Thea
could scarcely believe in him, he paused. 'Already I'd discovered how much I
loved you —then this. These were the two things I could hardly wait to
tell you. I had it all planned. Then, when that man you knew stopped you in the
theatre, it was like a slap in the face. I know I shouldn't have acted as I did
afterwards, and I had no right to speak to you as I did, either, but you've got
to understand that I was half mad with rage and jealousy.'

As he finished, Thea
went on looking at him, wondering curiously why none of this had any effect on
her. A week or two ago she would have been delirious with joy, but now she
didn't feel a thing. 'I'm sorry, Logan,' she whispered.

'Sorry?' Holding her
eyes, his own were slightly bewildered. 'Why are you sorry, Thea?'

'Well, it's over,
isn't it?"

'Over?' His voice
rasped hoarsely, his eyes darkening with passion. 'You can't believe what
you're saying Thea. I love you; you told me you loved me. I know I've hurt you
desperately, and I'm sorry. If it takes the rest of my life, I swear I'll prove
how much.'

'No, Logan.'

'Yes!' Suddenly, his
voice roughening, he pulled her into his arms. He didn't kiss her, but he did
crush her close, so she could feel his hard muscles pressing into her. Bending
his cheek against hers, he pleaded thickly, 'Say you forgive me, my darling. I
don't care about your money, you can do what you like with it, and that isn't
because I've enough of my own. All I want is your love, and your permission
to love you.'

She could feel his
lean body shaking. Like her, he had lost weight, but there was still a lot of
him. It astonished her to feel him trembling heavily. Even more than she had
once done, when he held her.

While he waited for
her to speak his arms tightened around her. His mouth stayed taut against her
cheek, obviously taking all the control he had in making no attempt to
contact hers. It was as if he was leaving this last bit of initiative to her.
She had only to turn her lips an inch or so to have them taken by his. When she
remembered their wedding night she could have cried. It was all senseless,
such sheer waste, but she couldn't pretend what she could no longer feel.

Only for a second did
something stir deep inside her, but it was so fleeting as to be easily mistaken
for the effort it took to find her voice. 'Let me go, Logan, please. I'm
sorry, but I don't love you any more. It's no use
pretending
that I do.'

His
whole body stiffened, as though she had struck him
a
blow. Sharply he lifted his head to stare down into the
cool
depth of her grey eyes. His mouth was white as he
exclaimed
harshly, 'You can't have changed that much
so quickly?'

I
have,' she assured him dully.

*No!' his indrawn
breath rasped, I won't believe it.
I felt
your love for me. It wasn't an act on our wedding
night, Thea. No one could have surrendered as
completely
as you did without love.'
A rough redness came to his
cheeks as
his voice thickened. 'You were beautiful, my
darling. I've wanted you, longed for you, every night since.
It's
been hell without you.'

Mutely
she pushed out of his arms, again shaking her
head. Numbly she
replied, 'You must have killed what
love I felt for you. You
have to understand that, Logan.
I don't feel anything for you now.'