Decoded (7 page)

AND EVEN IF I DIE HE’S IN MY WILL SOMEWHERE

For my third album, I decided to come back to the story of the two characters from “Coming of Age.” By the time we get to “Coming of Age (Da Sequel),” the dynamic is a little different. This kid you recruited to be a member of your team now wants to be the star player. He’s got a little crew of his own, and people are telling him he should be the boss, that he should take you out. The first verses of the song, when so much of the action happens, are all written as internal thoughts. The words we’re rapping are unspoken. It’s a conversation that’s happening in the two characters’ heads. But that’s real life. The person that betrays you won’t yell out his plans to turn on you—but he might think them so loud you can practically hear it.

I’d seen this kind of thing happen in the streets a million times—people set brothers against each other by feeding poison to the less experienced one. But it happens all over, not just in the streets. In fact, the inspiration for coming back to the “Coming of Age” story was what was happening with Bleek in real life. Just like the character in the song, after the original song Bleek got a little fame in the hood. He built up a following of chicks in Marcy and started feeling himself—which is understandable. But then it came time to record the next album. I made plans to meet Bleek at the studio to work on some new material and he didn’t show. I called his house and his moms told me he wasn’t feeling well. Now this was the same kid who ate six bacon cheeseburgers without blinking. I wasn’t buying it.

So I broke down to the projects and knocked on his door. His moms cracked it open.

“Hey, Val, what’s up? Where’s Bleek?”

She just pointed to the back of the apartment and told me, “Go get him.” I knocked on his bedroom door, and he was in there with some chick. And that was it for me. I told him, “Look, you want to be here? Be here.” And I left. He called later about the tour and I told him, “What tour?” He asked about the new album and I was like, “What new album?” I cut him off. He’d forgotten why I put him on in the first place. I loved his hunger. But he got full real quick.

Bleek was still just a kid and took the lesson like a man. And when it came time for album number three, he was back, and after that he launched his own career. Today he’s running his own label—and still touring with me. I can’t even count the times over the years niggas have tried to bait Bleek into a battle with me about his position. They don’t
see the respect I have for him or the strength of character it takes for him to play a supporting role while he’s also trying to build his own thing. Bleek has turned out to be one of the most secure guys I’ve met or done business with, which is ironic, given that he started off being the youngest.

When people say hustling is easy money they couldn’t be more wrong. Paranoia and fear worm their way into every interaction you have. When somebody says hi to you, you can’t just say hi back and keep it moving. You have to watch the person’s body language, silently speculate about their intent. Was it too enthusiastic and artificial? Was it reticent, a way of pulling away? Most important, is he working with the cops? It can wear you down.

The second “Coming of Age” song is meant to reflect the constant internal cycling that’s never spoken and the intense way we analyze each other, with even slight body language serving as a life-or-death clue. It’s also meant to capture the power of brotherhood: They say that soldiers in armies don’t fight for the cause, they fight for each other, and that’s the same motivation for a lot of kids in the streets. Of course, just like in war, older guys use that kind of loyalty as a way to exploit the kids working for them. But I wanted to show how easily young guys are drawn into that life and into danger—from the almost pathetic eagerness to become a hood star in the first song to the weed-and-peer-pressure ambition of the second. It’s easy to get in, and to get deeper and deeper, but like the lyric says, till death do us part. In the end it’s a song about mutual loyalty, a rare thing on the streets, and just as rare off of them.

[
Jay-Z
]
Yeah … / Come experience … life as we know it / As some of you should know it, yeah, yeah / Place, Marcy, Brooklyn / Actions … well, y’all know the action
s / Uhh, I got this shorty on my block always clockin
my rocks
¹
/ He likes the style and profile I think he wanna mock / He likes the way I walk, he sees my money talkin /
the honies hawkin I’m the hottest nigga
²
in New York and /
I see his hunger pains, I know his blood boils
³
/ He wanna run with me, I know this kid’ll be loyal / I watched him make a few ends, to cop his little sneakers and gear /
then it’s just enough for re-up again
⁴
/ I see myself in his eyes, I moved from Levi’s / to Guess to Versace, now it’s diamonds like Liberace / That’s just the natural cycle, nobody wanna
be like Michael
/
where I’m from, just them niggaz who bounced
⁵
from a gun / We out here trying to make hard white into cohhhhld green / I can help shorty blow out like Afro-Sheen / Plus I can relive my days of youth which is gone / That little nigga’s peeps, it’s time to put him on / [
Jay-Z and Memphis Bleek
] It’s time to come up (and hold my own weight, defend my crown) / Gots to lock it down and when they rush (stand my ground) / It’s time to come up (stick up my chest, and make some loot) / Gots to lock it down and when they rush (stand on my own two) / [
Memphis Bleek
]
I’m out here slingin
⁶
bringin the drama, tryin to come up / in the game and add a couple of dollar signs to my name /
I’m out here servin
⁷
disturbin the peace, life could be better / like my man reclined in plush leather seats / He’s sellin weight, I’m sellin eight … balls / sixteen tryin to graduate to pushin quarters y’all / I ain’t gon’ sweat him I’ma let him come to me / If he give me the nod then these niggaz gon’ see / I’m tired of bein out here round the clock / and breakin day,
and chasin crackheads up the block for my pay
⁸
/ I’m stayin fresh, so chickens check / I’m tryin to step up to the next level, pushin Vettes to the Jets / Diamonds reflect from the sun, directly in your equilibirum / is stunned I’m waitin for my day to come / I got the urge to splurge, I don’t wanna lifetime sentence /
just give me the word
⁹
[
JZ
] Hey fella I been watchin you clockin / [
MB
]
Who me holdin down this block it ain’t nothin
¹⁰
/ You the man nigga now stop frontin / [
JZ
] Hahahh I like your style / [
MB
] Nah, I like YO’ style / [
JZ
]Let’s drive around awhile / [
MB
] Cool nigga / [
JZ
] Here’s a thou’ / [
MB
]A G? I ride witchu for free /
I want the long-term riches and bitches
¹¹
/ [
JZ
]Hold up; now listen to me / You let them other niggaz get the name, skip the fame /
Ten thou’ or a hundred G keep yo’ shit the same
¹²
/ [
MB
] On the low? / [
JZ
] Yeah, the only way to blow / You let your shit bubble quietly / [
MB]
AND THEN YOU BLOW! / [
JZ
] Hey keep your cool / The only way to peep a fool is let him show his hand / Then you play your cards / [
MB
] Then he through dealin, I understand / [
JZ
] Don’t blow your dough on hotties / [
MB
] The only thing I got in this world is my word and my nuts /
and won’t break em for nobody!
¹³
[
JZ
] Hah, I like your résumé, pick a day, you can start [
MB
]
From now until death do us part …
¹⁴

[
Jay-Z
] Uh-huh uh yeah, gi-gi-geyeah / Time to come up, hold my own weight, defend my crown / Gots to lock it down and when they rush—part two / [
MB
] Cocaine whiter now / [
JZ
] Operation is sweet / [
MB
] Whole game tighter now / [
JZ
] Movin a brick a week / [
MB
] Plus a nigga price is down / [
JZ
] We them niggaz to see / [
MB
] Time to start the arisin now / [
JZ
] I don’t know what’s wrong with Bleek / [
Jay-Z
]
It seems I’m like Keenan, pickin up on the vibe
¹
/ that he ain’t too happy, I could just see it in his eyes / I don’t know if it’s the chicks or how we dividin the loot / Time to pay his ass a visit ’fore he decide to get cute / Jumped out like a star with the flyest car /
Matchin the gator shirt, softer than my next door neighbors
²
/ These young niggaz think I fell out the loop / cause the last time they seen me hoppin out the Coupe / I hopped out in a suit / [
Memphis Bleek
] Look at this nigga Jay frontin tryin to take my shine /
I didn’t say this verbally, just had some shit on my mind
³
/ Plus I’m puffin like an ounce, more than I used to puff /
T
akin advice from these niggaz but they ain’t used to stuff
⁴
/ They had me thinkin, “Shit, I’m the one that moved the stuff / while he drive around town in brand new Coupes and stuff” / Swear to God, they had me practically hatin his guts / As he approached I spoke, “Jigga whattup?” / [
Memphis Bleek
]
I done came up (uhh) put my life on the line (uhh)
⁵
/ Soaked the game up (yeah) now it’s my time to shine / Time to change up (what?) no more second in line / Nine-eight, these streets is mine (uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh) / [
Jay-Z
] Look at that fake smile he just gave me, it’s breakin my heart /
Should I school him or pull the tools out and just break
⁶
him apart / I felt his hatred it was harsh, ’fore this fakin shit start /
I should take him in back of the building and blaze
⁷
him / [
Memphis Bleek
] Uh-oh, this nigga Jay he ain’t slow, he musta picked up on the vibe / and had I not been so high I woulda been able to hide / Tried to cover up myself, as I gave him a five / Hugged him, as if I loved him / [
Jay-Z
] To the naked eye / It woulda seemed we was the closest, but to those that know us /
could see that somethin
⁸
was about to go down / [
Memphis Bleek
] Stay focused / I’m tryin to concentrate, but it’s like he’s reading my mind /
As if he can see through this fog and all this weed in my mind
⁹
/ Could he see I had plans on, bein the man /
Ever since we first spoke and he put that G in my hand
¹⁰
/ And I gave it back to show him, I was down for the cause / As he approached (“Whattup Bleek?”) and I paused … / [
Chorus: Memphis Bleek and Jay-Z
] / [
Jay-Z
] Right, yo we wild out in Vegas, styled on haters / Mouthed off at the cops, I done crammed in every drop /
Copped whips the same color, we tighter than brothers
¹¹
/ with different fathers but same mothers,
this life don’t love us
/
So till death do us,
¹²
I’m never breakin my bond / Nigga we Lex movers, V-12 pushers / [
Memphis Bleek
] / As I stand / One leg of my pants up, in a stance like, “And what?” / I know these niggaz are feedin my mind cancer / But in time’s the answer / Seems mind-blowin, this weed and Hennessey / Got my mind goin, trust me nigga, I’m knowin / Chicks used to ignore me, in my ear sayin I need fifty / not sixty-forty / [
Jay-Z
] / Oh God, don’t let him control y’all /
Your gun is my gun, your clip is my clip baby
¹³
/ [
Memphis Bleek
] Your fun is my fun (uh-huh) your bitch is my bitch / Any nigga tryin to harm Jay I’m feelin for you / I ain’t only touchin you, I’m killin your crew / [
Jay-Z
] /
Give it a year, you’ll be sittin on a million or two / records sold nigga,
¹⁴
perfect your roll