Deep Blue (17 page)

Gen presses her fingers to her temples. “He’s not that bad, Cali. Simmer down.” She looks up. “It’s not what you think.”

“You’re doing it all over again!” I’m stressed and taking it out on my BF, but I can’t stop. The stress of what I need to do—what I should do to keep my independence—is making me crazy. “Did you learn nothing the first time? Get a clue, Gen, this guy is using you!”

Her hands fist at her sides. “And you know so much about men? Did you know Eric hit on me? He wanted to sleep with me, Cali.”

Her words knock my head back. “
What?
”

“I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner.”

Gen’s phone buzzes. She checks it, then storms into our bedroom while I stand in the doorway, stunned. She takes off her sneakers—
are her clothes wet?
—and pulls a pair of sandals out of the closet, along with a fresh top and bottoms. “I tried to tell you that day at Eagle Lake, but you said things were fine between you two.” She puts on her sandals and pauses, hands on her thighs. “After you and Eric broke up, I told myself I’d be kicking you when you were down. I didn’t want to cause you more pain. I panicked and more time passed …”

I’m frozen. “What are you talking about?”

Gen whips off her T-shirt and pulls the new top over her head, arms poking through the sleeve holes. She turns to me. “Do you remember when I drove Eric to the store to pick up sunscreen while you were in the shower the first weekend in town?” I nod. “He came up behind me when we were there and wrapped his arms around my waist. He kissed my neck.”

My head thrusts forward like a hound’s. “What the fuck! Why are you only telling me this now?”

“I was still getting over the A-hole and not thinking clearly. It freaked me out. I worried you’d get the wrong idea and believe I led Eric on. You don’t know what it’s like.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re seriously telling me that guys lusting after you is a hardship that forces you to betray your
best
—
fucking
—
friend.
” I can’t help the F-bombs. They surface when I’m furious.

She shakes her head, her eyes agonized. “That’s not what happened. That’s not what I’m saying.”

“What are you saying?”

Gen grabs her purse and drapes it across her chest. Her cheeks are attractively flushed from whatever the hell she was doing with her new cheating boyfriend, and her pink blouse, shorts, and sandals fit her tall, lithe body to perfection. I sort of hate her right now.

Her hands twist in the long strap of her purse. “He said he’d always been attracted to me.” She looks away, voice light, lips barely moving. “That things were fizzling between you two and that you’d basically become friends.”

I sink onto the mattress, my head in my hands.
Bastard.
I can’t believe he called me and I allowed him to make me feel bad. I don’t care what kind of job he got or how good his life is. He’s a piece of shit.

I look up, pointedly. “What did you say to him?”

“No! I said no! I never wanted that. He made me feel … dirty. I would never …”

That’s what was bothering her the day of the hike when we first arrived in Tahoe. Not thoughts of her A-hole ex, but that my shithead boyfriend had made a pass at her.

She walks up and rests her hand lightly on my shoulder. “Cali, we need to talk, but I have to go or I’ll be late for work. I’m sorry, okay?”

I don’t look up. I don’t answer. Gen sighs and walks out of our bedroom. The front door shuts a moment later, punctuating the finality of this moment.

When Gen and I first arrived in Tahoe, she was the broken one and I was her support. Now, we’re both broken and there’s a gulf between us.

What is happening?

I can’t believe I’m questioning Gen’s loyalty. She’s always been there for me. It wasn’t her fault Eric is a jerk. She was put in a bad position. Who knows what I would have done in her place?

The more hours that pass, the more I regret my anger toward Gen. I overreacted and took out my pain on her. I was hyped up and agitated before she walked in the door for reasons that had nothing to do with her. She should have told me about Eric, but anyone would be hesitant. I could wait for her to come home to talk, but that doesn’t seem good enough. I’m not excited to face critical looks from my old coworkers at Blue, but I can’t let things stand the way they are. I’ll try to catch Gen on her break and apologize for the way I reacted.

Tyler returns home, slumps on the couch, and flips on the television to motocross. He’s wearing the same shirt he had on yesterday and he has a beer in his hand.

“Can I borrow your car for a little bit, Tyler?”

His eyes flick up. “Sure, what’s up?”

“Nothing, just need to talk to Gen about something.”

Tyler straightens his leg and pulls his keys from his pocket, tossing them to me. “When will you be home?”

“In an hour, Grandma.”

His mouth twists. “Don’t crash my wheels.”

I park in the Blue parking garage and walk in the doors closest to Gen’s cocktail lounge, hoping to avoid people. Mason spots me first, smiles, then glances nervously across the room. I follow his gaze—to Jaeger holding Gen in a corner of the lounge.

My feet stop moving, my heart drops into my stomach. Gen’s arms are around Jaeger’s waist, his hand tucking her head close, comforting her in the same way he’s done with me. I try to swallow, but my mouth is dry.

I don’t know what’s real. I thought I knew—thought I’d jumped all over Gen wrongly. Now I’m twisted inside. Nothing makes sense. The guy I believed cared for me in a way no other guy has, is embracing my best friend. Right after she told me my ex-boyfriend betrayed me with her. And there’s been this distance between her and me.

Jaeger said there was nothing going on between them, but looking at them … that’s hard to believe. I have to clear my head, think rationally.

Whipping around, I stumble into a body, my arms tangling with hard limbs. Drake uses my imbalance to haul me off the casino floor by my waist, one arm across the back of my shoulders.

“Let me go, Drake,” I growl as he carries me toward an elevator cove.

“We need to have a little talk, pretty girl.” His voice is calm, steady, but his grip pinches the skin on my shoulder and he’s hurting my ribs with his tight hold.

If he tries to drag me into an elevator, I’ll scream my fucking lungs out.

Drake stops in a relatively quiet section beside the elevators, his chest blocking my view of the rest of the casino. “I’m surprised to see you, Cali. Didn’t think you’d show your face after you were fired.” Vodka vapors waft on his breath.

He crosses his arms and shakes his head. His eyes leave me briefly to glare over his shoulder—at Jaeger hunched protectively over Gen. Drake’s toxic breath, the image of the guy I’m falling for with my best friend, brings bile to my throat. I grab the wall and swallow the sour taste in my mouth. And realize a moment later how weak that makes me look.

Straightening my shoulders, I say, “What do you want?”

The look Drake levels at me is ruthless. “Your friend won’t be able to pull the same stunt in here that he did the other night.” He taps two fingers to his temples and raises them to the ceiling. “I’m the eyes inside Blue. One move out of line and I’ll have him thrown out.” He cocks his head. “I could be persuaded to put in a good word for you. Help you get your job back.” His gaze trails my body, sending a shiver of repulsion down my back. “With the right motivation.”

I pinch my mouth and hold back a gag. “You’re horrible. I must have been drunk off my ass to let you take me home. Leave me alone, Drake.” I push past him, but he grabs my arm and squeezes until my fingers go numb.

“Remember who’s in charge here.” He shakes me, wrenching my neck. “Show a little respect.”

My eyes open wide at the threat. I’m not an employee. I have no rights. This is Drake’s world—his word against mine. What he’s doing to me is wrong and looks bad under any circumstances, but how do I know he didn’t drag me to the one place no one can see us? Or that he won’t tamper with the surveillance footage? “You made your point. Let me go.”

Drake releases his hold and plasters a charming smile on his face. “The offer of help stands.”

I don’t trust myself to respond—afraid that whatever comes out will make matters worse. I move toward the exit, glancing over my shoulder to make sure I’m not being followed. Inside the parking garage, I run to my brother’s car and lock the door the second I’m in. The tightening in my chest from holding my breath ebbs, replaced by a sharp pain as images of Gen and Jaeger blind me. It could have been innocent—him holding her—but after what Gen told me this afternoon, doubt nags me.

My head sinks onto the headrest. I thought returning to Lake Tahoe would help me work through my reservations over grad school. But it’s horrible here.

I have to get out.

The door to the cabin slams shut behind me, but my brother’s gaze remains fixed on the television. He hasn’t moved from his position on the couch. The only difference between when I left and now is that he’s watching a surfing flick instead of motocross.

“Tyler, I need to leave.”

“Okay,” he says without looking up. “I’m not planning on going anywhere. Take the car.”

“No. I meant get out of town. Go visit Mom or something, just get away for a bit. She’s been asking me to come.”

Tyler lifts his gaze. “Uh, okay. When were you thinking?”

I close my eyes briefly and inhale. “Now?”

“Now. As in, right now? This minute?”

I nod.

Tyler clicks off the television and sets the remote on the couch’s arm rest. “What’s up, Cali? What’s going on?”

“Everything. Have you ever just needed to get away?”

Tyler looks past me. “Yeah.”

“Well, this is one of those moments. I can’t stay here another minute.”

He slaps his knees with his palms and stands. “Okay, then. Pack your stuff. We’ll call Mom on our way.”

Tears collect behind my eyes with love for my brother. Tyler knows something’s up, but he’s not pushing for details. He’s giving me space. If I cry, though, he will ask, and I can’t deal with that. I blink hard and swallow. I need to pack.

An hour later, we pull into the drive of Mom’s single-level house in Carson City. It’s dark and there’s not much to see, but the neighborhood appears quiet and safe.

My mom opens the front door, pushes out a metal screen, and takes the first step onto the cement stoop. She clenches her cotton bathrobe closed. “Nobody’s sick or dying?”

“We’re fine, Mom,” I say as I walk up the driveway.

“All right, then. Tyler, show your sister to the guest bedroom. You can sleep on the couch.”

“The couch?” he groans. “Mom, last week I was in the guest room. Now I’m relegated to the couch?”

“Would you like to sleep on the floor? No? Then quit your bitching and help your little sister with her luggage.”

Tyler tosses my bag over his shoulder and disappears inside.

Mom grabs my hand before I pass. “We’ll talk tomorrow about what’s going on.”

She always knows when something’s up. She’s like a human lie detector.

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

My mom’s little rancher has blue carpeting and brown tile counters, but it’s hers. I can tell by the way she flutters around the kitchen the next morning that she loves it. She’s making her famous cheesy eggs while Tyler sleeps in. After Mom and I woke and started banging around in the kitchen, he wobbled into the guest bedroom.

She sets a cup of coffee and some toast in front of me, sliding the eggs from the pan onto my plate. “Okay, Calista. Talk.”

I’m not sure if it’s Mom’s voice, her use of my full name, or the soothing remnants of her perfume, but large tears gather behind my eyes, creeping down the slope between my nose and cheek.

She rounds the table, scooches my butt over on the seat with her own, and locks me in a hug. “Shhh. It can’t be that bad, honey.”

“It’s bad.” There’s so much crap that’s built up, I’m not sure where to start. I begin with the most obvious. I’ve gone back and forth, but my instincts haven’t veered. I take a deep breath and look up. “I don’t want to go to law school.”

Mom stills for a moment, then rubs my arm. Up and down. Up and down.

“Do you hate me?”

She pulls back. “Why would I hate you?”

“Because I’m not living up to my potential.”

She shakes her head. “Cali, you’ve always lived up to your potential. You’ve never failed at anything you put your mind to.”

“Eric dumped me.” Might as well get all the humiliating shit out there.

She snorts. “Never liked him.”

“You didn’t?” I study her face. “You never said anything.”

“I wanted you to figure it out on your own. A mother doesn’t tell her daughter not to date a guy. It’s a sure way to push her into his arms.” She nudges me with a wink. “I speak from experience. At least your father gave me you and Tyler. He also gave you his brilliant brain. Thankfully, you have my common sense.”

“Mom, you’re smart.”

She smiles. “Yes, honey.”

I roll my eyes. This is a common argument. I hate it when Mom puts herself down. She’s had a rough life. She deserves more than she’s been given. She sure as hell doesn’t deserve a daughter screwing things up.

Mom takes the seat next to me, giving my ass cheek its spot back on the chair. “Now, what are you going to do? Would you like to stay here for a while? I spoke to Connie. She told me you lost your job at the casino.”

I spit the gulp of coffee I took back into the cup and pinch my nostrils. Some of the liquid has gone up my nose. “She did?” My voice comes out in a high squeak. “And you didn’t call me?”

“Figured I’d hear from you soon.”

I can’t believe my mom isn’t lecturing me.

“Didn’t I warn you that place is a cesspool? Those people have no morals.”

There’s the lecture I expected. All is well in the world. I’m only surprised she isn’t accusing me of making a poor decision with school. I wish she’d had this attitude when I was sixteen. Tommy Parson would have been to blame for sneaking in my window instead of me getting grounded for
allowing
it. “Mom, I worked there. You worked there. Not everyone at the casinos has low morals.”