Deep Blue (23 page)

Tyler looks up. “Cali?”

I open the front door and walk into the bedroom, locking the door behind me.

It’s over. I don’t need to hear the truth from Jaeger and allow things to drag out the way they did with Eric. That would kill me.

Jaeger calls and texts several more times. I delete his number from my phone.

During the next couple of days, I stay busy in classes and at my new job, but it hurts. It hurts so badly. It’s like the knowledge of Jaeger and Kate together has charred my heart, and left an ugly, thick scar in its place.

My first day of work, I met all the guys at Sallee Construction. That’s what my workplace consists of—a bunch of dudes, the middle-aged receptionist, and me.

I get lots of attention.

The older men treat me like I’m their daughter, and the younger ones check me out when they think I’m not looking. The architect and civil engineer are among the older pack and keep me busy on various projects.

I worried I’d be fetching coffee and donuts until I learned CAD, but that hasn’t happened. Bill, the architect, saw my drawings the first day and arched his brow. He immediately asked me to produce an artist’s rendition of an upscale strip mall for a project south of the casinos, complete with landscape specifications. I’ve had to look up various regional flora, which give me ideas for new doodles—I mean,
drawings
—in my free time.

I’m taking one morning and one evening class and squeezing work in between. I haven’t figured out how I’ll manage to get to and from either place on a regular basis without a car, but between lifts from Gen and Tyler and the bus, I’ve managed so far.

Almost everyone in my morning art class is female, while everyone in my evening CAD class is male. I’ve talked to a couple of people from both courses and find each group vastly different, yet equally nerdy in their own right. I’m the biggest nerd of all, because I’m in both classes. My geekiness spans the spectrum.

The evening CAD course is the most difficult to get to because Gen has to work and Tyler wants a social life. I asked around on the first day, and one of the guys in my class was willing to carpool. He lives fairly close to the chalet and doesn’t seem to mind picking me up and dropping me off three nights a week.

It’s Wednesday, and Leo, the CAD guy, is driving me home. “Are you hungry?” he asks.

Leo’s been really sweet, and I’ve wondered on more than one occasion if he’s looking for more than a carpool buddy. Particularly given that I can offer nothing in the way of reciprocation without a car.

“I’d better get home. There’s a project I need to put a few hours into.” It’s really just a sketch of the cascades Jaeger and I hiked at Fallen Leaf Lake. Why I’m torturing myself with a drawing that brings only bittersweet memories makes no sense. My feelings for Jaeger haven’t faded or changed. They are as stubborn as I am.

He glances over with a smile. “Maybe some other time.”

Leo’s cute, with a week’s worth of stubble and shaggy blond hair. His eyes are a bright blue and he’s on the tall side, if a bit skinny. When I’m with him, I feel nothing. No zing, no spark. I find I have no interest in men, and there are plenty of cute, rugged ones at work. Between my new job and classes, I’m surrounded by available men, and I can’t appreciate any of them. It’s like Jaeger sapped me of the chemicals needed for attraction.

Leo pulls into my driveway and I reach for my book bag on the floor, shoving a pencil sticking out into the side pocket.

“You expecting someone?” he says.

I look up and my heart races. Jaeger is waiting at the front door. “No,” I say shakily.

Leo glances from me to Jaeger, his expression hesitant as he takes in Jaeger’s size. “You want me to stick around? I could—”

“It’s okay. He’s a friend.” For some reason, I feel guilty calling Jaeger a friend, like I’m betraying him with another guy when that’s not the case. I can’t exactly call Jaeger my boyfriend after his ex-girlfriend has moved in. For all I know, Jaeger is here to downgrade me to friend status in person.

Leo nods. “Okay, well, have a good evening. Pick you up same time Friday?”

“Thanks, I appreciate the rides.” I close the car door and wait for Leo to reverse. He holds up his hand briefly before pulling onto the street.

I slowly shift, shoulders, then feet, then lastly my eyes from the gravel to the house and Jaeger with his hands shoved in his jean pockets. His elbows are bent, shoulders hunched to accommodate the length of his arms, the muscles below the sleeves of his T-shirt tensed and corded. His mouth is tight and twisted to the side in a concerned, edgy expression.

I make my way over, passing him as I approach the front door.

He grabs my hand, but I slip it out of his grip. “Cali, please. We need to talk.”

“Tyler told me you’re living with Kate.”

Jaeger blinks, surprised, but not upset. He lets out a deep breath. “I wanted to tell you.”

“Does it matter how I found out? You’ve moved on. Obviously.” I unlock the front door and he follows me inside. No one’s home, and that makes me mad. I don’t want to be alone with him.

All those chemical reactions that hibernate around other guys flared up the second I saw Jaeger. I walk straight to the backyard. At least, out in the open, I don’t smell him, feel him so close to me.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to call. I had a commission due, and then I went out of town for a couple of days.”

He went on vacation? With his ex? He thinks that’s an acceptable explanation for why he waited days to call? “Whatever, Jaeger. Why are you here?”

He flexes his jaw. “I’m trying to tell you, Cali, but you’re making it difficult.”

“Difficult?
I’m
making it difficult? Do you want to know what sucks? Finding out your boyfriend has a child. Want to know what else blows? Having him leave you for his ex-girlfriend. Get out of my house, Jaeger!”

I’m hysterical. All that pent-up pain unleashing on him. At least it’s aimed in the right direction.

“I’m not leaving,” he says calmly. “We need to talk. You don’t underst—”

“What?” I hold up my hands. “That we’re over? Oh, I got that when Tyler told me you’re shacking up with your ex. Not much to misinterpret there.”

“Cali—” His eyes are warm and soft. “—if I wasn’t so frustrated, I’d kiss you. I missed you, feisty.”

I squint. “Have you lost your mind?”

He lets out a loud sigh, walks over, and scoops me up. “Maybe. I feel a little crazed at the moment.”

I glance at the dirt I’m no longer standing on. “Put me the eff down, you giant lumberjack!”

“Done.” He swings around and stalks into the house.

“Wait, wait—” I say in a panic.
Not the house!
“Put me down here.” I wiggle to get loose. “Now, Jaeger!”

He shifts me over his shoulder, cups my ass with one hand, and opens the bedroom door.

“Not there! We need to stay in the living room. I’m not going near a bed with—”

I land on my back cockeyed, my breath rushing out in whoosh. “What. Are. You. Doing!”

“Trying to get my girlfriend to calm down and listen.” Jaeger leaps on top of me, bracing his weight on his arms on either side of my head.

He completely ignores my frown and pursed lips, and kisses me, nuzzling my nose before his gaze goes distracted. I’m too stunned to speak. He hovers over me like he’s going to camp out there for a while and his mouth contorts. “Kate’s up to something. I can’t prove it yet. I drove up to North Shore, where she supposedly lived for a couple of years.”

He’s speaking as if we’re having a normal couple conversation, not like it’s been an entire week since we spoke to or saw each other. Maybe he has lost his mind.

He looks at my lips, my eyes, his thumb grazing the edge of my jaw. “I tried to track down her friends, an old employer—I found nothing. The woman I spoke to at the Chamber of Commerce said there’s never been a business by the name of the last employer she gave me.” He leans on his elbow and sweeps a lock of hair off my forehead.

I swat at his fingers. Just because he explained that his trip wasn’t a vacation with his ex, it doesn’t justify his absence.

Jaeger’s lips quirk briefly, then turn down. He plays with the collar of my shirt. “Kate showed me a picture of the child.” He lets out a puff of air. Even his breath smells good and minty. I scowl. “The girl looks like her, but I don’t know. I can’t tell if she looks like me. Kerstin saw the picture, too, and thinks she could, but I don’t see it. I’ve told Kate I want to take a paternity test. She raged, but finally agreed … as long as we live together.”

And that’s why this whole thing is so messed up. “Get. Off!”

Jaeger leans down and actually kisses my chin gently, as if I haven’t said anything. Dammit!

I could knee him in the groin, but I can’t make myself do it. He’s not a bad guy, and that makes everything so much worse. It would be easier to hate him if he were selfish and terrible, but he’s trying to do the right thing. Plus, he’s extremely hot, and if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t want him off me.

“She doesn’t have money and says they took her daughter away because she couldn’t provide. The little girl lives with Kate’s sister and husband in Reno. Kate refuses to give me her sister’s number for some reason, but I discovered the address through a mutual friend. I’m driving up there tomorrow to hear the sister’s side of the story. I’m positive there’s something Kate’s not telling me.”

As mad as I am, I have listened, and the one thing that keeps relooping is that he called me his
girlfriend
at the start of this discussion. He meant it. In his mind, nothing has changed. “Why does she have to live with you?”

He shakes his head, and suddenly I notice the fine lines at the corners of his eyes. Dark circles mark the tender flesh above his cheeks. “She says she has nowhere to go. If this little girl is mine, I can’t do it, Cali. I can’t turn my back on them. That includes Kate.”

I squirm and shove him with all my strength. “Get off! Get off me, Jaeger.”

He grabs my arms and holds me down. “No.”

“You’re living with your ex-girlfriend, you jerk!”

“It’s not like that! You know I’m not like that. I told you. I’m with you now. I
want
to be with you. I love you, Cali. Being away from you kills me. The only thing that has kept me sane throughout all this is thinking about getting back to you. About making all this right so that we can move on together.”

He loves me
…
?

“You took your time calling.”

“I’ve called and texted you numerous times.” I send him a pointed glare. “I should have called the day after our date. It wasn’t intentional,” he grumbles. “Have you any idea what a massive pain in the ass my ex is? Trust me when I say I’m ready to move out. I’ve been sleeping on the couch in the shop. I stay away from the house as much as possible. As soon as I figure out the girl’s paternity, Kate’s gone. I’ll pay child support, whatever I need to do. But Cali—” His eyes are pleading. “If the girl’s mine, I can’t abandon her. She didn’t have a choice, you know?”

I let out a deep breath.

“Please don’t be mad. I mean, you have every right to be upset, but please don’t leave me over this.” He rubs his nose along my jaw and kisses below my ear. “I love you, Cali. I love you.”

Oh, Jesus Christ. I want to be mad at him, but I can’t! I believe him. “I’m angry with you. You waited too long to get in touch.”

He sighs. “I did. Not intentionally. My phone ran out of juice on the trip to North Shore. I was in a hurry to get answers and forgot my charger. I didn’t bother buying another, just wanted to get back. My parents and sister were ready to wring my neck. I’m sorry, babe.” He brushes my lips with his and my mouth softens.

I can’t stay mad at him. Not when everything he says makes sense. Jaeger doesn’t give me uneasy feelings. He’s all heart. “I missed you.” My words come out angry. “And I love you.” This time my tone is softer.

He looks in my eyes, searching, and then his mouth is on me before I can get another word out. I’m drowning and burning, a hot-cold fire spreading from my chest to my toes. I clutch him with all my strength and kiss him until we’re both gasping. Jaeger wraps my legs around his back and I arch into him, rubbing along his length.

He moans and kisses me harder. “Love you. Missed you,” he says between kisses peppered along my neck and the tops of my breasts. He leans back and stares at my chest.

I prop up on my elbows, dazed. “What?”

“Are you wearing … a Wonderbra? Your boobs …”

My face heats. “I might have gained a few pounds. Like five,” I admit, chagrined. “I sort of ate a pint of ice cream every night for the last week.”

He lifts his brow.

“Can you really tell my boobs are bigger?”

He gives me a look that says
come on, give me some credit.

“Guys can tell these things?”

He lowers his head, pushes my top and bra down and mumbles, “Yes,” while kissing and licking my breast.

And, wow, that feels amazing, but … I’m hung up on this boob thing. If they look bigger … “Do I look fat?”

Jaeger groans. “I hate that question.” He reaches around and cups my bottom, pulling me against his erection. I slip off my elbows and land flat on my back. “You feel incredible,” he breathes into my neck. “You smell unbelievable, and you’re beautiful and feisty. Have I convinced you how much I want you?”

I circle my hips. “Um, yes. As you were,” I say and place his hand back on my breast.

He grins eagerly and unbuttons my shorts with his other hand.

We make use of Gen and Tyler’s absence. After an hour of nakedness, I decide I’d better not press my luck. “We should get dressed.”

Jaeger looks up from his replete position at my side, one of his legs with a light dusting of brown hair thrown over both of mine. He groans. “I don’t want to go home.”

“Then stay here.”

“Really?” He props up, head in his hand, looking down at me.

God, did I just ask my boyfriend to move in? I sort of meant for him to stay for the next few hours, but I don’t think that’s how he took it. I could never let him live here without talking to Gen first. Besides, where would we sleep?