Deep Green: Color Me Jealous with Bonus Content (2 page)

And then when he asked me to dance with him at the Harvest Dance, since everyone was sort of switching partners, I just acted all aloof and like,
Well, okay, I suppose I could dance with you, just this one time though
. I suppose I was kind of like playing hard to get, which seemed to make him more and more interested.

“I don’t remember ever seeing you around school before,” he told me as we danced a slow dance. “Until you made cheerleader anyway. Where you been hiding all this time?”

I shrugged. “I’ve been around.”

And so it went. A regular cat-and-mouse game. But he thought he was the cat pursuing the hard-to-get mouse. Little did he know.

Still, I never dreamed that he would really pursue me seriously—at least not so quickly anyway. But the very next day, he called me and then came over to my house. He told me that he’d been postponing his breakup with Shawna, but the time had finally come. He actually seemed a little disturbed about the whole thing, which I thought was rather sweet. But I tried to console him and assure him that if it were really time to break up, the best thing was to just do it, and as quickly and painlessly as possible.

Maybe I was wrong about that part. Or maybe I’m just one of those people who has to learn everything the hard way.

two

“W
HY DON’T YOU JUST KILL HER WITH KINDNESS?” MY MOM SUGGESTED
as I hurried to consume my one slice of whole wheat toast and orange juice.

“Huh?” Now, Mom and I had been talking about my Shawna dilemma, which just shows how desperate I am. But I felt sure I must’ve missed something, because I was confused about what Mom was suggesting here. “You want me to
kill
her?”

My little brother, Tommy, seated at the breakfast bar, paused from munching his brightly colored cereal in order to make a loud exploding noise. Sometimes I think he and his ten-year-old friends are determined to destroy the world. “Blow her up!” he shouted without the slightest idea of what we were discussing.

“Eat your breakfast,” I told him.

Mom laughed as she arranged some rust-colored chrysanthemums along with some autumn leaves in an old-fashioned milk can. I suspect she was going to use this as subject matter, because she’s been back into her painting ever since school started. My mother is seasonal like that. Almost as good as a calendar. In the springtime, she haunts the local nursery and plants flowers in every available spot, including old boots and teapots. Then throughout the summer, she collects, trades, restores, and sells antiques. You can hardly make your way through our garage. Then it’s painting in the fall, and some new form of crafts during the winter. Last year she took up knitting and made sweaters for everyone in our family. Mine had sleeves that would’ve worked for a baboon. But she meant well.

Mom came over and pushed a lock of hair from my forehead. “I’m only saying that you should be so nice to Shawna that she can’t help but forgive you. Take her flowers or chocolate or a Hallmark card.”

I rolled my eyes at her. “Yeah, like that’d work.”

“Well, use whatever it is that Shawna’s into. Just be so kind to her that whatever bad feelings she’s having toward you will simply fade away and die. Kill her with kindness, Jordan.”

“What are you talking about?” asked my twelve-year-old sister, Leah, as she made her usual late appearance. “Who are you going to kill?”

“None of your business,” I told her as I downed my juice and headed back upstairs before she could beg me for a ride to school. Leah seems to think that now that I’m driving my own car, I should become her personal chauffeur.
Not
.

But I did consider Mom’s idea as I slipped my homework into my bag. I wondered what I could possibly give to Shawna, the girl who has everything—well, besides Timothy. Really, what could help us get past this nasty jealousy business? Flowers or chocolate or cards would not even begin to cut it. Too lame. I glanced around my room desperately, knowing that it was time to be heading out. Then I noticed my collection of old vinyl LP albums. Shawna had been totally blown away by them the first time she’d been to my house.

“Where did you get all these?” she’d inquired as she carefully, almost reverently, leafed through the selection of Beatles albums.

“I thought they were kind of cool so I begged my dad to give them to me,” I told her. “He’s always been into music, and he bought most of these back when he was in high school. But now he just listens to the remastered versions on CDs.”

“Man, you’ve got some good ones in here, but I’ll bet these Beatles albums are really valuable.”

“I don’t know. They’re not in that great of shape, and the jackets are kind of dog-eared.”

“Well, they’re totally cool.”

So even though I was running late, I dug through my stack of LPs and picked out all the Beatles albums, slipped them into a nice shopping bag from Nordstrom, and put them in the backseat of my VW Bug.

I figured I’d wait until after school to present them to Shawna, maybe with a note expressing, once again, how very sorry I was for hurting her—because I
am
sorry. And if I really thought there was the slightest chance for her and Timothy to get back together, I would totally step out of the picture. At least I think I would. But then it’s hard to be perfectly honest with yourself when it comes to matters of the heart.

Anyway, when I got to school, I decided to try out my mom’s “kill her with kindness” advice during the course of the day as well. I mean, what could it possibly hurt?

“Hi, Shawna,” I said in a cheerful voice, walking right up to where she was standing with Amber and Ashley. “I really like your top. Is it new?”

All three girls looked at me curiously.

“Yeah,” Shawna answered with a skeptical expression. And I could tell she was thinking,
And what’s it to you?

“I thought so,” I said. “Is it from Banana Republic? I thought I saw a top like that just last week. In fact I really wanted to get it myself.”

Shawna narrowed her eyes. “Maybe you’d like to steal
this
from me too.”

I nodded. “I guess I deserve that.”

Amber looked like she was suppressing a smile now. And Ashley looked like she thought I was totally losing it.

“But really, it looks great on you, Shawna,” I said. “Goes good with your eyes.” Then, thinking I better not lay this on too thick, I made what I hoped was a graceful exit.

The next time I saw Shawna was at lunch. Timothy had gone with his buddies to listen to some college recruiter in the counseling center, so I was on my own for lunch today. Acting like nothing whatsoever was wrong, I went over to the table where the cheerleaders like to sit and I sat down right next to Shawna. “Mind if I join you?” I asked with a big smile.

She just shrugged.

“Thanks. It’s kind of lonely eating by myself.”

“How come you’re not with
Tim?
” I could hear the cutting edge in her voice.

Now I shrugged. “Hey, I’ve got to have a life too.” Okay, maybe that wasn’t 100 percent true, but it wasn’t exactly a lie either.

“Crud, I forgot to get a straw,” said Shawna.

“Here, take mine,” I offered her my still-unopened straw.

She gave me a sideways glance and then took the straw and mumbled a barely audible thanks.

The table was unusually quiet, and I could tell that everyone there was watching us, like they were waiting for some terrible catfight to break out at any moment. I could imagine the crowd gathered around us, cheering (probably for Shawna) as the two of us rolled around the floor clawing and scratching each other like wild animals. Thankfully, neither of us are really like that. At least we haven’t been so far.

“Look,” I said to no one in particular. “Is it okay with everyone here if Shawna and I just bury the hatchet?”

“Hey, that’s what I’m hoping for,” said Amber. “But how do you feel about it, Shawna?”

Shawna sighed. “I’m thinking about it.”

“Great,” said Amber. “I know it would make my life a whole lot easier.”

Somehow we made it through lunch without any hair pulling or even name calling, but my stomach felt like it was tied up in a hundred knots by the time I dumped my tray of mostly uneaten food. I was thinking if stress doesn’t kill you, I suppose it might at least help you lose weight.

After school, before cheerleading practice, I asked Shawna if I could talk to her privately in the parking lot.

Her eyes narrowed. “What? Are you going to try to beat me up out there or something?”

I laughed. “Yeah, you bet, Shawna.” Like 90 percent of the other girls, she’s several inches taller than me.

Anyway, I think curiosity got the best of her and she actually agreed to come out to my car with me.

“I have something for you,” I told her as we approached my old VW Bug. “It’ll probably seem kind of lame, but maybe you could just consider it my peace offering. You know, my way of showing you that I’m really and truly sorry for hurting you.” I unlocked my car and pulled out the bag. “Here.”

She looked in the bag and then back at me. “Are you serious?”

I nodded.

“Wow.”

I felt hope surge through me. “Do you like them?”

“Of course. But are you sure?”

“Yes. Like I said, it’s my way of saying sorry.”

She almost smiled. “Well, thanks.”

I wish we could’ve hugged or something spectacular like that. But at least she accepted my little offering, and I think we’re on the road to recovery now. I have to admit it wasn’t easy letting those Beatles albums go like that, but if it helps to mend things with Shawna, it’s worth it.

I told Timothy about it when he called me tonight, and he thought I was totally crazy.

“You gave Shawna your Beatles albums?” he said for the second time, sounding like I’d given her one of my kidneys or something.

“I just wanted to do something to help us all move on, and I knew how much she liked them.”

“Hey, I’d have liked them too.”

I laughed. “Well, sorry, Tim. But I guess it’s partly your fault that I had to make that kind of sacrifice.”

“You mean because I couldn’t stay away from you?” I could hear the smile in his voice now. Even over the phone I get this warm rush when he talks like that. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt like this. I mean, I’ve had other boyfriends, but it always felt more like a game to me. This feels serious, like Timothy is The One. Now, I know that sounds pretty lame since I’m only sixteen. And I’d never admit it to anyone, not yet anyway, but I could imagine spending the rest of my life with this guy.

“Yeah,” I said. “Shawna told me she wouldn’t have been so mad if we hadn’t gotten together so soon after the breakup.”

“Don’t be so sure,” he said. “Knowing Shawna, we could’ve waited a whole month before we started dating and she still would’ve been furious. She’s kind of possessive like that.”

“Well, I think the worst is over now.”

And I really do. I even think that Shawna and I might actually be able to become friends again. Anyway, I hope so. And I’m willing to go out of my way to try. Because, despite everything that’s gone on, I really do like Shawna, and I’d love to have her as my best friend again. If we can only get past this Timothy thing. I’m thinking this could all really improve if she’d just start dating someone else. Now who could the lucky guy be? I think I’ll start making a list of possibilities.

three

W
ELL, CHALK ONE UP FOR MOM. SHE WAS RIGHT ON ABOUT THE KINDNESS
thing. Shawna Frye has not only forgiven me but we’ve actually been hanging together all week too. She even gave me a ride to the game last night, although I did ride home with Timothy.

“I don’t see why you guys have to be best buddies now,” he complained after I told him I couldn’t go out with him Saturday.

“It’s important,” I tried to explain. “Shawna and I still have stuff to work through. Having her spend the night will help us to, you know, sort of heal our relationship.”

He groaned. “Man, you sound like one of those daytime pop-psychology dudes, Jordan.”

“Sorry, Tim, but just wait and see. It’ll be worth it when Shawna and I are completely beyond this. Everyone will be able to get on with their lives without all the drama and stress.”

He laughed. “Yeah, maybe you two will become best friends again and then we can become a happy little threesome.”

“Real funny.”

Now, I know he was just joking, but I have to admit that “threesome” image sent a chill down my spine. Suddenly I was wondering if this make-everything-cool-with-Shawna idea was getting a little out of hand. I would have to get a move on and find her another boyfriend. Soon. But then she came over on Saturday and we just hung out and basically had a great time together, just like we used to do before the Harvest Dance. And I realized that, as hard as it was, accomplishing this was probably worth putting Timothy off for one night.

I tried to explain all that to him on Sunday, and fortunately he seemed to understand. And we actually had a really great time. We went to a movie that turned out to be pretty good and then got a bite to eat and everything was cool. It only started to unravel on the way home. It was getting late and I’d told him that I had to be home by ten since it was a school night. My parents are pretty old-fashioned about curfews, and I know that if I break mine I will suffer, as in I won’t be able to go out for a week, maybe two, depending on how late I am. And since I like having my little bit of freedom, I try to make it home on time.

But that wasn’t the only problem. Okay, let me explain. Timothy is, shall we say,
romantic
. Oh, maybe that’s not the right word. Maybe he’s just very physical. Anyway, he really likes to make out. Now, to be perfectly honest, this is kind of new territory for me. I mean, I’ve kissed boys before. I actually had my first kiss when I was only thirteen, and really it wasn’t any big deal. And like I said, I’ve had a few boyfriends, but never anything you could call serious. Although we’d hold hands and kiss, that was about it. Not that I’m a prude. At least I don’t think I am. But for some reason I’ve gotten this idea that you really shouldn’t go too far. Kara Hendricks and I used to talk about this a lot back when we were best friends. We both felt like guys wouldn’t respect us if we went too far. But more than that, we both agreed that we wouldn’t respect ourselves either.