Deep Green: Color Me Jealous with Bonus Content (17 page)

The corners of his lips curved up into what was almost a smile. “Yeah. Sorry. Mostly I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for acting like such a total jerk with you these last few weeks.”

Now
I
shrugged. “Hey, we’ve all been acting pretty lame lately.”

“I guess. But I also wanted to tell you that I am totally finished with Shawna. I don’t even know why I stayed with her as long as I did. Our relationship was pretty messed up.”

I nodded.

“And I guess I was just hoping that you and I could be, well, maybe we could be friends again, Jordan. I know you’ve been through a lot and you probably need some time to think about this. But I really do like you. You’re fun to be with and you’re easy to talk to. I think about you a lot. And, well, it seems like we never really got a fair shot at being together. I can see now how Shawna was always messing with us.”

“She didn’t want to let you go.” I frowned. “She may not want to let you go now.”

He nodded. “Yeah, that’s probably true. But I am cutting her off completely, cold turkey. Believe me, I have absolutely no interest in that girl, especially after the moronic stunt she pulled with you and Brett last week. I mean, how low did she plan to go?”

“Do you think she’ll do anything else?”

“I don’t see the point. I told her in no uncertain terms that we were finished, history, done.”

“That’s probably good.”

“Yeah. I’d rather not have a girlfriend at all than have someone like her. She was making me crazy with her pranks, not to mention how it’s been hurting my game. And I really need to stay focused right now, Jordan. There’s a chance I might pick up a small scholarship if the team goes to state this year.”

“That’s cool.”

He smiled now. “And you seem like the kind of girl who gets that, like you’d be supportive of me and not mess with my mind all the time.”

I smiled, a familiar warm rush running through me. “Yeah. I think you’re a great ball player, Timothy. In fact, I’m really looking forward to seeing you play tonight.”

His eyes brightened. “Really?”

“Oh, yeah!”

“Cool.” Then he reached across the table as if to take my hand, but then we simply shook like we’d reached some sort of business agreement. “Friends?” he asked with his charming smile.

“You bet.”

Of course, I knew that he was probably thinking more than just “friends,” but I appreciated his willingness to take this thing slowly. After everything that had transpired this fall, it felt like we all needed a little breather. And I can totally understand his need to stay focused on his game too. But as I stood at the foot of the bleachers, playing the crippled but enthusiastic cheerleader, I stayed focused on him.

Not only did we win our game but Timothy scored twenty-eight points, and we solidly whupped Franklin 53–40. I cheered so loudly that I was slightly hoarse by the time we all went out for pizza to celebrate our first victory of the season.

“You need a ride home?” Timothy asked me as the party started breaking up.

I’d come with Ashley but overheard her offering Brett a ride home and figured she’d probably appreciate it if I caught a ride with someone else. “Sure,” I told him. “I’ll let Ashley know.”

I saw her brows lift as I told her. “See,” she said, “I told you it was just a matter of time before you two were back together.”

“We’re not back together,” I told her. “We’re just friends and he’s just giving me a ride.”

“Yeah, whatever.” She winked at me. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

I rolled my eyes at her and held up a crutch as if to remind her that she was talking to a poor crippled girl now. “Yeah, you bet.”

We mostly talked about the game as we rode home, but Timothy turned off the engine when he got to my house. He turned around in his seat to face me. Then, playing with my hair, he told me that he still remembered that day when his dad caught us at the park.

I felt my cheeks growing warm and was glad it was dark enough that he couldn’t see I was embarrassed. “Well, that’d be pretty hard to reenact,” I told him lightly. “I mean, with this cast on my foot and all.” I laughed. “I can’t see myself climbing in and out of your backseat.”

He laughed too. “No, I wasn’t suggesting that.” Then he leaned toward me for a kiss. I leaned toward him, and soon we were kissing. And even though it felt good to have his lips pressed against mine, I felt something else too—uncomfortable. Finally, I pushed him away and caught my breath.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

I didn’t know what to say. “It’s my stupid foot,” I told him. “It’s really starting to throb.” Now this wasn’t untrue, but that wasn’t what was actually bothering me either.

“Oh,” he said, and I could sense the disappointment in his voice. “You should probably go inside, huh?”

“Yeah, probably.”

“I wanted to ask you something first, Jordie.”

“Sure. What?”

“Do you think you’d like to go to the Winter Dance with me next Saturday?”

I smiled and then remembered my foot. “Well, I wouldn’t be much good on the dance floor.”

“That’s okay. I’m not that crazy about dancing anyway.” He grinned. “Your foot will give me the perfect excuse to just sit around and hang out.”

“Okay,” I told him. “That sounds like fun.”

“Cool.”

Then he went around and opened the door and helped me out of the car. I’ve noticed that his manners have improved since I broke my foot. He used to just let me climb out of the car on my own. Then he walked me to the front door and kissed me again. Not just a goodnight peck either. He was kissing me so intently that he didn’t even seem to notice when the window shade lifted slightly and someone in my family peeked at us.

“I need to go inside,” I told him as I pushed him away. “Goodnight.”

He nodded. “Yeah. See ya.”

Thankfully it was only Leah playing spy tonight. “Hot date?” she asked as I made my way inside.

“Yeah, thanks for being such a snoop,” I told her.

“Well, I thought it might’ve been a burglar, and Mom and Dad already went to bed.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Cute crutches.” She flipped one of the pom-poms.

“Thanks.” I dropped my bag on a chair.

“Need any help getting upstairs?”

“Thanks, but I can handle it.” I’d gotten pretty good at going up and down stairs on crutches.

“Are you okay, Jordan?”

I turned and looked at her. “Huh?”

“I don’t know, you just seem different. Kind of bummed or something.”

I shook my head. “I think I’m just tired.”

“Oh.”

So I slowly made my way upstairs and finally, alone in my room, flopped down across my bed and wondered what was bugging me. It was kind of like that Little Cat Z thing again. Not a voice exactly but just this feeling that something was wrong.

“What is it?” I wondered. Then I prayed that if God was really trying to tell me something, I’d be able to hear him and understand it. But nothing really seemed to be coming to me, although I did suspect that it had to do with Timothy. Still, I felt too exhausted to figure it out tonight. Maybe God would help me to figure it out tomorrow. It took all the energy I had just to get out of my uniform and ready for bed. But before I went to sleep I prayed and asked God to show me what it was that he wanted me to do about Timothy.

On one hand, I thought it was kind of cool that Timothy and I were finally getting together—for real this time. And I wondered if perhaps God had done that for me. But on the other hand, I felt a little uneasy about the whole thing. Part of me felt like I couldn’t really trust Timothy. But I didn’t know where that was coming from.

twenty-three

K
ARA DROPPED BY THE NEXT MORNING.
I’
D BEEN FEELING KIND OF BAD
that I hadn’t talked to her much lately, especially after how great she and Edgar had been after my accident.

“What’s up?” I asked when she unexpectedly popped into the kitchen, where I was slowly munching down a bowl of Frosted Flakes.

“I was just out riding my bike and thought I’d stop in and say hi,” she told me. “Your mom was loading some stuff into her truck and said to just let myself in.”

“Want some?” I held up the cereal box.

She grinned. “Sure.”

“You know where to find things,” I said, remembering how she practically used to live at my house, back when we’d been best friends.

“So how’s it going?” she asked as she sat down with her bowl of cereal.

Even though she’s not much of a sports enthusiast, I filled her in on last night’s victory. “It was a great way to start the season.”

“Cool.”

“And then Timothy brought me home,” I said, kind of just leaving that statement to hang in the air. I’m not even sure why.

“Oh.” She looked slightly troubled by this.

“And he invited me to the Winter Dance.”

“Oh.”

“That’s all you can say, Kara?” I studied her closely. “Oh?”

“Well.”

“Oh and well.” I shook my head. “Quite the little conversationalist.”

“What do you want me to say?” She put a spoonful of cereal in her mouth.

“I don’t know.”

She swallowed. “What do you think of it?”

“Of what?”

“Of you and Timothy getting back together.”

I frowned. “I’m not really sure.”

“Uh-huh?”

“I mean, it’s kind of cool and everything. But at the same time—oh, I don’t know.”

“But at the same time what?”

“Well, maybe something doesn’t feel quite right or the same as before. But I don’t even know what.”

“Maybe getting Timothy isn’t such a big deal when it’s not a contest with Shawna.”

“I don’t think that’s it.”

She shrugged. “Maybe God is trying to tell you something.”

“I actually wondered about that last night. But what?”

“Maybe Timothy isn’t the right guy for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You probably know what I mean, Jordan.”

I glanced around to make sure that none of my family members were within earshot then spoke quietly. “You mean sex?”

She nodded. “Seems like it was an issue with you guys.”

“An issue?”

“You know, with Shawna using it to get him back from you, and then you were going to use it to get him back from Shawna.”

“So, what are you saying?”

“Maybe God is trying to warn you or something.”

“But I don’t plan on having”—I lowered my voice again— “sex.”

“But maybe Timothy does.”

I laughed and held up my cast-encased foot. “Yeah, I can just see us getting it on with this thing.”

“You’re not going to be wearing that forever. Besides, I’m sure that it’s possible to have sex with a broken bone. You could call and ask your doctor.”

“Oh, sure. Hand me the phone, will you?”

She laughed but then got serious. “But really, Jordan, you have to know that it’s going to be a pretty big issue with Timothy.”

I sighed. “Maybe so. But I just don’t want to think about that right now.”

“Fine. You’re the one who brought it up.” She smiled. “Thanks for the cereal.”

“You going to eat and run?”

“Actually, I have to babysit for my neighbor this afternoon. I should get back.” Then she paused. “Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. Edgar told me to invite you to youth group tonight.”

“Edgar
told
you?”

“Well, I happen to think it’s a good idea too. I mean, I realize you have your own church and everything, but Edgar thought you might like to visit just for the fun of it. Our youth pastor is pretty cool.”

So that’s how I ended up at Edgar Peebles’ youth group on a Saturday night. It was kind of weird, because I felt a little embarrassed to be there, and yet I felt really comfortable too, like it was the first time I’d been with a group of kids and able to just relax and be myself. And the kids were this strange mix. Geeks and freaks and nerds and academics and jocks, but most surprising of all was Lucy Farrell.

“I didn’t know you were a Christian,” she said to me.

“Same back at you.”

She grinned. “I guess it’s not the kind of thing you go around announcing over the PA system at school.”

“I’ve been a Christian for only a few days,” I admitted, “so this is all pretty new to me.”

“Well, this is a cool group.” She smiled at Kara and Edgar. “Good to see you guys.”

So I was starting to feel like maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad. But then the youth pastor dude started to talk, and when he announced that the topic of the evening was about forgiving your enemies, I wanted to bolt right out the door. It was like I knew he was talking directly to me—about Shawna. I even wondered if Edgar or Kara had actually tipped him off.

I tried not to listen too carefully, but this guy had a way of saying things that got under my skin. And before long, I realized that he totally made sense. It was just like Kara had been trying to tell me: How can you expect God to forgive you if you can’t forgive someone else?

“The cool thing about this kind of forgiveness,” he finally said, “is that you can’t even begin to do it without God’s help. He’s the only one who can show us how to forgive like this. And if you try to do it on your own, it’ll just turn into a mess.” And then we prayed. He asked God to guide us in forgiving others. Then he said “amen” and that was it.

“Did you tell him about me?” I whispered to Kara as we made our way to the snack table.

“Huh?”

“Did you tell your youth pastor about how I need to forgive Shawna?”

She laughed. “Oh, sure. I called him up and asked him to talk about this just for you.” She shook her head. “Give God some credit, Jordan.”

I smiled a little sheepishly. “Okay. Sorry to sound so paranoid.”

“It’s okay. I remember feeling like that too. It’s like God starts to nail you on something and you just don’t get how he can do it so efficiently.”

“I guess.”

So I came home tonight and wondered just how I was supposed to handle this thing with Shawna. I mean, how does a person go about forgiving another person? Do you call her up on the phone? Write a letter or email? Go in person? Or is it just between you and God? I wasn’t sure. And so I prayed again and asked God to show me. But to be perfectly honest, I was hoping he wouldn’t show me anytime soon. I didn’t really think I was quite ready for this.