Deep in the Heart (23 page)

Keith turned, and the ice from Ike’s eyes had descended into Keith’s heart. “What makes you think then will be any better than now?” As far into the future as he could see, life had no prospect of getting any better than it was at this very moment. “I’ve got hay to check.”

“
We’re leaving at noon. I expect you to take care of everything while we’re gone,” Ike called.

“
Yeah.” Keith walked out. “What else is new?”

Sitting at the counter over a ham sandwich and chips, Keith re-ran the morning through his mind. Ike had said something to her. Of that, Keith had no doubt. But what had he said? How low had he sunk to convince her to stay away? His thoughts traveled back to the party on Monday. Tracy cut Maggie to ribbons, and Maggie never so much as swung back.

He wondered if that’s what she was doing now, ducking back and hoping to become invisible so no one would see how hurt she really was. The thought sent an ache through his heart that he wondered if he’d ever before felt. She was hurting, and there wasn’t one, single solitary thing he could see to do about it.

“
Hey, babe,” Dallas said, coming in from the garage with a fistful of packages. “I didn’t expect you to be here.”

“
Lunch time.”

She ca-thunked the packages onto the counter. “Oh, hey, Dad called today. He got an interview set up for you in two weeks with Mr. Ferrell at Devonshire. He said, to emphasize your education and to go easy on the last five years.” Dallas walked up and ate a chip from Keith’s plate.

“
What else did he say?”

“
Just that he and Mom will be coming up to Connecticut again for graduation. You are remembering graduation, aren’t you? May 13. You’ve got your flight booked and everything?” She ate another chip.

He hadn’t even thought about it. “Oh, I was going to do that this week.”

She didn’t look pleased with the answer. “You need to get that booked. You’re going to have to pay triple if you wait too long.”

Like she’d ever thought money was a problem for him before.

“
Or I guess you could take your dad’s private plane up there.” That thought seemed to appeal to her as she crunched another chip. “That way we could just fly back together. Yeah, why don’t you just do that?”

Yeah. Why didn’t he?

“
Please make note of the party next Saturday,” Patty Ann said, pointing it out on Maggie’s schedule. The personal secretary’s office in the East wing was so dark and gloomy Maggie had to make herself not shiver at the looming doom that seemed to glare at her from the corners. Worse, it was cold. Ice block cold.

“
Okay.”

“
Mrs. Ayer does not want the children around that night. Nowhere. No how.”

That stopped Maggie’s nodding. “Where are we supposed to go?”

“
The playroom is acceptable, but stay out of sight and absolutely no noise. This is a very important affair. Many of Mr. Ayer’s biggest business associates will be in attendance.”

Maggie scratched the side of her head. “Okay.”

“
Mr. and Mrs. Ayer are due to fly out this evening to attend her nephew’s wedding on Tuesday.”

“
Tuesday? Who gets married on a Tuesday?”

“
Those,” Patty Ann said with exasperation in her voice, “who can afford to be married in a private ceremony in Buenos Aires.”

“
Ah.” Maggie lifted her chin in understanding.

“
That’s all that you need to be aware of. Everything else is self-explanatory.”

Meeting over, Maggie stood.

“
Oh, and Ms. Montgomery. Your paycheck.”

At least that was getting to be a nice habit.

“
May 13,” Dallas said, pulling Keith to her as they stood in the terminal. Her eyes danced with the date. “Get that jet fired up. I’ll be waiting to see you.”

“
I wouldn’t miss it.” His hand felt big on her waist. Where had the I-can’t-wait-to-be-with-you feelings he’d had when they first got together gone? Now it was like going through the motions with someone he didn’t even know, and as he stood there with her, he wondered if he had ever really known her or if he had been in love with the idea of being in love with her.

She kissed him once more. It was more of a peck really. “And don’t forget to call the bank on that house loan like we talked about.”

“
Got it.”

“
Oh, and I’ll email you the details on the Ferrell thing once Dad sends them to me.”

Keith nodded. “I’ll be watching for it.” He couldn’t figure out why she didn’t just get on the plane already.

She stopped and gazed right into his eyes. “I love you.”

He tried to smile. “Love you.”

“
Final boarding call Flight 85 to New Haven.”

Dallas looked up at the speakers. “That’s me.” She sighed. “I hate leaving you. You take care of yourself.” She readjusted his collar.

“
You too.”

“
I love you, babe.”

“
Love you, too.” With one more kiss, he glanced beyond her to the boarding ramp. “You’d better get, or you’re going to miss your plane.”

“
Okay.” She pulled herself away from him and turned. “Bye.”

He waved.

“
Take care.”

He smiled.

“
I love you.”

And then, finally, mercifully, she was gone. Keith let his eyes go closed as he breathed in what it was like not to have to be somebody else to impress her. Sooner or later she was going to see the truth, and sooner or later she was not going to be happy about that truth. The only question was just how long sooner or later would take to get here.

“
Ms. Montgomery, phone call,” Inez said that evening when the kids were down for the count.

Maggie swung her legs off her bed and followed the maid down the stairs and into the kitchen. “Thanks.”

Inez nodded, snapped off the light, and left.

Dallas was gone. Maggie knew this because she’d heard Inez and Jeffrey talking about it. All day long, she had hoped Keith might make an unscheduled appearance, yet he never had. “Hello?”

“
Maggie. Oh, good, I’m glad I caught you.”

“
Greg?” Her heart fell through the name.

“
You remembered.”

“
Of course I remembered. You have such little faith in my memory. What’s up?”

“
I was thinking we should get together again. Maybe tomorrow night. What do you say?”

“
Oh, Greg.” She sat down on the chair in the breakfast nook. “I don’t know. The Ayers are gone, and I have no idea when I’ll get another day off, but it definitely won’t be tomorrow.”

“
Nights? You don’t even have nights off?”

“
Not really.” Her mind tripped back over the little bruises that had faded from everything but her memory. If it was up to her, she would never have so much as another minute off.

“
That sounds like slave labor.”

She sighed. “It’s not so bad.”

“
Hmm.” He seemed to think through their options, which from Maggie’s point of view didn’t seem exactly abundant. “Well, you’re free now… to talk I mean?”

“
Yeah.” Softness for him drifted through her. “I’m free to talk now.”

“
I’ll take it.”

His parents were gone. Keith knew that. Dallas was also safely back in Connecticut. He knew that because she had called when she got there. Sunday morning was his first chance, and he wasn’t going to blow this one. He stood on the front steps, pressed and ready for church. All he wanted was to spend a couple of hours with the only person who still represented sanity in his world. He rang the doorbell, and nerves crashed through him. What if she told him no? What if she laughed in his face? He reached to ring it again when Inez opened the door.

“
Mr. Ayer?”

“
Inez.” He ducked, knowing she could as easily as not close the door in his face. His hand found his pants pocket. “Is Mag… Ms. Montgomery here?”

Confusion slid over her face. “Umm, yes. I think she’s upstairs.”

With his head tilted he looked at her. “Do you mind?”

It took a breath but she opened the door wider. “Go on.”

“
You’re an angel, Inez.”

“
Yeah, well, they’ll strip my wings if they find you here, so be careful.”

The thought of church always brought with it a pang of guilt and a pang of regret. Maggie wished she could load the kids into the little Chevette and no one would know. But there was fat chance of that happening. “God, I hope You know I would be there if I could.”

A soft knock sounded on the door, and she looked up. Joy jumped through her followed immediately by painful indifference. “Keith.”

“
Hey. You guys busy?”

He was in his un-Keith outfit again. Nice pants, a button down white cotton shirt that revealed a solid gold chain at his neck. It made her think of Dallas, which made her heart fall even further.

“
No, come on in.”

“
What’s up?” He sat down Indian-style on the carpet in front of her.

“
We’re learning our letters.” She pointed to another one.

“
P,” Peter said with no trouble.

“
And what starts with P?” she asked.

“
Peter!” he said jubilantly, and she held up her hand for him to slap.

“
Very nice.” Keith beamed his approval, which Peter obviously soaked up.

For her part, Maggie couldn’t look at Keith. It just hurt too much.

“
Listen,” Keith said, and his gaze drifted over her. She hated the way he looked at her because it always made her think she was doing something wrong by being with him. “I was going to go into church. I wondered if y’all wanted to come with me.”

Her gaze jumped to his, and he smiled softly.

“
I… I don’t know.” She looked at her watch. “We don’t have much time. I can’t get the kids and me ready that fast.”

“
Then you get you ready, and I’ll get them ready.” He stood from the floor and reached down for her hand.

Maggie put her hand in his, and gently he pulled her up. When she was standing only a foot from him, the scent of his cologne invaded her senses, and she fought not to get lost in it. “You sure?”

“
Positive.”

There was no other place Keith was meant to be other than right there, in that little church, holding Isabella with Peter between them. His heart filled his chest as he watched Maggie show Peter how to fold his hands and how to bow his head. He wanted only for her arms to be wrapped around him as easily as she wrapped Peter under her wing and guided him through his prayers.

So many things would’ve been so very different about Keith’s life had that one night not happened. He could see in Maggie all the things he had missed when his mother had died–a calm hand to guide him, a compassionate heart to shield him from the cold, harsh world, a way of peace in an unstable, volatile existence. That’s all he now prayed for, some way to find what Maggie so effortlessly gave to Peter.

Keith let his gaze trail to the front. “God, I’m asking here. I don’t know how to do this. I see how she is, and I know I want that. But everything is so messed up. Dad’s furious. My job’s in the gutter. I don’t even know if I want to be with Dallas anymore. Nothing is making sense anymore. Nothing.”

The congregation sat, and Keith sat with them, resting Isabella on his knee. The little girl snuggled in to his chest and stuck her thumb in her mouth. Just to stay here. He would’ve settled for that.

“
People talk about discerning God’s will in their lives,” the preacher said. “They talk about not being sure what will find them favor in God’s eyes. In Psalms 37:4 and 5 it says, ‘
Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass.’

“‘
Delight yourself in the Lord, and He shall give you the
desires
of your heart.’ To understand this verse, you must first get hold of what the word ‘desire’ means. Desire is made up of two parts. ‘De’ meaning ‘of’ and ‘sire’ meaning ‘the Father.’ So desire literally means ‘of the Father.’

“
Contrast this with what we often think desire means—our wants, our needs, our plans. That’s not what it means at all.”

The sermon had Keith’s attention, and he shifted slightly in concentration.

“
When the Scripture says, ‘He will provide you with the desires of your heart,’ that means that He will provide you with what He knows you really need—those things that He has put in your heart. Now, what happens a lot of times is we have what seem to be competing desires—two things that are tugging us in different directions. This is where the question of discernment comes in.

“
My best advice on this subject is to walk through the doors that He opens for you and stop pounding on the doors that are locked. You may think that door number 2 will lead you to everything you’ve ever wanted. So you try it, and when you find it locked—it doesn’t work out or roadblocks seem to drop from the sky, so you start pounding on the door. Many people pray, asking for what they want to have happen.