Deep in the Woods (19 page)

He kissed her, then bit her lip until she yelped. He trapped her hands and she went still, the throb in her lip fading to a dull ache as she looked up into his eyes. Ryan’s eyes were changed now, less animal and more human. His torso pressed her to the ground as he released himself and yanked at her jeans. Her clit flared with each rough jerk of his fingers. His cock bobbed between them, male protuberance, a weapon Sophie wanted used on her. He rolled on a condom and slid into her. In the darkness, he pulled her on top of him, pushing her up and down on his cock, but her jeans prevented her from spreading her legs to straddle him. After a moment of fumbling and fighting again, he rolled her back into the dirt. Sophie reached out and felt pine needles and sticks. Her fingers found a rock and she thought she could knock Ryan out with it if she was truly endangered. If he was truly a predator to her prey.

But instead she curled her fingers into fists and let him take her. Some small part of her that was still sensible saw Dave photographing them, flashes in the dark. Ryan’s pounding thrusts pushed her into the ground and the fire Dave had lit between her legs flared to fever pitch. She arched up against him.
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
And then the silence and darkness shattered into an orgasm that shuddered from her pelvis over her entire body as it bucked on the forest floor. Behind her eyes, she saw red and violet and more flashing. She forgot Ryan completely, transported out of her mind. The world seemed to spin as she watched from somewhere outside it, and then she opened her eyes and looked up at the sky.

And then she heard the muffled scream, the terrible, awful scream that sounded far away and yet seemed to resound in her own head. It shattered her peace and brought her crashing back to earth. She realized with a start that she was the one screaming, and she clamped her mouth shut.

Ryan’s and Dave’s faces both stared down at her in shock. They were talking to her, yelling at her, but she couldn’t hear them. Ryan was still inside her. She was still lying on the cold forest floor. She looked up at the branches crisscrossed above her, looked up at the dark lattice of tree and flash and night and again, without conscious thought or movement, another piercing scream tore from her throat.

Chapter Eleven

Ryan shoved everything in the car and put out the fire while Dave checked Sophie over with trembling fingers for some insect bite, some sprained muscle or broken limb. Nothing. Then he remembered that Ryan was the doctor and asked him to look at her. Ryan checked her head, peered into her eyes with a flashlight looking for concussion. He determined that she was perfectly fine physically, aside from the shivers that shook her.

They started back at once. Ryan drove while Dave cradled Sophie in the backseat. At first she hadn’t responded to any of his questions, and he truly began to panic until Ryan reminded him that the sound of his voice was still dampened by the plugs in her ears. Dave fished them out and spoke to her as calmly as he was able, asking her name, her age, how she was feeling, whether anything was hurting. She answered with quiet sighs and responses, but her gaze was still somewhere far away.

“Hospital? Or home?” asked Ryan when they reached the interstate.

“Home. We’ll call Dr. Perez in the morning. This isn’t a physical problem, I don’t think.”

“No hospital,” Sophie moaned.

“No, baby. Are you sure nothing hurts?” She shook her head and buried her face against Dave’s side. He stroked her hair. “I would feel better if you could explain to me what happened.”

“Nothing. Nothing happened,” Sophie said, sighing against his chest. They rode in silence until Dave felt Sophie unwind against his chest, her breathing slow and regular.

“Dave, I swear I did nothing to hurt her,” Ryan said quietly. “I was a little rough, but I was careful. I didn’t—I hope—God—”

“It’s okay, Ry. I was there the whole time. She seemed to be enjoying herself until the end.”

“It was almost as if some switch turned or something. I was looking down at her and it was like…Sophie went away someplace.”

“I know. That happens sometimes, usually after nightmares. But never anything like tonight.”

“Has she had a brain scan? What does her psychiatrist say?”

“She sees a counselor, not a psychiatrist.”

Ryan was silent a moment. “You may want to consider— Well, it’s none of my business. Just playing doctor. I’m sure she’s getting excellent care. But the human brain is a very complicated organ. And who knows how much he knocked her around in addition to drugging her.”

Dave’s throat tightened. “You know, I just don’t know sometimes. I don’t know if she’s okay or not. And I don’t know what else to do to help her get better.”

“You’re doing all you can do. You’re taking care of her, you’re loving her. You’re supporting her through some difficult moments. Don’t be too hard on yourself, David. You’ve always been too hard on yourself.”

“I saw something,” Sophie blurted out, coming awake abruptly. “I screamed because I thought I saw something. But it was just my mind playing tricks on me. Maybe your camera flash freaked me out. You don’t have to take me home. What about our camping trip? I wanted to sleep in the tent tonight.”

“The camping trip’s over when you wig out and start screaming, hon. Let’s get you home and put in a call to Dr. Perez.”

“I’m fine, Dave. Ryan has to leave tomorrow. I’m ruining all the fun.”

“You’re not ruining anything, Sophie,” said Ryan, glancing back over his shoulder. “Don’t worry about me. I’ve had more fun on this trip than I’ve had all year. We’ll just take it easy and make sure you’re okay.”

Dave sighed as she relaxed against him again. Soon her breathing became slow and steady. Looking down at her pale face in the innocence of sleep, he felt another pang of guilt. What was wrong with him? Dragging her out into pitch blackness, making her run? Frantic, pursued? Standing to the side taking pictures while his friend fucked her? What the hell did he expect her to do?

He knew what had happened, felt it hard and jagged in the pit of his stomach. He had finally pushed her too far. She played along to please him, and he had taken advantage of it, just like
him
. Barry. It was his responsibility as her lover, as her owner, to set the limits she wouldn’t set for herself. He saw that now, that she wouldn’t say no out of a sense of duty or love for him. It would be up to him to draw the lines from now on, and he silently pledged to do better.

He would never take her too far again. If only because he couldn’t bear to ever again hear those miserable screams.

* * * * *

Sophie shifted and looked up at Dr. Perez through swollen, red eyes, thinking how kind it was of her to meet on such short notice. Dave had placed the call and she’d agreed to see her first thing in the morning at her office.

Dave told Sophie to tell Dr. Perez whatever she felt she had to, not to hold anything back on his account. He meant if Sophie needed to tell her about the camping trip, about Ryan and their antics together, that she could. But Sophie felt that was none of Dr. Perez’s business, and it didn’t matter anyway. That wasn’t why she was upset.

No, it had nothing to do with Dave, nothing to do with Ryan. Sophie had a horrible feeling it had to do with her.

“Sophie, sometimes the mind suppresses memories or feelings it doesn’t want to deal with. You did a lot of that, didn’t you? There are a lot of things about your last relationship that you chose to ‘put away’.”

“You told me to put things away, remember?”

“Yes, and that’s certainly a valid coping mechanism, especially when you are trying to move past bad experiences and get on with your life. You tell me you’re very happy in your new relationship, and you’ve been taking steps toward fulfilling your lifelong dream of becoming a doctor.”

“Yes. I am happy.”

“What may be happening is that your previous defenses are weakening, letting these ‘put away’ memories surface again when you are most relaxed and least able to fight them.”

Sophie frowned, pulling her knees up. Yesterday had been the clearest vision yet. The nightmares grew more and more vivid, but nothing like what she’d seen last night under the trees. She remembered pain, experienced a horrible feeling of sickness. She saw Barry leaning over her, his face standing out in relief against the treetops above him. She remembered rain and lightning. She remembered Barry holding her down…

“How often have you been experiencing these flashbacks?” Dr. Perez asked.

“Often.”

“Would you like to share them? Would that help? Perhaps we could work through them together—”

“No!” Sophie flushed. “I mean, not really. I kind of wish…I really wish I could just put them away again.”

Dr. Perez was silent for a moment. “You could try, of course. But you may find it sapping more and more of your energy. If they won’t be ‘put away’ it may be that you will have to find a way to come to terms with them, make peace with the memories as best you can.”

“Make peace with them? How?”

“Perhaps you could write a letter to your old partner, if they concern him. You don’t have to send it. Just get it down on paper. Put voice to your feelings. Work through the memories and how they make you feel. Sometimes that can be enough to help you move on. Or you might call or meet your ex-partner in some neutral place and talk through things, say the things you need to say. Did you and your previous partner ever reach any closure at the end of your relationship?”

“No, not really.”

“Have you talked any time recently?”

“Just once, on the phone. I’m kind of…I’m a little afraid of seeing him again.”

“That’s perfectly natural. But I can see you’re struggling, Sophie. Just remember what we talked about. Often the weight of the memories is something we impose on ourselves. Be certain you’re looking back with an honest eye.”

“That’s just it, Dr. Perez. I’m having trouble looking back at all. It’s like my eyes are clouded, like I can’t see. If only I could, maybe I could stop having these nightmares and—”

She clamped her mouth shut.
And maybe I could stop seeing the darkness and the lightning. Maybe I could stop hearing my screams and feeling this awful fear.

“Sophie? Sophie? Is everything all right?”

Dr. Perez’s cool voice brought her back from the bleakness of her thoughts. She looked at her psychologist’s serious gaze behind wire-rimmed glasses.

“I’m all right, Dr. Perez,” she heard herself answering. “I think I just need to work through things. I don’t know how. But maybe—soon—things will get clearer.”

Dr. Perez leaned forward in her chair. “Just remember that you have people around you who love you, people who really care. I am always here, just a phone call away if you have a breakthrough. For now, though, are you okay?”

“Yes,” Sophie said. “For now, I am okay. I’m feeling much better actually. I mean, I think I will be. I just need to— I just need to work through things. But thank you for seeing me today. You’ve helped a lot.”

Outside Dr. Perez’s office, Dave fell into step beside her. “How are you feeling?”

How are you feeling? Is everything all right? For now, though, are you okay? No, no, no, no…but yes, if it makes you feel better. Yes.

“Yes, I’m fine. She made me feel a lot better actually. She said this is normal. That traumatic memories you’ve suppressed can resurface during times when you’re really relaxed and happy, because your defenses are down. I’m sure that’s what happened.”

Dave seemed content with that explanation, and Ryan seemed relieved later when Sophie told him the same thing.

“So you see, your game wasn’t the cause of it,” she assured him. “I told you the truth, Ry. I had fun all week, and I’m really glad to have met you.” It seemed like too little to say to someone who’d fucked your brains out all week, but to say more would have felt awkward to them both.

Ryan smiled and stroked her cheek one time, softly. “I’m glad to have met you too. I knew all along I would like you, only because Dave loves you so much. He doesn’t give his heart to just anyone. He’s really found someone special in you.”

Sophie smiled, feeling the familiar blush. “If by special, you mean strange…”

Ryan laughed. “I think we’re all a little strange. But it’s good. We’re strange together. That’s the important thing.”

Later, just before Dave left to take Ryan to the airport, Ryan drew her aside and held out a scrap of paper in his palm. No, not a scrap of paper. Sophie looked closer.

“It’s an origami crane,” Ryan said. “In Japanese culture they’re a symbol of loyalty. And they say if you fold a thousand of them, a wish will come true.”

“A thousand?” Sophie smiled. “Just nine hundred ninety-nine to go.”

“I would have made you a thousand, but we were kind of busy doing other things all week,” he teased.

Sophie studied the delicate work of folded paper. “You made this yourself?”

“I made it for you. I hope you’ll keep it to remember me by.”

“Remember you?” Sophie glanced out at Dave on the porch with Cerby, then back into Ryan’s dark eyes. “You’ll be a hard one to forget. Anyway, I’m sure I’ll see you again.”

“Of course. But you know how life is. I don’t know how long Dave will feel like sharing you with me, at least the way he did this time. But I’m sure we’ll always be friends.” He held out his arms and Sophie leaned into him. He squeezed her just a moment before releasing her. “I want you to remember that I’m here for you if you need any help in your studies, or afterward, finding a good internship placement. I’ve made a lot of contacts in my career I’d be happy to share.”