Deep in the Woods (20 page)

“Thanks, Ryan. Honestly, this is…” She looked down at the intricate crane, amazed that blunt, hyper-intense Ryan could ever sit still to form something so delicate with his massive fingers. But then she remembered lovely moments under their dexterity, and that he was a surgeon. “I’ll keep it always. And yes, I’m sure we’ll be in touch.”

“Okay. Just take care. Take care of yourself and your nightmares will work themselves out. Dave will take care of you too.”

Sophie smiled. She knew he would take care of her, that he wanted nothing more than to see her better, see her move on from the shadows of her past. That’s why she felt so obligated to act as soon as Dave and Ryan were gone.

She picked up the phone and paged back through the incoming calls list. She found Barry’s number and dialed it quickly before she lost her nerve.
God, please answer
, she thought. If he didn’t, she’d never have the nerve to call back. And if Dave found out she was calling Barry…

But Dr. Perez had encouraged her to do this. She was right, the only way to move past him was to talk things out with him. He had no more power over her, but he had something else Sophie wanted. Answers.

“Hello?”

His voice stilled her racing brain. “Barry. Hi. It’s Sophie.”

“Sophie. This is a surprise.” His tone sounded brittle. She remembered their last call had not been very friendly.

“Um…are you busy?” she asked.

“No. Just curious why you’ve called me. Did your boyfriend throw you out already?”

Sophie frowned. “No. And I don’t want to talk about him. I actually called for a specific reason.”

“And what reason is that?”

“I’ve been having a lot of nightmares. A lot of memories that don’t make sense, and I thought maybe you could help me figure out what it is I’m remembering.”

There was a short silence on the other line. “Help you figure out…? What the hell are you talking about?”

Sophie took a deep breath. “I have these nightmares about a night in the woods. And… I don’t know. I don’t remember what happened. But I’m pretty sure you do.”

Again, silence. The silence stretched so long Sophie thought he might have hung up. But then she heard a long sigh. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I never took you out in the woods.”

“Yes, you did. You took me to Overton Park, to the trails, one night when it was storming.”

“I most certainly did not.”

“Why are you lying? I won’t get mad at you, okay? I just need to know, so please just tell me the truth.”

Barry laughed. “I am telling the truth. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I remember being in the woods with you, in that clearing at the top of the path. There was lightning and you were there, and I don’t know—I don’t know what you did to me but—”

“Oh, Jesus Christ, Sophie. What, have you been watching horror flicks or something? What a load of—”

“Just please tell me,” she said, her patience fraying.

“There’s nothing to tell. I never went to Overton Park with you. I think you make a lot of stuff up in your head. You always have. You did it when we were together and you’re doing it now.”

“It’s not made up. I keep having these flashbacks—”

“Flashbacks? Please. I think maybe Daddy needs to spring for a new shrink. The one you’ve got isn’t working.” Sophie gritted her teeth, frustrated to the point of crying. This was the cruel Barry she remembered. It infuriated her that he could still bring her to tears.

“Just tell me!” she yelled. “Why won’t you just help me? I’m so tired of these nightmares, you don’t understand what this is like—”

“I don’t really give a flying fuck about your nightmares, Sophie. I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, and frankly, I don’t care to discuss it further.”

Sophie slammed the phone down into the receiver and covered her face with her hands. God, she hated him. Why couldn’t she move past all this and get on with her life? Cerby whined and nudged her, but she pushed him away and stood, going for her jacket. She was going to figure out what the fuck was going on before she went crazy.

She was going to the clearing in the woods, and she wasn’t leaving until she found some peace.

* * * * *

It wasn’t until she was in the car that she realized she should have left a note for Dave. She didn’t even have her phone with her to call him. She should at least have brought Cerby. God, Dave would be pissed. She was supposed to check in with him whenever she went anywhere. She’d just been punished for the exact same thing she was doing, not even a week ago. In fact, she’d been punished for sneaking off to this exact same place. She thought she should just turn around, deal with it later. But she was so close to remembering… She felt her memories teetering on some cusp of her brain. It was like knowing a word but not quite being able to remember it. She knew if she could just remember, then the nightmares would stop. At least she hoped so. She argued back and forth with herself to the point where she was so near the park, it seemed stupid to turn around.

She pulled in and parked. It was late afternoon, nice and cool, and lots of families were still on the playground, while others exercised on the circular path surrounding it. She passed them all, deep in thought.
Remember, remember, remember…

She took her time walking to the trail, trying to remember that night. She passed into the thicker woods where the trail changed from concrete to earth. She climbed the path until she reached the clearing and then sat in the center of it. She was determined to sit here and try to remember until she shook it loose from her brain. The sun was dropping in the sky, making her squint as it shone through the barren winter trees. She closed her eyes and let her mind drift.

Nothing.

She pursed her lips in frustration and lay back on the cool earth. She looked up at the trees over her, the crisscrossing branches.
Remember, remember…
She’d never meditated before in her life, but now she tried. She emptied her mind and made her body relax. In time, the cool breeze and faint chirping of birds soothed her and she felt herself taken back to that time.
Remember…

She remembered darkness, cold. Rain on her face. She was so sick, so nauseous. Sickness, lightning, pain…blood… She drew her hands up to her face and saw blood on her fingers. Barry pushing her back. Blood, blood, blood… She heard thunder and felt the rain on her face.
My god.
My god, it hurt so badly.
Let me up. Let me up…
She forced her way up and saw blood on her thighs, on her hands. Barry raped her, hurt her, that’s what happened. No. There was too much blood for that. Sickness, lightning, screams, rain, horrible pain and cramps that made her double over…blood…and cramping that seemed to tear her asunder…

Sophie sat up with a cry, grasping her middle, caught between past and present. She knew now, she remembered. It had to be… She’d had a miscarriage. And Barry had been there, holding her down while she cried for him to help her.
It hurts. Please!
Barry was there now, coming closer. Oh god.
Barry.
No, it was just another dream.
Wake up, wake up now.

No. It wasn’t a dream. She wasn’t sleeping. Barry was there, a few yards away from her. He was watching her with a curious expression on his face.

She leaped to her feet, shaking off her confusion. “What are you doing here?”

He shrugged. “I knew you’d come here. I always knew exactly what your next move would be. That’s what made me such a good Dom.”

She swallowed down fear. He couldn’t hurt her now, not anymore. She raised her chin and faced him down. “You were a horrible Dom.”

“Was I? You seemed to enjoy yourself when we were together.”

“Yeah, when I was coherent. When I wasn’t drugged and mindfucked to within an inch of my life.”

“You liked it, Sophie.”

“No. You abused me. The things you did to me were wrong.”

“Who says? You never said they were wrong. You never told me to stop. That’s what made you such a good sub,” he said with a grin. She wanted to rip his face off.

“I know what happened,” she said instead. Emotion rose in her throat, straining her voice so she could barely speak. “I know now. I remember. I lost a baby here. Our baby.”

He looked at her, his eyes narrowing. “You had a miscarriage, yes. Not that it matters now. Why do you want to bring all this up, why now? It’s ancient history. We went home afterward and you were fine. Who gives a shit?”

She shook her head. “You held me down. You held me down in the dirt right there. I was sick, I was in horrible pain—”

“You had a miscarriage,” he said more loudly. “It was a mess.”

“It was a mess?” Sophie’s sorrow spun into disbelieving rage. “That’s what you have to say about it? It was a
mess
? What’s wrong with you?”

Barry snorted and crossed his arms over his chest. “What’s wrong with
me
? It was you, you lost the baby. It was your fault.”

“How was it my fault? What the hell are you talking about?”

“It was your fault,” he yelled, suddenly enraged. “You forgot your damn pill or something. It was all your fault, Sophie. You belonged to me and me alone—”

He turned away in agitation. Sophie stood openmouthed, completely robbed of words. He spun back and advanced into her space. “No baby was going to come between us. As soon as your periods stopped coming, I knew. Believe me, I tried every other way to get rid of it. I drugged you, I kept food and water from you. I even took you to get an abortion but you were too out of it sign the papers and then they started asking all these questions—goddamn it!”

“What did you do?” she asked in a low, shaky voice. “What did you do to me?”

He scowled at her. “I got some herbs from this hippie friend of mine, they were supposed to cause an abortion. I drugged you up, twice the normal dose I kept you on, and I gave you the herbs. And they worked. I brought you out here because of all the blood, and you laid down there and you lost the baby, Sophie. There in the fucking mud, in the middle of a storm. You asked for it. Don’t try to pin this on me, like I’m the bad guy. You look back at everything and paint me as the bad guy when you were just as much to blame. You tried to get pregnant to get away from me.”

“I tried to get pregnant? I never even had a clue I was pregnant—”

“You did it on purpose! But I was the one in charge of our relationship. It was my right to make it go away.”

Sophie’s hair stood on end. He was a psychopath. She had known he was all along, but this…this was worse than she ever realized. Her body was shaking, whether from terror or fury, she didn’t know. She couldn’t think of what to say. Only one question came to her mind.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Barry? Why are you so fucking insane?”

He drew a hand across his mouth and glared at her. “Why? You have to ask me why? Because you drove me fucking crazy, you little cunt. I always loved you, always. You were supposed to be for me alone. You and your fucking pregnancy. No fucking way.”

She wanted to kill him. She screamed at him through tears. “You selfish, depraved motherfucker! If there was any justice in this world, you would be dead instead of my baby—”

“No, you bitch! You would be dead. If it wasn’t for me, for the way I loved you, I would have killed you, too, for all the pain you caused me.” His eyes went blank and then he lunged for her. His hands closed around her neck. “But you don’t love me, Sophie. You never loved me, did you?”

Sophie shook her head, trying to extricate herself from his choking grasp, but he mistook it for denial and it inflamed him more. His hands tightened like a vise around her neck, cutting her breath off.

“Exactly. You never loved me. Who’s the selfish one, you fucking bitch?”

Sophie scratched at his iron grip. Her face felt flooded, swollen, as if it were going to explode. All the self-defense maneuvers Dave had taught her fled her mind along with her oxygen.
Defend yourself! Fight back!
She could only claw helplessly at his iron forearms. The edge of her vision was growing dim. She tried to say,
No, please
, but she was, once again, powerless in Barry’s grasp. She thought of Dave as she went limp, of the note she should have written, the call she should have made.

I will not keep secrets from my Sir.

I will not keep secrets from my Sir.

I’m so sorry, Sir. I’m so sorry I did this.

I’m so sorry it ended this way…

Then she heard a sound like a growling wind through the gates of Hades. Just before she blacked out completely, she saw a blur of angry, dark hellhound bound into the clearing, black fur and bared teeth, and nothing more.

* * * * *

By the time Dave caught up to Cerberus, the dog had the situation firmly in hand. He had one massive paw braced on the man’s chest, while his bared teeth dripped slobber onto his terrified face from scant inches away.

“Barry?” The man’s short nod confirmed Dave’s suspicions. “I wouldn’t move if I were you,” Dave muttered, stepping over him to where Sophie lay limp and sprawled out, livid bruises already purpling around her neck.