Authors: Laura DeLuca
“Anyway,” the officer continued, “there is a reason I’m telling you all this. I know the detective was a little crass when he made that comment about you being lucky. I’m sure lucky is about the last thing you feel right now. But try to remember that not everyone has someone who cares so much about them. In some ways, you really are a pretty lucky girl.”
“Thank you for telling me,” Rebecca whispered. “I appreciate it.”
“Sure thing. Now try to get some rest. From what I hear, they’re going to let you leave in the morning.”
Rebecca nodded as she watched the policewoman disappear out the hospital door, even though she had no idea how she would be able to fall asleep again. Thankfully, a nurse came in a few minutes later to change her bandages. She offered her a sedative, which Rebecca was happy to accept. She didn’t want to think anymore or have to face her parents or Justyn again, at least not yet. Thankfully, the drugs worked quickly. They dulled her mind and her heart and allowed her to drift once again into unconsciousness, without the troubling visions of masks.
When Rebecca woke again, it was morning. At first, the bright light streaming in through the window made things seem a little blurry. When she was finally able to focus, the first thing she saw was Justyn. He still wore the same black sweatpants and T-shirt he’d been wearing the day before, so she knew he hadn’t left her side. He was sleeping on the chair in what looked like a really uncomfortable position, with his head tilted back and his mouth hanging half open. Normally, when she would look at him, he still had that almost supernatural aspect about him. He was so mysteriously beautiful onstage when he sang in his angelic voice, so beguiling when they were alone and he spoke soft words of love that made her swoon every time. Now he looked almost as wretchedly human as Rebecca felt.
She watched him sleeping for a few minutes without speaking. She didn’t want to wake him, mostly because she wasn’t quite sure what she was going to say. She felt terrible about the way her father had treated him, and even worse about not coming to his defense. She had no idea why he stuck around at all after so much abuse. Yet, there he was, like her personal, exhausted bodyguard. Well, at least she didn’t start screaming when she saw him. Somehow she was managing to keep the awful memories at bay, probably because the strong sedative the nurse had given her hadn’t entirely worn off yet.
Rebecca sighed and gingerly pulled her legs out from under the white sheets. She realized she couldn’t remember the last time she had used the bathroom, and her bladder was screaming for relief. Her body was still achy and sore, but it wasn’t quite as bad as it had been the night before. She didn’t have any trouble getting out of bed since there were no I.V.s or wires attached to her, presumably because her physical injuries weren’t that serious. They had probably only kept her overnight because she had been so hysterical. Kind of like a suicide watch.
Rebecca tiptoed past Justyn without disturbing him. He was so drained he didn’t even move, which just made her feel guilty again. She hoped he was just tired from the sleepless night and not still suffering the effects of the tainted pizza. Once her bladder was empty, she attempted to use the hospital toiletries to clean herself up a little. Not because she really cared about how she looked, but because if she didn’t find some meaningless task to occupy herself, she was afraid that uncontrollable panic might consume her again. So she brushed her teeth with toothpaste that tasted like glue and struggled to get a cheap plastic comb through the tangles in her thick hair. Finally, she splashed her face with some cold water.
It wasn’t until she was drying off with a rough towel that she really looked at her haggard reflection. Her eyes had deep creases around them. Her right cheek had a dark bruise, and her skin was riddled with scratch marks from her sprint through the trees. Even her palms were peppered with scabs from when she had first fallen against the graveled walkway. The cuts didn’t look very serious and probably wouldn’t leave scars, but just looking at them reminded her of how they had gotten there. She shut her eyes tight and refused to allow the memories to surface. They were never going to let her leave the hospital if she kept screaming like a lunatic. Instead, she turned her back to the offensive mirror and walked into the bedroom. She found Justyn nervously pacing back and forth between the bed and the bathroom door.
“Becca!” He looked as though he wanted to run over and hug her, but he seemed unsure, remembering her previous reaction to his touch. Rebecca wasn’t exactly sure how she would react either, so she was relieved when he stayed in his corner. The thought of
anyone
putting their hands on her made her nervous. Still, she didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so she gave him a small smile she knew didn’t touch her eyes. Nevertheless, she couldn’t stop herself from inadvertently pulling her nightgown tightly closed as she crossed the room and sat back down on the bed. Justyn watched her with a wary eye, but for the first time since they met, he seemed to be at a complete loss for words. The strained silence between them was making Rebecca feel even more jumpy, so she decided to initiate the conversation.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” he echoed.
“I’m okay.” She wasn’t entirely sure it was true, but it was what he needed to hear, so she said it.
Justyn narrowed his eyes. “Really?”
She nodded, but she could tell he wasn’t convinced. He knew her well enough to know when she was fighting back hysterics. But he also didn’t want to argue and break the tenuous grip she had on reality, so he just changed the subject.
“They brought in some breakfast for you.” He pulled the rolling tray closer to the bed. “Why don’t you try to eat something?”
He lifted the cover, revealing some dried-out eggs, overcooked bacon, and burnt toast. Beside the plate was a mug of sludge she assumed was meant to pass as coffee. Rebecca crinkled her nose in distaste.
“I’m really not hungry.”
Justyn’s forehead creased in concern. “When was the last time you ate something?”
Rebecca rolled her eyes. Two could play at that game. “When was the last time
you
ate something?”
He shrugged, and his response was almost cocky. “
I’m
not the one in the hospital bed.”
She wasn’t going to let it go that easily. “Are you still sick?”
“Becca, please, don’t worry about
me
. After all you’ve been through … I feel awful enough without—”
“No,” Rebecca interrupted and shook her head. “Justyn, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I … I left you
alone
.”
His voice cracked. He looked so stricken it broke her heart. She wished she could touch him, hold him, anything to make things better for him. But as much as she longed to give him that security, she couldn’t do it. Still, no matter what other conflicting emotions plagued her, the one thing she knew with absolute certainty was that she couldn’t let him blame himself for what happened. She knew what it was like to be eaten up with guilt. She wouldn’t let Justyn suffer like that.
“You thought—we
both
thought I’d have someone else to walk with me to class. You had no way of knowing Frankie wouldn’t be around.”
“I should have realized when you told me about the pizza. Your dad … what he said—”
Rebecca had to interrupt him again. “Don’t even think for a minute about what my father said. He was upset, but that doesn’t excuse him. He was still completely out of line. And so was I. I should have spoken up way before now.”
“Becca, please don’t,” Justyn begged. It seemed the more she tried to placate him, the more desperate and crestfallen he became. “You were in no condition to defend me.” He shook his head. “We shouldn’t even be talking about this right now. Back to your breakfast. You need to eat something if you want to go home today.”
Rebecca nodded, however reluctantly. She couldn’t wait to get away from the sterile hospital grounds where everything smelled like disinfectant. She felt violated enough without being subjected to indifferent medical personnel who would surely be coming around soon to poke and prod her. So she obligingly stuck her fork into the eggs that she was almost certain had come from a carton and drained the stale tasting coffee, hoping it would help restore some of her normal vigor. When she was done, her belly was full, but she still felt empty.
“Good morning!”
Rebecca didn’t really see anything good about it. Yet Darlene’s cheerful voice chirped from the doorway and was echoed by the bells on her ankle bracelet as she glided into the room. She gave them a bright grin, despite the pair of morose faces that greeted her. Rebecca tried to give her a small smile, if only to make Justyn feel better, but it was halfhearted at best.
“Hi, Darlene.”
“You look like you’re feeling better today.” Her long crimson skirt swished as she walked over and patted Rebecca’s leg. “I picked up some clean clothes for you from the apartment. The doctors are signing your release papers as we speak, so you might want to change.”
Rebecca nodded and accepted the carry bag Darlene handed her. She slipped back into the bathroom to change, glad to have something to do besides think. She was grateful Darlene had thought to bring her fresh clothes. The outfit she’d had on the day before was ripped to shreds and was probably locked up in an evidence locker anyway. She certainly didn’t want to ride home with the back of the blue hospital gown flapping in the wind. She considered taking a shower, but she wanted to get home as quickly as possible. Besides, it would be more relaxing to shower in her own bathroom where her favorite pajamas would be waiting. So she yanked out her sweat suit and gingerly pulled it over her scraped knees and throbbing arm. As she dressed, she couldn’t help but overhear whispered voices coming from the other side of the bathroom door.
“Mom, I think she’s afraid of me.”
Justyn’s voice was pathetic, yet still so melodic. Even in his misery, he had a way of sounding beautifully forlorn. He could make the most casual sentence sound like poetry. That was one of the things that had attracted her to him from the beginning. He was the eternally tortured artist. It made him the obvious choice for roles like Erik from
Phantom
and Sweeney Todd. Yet, she hated to hear his voice so choked with emotion knowing that she was cause of it. She wished she could tell him he was wrong, that she wasn’t afraid of him. The problem was she wasn’t one hundred percent sure she wasn’t.
“You need to give her time, darling,” Darlene soothed. “Have patience. Like that song in the play you’re doing.
“Hush, my dear. Have patience too.
Just give it time. All you long for will come to you.
Be it soon or be it late.
All you have to do is wait. Just wait.”
Rebecca was surprised when Darlene started to sing in the soft, gentle soprano. The song was from a scene where Mrs. Lovatt was trying to placate Sweeney Todd. He was frustrated that Beadle hadn’t come as he promised, thus delaying his murderous plans. Yet, somehow, Darlene’s sweet voice made the refrain sound much less ominous.
“Wow, Darlene, I didn’t know you were memorizing the script with us,” Justyn teased, but there was still melancholy in his voice.
“It’s one of my favorite plays,” Darlene admitted. “You know I have a thing for Johnny. Anyway, the
point
here is, you need to let Becca come to you when she’s ready, in her own time. It’s normal for her to be distant after something like this happens.”
Normal. Rebecca wasn’t sure she knew what that word meant anymore. Nor did she entirely believe she would ever really be the same again, no matter how much time lapsed. She may have escaped her attacker, but it still felt as though some vital part of her had been left behind in those dark woods. Choking back the tears that threatened to overflow, Rebecca leaned against the sink and clutched her chest as though that single action might somehow keep her from falling to pieces. She might have stayed that way forever if she hadn’t heard a new set of voices enter the conversation.
“What are
you
doing here? I hope you don’t actually think Rebecca is leaving with you!”
“Stan … please—” Mrs. Hope started, but her husband wouldn’t let her finish the sentence.
“No, Mary! Rebecca isn’t safe with this freak! I knew the first time he stepped foot on our doorstep with those piercings all over his face that he was nothing but a—”
“Dad, stop it!” Rebecca had heard enough. Her anger overshadowed the fear just long enough for her to slam the bathroom door and face her beet-red, open-mouthed father. She crossed her arms and met his furious gaze with one of her own. “This isn’t Justyn’s fault! Leave him alone!”
“It’s okay, B—”Justyn started, but her father cut him off.
“Oh, now you’re giving me
permission
to be angry that you almost got my daughter
raped
. I should just—”
He took a step toward Justyn, but Darlene cut in front of him. Her eyes started to flash dangerously, and her lips were set in a tight frown. “I think we all just need to calm down for a second, Stan. Perhaps you should ask Becca what
she
wants to do.”
Her father gave Darlene a dirty look, but he didn’t seem to have the willpower to face-off with a witch. “Forget it.” He swore under his breath. “Rebecca, come on. You’re coming home with us.”