Demon Hunting In the Deep South (20 page)

“Oh, yes, I’m a changed person.” Frodo sneezed—probably from the suffocating cloud of Meredith’s
Happy
perfume that hung in the room. Meredith turned, her blue gaze narrowing on Nicole. “Saaay,” she said, stretching the word out in a contemptuous drawl. “Who’s the tacky fat chick in the Chia Pet boots?”

Oh, yeah, Meredith had changed all right. Her outfit, maybe.

“Nice hyena.” Meredith floated closer, and Nicole shrank back in her chair. “Who’s your hairdresser, tubby, Willie Wonka?”

“Mothertrucker,” Nicole wheezed.

Her eyes rolled back in her head and she fainted.

Chapter Nineteen

N
icole oozed out of the chair and onto the floor in a zebra-striped puddle. Frodo tumbled with her. His E-collar snapped open and rolled away. He sprang to his feet, shaking his head at his newfound freedom.

“Nicole, oh, my goodness!” Evie rushed to help the fallen woman, but Frodo lunged at her, driving her back.

The Chihuahua seemed to swell, and Evie could swear he sprouted several more rows of teeth. He stood stiff-legged over his mistress, making a noise like a garbage compactor.

Evie backed away. Frustrated and worried, she rounded on Meredith. “Now look what you’ve done. Why do you have to be so mean?”

“Me? I didn’t do anything to her.” Meredith gave a disdainful sniff. “Look at her. She’s probably had a heart attack from all the extra tonnage she’s hauling around. Or maybe that pink hair dye ate up her brain.”

“There you go being mean again,” Evie said.

“Boo hoo.” Meredith gave her a contemptuous sneer. “Guess you’ll have to deal with it, won’t you, Whaley? In case you haven’t noticed, your boyfriend’s not here to back you up.”

Something stiffened in the general vicinity of Evie’s spine. “Go away,” she said. Her voice sounded cold and stern.
Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about,
her inner self exulted. “You’re not welcome here. Go away and don’t come back.” She remembered she might need the Death Starr’s help to find the killer, and added, “Unless you can be nice.”

Addy snorted. “Oh, yeah, that’s gonna happen. When Jesus comes back in a pink dress.”

“Go suck an egg, Corwin,” Meredith said.

Years of frustration, hurt, and resentment, and something like plain old
mad
boiled up inside Evie. “Leave, Meredith.
Now
.”

To her surprise—and Meredith’s, too, from the ghost’s startled expression—a ball of greenish gold light smacked the ghost and burst like a water balloon.

Meredith’s form began to shimmer and weaken. “I’ll go, but not because of you,” she said as she faded from view. “Later, heifers.”

With that tender adieu, she disappeared.

“And your little dog Toto, too,” Evie murmured.

“Whew, good riddance.” Muddy fanned the air. “Somebody ought to tell Meredith to ease up on the perfume. It smells like a giant grapefruit fart in here.”

“Evie, that was ah-mazing.” Addy came around the end of the counter and gave her a hug. “You banished the Death Starr.”

Evie sighed. “Yeah, but you’ll notice she got the last word.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Addy said. “You got rid of her. That glowing ball thingy you shot at her was cool.”

“Oh, I didn’t do that,” Evie said. “The fairies did.”

Addy looked around. “Really? Cool. Do you see them?”

“No, but they saved us from Meredith. I’m sure of it.”

“Go, fairies,” Addy said, doing a little circle dance with her fists.

Evie cast a worried glance at Nicole. The dog’s growling had subsided, but his body was draped across his mistress as if to say
Try and touch her. Go on, I dare you.

“What are we going to do?” Addy asked, following Evie’s gaze. “That crazy dog’s not going to let us near her.”

“I guess we’ll have to wait for Ansgar and Brand.” Evie worried her bottom lip. “Maybe they can do something.”

“Well, I’ll be danged,” a familiar voice said. “Is that an Alligator Chihuahua? I ain’t seen one of them thangs in years.”

Evie whirled around. Officer Dan Curtis, one of Hannah’s finest, stood in the doorway looking very official in his blue uniform.

She liked Dan. He went to school with her and Addy. He was a nice guy, attractive in a boyish kind of way, with thick, closely cropped chestnut hair, deep dimples, and hazel eyes.

“Hey, Evie,” he said, looking surprised to see her. “You get out of jail?”

“Dan, she’s standing in front of you,” Addy said gently. “It’s obvious she got out of jail.”

“Right.” He went red in the face. “Sorry. I’m surprised to see her, that’s all.”

Dan had a major crush on Addy. He was always finding some excuse to visit the flower shop. Brand got all quiet and dangerous whenever Dan came around. But he seemed to tolerate Dan for Addy’s sake, which said a lot about Brand’s feelings for Addy. Evie didn’t know Brand all that well, but he didn’t strike her as a holdback kind of guy.

“No problem, Dan,” Addy said, smiling at him. “We’re glad you’re here. We need your help.”

Dan blinked for a moment—man, did he ever have it bad for Addy—and seemed to right himself.

“Sure. What’s the problem?”

“It’s our friend,” Evie said, indicating Nicole’s limp form. “She’s fainted and her dog won’t let us near her.”

“I think I can fix that.” Dan squatted down. “Hey, pup.”

Frodo lifted his head and growled, his yellow eyes gleaming like hot embers.

“Watch it, Dan. He’s a mean ’un,” Addy said.

Dan chuckled. “He’s just doing his job, ain’t that right, boy?”

“His name is Frodo,” Evie said.

“Hey, Frodo.” Dan’s voice was low and soothing. “This one’s for you.”

To Evie’s surprise, Dan began to sing.

“I’m not here to forget you, I’m here to recall the things we used to say and doooo-oooh,”
Officer Curtis crooned.

As voices went, Dan’s wasn’t bad, a nice baritone without much range. Of course, Evie reflected, she was used to Ansgar the Magnificent. Nobody had a set of pipes like Ansgar. He could sing a nun out of her drawers.

Frodo didn’t seem to mind Dan’s lack of vocal depth. The dog quivered in response. Evie hoped that was a good thing and not a sign of imminent attack.

“I don’t wanna get over you,”
Dan twanged.
“I don’t wanna get over you.”

Frodo’s garbage compactor ground to a halt. He whined and rolled over, showing Officer Curtis his belly. Dan lifted the unresisting dog in his arms.

“Good boy,” Dan said, getting to his feet. “Liked that, did yah?”

“Dan, that was wonderful,” Evie said. “What’s that song you were singing?”

“ ‘The Wurlitzer Prize,’ ” he said. “My granddaddy had him an Allihuahua when I was a kid, an ornery little ball of mean name of Bob. Allihuahuas are known for their feisty. Bob loved him some Waylon and Willie. Papa wore a copy of
The Outlaws
slap out on that dog.”

Throwing Dan a look of gratitude, Evie knelt beside Nicole and patted her on the cheek—no response.

“Stick a shoe in her face,” Muddy suggested. “Saw it at a funeral once. A woman fainted in front of the casket, and everybody started running around hollering,
Is there a doctor in the house? Is there a doctor in the house?
This gal in the back took off her high heel and passed it through the crowd. They stuck that shoe over the woman’s face, and she come up off the floor like her panties were on fire.” She eyed Dan up and down. “Give Evie one of your boots, Dan. They ought to be good and ripe.”

He flushed and started to bend over.

“Ignore her, Dan,” Addy said. “She’s kidding.”

“I am not! A stinky shoe’s as good as smelling salts.”

“Good Lord, Muddy.” Addy moistened a paper towel at the sink, wrung it out, and handed it to Evie. “Dab this on her face. If she doesn’t come to, I’m calling nine-one-one.”

“Thanks.” Evie smoothed the damp paper towel over Nicole’s cheeks and laid it across her forehead.

“Should have done that already.” Dan sounded worried. “The chief will have my hide if he hears I didn’t call this in.”

“He won’t hear it from us,” Evie said over her shoulder. “Nicole’s going to be fine. She needs to eat, that’s all.”

Nicole’s eyelids fluttered and opened. “What happened?”

“You fainted,” Evie said. “Do you think you should go to the hospital? We can call an ambulance, but they have to come all the way from Paulsberg. Dan or I can get you there quicker.”

“No, no ambulance.” Nicole plucked the paper towel off her forehead and sat up. “Where’s Frodo?”

“I got him, ma’am.” Dan rubbed the dog’s ears. “No need to worry. He’s fine. Ain’t that right, boy?”

Frodo wagged his tail and barked. It was a happy sound for once, instead of the mating call of a drunken lemur.

A tinge of pink color rose in Nicole’s pale cheeks. She rolled to her feet with remarkable grace for someone so short and round. “T-thanks for taking care of him,” she said. “Frodo don’t usually like strangers, especially men.”

“That so?” Dan’s gaze lingered for a moment on Nicole’s glowing orange cleavage. “Me and him get along just fine.” He smiled and handed her the dog. “Maybe it’s the uniform.”

“Uniform,” Nicole repeated, staring at Dan in wonder.

“Nicole, this is Officer Dan Curtis with the Hannah Police Department,” Evie said. “Dan sang to Frodo. Did you know your dog’s a Waylon Jennings fan?”

“Ulck,” Nicole said. She swayed, the color leeching back out of her face.

“She’s going again,” Evie cried. “Catch her, Dan.”

Dan grabbed Nicole by the arm and helped her back to the chair. “Here now, none of that. Sit down. That’s an order.”

“Yes, ossifer.” Nicole gazed up at Dan with a worshipful expression on her plump face. “Whatever you say.”

Oh, dear, Nicole and Frodo had a thing for the man in blue, and the man in blue had a thing for Addy. Unrequited love sucked. Big Time.

Are you talking about Dan and Nicole or your own feelings for a certain demon hunter?
that sly inner voice whispered.
Sure, he’ll take what you offer, but don’t think for a moment he could ever have real feelings for you.

Don’t you think I know that? What about throwing it out there and seeing what happens?
Evie shot back.
What happened to all your big talk about “nothing to lose” and “having a little fun”?

Silence. Great. When push came to shove, even her alter ego was a wimp.

With a quiet
pop!
Ansgar and Brand materialized in the shop. The two strapping warriors were an incongruous sight holding large white shopping bags with the Sweet Shop’s signature green and pink double “S” on them. The smell of Conecuh sausage mingled in the air with the tangy scent of orange rolls.

Good thing Dan had his back to them and Nicole was too busy gawking at Ossifer Curtis to notice the warriors’ sudden and startling appearance, or else somebody would have some ’splaining to do.

Frodo noticed, though, and set up an immediate howl.

Ansgar scowled at Dan. “Who is this human?” he asked in a voice that could have frozen lava.

“His name is Curtis,” Brand said, in an equally frigid tone.

Addy gave Brand a warning look. “Dude, don’t even think about it.”

Evie smothered a giggle. Addy had confided that the Dalvahni could read human thoughts, an ability they could turn on and off at will. Probably a good thing when it came to most people. Talk about your TMI on a cosmic scale.

Dan, for instance, apparently had some pretty randy fantasies about a certain platinum blond florist, and Brand didn’t like it. Not one little bit. He controlled himself, most of the time, for Addy’s sake. But, every now and then, he’d lose his temper and dump Dan in the river. Fortunately, Dan knew how to swim. Unfortunately, he got regular dunkings. He never remembered
how
he got in the river, which had earned him the nickname Aqua Man down at the station.

From the look on the warriors’ faces, poor Dan was headed for another bath, unless she or Addy ran interference.

“You’re back.” Evie smiled and hurried to take the sacks of food from them. “The food smells good.”

“Well . . . uh . . . reckon I’ll be moseying along,” Dan said, giving Addy a swift glance of longing. He paused at the door. “Almost forgot. The ME has released Meredith’s . . . uh . . . I mean, Mrs. Peterson’s body. Thought you’d want to know, Addy. The funeral will probably be at the end of next week. You might want to order extra flowers, it being the Petersons and all.”

“Thanks, Dan. I appreciate the heads-up,” Addy said.

The door closed behind him, and Frodo threw back his head with a mournful yowl. Nicole took one look at the baying dog and burst into tears.

“Nicole,” Evie said in alarm. “What on earth’s the matter? Are you sick?”

“Chickens,” Nicole gulped between sobs.

“Chickens?” Evie tried to sort that one out and failed. “I’m afraid I don’t follow.”

“Me and Frodo’s bad as them dumb old birds,” Nicole said, crying harder. “We’ve done leaped off the Man Hater Bridge and fallen for the Dog Whisperer.”

Chapter Twenty

M
uddy offered Nicole her shoe since she was still feeling so verklempt. Nicole declined with a watery sniff and accepted a plate of food instead.

There was plenty to eat. Ansgar and Brand had brought waffles and biscuits, a ham and cheese omelet big enough for a lumberjack—or a Dalvahni warrior—a big batch of piping-hot home fries, a quart container of grits loaded with butter and cheese, several rashers of bacon and, of course, Conecuh sausage, and Miss Vi’s homemade orange rolls dripping with glaze.

Evie wasn’t hungry, but she nibbled on a biscuit to be polite. She had that dull headache again, but she was glad to see Nicole eat something.

Addy seemed to be enjoying her second breakfast. Addy could hit the trough with the best of them, but nothing she ate seemed to stick. Especially now that she was Super Addy the Dalvahni/human mutant, Evie reflected. Sucking in air made Evie gain weight, but Addy could eat enough for three grown men and not gain an ounce.