Denial (17 page)
When they docked, Robin asked if they would join her for dinner. Not wanting a repeat of last night, Celeste quickly declined. True to form, before they parted, Alex utilized his matchmaking skills and invited Robin to Sarasota for a weekend.
Driving home, Celeste glanced at Alex in the passenger seat. She smiled when he snuffled, then snored. Looking at the road ahead she focused on the journey home, and her thoughts turned to Robin. Alex was right, of course. Robin was beautiful, and extremely entertaining, but, unfortunately, she did nothing for Celeste. If anything, being with Robin only made her want Amy more.
Driving home, Celeste began to formulate a plan.
“You just take this wine and relax on the sofa, honey,” Josh said soothingly. “I’ll take care of the boys tonight.”
“Okay,” Amy replied, taking the glass of wine Josh offered. She stretched out on the sofa and smiled. It had been a long week at work full of late nights and added responsibilities. She was delighted it was finally over.
Amy listened to Josh and the boys move around upstairs. He was running their bath while the boys ran the length of the hallway. The familiarity of the routine soothed her overworked mind. Wiggling her toes, she luxuriated in the warmth of the sofa and let her thoughts turn to Maggie. Her heavy work schedule had made Amy late getting home, again, and disrupted Maggie’s plans. Amy hoped she wasn’t too peeved with her for ruining her date tonight. Amy had never seen Maggie take a relationship this seriously. Maggie claimed she was far too much of a free spirit to settle down, but this new guy appeared to be different. So different that next weekend, Maggie was bringing him around for the family seal of approval.
Laying her head against the arm of the sofa Amy’s thoughts turned to how much of a struggle the last week had been for her. She was thankful that work was demanding, as she was still reeling from her experience with Celeste. The lack of contact had left her fretting. So much so, that over the last week, she had broken her fair share of dishes, dropped things, and tripped over almost everything that wasn’t nailed to the floor.
Amy thought pensively about how Josh and Maggie had picked up that something was wrong and had begun to ask probing questions. So far, she thought with relief, she had managed to throw them off the scent by putting everything down to pressure at work with the new contract.
Amy sighed and sipped her wine. She smiled when she heard Josh chase the boys out of the bathroom and into their bedroom. She listened to the familiar shrieks of protest then thought for the thousandth time about Josh and tried to fight the guilt. She closed her eyes, understanding that Josh considered fidelity key to a successful relationship.
Amy knew with near certainty that he had never been with another woman since they gotten together. She remembered back when she first met Josh. A few months into dating he had refused to see anyone else, even casually. At the time, she had found it endearing. He was so attractive that at the beginning even her friends batted their eyelashes at him. Even now, when Josh turned on the charm, he could still make a die-hard like Maggie weak at the knees.
Amy jumped slightly when Josh touched her shoulder.
“The boys are in bed.”
Amy smiled up at him.
He reached for his glass of wine and moving to the opposite end of the sofa, lifted her feet. Sitting down, he settled them on his lap. “Thank God it’s the weekend,” he said, raising his glass to his mouth.
Amy nodded, enjoying the sense of familiarity as they often sat like this in the evening.
“I’m glad you managed to get home at a reasonable hour tonight.”
Amy smiled. “I’m glad too. This won’t be for too long.”
“I hope so. Are you hungry?”
“No.” In truth, Amy hadn’t felt hungry for days. “I’ll get something later.”
He rubbed her foot. “Are you sure you’re okay, honey? You just don’t seem your normal self.”
“Yeah,” Amy replied, bristling. “I’m fine.”
“Okay, but you’d tell me if it was more than just work, wouldn’t you?”
Tensing, Amy held her breath and nodded slowly. “Uh-huh.” She sipped some wine.
“I’m concerned, Amy. I haven’t ever seen you this preoccupied.” He smiled, then added teasingly, “Or go through so much crockery.”
“Oh, Josh, don’t worry,” Amy said. Forcing down her growing panic, she breathed in slowly. “I’m fine. It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” she replied, relieved that he accepted her answer. “I promise, everything is going to be fine.”
For the next few hours, they relaxed, and caught up on the week’s events.
Josh poured the last of the wine into their glasses. Feeling sleepy, Amy said, “I promised Maggie that I would help her paint her apartment on Sunday.”
“Sunday?” Josh said in surprise. “But you’ve hardly had a break.”
Amy sighed. “I know.”
“Why the sudden urge to decorate now?”
“I’m not sure. But it may be something to do with the new guy in her life.”
Moving up the sofa, Josh said in a low voice, “I was hoping that we would have a quiet weekend, just you, me, and the boys.”
Before Josh reached her, Amy quickly threw her legs off the sofa. “Tomorrow will be quiet,” she replied, standing. “Next weekend is the busy time. Remember, your dad will be through next Saturday to take the boys back with him. And he’s booked a game of golf in the morning with you.”
“What’s he taking the boys for?”
“Josh,” Amy replied in frustration. “Don’t you ever listen to a word I say?”
Josh shrugged.
“So we can have a quiet night with Maggie and her new man.”
Josh stood and smiled when Amy went through a list of things they had to do. As she talked, he took her hand and led her to their bedroom.
In the bedroom, Amy decided not to do to her usual ministrations. Instead, she quickly undressed, slipped on a T-shirt and pajama bottoms, and tucked herself under the bed sheets. It had been almost a week since they had returned from Josh’s folks, and she had managed to hold Josh off by telling him she was exhausted.
Feeling anxious, Amy curled up into a ball. She knew she couldn’t keep making excuses. It wouldn’t be long before he suspected something was seriously wrong. She shivered. Right now, making love to him was the last thing she needed; Celeste was too fresh in her mind.
Tonight, Amy had bitten back several times from asking directly about Celeste. Josh was so full of the software problems that the chat was taken up by his work.
Amy was nervous about making love with him. She could count on one hand the number of sexual encounters she had had before Josh. Although she had to admit their lovemaking had become routine, until now, she hadn’t really given it a second thought. She still found Josh very attractive, and although he might not be the most adventurous in bed. Overall, neither was she, or so she had thought.
Amy thought about Maggie and how different she was. Maggie was sexually adventurous, and loved nothing better than to share her sexual exploits with her. From Maggie’s complaints, Amy had decided that she and Josh were faring well. But now, everything had changed. Celeste had opened a need, and Amy was afraid this time she wouldn’t be able to put it back in the box.
Four years ago, Amy had experienced the same kind of thing, but, back then, she was sure that it was a fluke, all to do with her hormones. She had put it down to everything other than an actual attraction and, after a while, it faded into a memory. But, now there was no denying it, she was sexually explosive around Celeste. If she was honest, it left her confused and quite terrified.
Amy listened as Josh cleaned his teeth and considerately shaved his stubble. Knowing what was to come she buried her head into the pillow and sighed heavily.
Josh put out the bathroom light and quickly got between the sheets. He snuggled into her back, and placing his hand on her breast, groaned. Amy felt him harden. Biting her bottom lip nervously, she lay still and listened to him whisper how much he loved her. As he nuzzled his face into her hair, she could feel his erection grow and press into her back.
In a way, Amy was relieved. Realizing she wanted everything to return to as it was, she turned to face Josh, and whispered, “I love you too, baby.”
Amy stood outside Maggie’s apartment in South Venice in a pair of old ripped jeans, and a grayed out T-shirt. For the third time, she rang the doorbell, hoping Maggie would hear her through the din of music she was playing. She had brought breakfast—two coffees, buttered croissants filled with cheese and ham, two slices of apple pie and two slices of rhubarb tart. Although Maggie was like a stick insect, she had an extremely sweet tooth.
Maggie opened the front door. Standing barefoot in crumpled shorts and a T-shirt, she gave Amy her most beautiful smile. “Come in, jellybean,” she said, standing aside.
During breakfast, Maggie detailed all the things she wanted done.
Amy looked at her cousin and wondered what had come over her. “You really want to gut this place, don’t you?”
Maggie looked at her. “Uh-huh, courtesy of a sweet cousin who knows all the right people, and who can get all the right materials on the cheap!” She raised her eyebrows expectantly.
The thought hit Amy that Maggie might actually be seriously considering settling down. Although Maggie gave her all to everything she did, there was no getting around it—she liked the idea of a temporary status and deliberately avoided responsibility in case the notion took her to leave. If she wanted to take off right now, she could.
When Amy was a teenager, at the spur of the moment, Maggie took off traveling. It was two years before she saw her again. Even though they had kept in regular contact, she had gone through her parents’ split without her. Although she played it down, Amy desperately missed her, and knew that Maggie had sensed this. Since that time, the redhead had stayed close to her.
Maggie wanted to start by freshening up the living room with a lick of paint. After breakfast, she handed Amy a paintbrush and they got to work. Maggie talked animatedly about her new guy, insisting he wasn’t her usual type. Describing him as quite small, sprightly, sporty with no beard, muscles or anything like that.
Amy noticed with amusement that her cousin was becoming quite flushed as she talked.
“You know,” Maggie said, looking at her. “He’s nothing special to look at but he just has that
zing
thing. You know that extra edge that no one else has had for me in years.” Maggie stopped painting. She put her brush down and came close to Amy. “The sex is terrific. I mean he might be a wee bloke, but he more than makes up for that somewhere else.” She winked. “You should see the tadger on him!” She held out her hands then stretched them to about a foot.
Amy’s eyes widened. “No way.”
“Aye, okay,” Maggie replied. Shrugging, she brought her hands a fraction closer. “Maybe that’s a wee bit of an exaggeration.”
Amy laughed. “You’re a dirty minx, Maggie Forsythe,” she said teasingly. “Do you know that?”
Shaking her head, she added, “I swear to God, you’re obsessed with sex. You’re like a pig snorting around for it all the time!”
Amy moved around the room snorting.
Maggie laughed. “Hey,” she said playfully. “Don’t knock the animal world. Did you know a pig's orgasm can last for thirty minutes? And lions can mate over fifty times a day when the lioness is in heat.” She contemplated this. “I’d still want to be a pig in my next life though, quality over quantity always counts wouldn’t you say?”
Amy shrugged.
Maggie asked teasingly, “What about you, quality or quantity?”
The redhead was always ribbing Amy, and trying to find out about her sex life. To tease her cousin Amy always resisted telling her anything. She avoided the question. “Maggie, if it gets serious, do you expect the sex to stay that good over the years?”
Maggie grinned. “Jesus, I hope so. What else are men good for?” She looked at Amy. “You know, to be honest, I’ve only ever felt this once in my teens, but never since.” She waved her paintbrush. “I’m in my thirties, and everybody keeps saying the right one will come along. But to be honest, I was beginning to think it was never going to happen!” She laughed excitedly. “All those years, and not even a teeny-weeny snifter of love, and, as you know, I’ve had my fair share of blokes, and some I’ve seriously fancied.”
“Shouldn’t you have fancied them all?” Amy asked, raising her eyebrows.
Maggie grinned. “Well, maybe,” she conceded. “The point is I’ve had great sex, some very bad sex, and some very weird sex.” She scratched her head. “Or was it sex with weird people?”
She looked at Amy. “Anyhow, to be honest, I just thought the love thing wasn’t for me. That I had grown cynical or something.” She smiled. “What I’m saying is I think it’s rare to meet somebody who you really connect with in every sense, who knows what you’re feeling, and can almost read your mind.” She smiled. “That’s how I feel about Sean. I mean he’s wee.” She threw up her hands, oblivious to the paint splattering everywhere. “And God knows he’s puny. He has just about all the physical attributes I wouldn’t normally go for.”
Watching her cousin, Amy realized that most of their time today would be spent cleaning up spillage if Maggie kept throwing her arms out.
“I mean the shocker for me,” Maggie continued, “is that I actually fancy somebody with red hair! But this wee bloke just presses my buttons. I mean we really have something hot. And even though he’s the polar opposite of what I’m normally attracted to, the chemistry is amazing between us. I mean I just want to jump on his bones every time I see him. And his personality, well, I just love it. We share the same sense of humor and the same interests. He’s an expert on the
Guinness Book of Records,
you know. He knows every wildest and weirdest achievement in history. And there is loads I’ve still to find out about him.”
Amy groaned inwardly.
Oh my God. What a pairing!
She looked at Maggie’s smiling face. “Sounds like you’re really serious about this guy.”
Maggie looked at Amy shyly. “I think he’s the one.”
Amy dropped her paintbrush into the pot and went to her cousin. Delighted, she swept Maggie around. They laughed and hugged. Both excited at the thought of Maggie being in love.
Eventually they got back to work, but Amy still wanted Maggie to answer whether she expected that kind of passion to last. After their lovemaking last night, she had lain stiffly in Josh’s arms listening as he whispered how much he loved her. Shame washed over her. During their lovemaking, Celeste had been the only thing on her mind.
Amy needed to know how quickly sexual passion like that dies. She waited a few minutes then asked again, “Do you expect it to last?”
“What?” Maggie asked, painting enthusiastically.
Amy stopped painting and turned to look at her cousin. “The zing,” she replied. “The sex being great, the need to jump on his bones every time you see him. Do you expect that to last?”
Maggie looked at Amy and laughed. “No. Not forever,” she replied. “But it’s a bloody good start.”
For the first time ever, Amy let a crack show. “Josh and I have never had that…” she started to wave her hands then remembering the paintbrush, dropped it into the pot, “passion.”
Maggie stopped painting.
Just tell her! Amy thought. But she froze, knowing there was no way, even if Maggie threw her on a torture rack, she would ever say that she had experienced that
zing
with someone else.
“The passion?” Maggie replied, looking at her cousin curiously. “What do you mean?”
Amy sighed, knowing she couldn’t let it drop, she desperately needed to speak to Maggie, somehow. “Well, I don’t think Josh and I,” she hesitated, “I don’t think we’ve ever shared what you’re talking about.” Amy rubbed her forehead, unaware that she was smearing paint across it. “You know that zing thing.” Suddenly feeling exposed, she justified quickly, “I mean, I fancy him, who wouldn’t. He’s gorgeous. And the sex…has always been…good.” Or so you thought, her inner voice quipped.
Amy couldn’t hold back from exploring further. “But it lacks something.”
Suddenly aware that she had her full attention, Amy looked at Maggie. She struggled for words and eventually muttered, “It lacks something and I don’t know if that
something
is easy to have, or if it needs some work, or that we can’t have it because it’s never been there and never will?”
Go on, tell her. Tell her it’s because you’ve experienced what she described with someone else, and you desperately want it to be with Josh.
Maggie put down her paintbrush. Going to her cousin, she hugged her then held her at arm’s length. “Jellybean, are you all right?” she asked with concern. “You’ve never mentioned this before?”
Amy shrugged. “I know, but everyone assumes that Josh and I are idyllically happy, and we are,” she reassured when Maggie frowned. “We are a happy couple, but we have our problems. You know, like everyone else.”
Maggie smiled. “Jellybean, now listen to me.” She cupped Amy’s face. “Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a man who is kind, sensitive, fun, and very good looking?”
Amy shook her head.
“Well, it’s practically impossible. And when you do, they usually spend way more time in front of the mirror and read more gossip column inches than you do. If you know what I mean!”
Amy’s lips twitched.
“What you and Josh have is brilliant. He adores you,” Maggie said reassuringly. “And let me tell you, passion isn’t everything, I’ve road tested enough models to know the fun is only in the first few spins. Once you pop the bonnet, there’s always something you need to sort out, and I expect the same with Sean. Whereas Josh, he’s a brilliant bloke. There’s nothing that needs changing with him. He’d give you anything, and you both live for each other.”
Maggie hugged Amy tightly, then looking at her, admitted, “I want what you’ve got, Amy. Sex, like everything else, gets ordinary, but what you’ve got is
real!
Do you know how many women would chew off their right arm to have what you’ve got?” She looked at her cousin. “Do you think all couples are banging away, having great sex all the time?”
Amy looked at her questioningly.
“The reality is that, for most, it’s all about cleaning up after the kids, doing the dishes, cleaning the house. Fighting for the remote control for the telly is about the only action that most couples get. That’s real life, Amy,” Maggie said reassuringly. “Relationships, like anything else in life, are hard work, and like everything else, they have their peaks and troughs.” She rubbed her hands up and down Amy’s arms, then hugged her, and finished philosophically, “Everything gets ordinary eventually, jellybean.”
Suddenly feeling much better, Amy smiled and laughed. “Aye, she replied. Pulling out of the embrace, she pinched Maggie’s cheek. “You’re right…let’s get back to work and crack on.” Her eyebrows rose. “I’m looking forward to meeting Superman next week.”
Maggie laughed. “Well. You’ll be meeting a wee, skinny red-headed version of Superman.” Turning shy, she added, “But he’s my Superman.”