Depths of Salvation (Love on the Edge) (23 page)

“And you’d set up the meeting for me?”

Ryan nodded. “Absolutely. I knew Slade was an asshole, but I didn’t realize he was capable of trashing your life like he tried to do. And I’ve worked for him for years. I can help you see this through.” He sighed and kicked at the sand beneath our feet.

“But . . .” I said, sensing it all over his tense posture.

“I knew about the deal going in, but I was sure Connell wouldn’t see it through . . . not after . . . everything.” He gave me a straight-faced shrug. “Are you sure you want to do this? Go up against Slade? He’s got endless resources. You do this, and, yeah, he could lose his company, but that doesn’t mean he won’t come for you after the fact.”

“I know.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “But I can’t just sit on my hands and let him get away with this, though, you know? He’ll just do it to someone else next.”

“So this isn’t just about your site.”

“Of course not. I mean, yes, I want it saved and allowed to continue thriving as it has, but he made this beyond personal. He hired Connell to get close to me, make me think he was working with me, only to betray me in the end. Then he hired people to try to discredit my entire professional career. This is below dirty. It’s malicious.”

“Agreed.”

“I’ll deal with whatever consequences come out of this, and I’ll leave you out of it too. I’ll say you only set up a meeting between us but knew nothing more than that. I don’t want you to lose your job if Slade somehow manages to wiggle his way out of it.”

“Thanks for that, but I’ll be seeking another employer soon enough. What he’s doing, it’s not what I’m about. I had already planned on discussing something like this with Connell after witnessing the fake drug deal earlier, but you’ve beaten me to the punch. And honestly, before this, I didn’t realize just how dirty Slade handles his business.”

“I get that. I didn’t realize it would come to this either. I thought I’d ensure the preservation of my site with a good clean, scientific win. Now I have to work every angle I can.” I sighed. “Thank you for listening.” I reached up and hugged him, grateful to have an ally in this endeavor. Despite his knowledge of the deal, he was risking enough just setting me up with this meeting.

“Of course. I’m still rooting for Connell and you to work out.” Ryan hugged me back, the gesture completely friendly and comfortable . . . until he jerked backward so fast I had whiplash.

“What the fuck, man?” Ryan snapped when he hit the sand hard.

Connell stood over him, fist cranked back. “It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours, asshole. You already moving in on her?”

“Connell, don’t!” I yelled, but he’d already thrown the punch.

Ryan quickly dodged it, popping to his feet and taking a few steps back. “You need to calm down,” he said. “You remember me? The only friend you’ve got left.”

“Some friend.” Connell darted toward him, but I grabbed his hand and jerked him backward.

“Stop it,” I snapped. “Not that it is
any
of your business anymore, but we were just talking. I needed to ask him some questions about Slade.”

“And that ended with you two making out on the beach?”

I tilted my head at him, the anger in his eyes shocking the hell out of me. Where did he get off? “You exaggerate terribly. And honestly, Connell, why do you give a shit? You got close to me for nothing but a check, remember?”

The fight went out of him, and he dropped his arms.

“Well, I’m going to answer that beer that is calling my name. No hard feelings, man. And I wouldn’t touch her,” Ryan said and craned his head around Connell’s massive frame. “No offense, Sadie, you’re gorgeous and all, but I’d never risk waking up underwater without a tank because I know this dude would go that far.” He turned and walked back toward the bar, kicking up sand as he went.

The waves became the only sound around us, where somehow I’d ended up alone on the beach with the man who’d broken my heart not six hours ago. The same beach, where if we walked west just a mile I’d slept with him like nothing in the world existed outside of us.

Fuck. My. Life.

“Why are you even here?” I finally broke the silence, which had turned from what once had been an easy, comfortable thing between us to an unbearable one.

“I have no idea,” he said, his voice barely audible over the waves.

“Really? That weak answer is all you’ve got?” I huffed. “You sought me out for a reason. What? You think I’d ride you again just because you snapped your fingers?”

He flinched like I’d hit him. I wanted to. “No, Sadie, I would never—“

“Don’t,” I cut him off. I couldn’t stand the sound of my name on his lips. It still called to me, my own heart betraying me by still wanting him. “I can’t do this. Say what you came to say and leave me be.”

He reached out and cupped my cheek.

“Don’t touch me.” I jerked away from his touch.

“Sadie, I’m sorry.”

“For what? Taking money to betray me in the end? Or letting me just close enough to fall in love with you before you shattered my heart? Was that part of the deal or just a bonus for you?” My chest rose and fell rapidly, the adrenaline in my veins worse than when I’d swam away from the sharks.

“It wasn’t like that, I swear.”

“Then what was it like?”

“I didn’t know you when I made the deal, okay? I didn’t think the site would be worth it anyway. And I knew the money I could make would funnel right into the rehab facilities I’ve been funding since Conner died.” He shrugged. “I’m guilty of that. I’ll own that much. But your heart? That wasn’t something I meant to steal.”

I sucked in a ragged breath, tears on the brink of my eyes. “Well, you did.”

“I know.”

“Was it all a job to you?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper. The image of his lips on my skin, his hard body above mine, flashed in my head.

“No.” He stepped toward me, and I stepped back. “You have to at least know that, Sadie. Don’t you?”

I shook my head, cutting my eyes to his. “I don’t know anything about you, Connell.”

“Yes, you do. You know me better than anyone ever has.”

“I thought so, too, but now . . .” I sighed. “Now there is no way I can trust you.” I turned toward the bar. “Just leave. Don’t show up at my site, the bar, my lab. I know where you stand now, and it’s far away from me.”

I left him there, standing alone on the beach, and try as I might not to, I looked back.

His still form was breathtaking and continued to call to me with a magnetic pull that urged me to believe him, forgive him.

But how could I? Especially when I couldn’t tell what was truth and what was lie.

The sooner I finished this job, the better. Then he’d go his way, some other job in who knew which ocean, and I’d be free from the memory of how good we’d had it for a blink of time.

Walking into the bar, a hole opened up in my chest. While the idea of him leaving the island sounded good in my head, my heart disagreed.

Connell

MY HANDS SHOOK
, and I bounced on the balls of my feet. I couldn’t figure out if I wanted to run away or hit something.

I’d spent the last two days either under the water—not working for Slade but simply
thinking
—or topside helping Ryan in every way possible to ensure Sadie got all the evidence and information she needed for the meeting he’d set her up with. Trying desperately to un-fuck the situation I’d created.

The image of her hugging Ryan on the beach was burned on my brain. Though I knew nothing had happened, the jealous rage I’d flew into hadn’t settled, it had only multiplied, going as far to think outside that incident and produce images of her with other, faceless men in her future. I couldn’t fucking stand the thought. She belonged to me, owned my heart from day one.

And I’d fucked it up. Like usual.

Finally, after a nonstop mental battle that left me breathless, I knew there was only one way to save Sadie’s site, outside of murdering Slade, which I’d contemplated in great detail.

“Connell?” My mother’s voice hadn’t changed a bit since I’d last spoken to her—over a year ago—but she had changed her hair. It was shorter, straight black and sheered off at her chin. I looked at her and saw Conner, and it made my chest cave in on itself. She walked toward where I waited in the airport baggage claim, her arms outstretched.

I let her wrap them around me, but didn’t budge. I didn’t know how. This woman had shredded what was left of my soul after I lost my baby brother. I couldn’t fathom how to put the pieces back together and, honestly, it was why I’d avoided at all cost but Sadie’s site was bigger than my personal demons.

“You grew your hair out,” she said, touching the ends that often fell in my eyes.

“Thanks for coming.”

Tears made her eyes glitter under the florescent lights, and I swallowed the rock lodged in my throat. “I would’ve come sooner if you’d only taken one of my calls.”

“I know. I wasn’t ready. Still not sure if I am.”

“Connell, I’m so sorry about what I said to you at his funeral. I didn’t mean it.”

“Don’t,” I cut her off and backed out of her embrace. “We don’t need to spill our insides here in the airport. Let’s get out of here first.” I motioned to the bag slung over her shoulder. “Is that all you brought?”

She shrugged. “I didn’t know how long you’d want me to stay. I can buy more if I need it.”

I nodded. That much was true. Her career had only grown, and her word was unmatched in the eyes of every marine preservationist—or anyone involved within that scientific field—in the world. That pull was the only reason why I’d broken my code and called her.

We walked silently through the airport, my mind overrun with memories as I had her hop into the Jeep I’d rented for the purpose of picking her up. Flashes of Christmases—Conner begging me to sneak downstairs with him to open presents only to rewrap them once we saw what was inside. Of Mom’s meatloaf—which could make any bad day better. Her insistence to read to us every single night until we went to high school. The woman whom I secretly measured Sadie against—though Sadie had the upper hand in a big way because she didn’t blame me for my past, and my mother did. Or
had
.

I parked the Jeep outside a hotel where I’d reserved her a room and stepped outside, leaning against the hood.

She gripped the straps of her bag. “This it?”

“Not fancy enough for you?” I asked, looking at the modest building.

She popped her hand on her hip. “Not that. You break radio silence and fly me out here, for what? To drop me off at a hotel and leave?”

I sighed. “No.”

She set her bag on the ground. “Well?”

“I need your help.”

“Yeah, that I can tell.” She stepped closer to me, taking my face in her hands, staring at me with too-knowing eyes. “Someone hurt you.”

I shook her off. “No.”

“Don’t lie to me. I’m your mother.”

“Are you?” I snapped, raking my fingers through my hair. The rage at her blame I thought had settled, reignited.

“You bet your stubborn ass I am, Connell Eugene Murphey.” She grabbed my face again, forcing me to look her in the eye. “Now, I’m willing to pay my punishment for my lapse in sanity when I spoke harshly to you. Where I laid blame on you and not where it really mattered,
me
. Because it was my fault and no one else’s what happened to your brother. I didn’t admit his addiction when I first saw signs of it. Instead, I let it fester, chose to deny it, ignore it,
anything
but admit I’d let my baby slowly kill himself.” She sucked in a sharp breath. “And I’m so sorry, Connell. I have never regretted anything as much as I regret letting it happen, except maybe what I said to you.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “I’ve never stopped loving you, worrying about you, day and night, praying to God you’re all right doing the work you do. So you can yell at me, call me out on my sins . . . but you
will
acknowledge that I’m your mother.” She loosened her grip. “You’re still my boy, my first born, the one who couldn’t sleep without his brother, the one who had to be the man of the house, fixing things that weren’t broken and cooking me breakfast on Sundays. You’re the boy I let color on the walls . . . the only one I’ve got left.”