[Desert Roses 02] - Across the Years (35 page)

“And you think you need to protect them from me?” she asked in disbelief.

“Absolutely. You were at the very heart of their pain. You told me Ashley was dead. And you allowed Ashley to go on believing I was dead.”

“I had no way of finding her. Her own father had tried to locate her,” Leticia said in her defense. “I couldn’t have told her the truth even if I’d wanted to.”

“But that’s my point. You didn’t want to. You wanted to keep us separated because you never thought I was good enough for your daughter. I’m just making sure this matter is clear once and for all. You will not interfere in our lives anymore.”

“I’m Ashley’s mother and I have a right to see her.”

“A right you gave up a long time ago when you sent her away without a penny.” He stared hard at the older woman and hoped her fidgeting was a sign of discomfort under his scrutiny. “Besides, until this moment, I’ve not heard you even mention wanting another chance to see her. You came to Winslow with an entirely different motive.”

Leticia’s shoulders rolled forward slightly. “What is it you want from me, Mr. Reynolds?”

“An understanding,” Ethan said, trying to steady his temper. “I want you to be a part of Ashley and Natalie’s life if that’s what they desire. However, I want it on their terms.” He paused and added, “And my terms.” He let the words sink in for a few moments before continuing.

“If you want to spend time with them, you’ll leave your fury over our marriage in the past. You’ll not malign my good name, and you’ll not force your opinions on my wife and child. Also, you’re never to raise a hand to my child again. Do you understand?”

Leticia looked at him for a moment, her piercing eyes never so much as blinking. Then her expression seemed to soften. “I understand.”

“And do you agree to those terms?”

“I suppose I must.”

Ethan shook his head. “No one is forcing anything on you, Leticia. You choose to come willingly into my family or not at all. I want no moping or grudge holding. I want no false tears of martyrdom. You are the only living grandparent Natalie has. I don’t know if you have other granddaughters, but she’s a pretty special girl. She needs someone to look up to. What she doesn’t need is someone or something else to regret.”

“I understand,” Leticia stated, then returned her gaze to the windshield. “I want only what I deserve.”

Ethan shook his head. “No. No, you don’t. Because if you were to get what you deserve, it certainly wouldn’t have anything to do with Ashley and Natalie. Ashley and I were wrong to marry in the fashion we did.”

This caused Leticia to turn back to him. Eyeing him with a look of disbelief, she waited for him to continue. “I know that now,” he said. “I didn’t then. I was young and idealistic and foolish. The war was on and it seemed that there might not be a tomorrow. I didn’t think about the consequences of anything. I fell in love with Ashley and married her—and never gave a single thought to respecting your wishes. For that I’m sorry, and I do apologize. I hope that somehow you can find it in your heart to forgive me—to forgive Ashley too.”

“Well . . . I . . .” Leticia shook her head. “I find this highly unexpected.”

“I don’t need answers today, Mrs. Murphy. I just want you to consider everything I’ve said, including the fact that I want your forgiveness. I brought you out here because I wasn’t sure we’d have another chance to talk alone before you headed home this evening. Just think on my words, and when you feel confident of an answer from your heart, then let me know.”

He maneuvered the car back onto the road, not even waiting for the older woman to answer him. He thought long and hard about the way their conversation had gone. He’d done his best, and even though there was some anger in his words, over all, Ethan felt he’d managed the situation quite
well. He could only pray that Leticia would come around to seeing things their way.

****

Later that evening, Ethan, Ashley, and Natalie stood on the depot platform bidding Leticia good-bye. It was a stilted and awkward moment for all three. Natalie was still very apprehensive of her grandmother, and Ashley had no idea what to make of her mother’s attitude. Ever since that day in the kitchen, she seemed less harsh but more reserved. Maybe God was truly doing a work in her heart. Ashley could only pray that it was true.

“Please let my brothers know where I am,” she told her mother as the conductor called the final board. She was relieved to have finally learned that her brothers had all married and were raising families. Mathias had two boys, Richard had three boys and a girl, and Parker had two girls and his wife was expecting. There was an entire family out there that Ashley had no knowledge of.

“I will,” her mother promised. “I’m sure they’ll be pleased to know. They’ve never understood what happened.”

“Perhaps it’s time to tell them,” Ashley replied.

“Perhaps.” Her mother’s words were thoughtful. She looked at the train car and drew a deep breath. “Mr. Reynolds, Natalie, I am glad for the opportunity to have met you both. In future visits, I shall look forward to getting to know you better.” She met Ethan’s gaze, and Ashley thought that something unspoken was exchanged between them.

Ashley lowered her face and smiled. It wasn’t much in the realm of an apology or pledge of love, but for her mother, Ashley knew it was the best she could offer. And because of how God had dealt with her own heart of late, Ashley knew that for now, it was enough.

Leticia moved toward the train, and Ashley followed her while Ethan and Natalie remained behind.

“Mother, I’m glad you came to be with Grandpa. I know it meant the world to him.”

“He would have liked it better had I told him everything he wanted to hear,” Leticia replied. “But I’ve never been given over to religious nonsense, and I’m still not convinced it has any place in my life.”

Ashley nodded. “I know. But I also know how Grandpa was about planting seeds.” She smiled. “After all, he found a way to cultivate a little hope in my heart. I’m sure he was able to manage at least that much with you.”

Leticia lifted her chin and looked down her nose at Ashley. It was a look Ashley would always remember her mother for, as long as they lived. “Perhaps.” Then quickly changing the subject, Leticia added, “I will see you in the spring. Perhaps for your new resort opening.”

Ashley nodded. “It’s scheduled for May, which around here is already summer, but you’re more than welcome to come. Just let us know.”

“Of course, it will depend on the financial status of the country and of my own personal estate. But if things do come together in proper order, maybe your brothers and their families will accompany me.”

Ashley smiled. “I’d like that. I’d like that very much.”

Leticia said nothing more. She allowed the porter to assist her onto the train, then stood at the top and turned only momentarily. She exchanged a glance with Ashley, offered the tiniest of waves, then disappeared into the interior.

Ashley thought of how different this departure had been from Aunt Lavelle’s. Lavelle had hugged and kissed Ashley with great affection. Leticia hadn’t offered a single touch. Ashley felt sad for her mother’s isolation. It was the first time she’d had that feeling rather than a sense of her mother getting what she deserved. Smiling to herself, she pulled her jacket close and turned back to her family. The healing had truly begun.

“Let’s go home,” she said softly.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

After sharing a sumptuous Thanksgiving meal with Pastor McGuire and his wife, Ashley and Ethan settled down in front of the fireplace, determined to talk about their future. Natalie stretched out on the floor at their feet and worked on a small weaving loom, making potholders for her mother.

Ethan had been waiting for this moment ever since Ashley suggested it. Thanksgiving seemed a good time to share their hopes for the future, and while Ethan was still uncertain as to what Ashley and Natalie wanted from him, he knew very well what he hoped for.

Clearing his throat nervously, Ethan picked lint off his navy blue suit coat, then looked down at his daughter. She was staring up at him—watching, waiting. She knew he wanted to talk to them, but Ethan wasn’t at all sure what her response would be. He’d tried hard to get her to talk to him prior to this, but she wouldn’t. She’d even stopped coming to the hotel where he was working.

“I suppose,” he began rather awkwardly, “that you both know how important this is to me. How important you are to me.”

Neither one said a word, making it all that much harder for Ethan. “I know we’re strangers in many ways. We’ve spent some time together and . . . well . . . we know each other a little better than when we first met.” He was making a mess of things. There just didn’t seem to be words for what he wanted to convey.

How did he tell his wife and daughter that he loved them, despite the years that had separated them? How did he explain that his life would be very empty if he had to go back to living without them?

“When is the hotel scheduled to be completed?” Ashley asked.

Her soft words brought Ethan out of his thoughts. “December fifteenth is when the exterior and structure should be finished. Then we’re faced with a great deal of interior work. They plan to open in May, as scheduled, in spite of the stock market problems and issues of money loss. The railroad isn’t doing too badly, and they believe the money they’re still putting into this creation is money and time well spent,” Ethan replied.

“So what are your plans? Do you intend to see it through?”

“I’d like to,” Ethan replied. “I’ve enjoyed working for the Harvey Company.”

“As have I,” Ashley stated. “In fact, I intend to start back to work as soon as possible. The Christmas season is always busy, what with folks traveling all over the countryside to be with loved ones. They’ll need my help.”

“But you don’t have to work. I’ll help with the expenses and—”

Ashley held up her hand. “No. I have plenty of money. At least for now. I plan to go to work because I like it, and I don’t like sitting around here with nothing but my memories. Natalie will be in school all day, and that’s when I shall work. They’ll allow that schedule because I’m one of their best Harvey Girls,” she said, smiling.

“Mama really is,” Natalie added, as if Ethan needed convincing.

Ethan nodded. “I’m quite sure she puts them all to shame.”

Natalie smiled and went back to her weaving. Ethan looked at Ashley and tried to regain control of what he had planned to say. There seemed no other way to open the discussion but to simply put his thoughts out there for everyone’s scrutiny.

“I’d like for us to be a family.”

Natalie and Ashley both looked at him. They seemed quite content to await his explanation on the matter. Ethan felt as if the tie around his neck were tightening.
Lord, don’t let me make a mess of this.

“I know we have a ways to go in getting to know each
other, but I already love you both,” Ethan said, feeling embarrassed by the words. He’d never been given over to his emotions—at least not like this. But then again, he’d never had so much at stake.

“The years that separated us weren’t of our own doing—not entirely. We can’t change what happened back then, but we can change what happens from this point on.”

“I think we all want the same thing,” Ashley said, smiling.

Ethan saw the love in her eyes and knew deep within his heart that she did indeed desire the same thing he did. Glancing at Natalie, he saw her expression was pretty much unreadable.

“I’d like to set up a design firm here in Winslow if you’re both of a mind to go on living here. If not, we can easily move elsewhere. I like it here, though. The people are pleasant and good-natured, and the desert is beautiful in its own way. Still, I’ll happily go to the ends of the earth if it means we can be a family.”

He didn’t see any change in his daughter’s face. He’d so hoped she’d at least smile or give him some sign that his words met with her approval. “I’d like to teach you everything I know about drawing and design,” he said to Natalie. “You are very talented and I see great promise. I believe with dedication to your dream of becoming an architect, you and I could one day have the best father-daughter team around.”

Natalie perked up at this and sat up. “Would we have an office and everything? Would I have my own drawing table?”

Ethan chuckled. “Absolutely. You’d have whatever you needed to make you the very best architect.”

“That would be the bee’s knees,” Natalie declared.

“Natalie, where in the world did you pick up that expression?” Ashley questioned.

Natalie laughed. “Jane says it all the time and so do my other friends.” She glanced at the clock and gathered up her things. “I need to go give Penny her treat.”

“Don’t be long,” Ashley said. “We’ve still got a lot to talk about.”

Natalie nodded and slipped away, humming. Ashley turned to Ethan, her eyes wide with question. He wanted to lose himself in her dark-eyed gaze.

“Ashley, I know I’m not the same man you married. I don’t even look like that man,” Ethan said, stroking his well-trimmed beard. “I’m still going to struggle from time to time with nightmares from the war—and while my walk with God is growing stronger, it’s still very young.”

“As is mine,” Ashley said, reaching out to take hold of his hand. “But at least we can share that walk.”

Ethan turned toward her and gripped her hand tightly. “Ashley, I want a new life for us. I want to court you again—this time without the desperation of war looming over us, making us act irresponsibly and hastily.”

“Do you regret our haste?” she asked, frowning.

“No, of course not. I wouldn’t trade the time we had together for all the architectural jobs in the world. I loved you dearly, as I do now. That will only grow stronger with time.”

“I love you as well,” she whispered. “I never stopped. People thought me troubled because I refused to remarry or consider anyone else. But there was a part of me that couldn’t let go of you—even across the years.”

He nodded knowingly. “It was the same for me. I knew I couldn’t bring you back from the dead, and yet you were all I wanted.”