[Desert Roses 02] - Across the Years (32 page)

“It’s not fair. I wanted you for my new daddy. I don’t want you to be my old daddy.”

“But, Natalie, I’m the same man.” And in that moment, Ethan knew the truth for himself. He was the same man. The war hadn’t robbed him of everything. “Natalie, I want very much for us to be a family. I want to love you and be there for you. I want to teach you about drawing and architecture. I can’t turn back the hands of time, but we can make a good try at the future.”

“But it changes everything,” Natalie said, her voice quivering with emotion.

“Yes. Yes, it really does. You’ve been living a certain way all these years, and now it will change. But I’d like to think that it will be a good change.”

Natalie said nothing, and Ethan could clearly see the confusion on her face. She was wrestling with this new status—with the truth of who he was. She looked at him oddly for a moment, scrutinizing him as if seeing him for the first time.

“You aren’t the way I thought you’d be. My mama told me stories about you and her. You aren’t like she described.”

“No, I don’t imagine so. I look different . . . and I’m a different person inside,” Ethan admitted.

“Now I won’t get to have my picture taken with the veterans,” she said, looking away.

Ethan thought he saw tears in her eyes but decided not to make any comment about them. “Natalie, you’re still one very important little girl. Your mother loves you and so do I.”

“But people are going to treat me different. With you alive, it changes everything.”

Ethan wasn’t sure he understood her comment, but he did realize the change in her life was more than a little upsetting. Natalie desperately needed to figure out how to make sense of this situation. She needed to know how she would fit in once everything was out in the open.

She looked at him, and this time he could see the tears. “People won’t care about me anymore. They only loved me ’cause my daddy was a war hero.”

“I seriously doubt that, Natalie.” Ethan reached up to touch her cheek. “I think they love you because you’re you—a sweet, wonderful little girl. Don’t think them so shallow to only care about you because of what I did in the war.”

“Can we go home?” she asked, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.

Ethan nodded. “Sure.”

He took up the reins and mounted his horse. They rode toward Winslow in silence. How, he wondered, could he make this better for her? Should he try harder to explain? Should he stay out of the picture until Natalie and Ashley had a chance to work through the situation for themselves?

“I don’t feel good,” Natalie said, breaking the silence.

Ethan pulled up alongside Natalie. She looked pale. “Give me Penny’s reins.”

He wrapped the reins around the saddle horn, then reached out to take hold of Natalie. “I’ll hold you in front of me, and then if you feel sick you won’t fall off.”

She nodded and willingly went to him. Ethan pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. Every protective instinct in him took over. He wanted to shelter her from all the hurts in the world. He wanted to snap his fingers and make her feel better.

“You won’t let Penny get away, will you?” she asked, leaning her head against his chest.

“Nope . . . and I won’t let you get away either.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Ashley moved through the day in a leaden manner. Food had no taste; the air felt stale and lifeless. She could focus on nothing but Natalie. But already it was nearly three and still no word.

Lavelle had taken herself off to church after Ashley’s outbursts earlier. She told Ashley she hoped to answer any questions that friends of Grandpa Whitman might have regarding the funeral and also stave off the curiosity of those who wondered why Natalie ran away.

Ashley’s mother had locked herself upstairs and hadn’t bothered to reappear until around noon, when she descended the stairs and partook of a cup of coffee. Her demeanor had changed. Surprisingly, she was very quiet. She asked about Natalie, then had the good graces to say nothing more when Ashley had replied that her daughter was still missing. After that, Leticia had taken herself back upstairs. Ashley had been delighted not to have to deal with her.

Lavelle checked in shortly after Leticia’s appearance, then announced she was going to walk around the town and see if she could learn anything about Natalie. Ashley felt completely abandoned, yet at the same time, she knew she could bear the hours better on her own than in trying to make senseless conversation while her heart and mind were elsewhere.

Working in the kitchen, Ashley decided to bake a batch of Natalie’s favorite sugar cookies. The deed made her feel more confident that Natalie would be found safe and returned home before she spent another night in the desert.

Ashley was just retrieving the first batch when her mother reappeared in the kitchen. She was dressed in her going-out suit, a dress and jacket of dark purple, trimmed in black braid. Her hat was perched to one side, her gloves were in her hands, and her pocketbook hung from her left arm.

“Are you going somewhere?” Ashley questioned, knowing it was too late for church.

“I’m moving into the Harvey House. I’ve arranged for them to pick up my things later this afternoon.”

Ashley stared openmouthed at her mother. She couldn’t help it. To hear her mother’s declaration without snide comment or cruel remark was totally out of character.

“I know you’re surprised,” Leticia said, looking at her daughter with an expression that seemed to suggest regret. “I don’t wish to further grieve you.”

“Why this sudden change of heart?” Ashley asked. She went back to the task at hand and began removing the cookies from the pan. She could scarcely believe her mother’s civility.

“You did make the request and it is your home,” she said rather sternly. “Besides, I plan to leave immediately following Father’s funeral on Wednesday. I might as well be near the train station.”

Ashley couldn’t stand it. She had to know why her mother was suddenly acting so genteel. She put the pan down and turned around. “Mother, why? This isn’t your style. I don’t understand. You had plans to fight me for this house and to change Grandpa’s funeral and make a big issue out of the settlement of his estate. Now you sound as though you have accepted it all.”

“I have accepted it,” Leticia replied. “I know when to leave a thing alone. Father made certain provisions, and those provisions, if altered, will bring about consequences that I’m not willing to pay. Not that I’d have it to pay—not now.”

Ashley still didn’t know what to make of her mother’s new attitude. “You aren’t usually given to walking away from a fight. Why this time? Why now?”

Her mother’s expression grew harsh. “It’s really none of your concern what I do. You made that choice long ago.”

All of Ashley’s defenses rose to the occasion. “No, you made it for me,” she replied. “I wasn’t of a mind to never see you again. You’re the one who told me to never come
back—that I was dead to you. You turned your back on me when I needed you most.”

“You ruined the plans your father and I had. Plans that we needed for the benefit of the family.”

Ashley had never truly understood this. “Why?”

Her mother looked uncomfortable. “It’s water under the bridge now and none of your business.”

“It is my business,” Ashley insisted. “It forever changed my life and that of my child. I feel I’m entitled to know.”

Leticia looked away and cleared her throat. “We needed your marriage to the Manchester family. We had arranged it in a somewhat tentative agreement; then you up and married Ethan Reynolds.” She looked back at Ashley. “Your father suffered a tremendous financial setback because of that. I had to cancel our European plans and fire two housemaids in order to trim our budget.”

“I had no idea.” Ashley hadn’t realized her actions had made any real impact on the family.

“Your father had to sell some investments in order to keep your brothers in college. Of course, Mathias had landed a solid job with the bank, but the other two would need help in setting up their livelihoods once they finished their degrees. It wasn’t an easy time, but your father forbade me to say anything to you about it.” She lifted her chin defiantly. “I thought when your husband died that this was a reprieve for us. I began to immediately set plans in motion to revive the original agreement. It might have worked too, but you refused to even consider it.”

“I was carrying Ethan’s baby. What man of social standing was going to overlook that little bit of information?” Ashley asked matter-of-factly. Some of the bitterness faded from her heart.

“I didn’t know about that. You only mentioned being unable to love again. That was nonsense in my book. Many women marry without benefit of love. I did. I saw no reason for you not to do the same.”

“But had I known you were motivated out of need, rather than mere greed—”

“You would have acted no differently,” her mother interrupted. “You and I both know that. You were lost in your grief and pain, and you cared nothing for mine.”

Ashley knew it was true. It pricked at her conscience.
Forgive her,
that still, small voice whispered deep from within.

“I’m sorry, Mother. I truly am. You’re absolutely right. I was very self-absorbed those days. When you told me you wanted nothing more to do with me, I convinced myself that I wanted nothing more to do with you as well. Grandpa always wanted me to contact you and let you know our whereabouts, but I wouldn’t do it, nor would I let him. He’d told me how you’d treated him—how you’d demanded your inheritance and how he gave up trying to reason with you. I’ve never understood how you could have done that.”

Her mother twisted her gloves. “I have no need to justify myself to you. There were reasons for my decisions. Reasons that I never expected you, a mere child, to understand.”

“Maybe I’d understand them now.”

“Be that as it may, I’ve no desire to discuss it.”

Ashley shrugged. “No, I don’t suppose you do.” She felt her own anger stirred.
How can I forgive her when she acts like this? She doesn’t feel she’s done anything wrong. She just goes on and on about how things were ruined for her—never mind how she ruined things for other people.
“You’ve never felt you needed to explain anything you said or did. Grandpa didn’t understand it, and neither did I. So we did as you demanded and took ourselves out of your life. You made your choice and it was my choice to see that you lived up to the full impact of that decision.”

Leticia stiffened. “You needn’t sound so smug. Your father died a broken man because of those choices.”

Ashley hadn’t really considered how her father might have dealt with her disappearance. She didn’t like to think of him pining for her.

“He hired detectives, but the trail went cold around St. Louis.”

Ashley remembered there had been some problems with her train in St. Louis. She had to change three times before she was finally sent on to Kansas City. There again, she changed trains and was given the wrong reservation for a different Mrs. Reynolds. She had ended up in Dallas, Texas, instead of Los Angeles. It hadn’t been an easy trip for an expectant mother.

“You made me believe he was of the same heart and mind as you were. It was never my desire that Father should suffer.”

“But it was your desire that I should suffer?” her mother questioned.

Ashley knew there was no sense in lying. “Yes. Just as it was your intention to make me suffer when you told Ethan I was dead.”

Leticia nodded. “I suppose, then, we’re somewhat even.”

Now Ashley felt nothing but regret. Her heart ached at the thought of all those lost years. And now her daughter might be lost to her as well.

“I don’t care about being even. I care about . . .” Ashley fell silent. What did she care about? Her daughter and Ethan, of course. But what else? Did she want to mend this fence between herself and her mother? Did she care whether her mother walked out the door to go stay at the Harvey House?

With a deep sigh, Ashley shook her head. “It isn’t important.” She turned back to the bowl of cookie dough.
Forgive her. Let the past go.
God nudged her conscience again. Sighing, Ashley knew what she had to do. For a moment she wrestled with the idea, then finally spoke before she could change her mind.

“You may stay here until you leave. If you want to.”

Her mother said nothing for a few minutes, and Ashley refused to turn around.
That’s the best I can do, God. It’s the only step I can make right now. I’m trying to forgive her—I’m really trying.

Her mother’s silence was unnerving, but instead of forcing
the issue, Ashley spooned the dough onto the pan and waited for some sort of response. She was ready to put the cookies in the oven before her mother finally replied.

“I’ll stay here, then. Lavelle and I can visit some more, and we can be here when Natalie returns.”

Ashley turned at this. She looked at her mother’s expression. She had masked all emotion, lest she be too vulnerable—Ashley knew that trick very well. She tried to think of a proper response, but a knock on the front door drew her attention instead.

“Natalie!”

Ashley ran through the house and threw open the door. Pastor McGuire stood there, hat in hand. The grin on his face instantly dispelled her first fears. “Ethan has found her. She’s safe and should arrive shortly. I can’t stay, as I’m getting the word out to the marshal and his men.”

Ashley hugged the surprised man and tears poured from her face as she stepped back. “Where was she?”

“Clear Creek, just like you suspected. You know her very well.” He tipped his hat and hurried back down the sidewalk. “Ethan’s bringing her home. They shouldn’t be far behind.”

Ashley clutched her hands together.
Natalie is safe. She will be home soon.
Putting her hand to her forehead, Ashley looked first down the street in one direction and then the other. Nothing. Just Pastor McGuire making his way at a rapid pace to the east.

Remembering her baking and fearing that it might already be burning, Ashley moved back to the kitchen. She was surprised to find her mother pulling the pan of golden sugar cookies from the oven.