Desire (27 page)

27

Maya

“I told you to keep
these above your head,” Isaac snarls, lifting his face from between my legs to grab my wandering hands and put them back up on the headboard.

I screech and squirm when he latches on to my nipples harshly, laughing against my skin. His kisses travel back down my stomach as his finger dips inside of me. T
his has been going on for over an hour, I can’t take it anymore. I let go of the metal frame that he told me to hold onto, my hands sliding down shakily. I just wanted to run my fingers through his hair, but he catches my wrists and pins them against the bed next to my hips as I pant in frustration.

Smirking down at me, he sits up on his knees,
his expression just a little too dark to allow me to fully appreciate his chiseled torso. But my fingers twitch at the sight of those carved muscles on his hips just above his low slung, unbuttoned jeans, straining to get free of his grasp. He snickers, flashing me a twisted version of that tilted smile. Is he mad at me?

Letting my hands go, he nods, glancing down at the throbbing between my legs. Is
he going to make me do it myself? I blush as he watches me, waiting.

“I don’t think so,” he
chuckles, stopping me right before my fingers make contact. “I want your hungry mouth on me.
Now
.”

“Isaac…”

“I said now.” Gripping me by the hair, he plunges his tongue into my mouth, swallowing my painful yelp as he pulls us off the bed and leaves me on my knees. “Put your hands on my stomach where I can see them and open your mouth.”

I f
lood my ankles and squirm, raising my hands up to rest them on his abdomen, unable to resist the urge to dig my nails into his flesh. He pushes inside me roughly, making me draw back, but he catches the back of my head and slides in deeper. Why is he doing this? I try to pull away, but an arrogant, growly laugh escapes him as he tightens his hold. I get lightheaded as I instinctually realize that he’s punishing me, that he won’t let me off. I slide my hands down his thighs and trace circles on his knees.
Yellow
. I hope he can hear me. But his head is tossed back when look up, he’s lost in it. It has been a while since he’s gotten any. I try to relax, but I gag and tap his knee, starting to panic as I thrash to get him out of my mouth. Blinking, confused eyes stare down at me as a tear rolls down my cheek. My lips are trembling when he finally withdraws and I sink back on my feet, cowering away from him.

“M
aya,” he whispers as he kneels in front of me. I flinch when his hand in my hair loosens and slides down my spine

I don’t want to let him know that he scared me, but he sees it.
“Please,” I beg, mainly trying to distract him, though my clit is still throbbing as I squirm.

Turning his head
to the side, he curses himself under his breath. “Yes.” He kisses my forehead. “I’m sorry. I went way too far, baby. It’s okay.” He grabs my wandering hands and I squeal loudly in protest. “No, let me. Just relax, I’m back,” he murmurs, scooping me up to the bed. “Breathe.” His shaky fingers wipe my tears away and he kisses my face everywhere tenderly as he pushes in slowly. I writhe and buck up to meet him, but he holds still. “Long even breaths. It’s okay, I’m right here.”

“Please, Isaac,” I
moan, nuzzling into his neck as my fingers dig into his back.

“
Just hold on to me.”

Cup
ping the back of my head and my ass, he starts thrusting as I shudder. He tells me to breathe, but I need to bite down on my spot. I latch onto him and he yelps, but I can’t let go, screeching like an animal as I scatter. He holds my head against his shoulder as another explosion rocks my body, whispering how much he loves me into my ear. He’s visibly shaken when he leans back to look at my face, but I’m feral, pulling him to me for a kiss.

“
More,
” I whine, making him laugh at little.

I
drag my fingers down his stomach and lock eyes with him, watching his grow darker again. We both growl possessively and our lips crash into each other. Pulling my hair, he fucks me ruthlessly until I pour out and scream again. But he’s not finished, rolling beneath me as he drags his lips up my throat. When the world comes back in focus, I’m sitting upright on top of him, blinking and bewildered as he thrusts upwards and groans.

“
I need to see them bounce,” he demands, pawing at my breasts. I blush, but I’ve gained enough weight that they actually do now, at least a little bit. The hunger in his voice lifts the corners of my mouth and my tingling fingertips glide across his collarbone. He bucks up roughly, my eyes widening in surprise as I let out a series of choppy cries. His hands slide down my flanks and rest on my hips as his eyes stay glued to my chest, holding me firmly down on him. I shudder and lean forward, catching myself on the headboard so he can grope and suckle my breasts. “I am going to fuck these again soon,” he rasps, squeezing, pinching, and nipping me as I scream.

I
n that disoriented moment when I go limp, he flips me onto my stomach, snaking his arm up my belly and between my breasts until my throat rests in his hand. He never squeezes and this time is no different, his thumb tickling the square of my jaw as he drives inside of me, holding me on him with his finger on my clit.

“
Come with me, Maya,” he whispers, rattling me when his voice cracks. I try, but I can’t, resisting the urge to fake it as he does. He’s shaking a little as he lays me down gently and crawls off, sitting against the headboard and covering his face in his hands.

“H
ey…” I weasel my way under his arm. “I’m okay.” I kiss his sternum and check the bite mark, relieved that I didn’t draw blood.

“I’m not. I can’t handle this anymore, I fucking hate myself so much right now.” He pulls me into his lap, kissing me everywhere, threading his fingers
loosely into my hair.

“Isaac…” His face just kills me when he gets like this. I don’t look at it for long because he sinks his head down into my shoulder, shuddering as his arms circle my waist tightly.

“I asked you to safeword.”

“But you were just teasing me.”

“You know what I’m talking about, you can see me lose it. I
need
you to fucking safeword, I am fucking begging you. Why can’t you do it?” He lifts his head, staring into my eyes. His are so lost. I totally failed him back there. “Why?” I can’t look at him, turning away until his hand closes into a fist in my hair and forces me to face him. “Tell me what you wish you weren’t thinking about right now,” he pleads, but I can’t. “
Maya.”

“Them.
Her.
Stuff you did with the other women you used to train, stuff you did with her. I know you can’t do what you like without it hurting sometimes.”

He chokes on his breath.
“That is not true. I never fucked anyone like I fuck you.”

“You said teasing was your favorite thing to do.”

“It is totally different. You have to stop doing this to me. It’s not the fucking same, I swear. I don’t know how to describe it to you without getting unnecessarily graphic.” Part of me wants him to, but I know it’s a horrible idea. There’s an awkward silence between us that he is not going to break.

“
That’s not the only reason,” I admit. His head cocks to the side, confused and curious. “I still get off on it when you use me, I can’t help it.”

“
Fuck! Maya…”

“I
t’s not as twisted as you think. I just love to see the look on your face, hear the way you breathe. You look so satisfied, you’re not worried. You’re free and I gave it to you.”

“I hate to break it to you, baby, but freedom is not what I’m feeling.”

“It’s not?”

“No
t even close.”

“Tell me what you wish you weren’t thinking about right now.” I’m expecting him to smile
the way he usually does when I quote him, but instead his face hardens and he drops my hand, looking away. “Isaac…” I lean forward and kiss his cheek, soothing the back of his neck with my fingers. “Baby, it’s okay. You can tell me.”

“
This is going to hurt your feelings and I already made you cry, while you sucked my dick of course, and I can’t really deal with hurting you again right now.”

“
I don’t know if you noticed or not, but I’m not the sniveling train wreck that cries at the drop of a hat anymore.”

“Oh,
I fucking noticed,” he huffs. “Maybe that’s part of my problem.”

“What?”

“If that’s who you were when you fell in love with me, but it’s not who you are now…”

“Woah,
hold on a second. I am the same person, I was just going through a really fucked up rough patch.”

“
I don’t feel like you need me as much as you used to.”

“Of course I do.” He rolls his eyes, pulling away, almost like he doesn’t believe me. “Hey,” I say sternly, grabbing his chin
. Reluctantly, he lets me pull his face to mine. “I still freak the hell out, just not outwardly. I can’t do that anymore, I just can’t function. But that is not why I love you, Isaac, it never was. It has nothing to do with being needy. What the hell is going on with you?”

“I… get like that when I feel like I can’t trust you.”
Ouch.
Now that did sting quite a bit, but there’s no way I’m going to let him see how much, not that he’s looking at me anymore. “And it’s a fucked up, horrible feeling, like I’m trying to hold onto water but it’s slipping through my fingers. The only way I can feel better about it is by… imposing myself on you. But afterwards…” He chokes up, interlocking his fingers with mine. “Afterwards, I realize how fucking meaningless that is and I just fucking hate myself. Because if I have to force you to want me, it doesn’t count. I’ve already lost you, you’re already gone.”

“Isaac...
” I can’t believe I’m hearing this. “Baby, where the hell is this coming from?”

“I’m not really sure.” That’s not true, I can see it on his face. “Maybe it’s because
I can’t see you as much as I need to. And now you’re back in school, surrounded by all these guys. Smart, normal, stable guys that make a lot more sense for you, that have a lot more to offer than I ever will. We’re not in our little bubble anymore,” he whispers, his voice cracking. “You’re waking up, snapping out of the trance he had you trapped in. You have to be realizing that you can do a lot better than me.”

“I don’t want anyone else. I don’t even look at other guys, and
not
because they aren’t as hot as you,” I answer before he can ask. “It’s you, it’s
always
going to be you.”

“Have you
, uh… slept with any of the guys that you see all the time?”

“There’s a few one night stands floating around, yeah.”

He growls, his jaw tensing. “I am such a fucking hypocrite when it comes that that shit, I’m sorry. But when I think about someone else touching you… I lose my fucking mind, I can’t take it.”

“I know,” I say calmly. “
If there was a chance you’d run into them, I don’t even know if I would tell you even though I think that’s standard procedure in relationships.”

“That’s probably a good idea, but it
really
pisses me off.”

“It’s just a few shitty,
mostly unsatisfying, drunken one night stands, that’s it. No emotional attachments.”

“You’re memory is too perfect to use terms like
few
,” he spits.

I fight the urge to roll my eyes at him, but I’m more than a little annoyed. “Four. Total
, on the entire campus and two of them aren’t in any of my classes.”

“What about the friends with benefits?”

“Other than Sam, they have all graduated.”

“I want your number.”

“Isaac…”
I don’t care if you’re ridiculously hot when you’re super jealous, you’re still kind of being a dick.

“I can’t give you mine, you can.”

“I’ve never counted, do you really want me to relive the memories right now to give it to you?”

“No!” His eyes widen. “Fuck! Do you do that, recreationally?”

“Only with you,” I coo.

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart.” I trace an X across my sternum and his eyes linger on my breasts. “Someone’s still horny.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I’ll safeword.”

“No,” he says
. “My stupid dick can fuck off.”

We both try not to
giggle at his poor choice of words and fail miserably. “You haven’t got laid for a week, maybe you need to get off a few more times to get it out of your system, especially if you’re super jealous. You’ll be less likely to freak out on me then.” I can see him considering my logic. “I think that might be a good way to… address some of your trust issues. You like it when I prove it to you. With my mouth.”

He inhales raggedly
, his eyes raking my body. “Okay,” he rasps. Crawling out of his lap, I flash him a mischievous grin, barely getting one in return. Right before I sink down on him, I hesitate, my eyes locking onto his scar. “Stop. I have another idea.”