Desire of the Soul (5 page)

Duke didn’t ask me what I wanted to do. He did what he wanted. And by doing that, I guess I lost a piece of my humanity. I lost the part that made up my freedom. The freedom to walk in a house without asking. The freedom to walk out in the sun without making sure to put on a little sunscreen, because Amatores skin is so very sensitive to sunlight. The freedom to be me and do crazy things just because I feel like it.

I wanted the answer to be yes. Killing people and hurting their families and friends was worth it. It was worth my freedom. But I knew that wasn’t true.
 

I couldn’t put myself so high above others because although I may not be human anymore, I still had those bits and pieces of humanity left within my soul. There was no off switch for the guilt I would feel as I lived in purgatory, wondering what terrors my body was ravaging on Earth. There would be no off switch for the monster that I would have unleashed upon innocent humans.

‘
Tammy. It’s me.... Duke. I-I’m so sorry Tammy. If I had... If I had known she was here I would have killed her. You’re right, this is my fault and you are paying for my terrible mistakes. I am so sorry Tammy...if I could turn back the clock and not have turned Kallisto, I would.
 

But I-I can’t. So I’m going to have to man up and pay for my mistakes, I’m going after you. I shouldn’t have let you go in the first place Tammy, because I love you too. There is so much I have still to tell you, so much that you don’t know.

I turned you for a reason Tammy, a reason that you need to know. I promise you that I am not the monster of a child’s nightmares, I promise that I will be your prince in shining armor, that I will save you from the terrible dragon and steal you away from your locked tower. I promise you that I will kill Kallisto, make her pay for the pain she is causing you. I promise that I-I love you Tammy.

Duke’s voice slammed through my mind, and as he said those last words I felt my heart soar. He loved me...he really did.
 

A small smile lifted on my face, and I opened my eyes that had closed when Duke had ‘messaged’
 
me.
 

Kallisto’s face was inches away from my own.

She slapped me across my face, making my whole body move, and I screamed. I was burning again. Every part of my body was burning to a crisp, from the outside-in.
 

Tears and snot were running down my cheeks as I cried out with pain. I heard a voice screaming in my head repeatedly, but didn’t know what they said. All I knew was that I was feeling pain, intense and burning pain, and that I wanted it to stop.
 

I heard Kallisto laughing, but felt my pain starting to drift away. I felt me, starting to drift away. I wasn’t in the small room with the concrete walls and floors anymore.
 

I was floating throughout the world, my soul searching for the one that completed it. It wasn’t there though. It wasn’t floating, looking for me to return by its side. I found my body again and looked down upon it, as smoke curled in beautiful tendrils off of it and Kallisto continued laughing. Finally my body jumped one more time, before my eyes rolled behind my head, and I stopped moving.

The Past

I floated through time, not knowing exactly where I was going, just reveling in the beauty of my surroundings. Colors flew by me as I went back throughout the years, words whispered to me as I passed by time. I couldn’t make sense of the words though, they sounded as though millions of people were crowding around my head. My thoughts floated away as a specific time stood out to me, and I floated towards it. 1654. I felt a shiver pass through my soul as I shot into the time frame, and the world flew sharply into focus.

I was on a cobblestone street, horses pulling wooden carriages around. There were kids running around, their clothes stained by dirt, and their mothers yelling after them to no avail.
 

One woman in particular stood out, younger than the rest and looking as though she had just sat in a mud bath, and my heart went cold. I had just seen this same person laughing over my body, as it burned from the acid that she wrapped around my wrists.
 

Kallisto looked different, she was tanner and her eyes were an ocean blue. She wore a simple white dress that came down to her knees, and no shoes. She had no trace of the evil that I had seen in her when she was a vampire, it was instead replaced by compassion and humanity, more of it in her than anyone else I had ever met. What made her lose her that when she turned?

I could easily see why Duke had fallen in love with her, because she was nothing like I’d imagined she would be.
 

“Darius! Come over here! Mother will be home soon, and if she learns that you are running around in the dirt after you just took a bath then you will be in trouble,” Kallisto yelled out, and the boy she was talking to laughed.

“C’mon Kally! I promise I’ll take another bath when I’m done! And I’ll even clean the dishes! You won’t have to help either! I promise Kally!” Darius said, his voice pleading as he stared at his friends who had stopped long enough to watch Darius and his sister.

Kallisto sighed, then smiled and waved Darius off. “Fine...but only for a little while. Mother will be home soon, and when she is home you better be washed and ready for dinner.”
 

Darius hugged Kallisto tight, and then ran to his friends. She smiled again, and then walked into her home. It was a small wooden house, and there was a couple large holes in the wall that I assumed were supposed to be windows.
 

I followed her inside, not surprised that the inside of her house was as bare as the outside. Her family seemed to be very poor, their clothing drab. Kallisto must have been very happy when she was offered eternal life.
 

I heard a noise and turned quickly, my mouth dropping. It was Duke. He looked almost the same, although his clothing was different. His eyes were their normal grey that sparkled and shone when he looked into specific light, and his smile just as teasing.
 

“Duke!” Kallisto said, her voice taking on a breathy quality as she looked him over. “Why, I did not expect you quite yet! Mother is making dinner for us, the whole family, and so I said that she wouldn’t have to hurry because you wouldn’t be here until the sun fell. Oh gosh, I’m so sorry Duke. We haven’t got any food ready and I-”
 

Duke laughed, his eyes twinkling with delight, and he grabbed Kallisto by the waist. “Oh darling, do not worry. I have only come here to see you! I wanted to see you like this one more time...before...” he trailed off, the happiness draining out of his eyes. “Oh well, at least we will get to be together for an eternity. That is much better than dying, is it not?”
 

Kallisto looked confused and almost said something, but then smartly thought better of it and just rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say Duke. Now, may we please go out and possibly walk? I do not feel at all comfortable with staying inside with a man. I apologize, it’s just... I’m sorry,” she whispered, her eyes tearing up. “I shouldn’t let what other people say get to me. Just ignore what I have said.”
 

Dukes eyes had stared to burn red for a moment, but they quickly turned grey again and he nodded. “Very well then, now would you like to sit? Or, if you don’t mind me asking, can you get me a cup of something to drink? I am getting quite parched for some reason,” he said, staring hungrily at Kallisto’s neck.
 

She just bit her lip, a habit I used to have when I was human, and lifted her shoulders. “Well, I mean I could get you something to drink...but then that would lower our time alone. And you know how precious time alone is,” Kallisto purred, licking her lips seductively.
 
It was as if her earlier worry about being inside alone with Duke had completely disappeared.

Rage went through me, and I felt my vision go red. If only I was not just an apparition, I could pounce on her and she would never know what happened. How could she even think to take my man? The one that I was created for? Who does she think she is doing that? She seemed to be nice as a human, but doesn’t she get that taking another girls man was just not cool?
 

Kallisto glided over to where Duke had taken a seat, and sat herself on top of him. His eyes stayed glued to her neck, and I knew that even though he seemed to have planned on waiting, Kallisto was pushing him to his limit. He was hungry and she was right there, her body scent wafting into his nose.
 

I saw the red hit his eyes before Kallisto did, and watched as he bit into her. They both started to moan, pushing themselves closer and tighter to each other, and I felt like I was intruding on something. I looked away, and felt my thoughts crowding around me.

Why had it been painful the first time I’d been bit? I hadn’t felt the connection that Duke and Kallisto obviously were feeling, but why? Did that mean that Duke wasn’t right for me? Or was it something else? Was my blood not right? Or was that just my body’s response to being bitten? What was wrong with me?

When the moaning had stopped, I turned to see Duke feeding his blood into Kallisto’s still body. It jumped once, before her eyes snapped open and she started to scream.
 

Tears ran down her face as the change started, pain clearly written in her eyes. Duke just softly petted her hair, calming her down until she was lulled into a deep sleep. Then he picked her up, and ran out of the house and into the fading daylight. My body trailed after his, no control on where I was going.
 

We ended at a small shack consisting of one room. There were no windows in the shack and so if you did not have amazing sight like I, or any other Amatores did, then all you would see is vague shapes in the darkness.
 

Duke set Kallisto on the bed, the only furniture in the room, and lay down beside her. “Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris? Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior,” he murmured, once again stroking her hair.
 

“I hate and I love. How can I do that, you might ask me perhaps? I do not know. But that’s what I feel and this is torture,”
 
a voice whispered, and I slowly turned. I didn’t want it to be, but I knew it was.
 

Kallisto was standing before me, in the same spirit form that I had taken. She was glowing with a strange light as she translated Dukes words, her eyes sad as she turned to look at me. “It is from a poem, Catullus 85, by the Roman poet Catullus...Duke loves his work. I do not know who you are, but I watch you now and wonder. Have you always been watching over Duke and me? Are you an angel?” she asked me, her voice getting soft and excited.

I sighed, wishing I was home again. I wanted so badly to be tucked in my sheets again, looking at my parents as though I had no care in the world. But I had surpassed that area, and I guess now was a better time than none to get up and face Kallisto.
 

“I am no angel, and um you won’t be either when Duke wakes you. You see, you’re going to become...an Amatores Sanguinis. You should understand what that means, since you can apparently
 
translate Latin,” I muttered, my voice hard.
 

Kallisto’s eyes widened as she stared at her cold body, and she started to cry. “I will not return then!” she announced when her tears stopped falling. “I would rather walk the Earth as I am now, then kill those who are innocent. My mother used to say to me when I was young, Verum dic tibi ipsi, it meant be true to yourself without hesitation. By killing innocents, I am being true to none.”

I held in laughter at her outburst, and just nodded. “Good for you,” I said, then turned around and left. My heart felt heavy as realization dawned on me and I turned to run back, but it was too late. Time was catching up with me again, pulling me into its swirls of brilliant light.

Letting Go

I woke in my body again, the memories of before still ingrained in my head. What had I just done? Did I actually just Time Travel? Or was that just nothing more than a dream, caused by my overactive imagination and stress?

Kallisto wasn’t in the room and my hands were unbound, giving me the freedom to look at the damage done.
 

An immediate mistake, because when I saw my black and charred wrists I threw up. When everything in my stomach was gone, I realized they no longer hurt, and had instead started to tingle. Duke had taught me that tingling meant healing, and so I had a small glimmer of hope for my wrists.
 

But I had to stop thinking of myself, and focus on Kallisto. Before I wouldn’t have cared if she died, hell that was the very least that she deserved, but I knew now that what she became was my fault. If I had actually traveled through Time, then I also basically convinced Kallisto to let go, and let her body turn into a vampire. So I had to get her back to herself, but how was I supposed to do that?

My thoughts were cut off as Duke crowded my brain, his voice lifting my spirits immediately.
 
’Tam, I’m almost there. I don’t know what she did to you, but please Tammy...please stay with me. Don’t go all right? I could hear you screaming in my head, and...and I felt the same pain you did. It was terrible... please Tammy... please be okay.’