Desire Unmatched: 4 (Coded for Love) (14 page)

They all sat in a messy circle, chowing down on Marlena’s
muffins, which were admittedly fabulous. Another awkward silence fell over the
group. Whatever hilarious conversation he and Emma had interrupted upon entry
had died a quick death. He wanted to head back to bed, taking her with him, but
she seemed perfectly happy sitting around the circle with people her own age.

Suddenly he felt very old.

Finally one kid broke the silence. “Uh, Mr. Bristack, sir,
is it true you escaped a cargo ship full of terrorists to swim to the south of
France?”

He blinked at the question, but was distracted my Emma’s
peal of laughter.

“Mr. Bristack? Sir?” She doubled over laughing. “Oh my God.
Call him Xander. Why are you acting like he’s some legend?” Her giggles
continued to surface.

The other soldiers looked from him to her, clearly unsure
how to behave. He stared back at them. Six weeks ago, he would’ve given them
the evil eye telling them, hell yes, they’d better call him Mr. Bristack or
Sir. Hell, six weeks ago, he would never have found himself in this situation.
He would’ve been in his bed. Alone. Not hanging out with a bunch of
twenty-somethings who’d taken the pussy way out of the Program by going to
college, unlike most of his cohort who’d bypassed college to become killers.

Emma’s laughter slowed and even she now eyed him with
trepidation. He couldn’t stand that. There was only one thing to do. He plucked
her from her chair and dropped her on his lap, tickling her then wrapping his
arms around her body to shush her. “It’s cool. Call me Xander.”

Emma relaxed on his lap and curled up against him. He
stretched his legs out and looked to the other soldiers. He’d been wrong to
call them boys. He’d already been on multiple missions by the time he was their
age. And it wasn’t wrong they’d elected college. It was probably smart of them.
They were obviously committed to the Program, judging by how fast they’d quit
to return here. “What was that bullshit you said about me swimming across a
gulf to escape terrorists?”

The tension flooded out of the room like air leaving a
balloon with a pinhole. The muffin basket got passed around again, and Xander
found himself telling of his escape between bites of muffin. He left out the
isolation and the fear, opting instead to share the strategy behind all his
choices. When he got to the part about interrupting one of the terrorists getting
ridden by some chick, he actually got a huge laugh.

Sure, it was funny now he was safe back on campus, but the
terror he’d felt gnawed at him. His escape had been pure luck with a little
skill. He could just as easily be lying dead next to Paulson’s body in that
basement in Marseille, no one ever knowing what had become of him. Emma
would’ve lived the rest of her life never knowing how much he’d wanted her.
She’d gone the entire month he was missing thinking he wasn’t interested,
thinking he didn’t care.

His hold on her tightened, and he needed to get out of here.
“We’re going back to bed.” He stood, cradling Emma against him, and nodded at
the circle of soldiers. It was a much different group who called good night
than forty minutes before when he’d barged in on their party. They looked at
him with different eyes, and their farewells were to Xander, not sir.

He wasn’t one hundred percent sure how he felt about it, but
it was too late to do anything. The door had been opened, and he’d never again
be a remote scary bastard in their eyes. One more thing to attribute to Emma’s
influence on him.

Holding his precious bundle, he walked out of the cafeteria,
backing up against the exterior double doors to open them.

“I can walk,” she said quietly, but she remained relaxed
against him, making no move to jump out of his arms.

“I know you can. I like you where you are.” He shifted her
slightly to get a better grip.

“Thank you,” she said softly. They both knew she wasn’t
thanking him for carrying her. It was for how he’d acted with the other
soldiers, her peers. He knew he’d been awkward among her friends at the movie
earlier, but he’d atoned for it by hanging out with the younger cohort tonight.
He’d probably never be fully comfortable in large groups, but tonight had been
a first step. For Emma he could try to be social.

The next morning Xander woke and blinked at his unfamiliar
surroundings. He assumed it would take a few weeks before his brain assimilated
the fact he was safe at home and not a hostage in a basement.

Even better, there was a warm female stretched out next to
him. That guaranteed more than anything he would make the transition to knowing
his surroundings more easily. It was difficult to ignore Emma’s sexy body,
naked and curled up against him.

He ran through his mental health-checklist faster than he’d
ever done before. When he got to his dick, which was hard as it was every
morning, he paused. He could do something about it this morning. Well, he
mentally amended, he did something about it every morning. But this morning, he
could take care of it with Emma. It didn’t have to be a solo thing.

“What has you grinning this morning?” Emma smiled sleepily
at him, curled on her side.

He turned to her, surprised she was awake already, and decided
to be honest. “You.” Might as well be fully honest. “And sex.”

She laughed and shifted to snuggle in closer to him. His
erection brushed her silky skin. “You like it, then?”

“I fucking love it.”

He hissed as her hand circled him and squeezed. “What would
you do about this if I weren’t here?” she asked.

He froze, unsure of what she wanted. Surely she knew he
masturbated. He felt like a tool admitting how much he had been jerking off,
but it wasn’t a state secret that guys self-pleasured.

Emma slid a leg over his thigh and covered half his body
with her own. Her lips came up against his ear. “Would you touch yourself?”

He nodded silently, staring up at the ceiling.

“A lot?”

Another nod.

“Show me.” Her weight was suddenly gone and she was sitting wrapped
in the sheet, looking at him.

“What?”

“You heard me.” Her smile was evil seduction. “I want to see
you touch yourself. What do you think about? Would you think about me?”

His cock, which had hardened to the point of pain, twitched
at her words. If only she knew how often he’d thought of her while jerking off.
He pulled the blanket tightly around his hips and turned to her. “Emma. There’s
something I have to tell you.”

The laughter around her lips died and she quieted down.
“What?”

When he remained silent, she patted his forearm. “Xander,
you can tell me anything. I won’t judge. Don’t be embarrassed about
masturbating. I did. More times than I care to think about.”

“You did?” For a second his attention was diverted by her
confession. Rationally, he knew women masturbated, but he’d never visualized
Emma doing it. Now he couldn’t get the image out of his mind. How did she do
it? Did she use her fingers? A vibrator? Did she think about…him?

“You totally ignored me for a month, and then you were gone
for a month. I’ve been rather desperate.”

Her words reminded him why he’d been gone for a month and
what he had to tell her. “Emma, I’m not embarrassed about touching myself.
Well, I am, but not for the reasons you think.” He felt his cheeks grow hot but
forced himself to continue. “I haven’t told everyone everything about my
kidnapping.”

She didn’t respond and simply reached for his hand to hold
it tightly. He squeezed back and kept talking. “When I was in France,” he said,
his words making it seem as if he’d been on vacation, “Paulson told me he’d
help me escape if I cooperated.”

“He did?” She looked stunned.

“Yeah, well, I think he realized he got in over his head
working with terrorists. He wanted out.”

“What did he ask you to do?”

He glanced down at his lap. “Had to provide a semen sample
every morning.” He let her read between the lines on that one for a minute.

“And?”

“What do you mean ‘and’? I told you. I had to jerk off into
a cup every damn day. That was all there was to do. Jerk off, do crunches,
planks and push-ups. Rinse, repeat.”

She shocked the shit out of him by grabbing his chin and
jerking it, forcing him to look at her. Her eyes were narrowed and he tried and
failed not to notice the sheet had slipped off her body to reveal her pink
nipples. “What aren’t you telling me?”

He swallowed and held her gaze. “I thought of you,” he said
in a low voice. “Every time. It was the one thing that could get me hard. I
only had to picture you in my mind, and I could perform.”

“Wha—”

“At first,” he interrupted. “After a few days, I needed
more. I got creative.”

“What do you mean?” Her fingers on his chin slackened and
lowered to his forearm.

“I pictured you…doing stuff…dirty stuff. I used you bad,
Emma. I’m sorry.” His voice cracked a little on his apology.

“Funny,” she said pertly. “I don’t feel dirty or used.”

“You can’t believe the things I had you do in my
imagination.” He had to tell her or he’d feel forever guilty.

“I think you should tell me every dirty act I performed. Let
me be the judge.” To his everlasting shock there was a small smile playing on
her lips.

“Are you…are you amused by this?”

She lost the smile. “Am I amused you were kidnapped, held
against your will and forced to do a sexual act? Hell no. I want to cry when I
think about it, and I want to kill Paulson myself. Am I intrigued and aroused
that you fantasized about me? Absolutely. I want to hear all about it in every
filthy detail.” She shoved the sheet off her body, then yanked the blanket off
his hips. His erection was still there, begging for attention.

She planted a quick kiss on its tip, then sat back up. “You
are going to show me exactly what happened. How you held yourself, what you
thought about, everything.”

He stared at her, unable to form words. She wasn’t angry?
She wanted to see him jerk off? It was the last reaction he’d ever expected. He
kept staring at her, then realized she was waiting for him to make a move.
Silently he took his cock in hand.

“Go on,” she said quietly, watching his face.

“I’d…I’d start off slow, a few easy strokes. I tried to
force you out of my mind because I didn’t want you in that basement with me.
You’d already been through one kidnapping, it felt like I was forcing you into
it again.”

Her lips parted to speak, but he forced his words out.
“Trying not to think of you only made me think of you more. I pictured you on
your knees in front of me. My cock was in your mouth. You sucked me so hard. I
wanted to come in your mouth, but I didn’t.” His words were flying fast and
furious now.

His hand on his cock stroked harder, and he chanced a glance
to see how she was taking it so far. Her cheeks were pink, and holy shit, one
of her hands was between her legs. His breath caught and he had to swallow
before he could continue.

“You’d suck until I was close, and then I’d get on my knees
behind you. You’d stick your ass in the air and I’d fuck you from behind. So
hard, Emma. I’d fuck you so hard.” He finished his tale and stilled his hand on
his cock. He was close to coming, but couldn’t until he gauged her reaction. He
looked at her from under his half-closed eyelids. She didn’t look angry. The
hand between her legs was moving faster.

“Let’s do it,” she said.

“Do what?”

“Exactly what you described. Stand up.”

He waited until she’d climbed off the bed and was kneeling
on the carpet to make sure he’d understood her. If he was assessing this
correctly, he was about to get his first blowjob. If he didn’t spontaneously
come first.

His body flew off the bed to stand in front of her. He
fisted his hands at his side. In his fantasies, he’d curled them in her hair
and pushed her face into his cock. He’d never disrespect her like that in real
life.

Emma looked up at him from her spot on the floor. “Spread
your legs a little. And put your hands on my head. Guide me to where you want
me.”

He needed air or he was going pass out like a pussy.
Tentatively, he reached out and clasped her head, one hand on each side. Her
hair tangled around his fingers. It was blonde now, much lighter than when he’d
met her in the summer. He pulled her toward him and closed his eyes as his cock
was surrounded by the warm, wet heat of her mouth.

He experimented, pushing her head back, then thrusting his
hips to meet her lips. Emma kneeling at his feet, lips wide to suck him was the
hottest thing bar none. If they were going to make it to the second part of his
fantasy, it was going to have to be a fast blowjob. Someday he’d ask for this
again. He fucking loved it. Every male of his acquaintance had talked about
blowjobs reverently, and now he got it. He really fucking got it.

“Emma, turn around. On all fours,” he said suddenly, pushing
her off his cock. He dropped to his knees and found her pussy. She was wet and
open for him, welcoming him in.

“Hold my hips,” she said, swinging her head to look back at
him. “Fuck me. Hard, like you want to.”

He groaned and followed orders. The unpadded carpet
scratched at his knees as he swung his hips forward and back, taking what he
wanted from Emma, giving her everything he had.

Her pants and gasps reached his ears, sending his own desire
soaring. Her ass pushed back hard in counterpoint to his thrusts and he knew
this wasn’t going to last much longer. It was everything he’d fantasized come
to life, but much better. It was better because Emma was actually there with
him. Not a fantasy Emma who didn’t tease him and look at him sweetly enough to
give him a toothache. No, she was with him, and better than he’d ever dreamed.

“Gonna come,” he managed, moving his hips faster, harder.
His balls squeezed into his body.

“Hold on,” she gasped. He followed her body down as she
collapsed lower, choosing to use a hand to toy with her clit instead of holding
her body up. When she began to squeeze around him in waves, he gave himself
permission to let go and come into her body.

His fingers squeezed her hipbones hard enough to leave a
mark, and his eyes closed from the pleasure. Even when he’d finished coming,
her muscles still hugged him in little ripples that threatened to torture him
with their pleasure.

For long minutes, they stayed in position, connected on the
carpet, until he finally found the strength to pull out. Their groans covered
the slippery wet sound of his cock leaving her body.

He sat back on his haunches and traced a finger down the
narrow curve of her spine. Her skin was silky and coated in a damp sheen of
sweat. She’d collapsed face first onto the floor. Summoning energy, he got to
his feet and pulled her up. It wasn’t easy, as she was total dead weight. He
flipped her over in his arms and chuckled at her blissed-out expression. Her
eyes were closed and a thin smile spread across her face.

He tossed her in the bed, laughing when her eyes flew open
as she bounced on the shitty futon mattress. “Rest,” he told her. “And then
you’re moving in with me today.”

He blinked as his vision wavered slightly and his knees
buckled. He made it onto the bed before he made a fool of himself by passing
out.

She curled into him. “You okay?”

His arms wrapped around her and he nuzzled her cheek before
answering. “You’re going to fuck me to death. I need a nap. Sex is hard work.”

She laughed. “Xander, you made a funny. Your first joke.
Mark this in the calendar.”

“It wasn’t my only first today,” he muttered, closing his
eyes, telling himself he’d nap for a minute or two, then get dressed for work.

He opened his eyes when he felt Emma’s face two inches from
his, staring down intently. “What was the other first, Xander?” she asked.

“Blowjob,” he finally said, deciding to be honest. She
hadn’t shut him down yet, and he’d been honest about everything else.

Her eyes widened. “That was your first blowjob.”

He shifted back on the pillow. “Yeah.”

She climbed on top of him, resting her chin on her hands,
which were flat on his chest. “I can’t believe that.”

“Why not? I told you, I had very little experience with
women.”

“I remember, it’s that—”

“What?” he asked when she stopped.

“Nothing. Never mind.”

He pulled at her wrists and flipped them over so he hovered
over her on the mattress. He held her wrists in place above her head. “Tell
me.” She dared to roll her eyes at him.

“I don’t want to tell you. It’ll only make my life harder.”

“Make your life harder? What the hell are you talking
about?” He let go of her wrists and moved to sit at her side and stare at her.
She sat up and concentrated on tugging the sheet up to cover them. “I want to
make your life easier, not harder.”

Finally, she looked at him. “Xander, you’re gorgeous.”

That was not what he was expecting. “What?”

“You’re gorgeous,” she repeated. “So gorgeous, I’m surprised
women haven’t dropped on their knees in front of you begging to let them
pleasure you.”

He snorted. “That’s ridiculous. If I’m so…gorgeous, why have
I had sex with exactly three women? Why haven’t I had sex in four years?”

“Four years?” She gave her head a shake. “Because you give
off a don’t-fuck-with-me vibe. You do it to everyone. You’re the most beautiful
man I’ve ever seen, but also the scariest.”

He sat back, trying to process her words. She kept talking,
really getting into her subject now if her gesticulating hands were any indication.
“Also, you live on a mostly male campus. Who are the women you meet? Marlena?
Doctor Wise? And when you go off campus you tend to be on a mission, but I
promise you, if you ever threw on civilian clothes and went to a bar, you could
go home with any woman in there. Even the married ones.”

He didn’t know whether to laugh at her declaration or deny
it. He wasn’t an idiot. He’d looked in a mirror enough to know his features
were even. His nose was a normal size and not hooked or anything. His eyes were
dark brown and his skin was usually tan from all his runs in the sun. But
gorgeous? She was shitting him.