Desperate Measures (37 page)

“You could have invited me, Pete.”

“Touché. I'll let you know about Leo. I feel like shit, Annie.”

“I know, Pete.”

“She's squabbling with Janny. That's not good. Can't they see she needs help? You know what hurts the most, Annie?”

Annie rotated the glass in her hands. “What, Pete?”

“She was more interested in how Fairy Tales was doing than in me. Doesn't that strike you as odd?”

“Pete, you're closing your mind to what she's going through. She was talking to you, hearing your voice. She knew you were okay, knew you initiated the call. She didn't know anything about Fairy Tales, so it was natural for her to ask. She responded to your news about Leo out of frustration. You need to have more of an open mind, Pete.”

“She said she might as well be dead.” He stared at Annie, a strange look on his face. “You would never act like that, you'd never say a thing like that.”

Annie sucked in her breath. He was making comparisons. She felt light-headed. “She didn't mean it, Pete. Nobody wants to be dead. She's angry, and I don't blame her. Actually, it goes beyond angry. I don't know what the word is, but whatever it is, she's it. When she has time to think about things, she'll realize you're hurting as much as she is. Who's to say how I'd react in a similar situation?” She looked away, avoiding Pete's eyes.

“She's never going to forgive me for not jumping at the offer to join her. I could hear it in her voice. She doesn't want me to initiate any more calls. What does that tell you? Another thing, I think . . . I lied when I said I'd wait . . . forever. I lied.”

“She's disappointed, unhappy, trying to cope, and you do not know for a fact that she is not going to forgive you. You are assuming again, Pete. If you lied, as you said, you were under stress, just as she was,” Annie said lamely.

Pete stretched out his hand to take her hand in his. “Thanks, Annie, you're a true friend. If you hadn't been at the store, I probably would have walked straight into traffic without a second thought. My life wouldn't be complete without you.” His thoughts rolled back over the years. His feelings and emotions threatened to suffocate him.

“Let's talk about something else. Did you send flowers to the hospital?”

“No, but I will. Do you mind if I go back to your apartment to shower and change before I go back to the hospital?”

“Of course I don't mind. Talk to me about Leo, Pete.”

He didn't want to talk about Leo, and he wasn't sure why. Maybe it had something to do with mortality. If Leo died, he'd be staring his own mortality square in the eye. All the buffers would be gone. Leo wasn't that old. Christ, he was thirty-six himself. If he went by Leo's number, half his life was over. The thought was so chilling, he swallowed the bourbon in his glass in one long gulp. He sputtered, to Annie's amusement.

“Do you realize, Annie,” Pete said when his sputtering was over, “that half my life is over? Right now, at this point in time, I'm half shot down.”

“Guess that puts me in the same category,” Annie said lightly. “Does that mean we should start stewing and fretting, or should we do something wild and crazy? Like that time we went cow tipping.” She started to giggle. Pete laughed so hard, tears rolled down his cheeks.

God, he loved this woman sitting across from him. They had so many memories. They had so much. It struck him then that he loved Annie Gabriel the way a man is supposed to love a woman. His stomach curled in fear at the realization. Maddie Stern was an interlude in his life to get him to this place in time. Jesus H. Christ. Annie was saying something, he had to pay attention.

“It's harder for women to get older. Men grow distinguished, and women just seem to get older. Why is it that men want young, nubile females when they get to their forties and fifties? They think nineteen is ... don't they realize how foolish they look with a young thing like that hanging on their arm?”

He needed to think, to talk to Barney. His foot moved jerkily and he grabbed his kneecap and twisted it. Later, when he felt the pain, he wondered why he'd done such a dumb thing. He broke out into a sweat. She was waiting for him to say something. “I guess . . . I suppose they're trying to recapture their youth,” he said. “I would never do that.” Jesus, what a stupid thing to say, he thought.

“You can't stop the clock,” Annie said quietly. “You can work out till you're ready to turn blue, you can get cosmetic surgery, you can dress like you did when you were nineteen, but you're still the same age.”

She was pretty. No, she was more than pretty. She was somewhere between pretty and beautiful. Hell no, she was beautiful. He loved the way her eyes crinkled up when she smiled. He loved the wide smile that always reached her eyes. He loved her energy, her intellect. He loved Annie Gabriel. He leaned across the table, his eyes intent. “Annie, why didn't we ever . . . you know, get together?”

Annie's stomach churned. She wanted to scream. She needed to say just the right thing. “I guess we didn't want to spoil a wonderful friendship.”

“Nah, it was Dennis. You were the first one to go into a relationship. I think I was just hanging in there waiting for you to make a move in my direction.” Pete stared into the amber liquid in his glass. This wasn't the right time or place. He needed time. Time to ... time to ...

“Why was I the one who was supposed to make a move?” Annie asked. “Isn't it the man who's supposed to do that? Besides, you never gave me any encouragement. I might have . . . you know, but who wants to be rebuffed?”

“Aren't . . . didn't you do the same thing you are always accusing me of?”

“What's that?”

“You always say I assume and presume. That's what you did, Annie, you assumed I would rebuff you.”

“Well, wouldn't you have?” Annie said tightly.

“I don't know that and neither do you. That was then. You can be a real hard-ass when you want to be, do you know that?”

“I think we're on dangerous ground here. I think we should order, since we've been drinking on an empty stomach. The only thing I had to eat today was cottage cheese.”

“Jeez, Annie, that's terrible,” Pete said, his eyes rolling from side to side. “I'm going to buy you the biggest steak this establishment has to offer,” he added magnanimously, his arm narrowly missing the glasses on the table as he gestured with a wide flourish.

“No. This is my treat,” Annie said. “I'm buying
you
the biggest steak this establishment has to offer. And lots of black coffee. They serve good apple pie here.”

“It can't be half as good as yours,” Pete said loyally. He wanted to say something meaningful, but he felt numb.

“That's probably true, but for a restaurant it's good,” Annie said with no trace of false modesty.

“We get along very well, don't we, Annie? How long have we been friends? Forever, right?” Forever meant forever. He'd fucked up. Big-time. He wanted to tell her ... needed to tell her.

Annie signaled the waitress. “It seems like I've known you forever,” she said carefully.

“Maddie and I were never . . . we went right into the relationship. We should have been friends first. That's what happened to you and Dennis. You need to be friends first or you have no foundation for a relationship to grow on. Isn't that right, Annie?” That was meaningful, wasn't it?

“How do you know that's what happened to me and Dennis?” Annie said crossly.

Pete did his best to widen his eyes. “Because, Miss Smart-ass, you told me. How else would I know? You should have told me that when I met Maddie. What kind of friend are you?” The kind of friend, he answered himself, who . . . who . . .

“The kind that minds her own business. I didn't see you sticking your nose into my business when I started dating Dennis.”

“That's because I'm not as smart as you. You're smart, Annie. You even have common sense.”

She was in a prickly mood now. He knew her so well. What the hell did he say to put this strange look on her face?

“You always have the right answer, or you point me in the right direction,” he said. “You've never failed me. Except for Christmas.”

“You didn't invite me. Let's drop it, Pete.” To the hovering waitress she said, “Two porterhouse steaks, baked potatoes, sour cream and butter, creamy Italian dressing, string beans with almonds. Coffee. Bring the coffee now, please.”

“You're supposed to tell me what you want, and I'm supposed to order it. That's the man's job. You screwed up, Annie.”

“I'm paying the bill, so I can order. It would have taken you an hour to decide.” She giggled. “You're half drunk.”

“It's your fault, you brought me here. I want blue cheese.”

“You hate blue cheese dressing,” Annie snapped.

“Maddie likes it. She said I would learn to like it. You're right, I hate it.”

“If you don't mind my asking, what exactly did you and Maddie have in common?”

“Is this one of those trick questions?” Pete asked, slurring his words. When he saw the disgust on Annie's face, he made an attempt to straighten his slumped shoulders and look Annie in the eye. He wanted to tell her he loved her, had always loved her but was too damn stupid to know it.

“We . . . well . . . sex was good. We like . . . liked the same kinds of movies, you know, murder and mayhem. We both like to read in bed. We both like . . . stuffed peppers with a side order of sour cream cucumbers. What else do you want to know? Ah, I see by your expression you don't think those are good enough reasons to get married. I didn't like her friends, she didn't like mine. I did like Janny, though. Well, are you going to say something?”

“No.”

“Does that mean you're pissed off?”

“It doesn't mean any such thing. I think, Pete, you need to go into what you used to call your ‘think tank,' and not come out until you have things straight in your head. This might be none of my business, but what did she think about you guys going to Bell's Beach?”

“She said she'd go. Sometime. I'm going, did I tell you that? Leo gave me an open ticket. He wants me to go. The surfboard is all ready. All I have to do is decide the time and the date. If I wanted you to go with me, would I have to send you an engraved invitation? I don't want to make another stupid mistake like I made at Christmas time.” He sucked in his breath, waiting for her answer.

Annie felt herself grow light-headed. “A verbal invitation would suffice. Look, here's our salads.”

It was the look on her face that smoothed out the wrinkles in his heart.

“Thank God it's creamy Italian,” Pete said, staring at his salad bowl. “Jesus, you have no idea how much I hate blue cheese.”

“Eat.”

“Nag, nag, nag,” Pete said. Time, he thought, would make it right.

 

Annie stared at the phone in her hand, then hung up. She felt almost dizzy as the breath she'd been holding swooshed out of her lungs. Her knees wobbled as she made her way to the couch to sit down. Jakes had said he had a lead on Barney. “I've dropped everything to concentrate on it,” the detective told her. “I know it's taken a long time, but I did tell you I wouldn't give up. Keep your fingers crossed. I feel in my gut we're going to make Pete Sorenson one happy man soon. Thanks to you, Annie. I'll call when I have more news, and don't worry, I didn't forget, he's to show up with a big, red bow on his head. Pete's gonna love you forever for this, Annie. See you.”

Pete's gonna love you forever.
She wished. God, how she wished. Tears brimmed in Annie's eyes.
This is the last thing I'm doing for you, Pete Sorenson. I need to start over without you in my life. Knowing I was able to do this, with Jakes's help, well, that ends it for me. Am I being noble here, a martyr, or what? I don't know. What I do know is I can't go through another holiday season. Thanksgiving, yes. Because I have so much to be thankful for. Then it's good-bye, Pete, hello world.

Sniffling and hiccuping, Annie made her way to the kitchen. What she needed was a good strong cup of coffee laced with something, and whatever that something was, it was going to be one hundred proof. Maybe she'd get snookered all by herself so she could have a good crying jag. The kind where her eyes puffed up and got red and she got hoarse from sobbing. Her nose would get red from blowing it and she'd use up a whole box of tissues. Her good-bye salute to Pete Sorenson. Damn straight it was her good-bye salute.

Some things just weren't meant to be.

 

Pete left the hospital. Thirty minutes later he was ringing Annie's doorbell.

“I didn't know where else to go,” Pete said brokenly. “Leo . . . passed away. I don't know if I can handle this, Annie.”

Annie gritted her teeth and tried to bring her friend's countenance into focus. She tried harder and managed somehow to usher him into the apartment. He seemed oblivious to her condition. Pete needed her. She was supposed to respond in true Annie fashion. She was supposed to make things better for him. What about me? she screamed silently. She took a deep breath. Thank God she hadn't had that last drink. If she'd consumed it, she'd be lying under the table right now.

“Pete, God never gives us more than we can handle. You thought you couldn't handle Maddie's disappearance, but you did. Leo wouldn't want you to cave in now. I'll make some fresh coffee.”

“Tea. Annie, make me tea. My mother always used to make tea for my father when things weren't going right. Tea and toast. Something light. Nourishment. The only reason I was able to handle it was because of you. Only you, Annie.”