Destined to Play, Feel, Fly Trilogy (52 page)

I release a deep sigh filled with both frustration and resignation. ‘I honestly don’t know what to say. I feel numb.’

‘I can understand you feeling numb. Just as I feel furious with her heinous demands. But I know you too well, AB, to think that you don’t have thousands of thoughts running through that beautiful head on your shoulders. Please, share them with me. Now more than ever we need to communicate openly with each other. Don’t let her get between us by sending a piece of paper.’

An anxious chuckle escapes me at his oversimplification of my dilemma. ‘Is that how you would describe those headlines if they were about you, Dr Quinn? A mere piece of paper.’

The image of those headlines has been burned indelibly into my brain:

‘I’m not saying it’s great, obviously. But it’s nothing we can’t deal with. We are stronger than that.’

‘The photos, J, you should see the photos she has of me. As if the headlines aren’t bad enough but she has the graphic evidence that, shown in the wrong context, supports them. If they were just between you and me, I’ve no doubt we’d find them privately provocative. But to share them with the world … I’m a mother, a professional. This exposure will ruin me, ruin us. The way Jurilique presents them means they can only be seen as seriously f’ed up from society’s perspective. I don’t want to be in a world where they exist publicly. And imagine if the kids ever saw …’ I choke on my tears, which prevents me from continuing.

‘They won’t, Alexa.’

Frustration at his dismissal of my fears tumbles out in my words. ‘Don’t tell me they won’t when they will. You don’t know what she’s like. I’ll end up as a recluse if I don’t give her what she wants in ten days. Unable to work any more, unable to face the world, or even my own family if the truth be known. I swear to God and to you, I will never allow her to touch my children. She can have my blood and I’ll keep my life. It’s the only way to deal with this.’

I feel Jeremy’s chest rise and fall with each breath, and I sense his attempt to control his anger and anxiety for my sake. His palm is absentmindedly stroking my shoulder and now I wish I could hear his thoughts. I’m as concerned about his silence as he was with mine. We both know this argument is not going to be resolved tonight, so I change tack. ‘Can you promise me one thing?’

‘Depends.’ His mood remains dark; he is still far away from me, absorbed in his thoughts.

‘We only have a few more days left at Disney World with the kids until we meet up with Robert. I don’t want them to know anything about this. I want to enjoy this time with them in case —’

His hand immediately covers my mouth, stopping me from saying any more.

‘Don’t ever speak like that, Alexa. I literally won’t let you.’ He maintains this position to give more credence to his statement and grips me tight against his hard body, as if buying time to get his own thoughts in order. His legs anchor around mine and
twist around my ankles, spreading me as wide as the bath will allow. I’m fully restrained against him. ‘But I think it’s a good idea,’ he continues. ‘We should maintain the status quo while we’re here, for the sake of the children.’

I immediately relax as he accepts my suggestion and my body melts into the warmth of his.

‘Now that we have at least agreed on one thing, I have some additional business to attend to.’ I try to speak, but his hand still covers my mouth. I think he is enjoying controlling the silence, possibly the only thing he can control about me at the moment, so I remain still against him. He can sense my question. ‘Well, sweetheart, if you’re not going to accept any drugs to help you sleep tonight, then the least I can do is provide your mind and body some relief and distraction from your endless thought processes.’

His free arm slides beneath my body and arrives conveniently between my legs, tantalisingly close to my sex. His hand around my mouth now stifles my groans, rather than my words, and he doesn’t hesitate to slip his finger in to torment my tongue. He has deftly pre-empted any potential protest as his magic fingers work between my legs to send my body into a frenzy. Almost instantly my ‘endless’ thoughts vaporise into the steaming water surrounding us.

I would have sworn that it would have been impossible for me to orgasm in my current state of angst. I was wrong. Twice, as a matter of fact. What is it about us and baths?

Needless to say, my emotional exhaustion, and the ultimate escapism he provided enabled me to achieve just what the doctor ordered … a dreamless night’s sleep.

Wishing time would stand still rather than marching determinedly forward, we spend the next few days wholeheartedly engaged with Elizabeth and Jordan at Disney World. We water slide, fall from terrifying heights, get splashed on boat rides, experience 4D movies, see ghosts, meet Mickey and Minnie and Donald’s entire family, Lightning McQueen, Tinkerbell and Ariel, and they all still managed to touch the kids’ hearts, as did their rides. Martin is never more than a few feet away from us and it was obvious he and Jeremy have reinforcements, who, even though they attempt to blend into the crowds, are continually loitering in the background. I don’t want anything to distract me from the kids’ joy so I don’t discuss it with Jeremy, knowing it would be a yet another redundant argument. I can’t help but notice the tentative looks that continually pass between him and Martin whenever we are out in public. Each time I catch them, Jeremy immediately masks his concern with a smile and enthusiastically captures the kids’ attention to distract me, and them, from my impending doom.

Our initial plan is to check out of the hotel tomorrow night and fly to Los Angeles to meet up
with Robert, before heading back to Tasmania. I’m not sure if I want Robert involved in any of this chaos. I just want it to be over as soon as possible. Jeremy has asked me to think about whether or not I would have Elizabeth and Jordan’s blood tested; perhaps I’m being naive, but I want them to enjoy the holiday without needles and my mess impinging on their happiness. So many irresolvable thoughts, questions and logistics cascade through my head.

We haven’t had further discussions. We are both desperately trying to live in denial as long as we can stretch it out. A few times during the night, when we are meant to be sleeping, I notice Jeremy out in the lounge room with only the lamp on. One time I catch him pacing the floor and speaking in hushed, anxious tones on the phone. As soon as he sees me in the doorway he quickly hangs up and wraps me in his arms, ushering us both back to bed. The look in his eyes clearly informs me that any questions I have will not be answered right now, but I try anyway.

‘Jeremy, we need to talk. There is so much to work out and I’m starting to freak —’

He silences me with an index finger across my lips, looks something up on his phone and slips it into the docking station before whipping into the bathroom and returning with the ylang ylang massage oil. No doubt he senses my restlessness, but he hasn’t uttered a word since ending his phone call. When he returns the acoustic sounds of classic Australian songs filter through the room.

He slides off my pyjama top (I thought it was best to leave the negligees for when we’re on our own, for the kids’ sake) and guides me onto my stomach. Straddling my buttocks, he positions my arms either side of my body and rubs his hands together in the slippery oil. His large hands slide along my back and shoulders, loosening the tension that has been building since the arrival of the Wicked Witch’s letter. This feels
so
good.

He continues along my arms and hands, ensuring no part of my upper body is left ignored. I release a sigh as some more of my tension eases. After his thorough absorption with my back, he guides me to my front, now straddling my hips and thighs. He re-anoints his palms with the oil and begins the same process over my belly, chest and breasts. I feel my muscles melting under his firm rhythmic touch.

I stare into his eyes, which seem to be searching my soul in our silence. As if sensing my thoughts he lifts my wrist to his lips and kisses my bracelet.

‘Anam Cara,’ I whisper, knowing we are soul companions, knowing this bracelet symbolises our union and connection to each other. From a practical perspective, it also ensures he can never lose track of me given its GPS chip, something that was weird for me at first but which I’m forever grateful for since my abduction. And they’ve modified the bracelet again to ensure I can be tracked absolutely anywhere … underground, underwater or whatever. Knowing that it can’t be removed protects me and links me to
Jeremy always. It binds us together even when we are forced apart.

My heart strains as I acknowledge how hard it will be for him to let me go, or for me to be taken away from him again, but I also know I don’t have a choice. I must do this for my children and for our future together. Surely he realises there is no other way. A tear slides down my face and his kiss is now tender against my cheek instead of against the precious jewellery encircling my wrist. More than anything, right this second and forever more I want Jeremy’s body and soul with me, just as he is now, with focus, dedication and an intimacy and knowledge that has only strengthened between us over the years.

He has been swelling in anticipation since rendering me topless and it is only a few seconds before both our pyjama bottoms are tossed to the floor. He holds himself above me, allowing me to feel his heat and hungrily caress his body.

I am more than ready for him, but suddenly he is in no rush; he kisses me in four places and lingers on sucking and nibbling of each one of my erogenous zones until I’m as wet with perspiration as I am below with desire. His lips reach my lips, his teeth nibbling, his tongue playing until I’m rapturous with desire and he slowly slides his full length into me. I wrap my legs around his taut butt as he anchors my hands to the bed with his. He adjusts slightly to find the perfect pressure point deep inside me, matching the same pressure with his tongue, almost suffocating my mouth with the same fullness as below.

We build together, we move together and we erupt together in perfect synchronicity and with a whispering scream we cry out each other’s name in the height of our shared ecstasy. At this moment there is a part deep within me that fully comprehends that having finally found me again, he will never let me go.

I
t would have been sad to leave this magical artificial world under normal circumstances, let alone the cloud of threat we are under. The kids want one more ride around the park on the monorail to say goodbye before we depart and I can’t say no. Who knows if we will ever be back here?

Jeremy seems more than agitated when I agree to their request as he moves around the apartment making sure we have packed everything. ‘There is just so much stuff.’

I can’t help but laugh. ‘Welcome to the world of kids, J. There is always stuff, everywhere, every day.’ I grab hold of his waist as he flies past me in a flurry. ‘What is it? You don’t seem yourself today.’

I wasn’t sure whether I’d done something to specifically bother him or whether he was finally starting to crack under the stress of our undiscussed situation.

‘I’d just rather you not go on another ride. Haven’t you all had enough?’ Something is definitely bothering him. His anxiety has been rising as our departure grows imminent.

‘How about I go with the kids and you stay here and have a moment on your own to get everything together? There’s really only your work things and we’re all set.’

The kids are playing rock, paper, scissors next to us so I have my ‘everything is perfectly under control’ face and voice on. I’m getting better at it and he seems in no mood to be confronted by my concerns.

‘No, Alexa, I’m not letting you out of my sight.’

It is this statement that triggers the realisation in my mind that I actually haven’t been alone with Elizabeth and Jordan since the first night we arrived. Jeremy has been with us constantly. They immediately look toward Jeremy sensing the change in the tone of his voice.

I embrace him, pulling his head toward me so I can whisper: ‘Please, one circuit on the monorail. It will be good for us and it will give me an opportunity to be with them alone.’

‘No, what if —’

I quickly cut him off with a promise. ‘I will take Martin and one of those other minders. We will get on, complete one circuit and get off at the same station. I promise you. Please,’ I plead with him. ‘We’ll be fine, honestly.’

Exasperation shifts to acceptance as he extracts me from his arms and strides out to arrange it personally with Martin. I sigh into the room as I acknowledge
how even the simplest of things in my life have become increasingly complicated since meeting with Jeremy all those months ago.

He kisses me out the door, holding my chin between his fingers and making direct eye contact, as if to ensure he has my undivided attention. ‘One circuit — no getting off.’

I stand on my tiptoes and peck his lips. ‘I love you too, J.’

We leave serious Jeremy behind and the kids are thrilled we have the green light to go. Thankfully, they don’t understand the particulars of why this needs to be such a big deal, and are now so used to being trailed by our keepers, they don’t ask any questions. And so, we say farewell to a place they have loved visiting, one last time.

Jeremy appears to be calmer and in a much better mood when we return and even has a skinny flat white and a firm embrace waiting for me. He visibly relaxes the second we walk in.

‘See, safe and sound.’

‘Just as well, sweetheart, or I would have had Martin’s head.’

I look warily toward Martin, not necessarily doubting the sincerity of Jeremy’s words. He nods his thanks to Martin; they have already been through more than enough drama together because of me. It will end soon, I reassure myself. As soon as I give Jurilique what she wants. I hope. I stop my brain from considering the possibility of any other outcome.

I quickly drink my coffee as the minders take our bags to the stretch limousine waiting downstairs — more fun for the kids.

‘Alrighty, let’s go.’ We gather our things together as the kids pick up their newly-acquired stuffed animals and we assemble ourselves into the lift and out into the limo. I lean into the car to ensure the kids are settled in their seats and as I back out to collect my other bag, Jeremy shoves me straight back inside and closes the door. Good grief, what now?

The doors immediately lock and the kids stare at me with wide eyes and surprised faces. No doubt the look on my face isn’t helping. I gaze out the tinted windows to see Martin has apprehended a woman with a white envelope in her hand. She looks shocked and immediately drops it on the ground and tries to pull away from his grip. Hotel security arrives, though I can’t hear what they are saying with the windows up.

It appears to get sorted out rather quickly. Jeremy nods to Martin and he bends down to pick up the envelope and place it inside his jacket pocket. Jeremy then slides into the back of the limo with us as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened. The kids remain silent, which is unusual at the best of times, awaiting my response.

I decide now is not an appropriate time to question Jeremy and suggest a game of I-spy for distraction as the car slides smoothly out of the Disney fantasy and into the real world. Jeremy looks relieved at having avoided my inquisition yet again.

The return trip to the airport seems to be taking much longer than I remembered on arrival, but the kids are chatty and happy so I fully engage with them and enjoy their giggles and recollections of our past week together. That is until I see high-rise buildings glittering in the distance against a clear blue sky and Martin is driving the limo on the freeway directly toward them.

Shocked, I turn to Jeremy.

‘Do you have anything you need to share with me?’ I utter the words under my breath, thankful the kids are now happily absorbed in their technology and not me. His grip around my hand tightens as he shakes his head. More silence from him. ‘Well, I think you do and I’d like you to share it now.’

I shuffle around in my seat so I can make better eye contact with him. He shakes his head again. Damn him, he knows I’m not going to make a scene in front of the kids.

‘Please tell me where we are going, J, because if I’m not mistaken, it appears we are heading toward Miami and nowhere near Orlando International,’ I say sternly and as quietly as possible. I try to release my hand from his grip, but he tightens it further instead. ‘You’re not going to tell me what’s going on are you?’

‘Not here, no.’ He indicates toward the children.

Jeremy never eases his grip on my hand. I can sense his nerves and anxiety, which just go to heighten mine. Our eyes eventually connect. His are cloudy, blanketed with intense emotions, and he mouths the words ‘I love you’ as I notice a tear well up in his eye. Oh, dear god,
this must be killing him just as much as it is me. I close the distance between us and snuggle underneath his shoulder. He releases my hand, only to quickly clasp it again with his other hand, so he can wrap his arm around me. We remain this way in silence while we watch the rest of the world go by, on our way to our yet-to-be-disclosed destination.