Destiny Mine (25 page)

Kionee dried her tears, took a deep breath, and headed for camp.

On her way there, she encountered Regim. Both women halted and looked at each other. Regim shook her head in sad awareness, for Kionee had not been given enough time to conceal her troubled emotions.

“The light is gone from your eyes, and tears have replaced it,” she observed. “The smile has left your face, and pain makes lines in it which your mask does not hide. Joy has escaped your body. Weariness steals your spirit, and you move as one who is old. Your heart
bleeds over the Cheyenne warrior’s loss as mine does over Fire Woman’s.”

Kionee lowered her gaze. “Yes, my
Tiva-Chu
and friend, for I love him and need him. If I cannot have him, why did
Atah
put such powerful desire in my heart and body?”

“I do not know. You are strong, brave, and good, Kionee.
Atah
has blessed and gifted you with many skills and strengths. If it was possible for anyone to battle and defeat such a force and challenge, you could do so. As I watch you and sense your sufferings, it brings back thoughts of the long past moon when I loved and desired a man and could not have him. Does he know you are a woman? Does he also love and desire you?”

“Yes, but I did not tell him or do anything to expose myself to him. His instincts and skills are great, so he guessed my secret. He promised to tell no one, and he will keep his word. He said it was in his vision and those of their shaman for him to find a mate this season; he believes I am the woman for him and that is why our paths were crossed and why the signs of our animal spirits match and adorn our shields.” That thought elicited another one as her distressed mind wandered for a moment. “Maja has been given a mate; she follows us and they meet in the forest; soon he will leave me to return to his old life and I will be alone.”

She sensed Kionee’s despair and fear as she asked, “Did Stalking Wolf ask you to join to him?”

“Yes, many times, but I told him I could not leave my rank and family. He knows I cannot run away with him and endanger our alliance. He said he would wait until my destiny changed and
Atah
freed me.”

“Perhaps I was wrong when I said this was a test, an evil, you must fight and conquer. Perhaps, for reasons we do not understand and know,
Atah
brought you together for more than the deeds you carried out as companions.
Yet, until He changes your destiny and our laws, you cannot go to him, for the risks are too great and the dangers are too painful.”

“There is no hope for us to be together, for I cannot betray what I am.”

“With Fire Woman gone to live with the spirits in the stars, if
Atah
freed you, I could live with Strong Rock and Martay; I could be their Hunter-Guardian. But for me to take your place and for you to flee without
Atah
releasing you first, you and your family would face dishonor and endure great anguish. To choose Stalking Wolf—an outsider—over your parents, rank, people, and laws would stain you and your family. Stalking Wolf would become our enemy if he helped you. Our bond with the Cheyenne would be broken. Does his love and a life with him mean that much to you?”

“I cannot make that choice on this moon while my heart is in pain and my wits are dulled. I must wait and pray for
Atah
to send me a message to tell me what I must do before I act.”

“That is good and wise, Kionee; your heart is not selfish. I love you and I am proud of you. I will be near when you need to speak again, and I will be near if you decide to act upon your desires for him.”

Kionee hugged the older woman and thanked her for comfort and understanding. It had taken much for Regina to confess an unrequited love and to speak with such honesty and openness. It felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from her shoulders now that she had the woman to help her carry it. She smiled. “I thank
Atah
you are my friend and my mother’s…sister.” Yet, Kionee realized, Regim had said such things because the
Tiva-Chu
did not know she had already broken their law by yielding to passion. Kionee decided this was not the right time to confess such shocking news to her.

Regim smiled in return, took Kionee’s arm, and guided her away.

On the journey’s final night, Taysinga managed to whisper to Kionee as they passed while tending chores, “He asked me and I accepted. Tell no one until he reveals it to others. Thank you for helping me, my friend.”

Kionee was happy for the
tiva,
and relieved Night Walker’s futile and intimidating chase of her had ended. Joy and victory, she mused. So many fortunate people were experiencing those glorious things. Why not her?

At last, the Hanuevas reached their old campsite near the northern mouth of the Wind River Canyon, close to where hot springs bubbled from the ground and sent steam drifting into the sky. The air after sunset was getting cooler with every passing day; in another circle or two of full moons, winter with its blanketing snows and powerful winds would arrive.

The people settled among the trees and rocks beneath evergreen foothills which drifted upward into tall mountains on both sides of the river. Tipis were raised. Possessions were unloaded. Travois were taken apart, their wood frames to be used in cook fires. Horses were tended and tethered. Hides and meat from the seasonal hunt were stored until it was time to complete their preparations. The evening meal was started.

Kionee stroked Maja’s head before he vanished to join his mate for the night. She glanced to where several
tivas
were hauling willow sapplings into the edge of the trees to put the
Haukua
in its place. That sight reminded Kionee she had missed one visit there shortly before
their journey began. In a few suns it would be time to walk through its entrance again.

The next day, a signal was given by Regim for the
tivas
to go to the nearby cave where their
kims
were hidden. They would recover the female spirit vessels and place the clay pots in their meeting lodge. After the group reached that concealed location, a shocking discovery was made.

T
HE STARTLED
tivas
eyed the destruction of their
kims.
Large bear tracks were abundant around and in the cave and amidst the alarming sight. Smashed spirit vessels were tossed everywhere, their broken pieces and previous contents scattered and mingled beyond repair.

Regim and Kionee exchanged glances as both wondered if this was a sacred message from
Atah
to tell them it was time to end the masking custom and sacrificial rank.

“Is this a bad sign, our leader?” a young
tiva
asked the
Tiva-Chu.
“Have we displeased
Atah
and He punishes us with a warning? Do we purify ourselves and make new
kims?
”

“Perhaps
Atah
wishes to change our destinies again and He released our female spirits to return them to our bodies to make us women once more,” Regim speculated, “Perhaps He knows our people need more mates and children to make our tribe larger and stronger so the Bird Warriors will not attack and destroy us.”

“If that is true,” Taysinga ventured, “we must remove the paints from our faces and the marks from our hands so males will seek us out.”

“Bring Spotted Owl to us,” Regim told one of the
younger
tivas.
“We will ask our shaman to tell us the meaning of this sign.”

The holy man arrived and examined the shocking damage. “In my last dream when an owl whispered in my ear, I did not see masked hunters walking among our people. This custom began in a time when the Ancient Ones had more females born to them than males. That has changed; each season more families have sons than those who do not. Yet, our tribe grows smaller, for males cannot join females close to their bloodlines and we join only one mate.”

“Do you say it is time to halt the
tiva
custom and masking ritual?”

“That is what this sign and my dream tells me, great
Tiva-Chu.
We will wait until after another sign is given to tell others.”

“When will that message come, Spotted Owl? What will it be?”

“I do not know, Regim, but we will know it when it appears.”

After the mystified
tiva
group and the aging shaman returned to camp, Night Walker announced his choice of Taysinga to become his mate and her willing acceptance of him. Standing before his surprised father and the gathered tribe, he agreed to be her parents’ Hunter-Protector. After he defeated her in a contest of skills, all requirements of their law for her release were met.

The smiling
tivas
guided a glowing Taysinga to the forest cascade. Her face was scrubbed clean of paints. Her soot-black hair was unbraided, washed, brushed, and allowed to hang free for the first time since she was five years of age. Her skin was rubbed with dried herbs,
fragrant grasses, fresh sage, and wildflowers. The mark on her hand was burned away with hot coals, then the injury was tended with nature’s medicines. After it healed and the scab dropped off, only a scar would be visible. With the use of oil from the coneflower, Taysinga had felt little pain during the symbol’s destruction. She kept glancing at Kionee and smiling, as she knew without her friend’s help, this event would not be happening. She silently prayed that somehow Kionee could find this same happiness with Stalking Wolf. Though Kionee had not confessed love for the Cheyenne, Taysinga sensed it lived within the younger
tiva
’s heart and body; and she knew it lived within Stalking Wolfs. Yet, even with their
kims
broken and possible release ahead for all mask-wearers, he was not Hanuevan. How sad, she mused, for them to suffer such denials because of their law.

After the bathing ritual, Taysinga—dressed as a woman—began her next task. Excited women grouped to make the couple’s tipi from gifts of buffalo hides which were donated by delighted tribe members. Many people presented her with parfleches of dried meat and pemmican, tools, sitting or sleeping mats, and an assortment of other things required to start a new tipi and union. The women laughed, talked, offered Taysinga advice, and sang merry songs as they worked in a genial circle.

From a short distance, Kionee furtively watched and listened in near-envy of that occasion which she probably would never enjoy. If she had accepted Night Walker’s offer, she would be in Taysinga’s place right now, preparing a home and awaiting a ceremony, but dreading the night ahead in his arms. It was the Cheyenne warrior’s tipi, embrace, passion, and mat she wanted to share. It was their children she wanted to birth. It was his destiny she needed to mingle with hers.

* * *

As soon as the tipi was erected near the lodge of Bear’s Head, just as sunset arrived, the chiefs son and ex-
tiva
took positions in front of the shaman. They spoke words to reveal their intention to live as mates until death, and the tribe cheered them. Spotted Owl thanked
Atah,
blessed the couple, and handed Taysinga a talking-feather, which the woman gladly accepted and tucked inside her belt. The shaman wrapped a buffalo robe around them to signify they were now as one; then the smiling couple entered their cozy dwelling to seal their bond.

Members of the tribe told their current chief and Running Otter that they would provide the leader’s needs and protection, now that their son had a mate and her family as his responsibilities.

Bear’s Head smiled and thanked his generous people.

The crowd dispersed, leaving to eat, tend chores, and sleep.

Kionee sighed a deep breath of relief to have the threat of Night Walker removed. She headed for her family’s tipi where she would spend the rest of her life in a mask-wearer’s rank unless
Atah
changed His mind.

Blue Bird and Runs Fast were joined the following day at dusk, after their tipi was erected near Strong Rock’s. As soon as the happy couple entered it, Shining Star asked Moon Child to become his mate. That did not surprise any member of Kionee’s family, as the young man had spoken to the father and mother earlier that day.

“I accept you, Shining Star,” a beaming Moon Child
said, “but we can not join until after the next buffalo hunt, for we have no hides for a tipi.”

Regim returned the smile to the girl’s face and sparkle to her eyes with a reassuring suggestion. “I will give you the tipi I shared with Fire Woman. I will go to live with the
tiva
elders as is our way after parents are gone.”

“That is kind and generous, my brother,” Martay said.

“We thank you for your good heart and ways,” Strong Rock added.

Regim nodded and smiled, as that left only her parents for Kionee’s duty.

“Can we join on the next sun, Father?” the excited girl asked.

Strong Rock grinned and nodded permission. “Shining Star, go to speak with Spotted Owl and your parents so they can prepare for this event.”

The young hunter caressed Moon Child with his tender gaze, then left to do those elating tasks. The girl hurried inside to check her garments, as she wanted to wear the best and prettiest one tomorrow.

Kionee took a walk with Regim, for her silver wolf companion was gone for the night. “You brought great joy to Moon Child’s heart. By the time the sun sleeps again, my sisters will be with their mates. Taysinga is happy; she glows like a small sun; they are a good match. Soon the cold season will bring snow and they will all lie close to be warm and to share desires. Soon Maja will return to the wild, for he has taken a mate. Will the moon ever rise when I will know such freedom and happiness?”

“After the next sign is given to us, I will speak to the council to free you to join your love. I will offer to replace you in your tipi and rank.”

“Even if they cast aside the
tiva
law and free all of us to
become women, they will not agree for me to join to an outsider.”

“Perhaps after there is no secret to guard, they will do so. After all he and his people have done for us, he is worthy of you, if the path is cleared.”

“I fear to have hope for such a dream to come true.”

“If it is
Atah
’s desire, Kionee, it will happen.”

“Yes,
if
it is His desire,” she murmured in despair and doubt.

“If it is not, Kionee, you must accept that denial and obey our law. Do not call down great harm upon you and others with defiance.”

“Do not fear, Regim; I know where my first duty lies.”

As soon as Moon Child and Shining Star were joined and cuddled in Regim’s former tipi, Kionee walked in the forest with Maja. Now she was the Hunter-Guardian only for her parents, but that awesome rank and her tribe’s restrictive joining law still loomed over her head and kept Stalking Wolf out of her reach. She knew Regime could take charge of her duty if she deserted it, but nothing could be done about the other perils, nothing she could imagine. “I am still trapped, Maja, unless I flee and bring shame and anguish to myself and others. If I dared to take that risk, would they come to understand my choice, forgive me for making it? Would it destroy the alliance between Hanueva and Cheyenne? Could my people survive if that black sun rises? Could I live with such dishonor, live with such damage and death to others?”

The silver wolf licked Kionee’s hand and nestled close for comfort. He glanced toward the treeline where the female of his species awaited him. He seemed to feel torn between an urge to stay where he had lived so long and an urge to leave to roam as destiny intended. The
call of the wild had never been stronger in him than it was today. He appeared to perceive Kionee’s torment and loneliness, so his choice was hard. A teasing wind brought the scent of his mate to his nose; he felt her tug on his instincts. He looked in the direction where the she-wolf was concealed from Kionee’s sight and knew his place was in the wilderness with the other female.

Kionee stroked his head and the soft ruff on his neck. She had glimpsed the gray wolf in the trees and noticed how many times Maja’s gaze was pulled toward the creature. She sensed the battle within him. “We have been companions and friends for many seasons, Maja,” she said tenderly as she stroked him. “A chance for happiness has been given to you. It brings pain to think of your loss, but you must return to the life you left for me. You must be free. You must live as your kind does. You must cling to your mate, not to me. Go, Maja, join your mate and run in freedom and with love.”

The silver beast sensed the meaning of Kionee’s words and the deep emotions behind them. He nuzzled her shoulder, licked her cheek, and loped off to be with his waiting mate. He halted beside the sleek gray creature, gazed at Kionee for a time, then raced into the forest as she commanded.

Kionee watched them running and leaping joyously side by side until trees and bushes blocked her view. She told herself she had done the right thing, for Maja would not have left her until she insisted. It was done; he was lost to her, just as Stalking Wolf appeared to be lost to her. Yet, she should be happy that at least one of them had love and freedom. She took a deep breath to calm her odd tension, fought back tears, and returned to camp.

* * *

On the morning of the second day after Maja’s departure, Kionee sat near the place where her horses were tethered. Dread and panic filled her. She realized she had been sick too many times for it to be caused from eating tainted food. She often felt tired and sleepy and moody, and her breasts were tender. She also realized she had missed two visits to the
Haukau.
She had witnessed this same kind of illness in women, females who were carrying babies within their bodies.

She wondered if this was a sign from
Atah
to force her to make a choice she had delayed, the choice to join her lover. Or had it only happened to expose her passionate deeds and to punish her? She added up the time since her last blood flow and reasoned she had seven passings of the full moons before the child’s birth. Yet, she had only one or two cycles of it before her blooming body would reveal her situation to others. Even so, Kionee knew she could not act in haste or with dulled wits.

Joining with Night Walker could no longer be a means to resolve her problem. She was glad that was true so she would not be tricked by fear into accepting him as a mate. There was no time to select another Hanueva male and ensnare him, even if she were tempted to do so, which she was not. Of a sudden, she comprehended in alarm, her exposure and punishment would now imperil her unborn baby as well as her tribe and herself. It complicated the predicament for her, forced a decision upon her.

Kionee needed to speak with Regim. She went to her family’s tipi to ask the woman to walk with her. She found Martay writhing and weeping in great pain on her mat. Strong Rock and Regim were bending over the woman to tend her.

“What is wrong with Mother?” Kionee asked in dread.

“We do not know,” Regim replied in worry. “I will
summon Spotted Owl to pray for the evil spirits to halt their attack.” She left in haste.

Martay gripped Kionee’s hand. “Something bites into my body and tries to claw its way out. I have displeased
Atah
and He punishes me.”

“That is not true, Mother,” Kionee refuted. “You are a good woman; there is no reason for
Atah
to harm you. You will be well soon.” Yet, troubled Kionee feared this suffering was her fault; she had brought torment upon the woman who gave her birth, a mother whom she had betrayed in secret. In rising alarm, she watched Martay squirm and struggle as she suppressed screams of pain.

Spotted Owl arrived. The others moved aside for the shaman and medicine man to examine Martay. He looked confused as his hands roamed her lower abdomen as it tightened and relaxed. He saw a rush of water soak the woman’s dress, mat, and legs. His skilled hands checked her again. In surprise, he announced, “A child struggles to come forth.”

“What do you say, Spotted Owl?” Strong Rock murmured.

“I feel the body of a child. It is near birth. I must send women to help her, for I am not the one needed here.” He left to seek that special help.

Martay shrieked in pain as the child’s head surged from her body. “There is no time. I must remove my breechclout. It is coming now.”