Dev Dreams, Volume One (9 page)

Alex called down the hallway after him,
“Don't do anything stupid, Jake. He did this to Paul, think what he
could do to you!”

Jake knew where to find Derek, in a
little-used bathroom at the far end of the school. Derek used it as
though it were his own private office. Jake pushed open the door
with his shoulder and Derek regarded him without surprise. “Are you
upset about what I did to that fag?” Derek said.

“If you mean Paul, then yes.”

“So he sent a cripple to beat me up? Why
didn't he send his boyfriend?”

“If you mean Alex, then fuck you, you don't
know anything about us.”

“Taking this awfully personally, aren't
you?”

“Yes, I am taking this personally, because
it's my family you're screwing with. I should have put you in your
place years ago.”

Derek laughed. “I'm not going to hit you,
cripple.”

“You know my name.”

“You're right, I do.”

Then Jake punched him in the stomach. Derek
doubled over, his eyes bulging in surprise. He coughed, tried to
get his breath back. He stood up and no longer looked superior and
in control, it was real rage in his eyes. Jake considered for a
moment that he may have miscalculated this.

But Derek took a deep breath and instead of
lashing out, kicked the cane out of Jake's hand. Jake, not prepared
for the sudden lack of support, grabbed the sink next to him to
stay upright. “You know he deserved it,” Derek said. “You can't
just wear whatever you want, do whatever you want. Order has to be
maintained.”

“By you? Why don't you let yourself off the
hook?”

“Things are going to go my way. I am the one
in control here, Kenley, don't forget it. I can do whatever I want
to you, or to that snot-nosed queer who looks down on me.”

“Go ahead, then. Be a big man, beat up on the
people who are weaker than you are.”

“That's what you don't get, you're all weaker
than I am. Every last one of you.”

“In this little fishpond, fine. Maybe that's
true, but you're going to get crushed by the world at large.”

“I'll take my chances,” Derek said, and he
walked forward, giving Jake a push as he walked past him out the
door. Jake hit the ground, but didn't bother to get up for a while.
He looked up at the bottom of the porcelain sink and wondered if
that really counted as doing something he was afraid of. He decided
that it did. Derek would be out of his life soon enough and Jake
would not have wanted to miss the chance to confront him. Jake
pulled out his cellphone and dialed his brother.

“Is Paul okay?”

“He'll be fine. Are you?”

“Yeah.”

The principal made an announcement asking for
anyone with information on the attack to come forward. It was a
pointless gesture. Everyone knew who had done it and no one was
going to tell him.

That night the twins were eating dinner
alone, as their parents were out at another of their functions.
Jake took it as a good sign that they were continuing their social
calender despite his diagnosis. Alex had spent the afternoon with
Paul in the hospital.

“His parents came to get him and the hospital
had no problem releasing him, it's mostly just a lot of
bruising.”

“If Paul wouldn't dress the way he does.”

“So it's his fault that they harass him?
Jesus, Jake, he could have been killed.”

“No, it's not his fault, it's just I wish he
would take more care to protect himself. He chooses to stick out
and people who stick out get picked on.”

“I know you're too cool for him now, but he
is your friend.”

“Don't talk like that. It's not that I think
I'm too cool, it's that I know how to blend in and not cause a
stir. You and Sophie and Paul don't seem to have that skill. Why
does he let people think that he's gay?”

Alex picked up his plate and walked out of
the kitchen and up the stairs without answering.

***

Sophie heard the news the next day when Paul
wasn't in school. That afternoon Jake was taking the town bus with
her. His house was close to school, but not close enough for him to
walk anymore. While they sat on the bus, Jake tried his argument
again, this time with Sophie. “Why does Paul have to make himself a
target the way he does?”

“Really? That's what you think? Why does
Derek think it's his right to punish people who are minding their
own business?”

“It's just how things work.”

“I've had about enough of you,” Sophie
said.

“You know you love me.”

“You are so self-absorbed.”

“Am not.”

“Have you even noticed what's going on with
your brother?”

“What's wrong with Alex?”

“I don't know, but something is eating at
him. You're so wrapped up in yourself you can't notice anyone
else.”

“Cut it out, I've heard enough about what a
selfish son-of-a-bitch I am, okay? There's nothing wrong with my
brother.”

“I'm just saying...”

“If I'm so self-absorbed, how did I figure
out what your problem is?”

“What are you talking about?”

“All these fears and sensory problems, I did
some research and you have Asperger's syndrome.”

“Jake, you're not exactly a doctor.”

He opened his backpack and pulled out a stack
of printed pages. “Here, I printed this out, read it and you'll see
it explains every one of your quirks. I have a label, and now you
get to have one too.”

Sophie looked down at the pages. She wasn't
sure how she felt about this. On the one hand, it might be nice to
find out there was a reason for her quirks, but would it take away
her uniqueness to know that? Jake seemed to see it as something
that bonded them and that was touching to her. So, she smiled and
thanked him for going to the trouble of finding this
information.

“Let's talk about something more fun,” she
said. “The prom is coming up.”

“You think I should go to the prom? Sophie,
you really have lost it.”

“We should all go. You'll regret it later if
you don't.”

“I'm already regretting going.”

“So that means you're coming?”

“I don't have a date.”

“Come with your brother and Paul and me,
we'll just do a group thing.”

Jake grumbled a non-committal noise, but two
weeks later he found himself sitting at a table in a ballroom
watching people dance. He was already in a bad mood because they'd
had to fight to use the elevator to get to the ballroom where the
prom was being held. “I'm not trying to look like a pimp with this
fucking thing,” Jake had said to the person at the front desk,
holding up his cane, “I can't walk right, you idiot.” Alex took
over and convinced the man to let them use the elevator.

“I can't believe you talked me into this,”
Jake said now.

“I just thought you might have a good time,”
Sophie said.

“Watching Lucy dance. That's a real good
time.”

“Shut-up, Jake. You don't have the monopoly
on misery here.”

“You seem to be having a fine time.”

“Seem.” Sophie looked out across the dance
floor away from him, but he still saw her eyes and knew that
something was bothering her. Still, he wasn't ready to let go of
his own pain.

“What are you all upset about? Nobody asked
you to the dance?” he said.

Sophie stared at him and just as guilt began
to prickle his skin she spoke, '”Fine. I don't know why I talk to
you. I can see you're too busy feeling sorry for yourself to
consider the strain this night puts on other people besides
you.”

“This was your idea,” Jake said, but she was
already gone, shoving her way through the crowd. He knew she didn't
leave the dance, though, because he saw her a while later standing
on the other side of the room.

Sophie thought about calling her dad to pick
her up. She didn't know why she had thought this would be fun. Most
of the time it didn't bother her that she wasn't a popular kid, but
she could really feel how different she was here. And time was
running out for her to do what she had promised she would. Tonight
was the perfect opportunity and she was fighting it.

She didn't have a cellphone, as she found
phones scary, but she could use the phone downstairs at the venue.
It was an emergency, she could get through one simple phone call to
her dad. She started to walk that way, but tripped on the hem of
her dress. She was powerless to stop the forward momentum and
landed in an embarrassed heap on the floor. Her face flushed and
her vision began to blur with tears. She would never be the
graceful, elegant, mature women that Jake dated.

She hardly felt the energy to get to her feet
again. The night could not get any worse. This was going to be her
memory of her senior prom. It was ruined.

Then a hand presented itself in her periphery
vision, through the veil her own hair was creating across her
face.

“Thank you,” she muttered, grasping the hand
and standing up. She found herself standing in front of Jake, less
than two inches from his face. “Sorry,” she said, “You shouldn't be
having to rescue me all the time.”

He smiled. “If I don't do it, who will?
Sophie, you are such a walking disaster that you may be the only
person left on earth that I can still help.” He pulled her close
and hugged her with one arm, while leaning on his cane with the
other. “Why don't you come back to the table and make fun of people
with me?”

She started to smile and agree when she
noticed something over his shoulder. “Oh my gosh,” she said, her
mouth hanging open in surprise, and Jake slowly turned to see what
she was looking at.

It was his brother. A slow song was playing
and Alex was swaying while holding Paul. They seemed unaware of the
rest of the room, looking only at each other. People nearby stopped
dancing, looked around at everyone else to see what they should
think or say. Jake stared. And then Alex leaned forward and kissed
Paul on the lips.

A chaperone arrived and pulled Alex by the
arm until he had to drop his hold on Paul and both began to laugh.
Jake turned back to Sophie with wide eyes.

“I guess you were right,” he said, “Something
is going on with my brother.”

“Looks like they held up their part of the
pact too.”

“That just leaves you, Sophie. What will it
be, pencils? Telephones? Juice?”

“Shut-up, Jake.”

“Make me.”

“I love you.”

“What?” Jake dropped his hold on her and she
crossed her arms in front of her body.

“I'm sorry,” she said, “I didn't mean for it
to come out like that. It's just. That's my thing. That's what I
promised I would do. Tell you. When I first moved here I knew you
wouldn't ever even look at me. But now we've been kind-of friends
and I really value that. But you'll be going off to college and I
don't even know what I'll be doing and I just wanted to tell you
before I missed my chance. And if Alex and Paul are brave enough to
do what they just did, then I have to be brave enough to tell you I
love you.”

“I don't know what to say,” Jake said.

“It's okay, you don't have to say anything. I
just had to say it. So that's all of us. We all did what we
promised to do. Do you think we'll be happy?”

“I'll tell you what would make me happy right
now.”

“What's that?”

He stepped toward her again and kissed
her.

“Oh Jake, your reputation”

Jake laughed. “What's left of it can go for
all I care. I'll let you in on a secret, being popular isn't really
worth it.”

The Guru's Blessing

Sumitra knew what her parents were going to
ask the guru. She was turning twenty-nine in two month's time and
they were beyond desperate to get her married. She went along to
try to be a good daughter, but in her heart she knew she could
never be happy with the men her parents found and finding one on
her own was close to impossible. There was one very specific thing
she needed in a man and she could never tell anyone about it.

She sat in between her parents on the hard
tile floor of the ashram waiting for the guru to arrive. She had to
admit it was a beautiful building. Two large open doorways and
paneless windows across the length of the walls allowed the mild
Indian breeze in and Sumitra could see a cluster of coconut trees
that instantly made her feel like she was on vacation. There were
no coconut trees at home in New York.

The guru's seat was gold, carved to look like
the sun. Beside it were tall, black marble mutris of gods. There
were about fifty other people sitting cross legged around the
floor. They all seemed to be authentic Indians, unlike Sumitra. She
was what people back home called a coconut: brown on the outside
and white on the inside. She could fake Indian for a little while,
but her American roots quickly showed. Her mother had to dress her
to come here today. Sumitra didn't have a clue how to put on a sari
and no other dress was allowed. Her pudgy old dad was even wearing
a full-on dhoti.

People seemed really sincere. Several were
prostrating themselves in front of the murtis. Most had trays in
front of them ladened with fruit and flowers to offer the guru, in
return for his blessings, of course. Sumitra's mother had already
been eyeing the other trays to make sure that theirs was the most
impressive.

The guru arrived and took his seat. He was a
heavy older man in an orange robe and he had a kind face, like how
Sumitra imagined Santa Claus. He had three white lines painted
across his forehead. Now that the guru was here, Sumitra's parents
were getting excited. Her dad elbowed her and grinned. He had been
here two years before and had been talking ever since about
bringing the whole family. He said the guru's grace had caused
amazing changes in his life, which seemed to be mostly to do with
less ulcer pain.

Their family got in line. Her dad carried the
tray of offerings on his shoulder as they slowly moved forward.
Near the front Sumitra could hear the devotees begging the guru for
things. They were all speaking Indian languages: Hindi, Kanada,
Tamil. But the melody of the voices still gave away the pleading.
In every language that quality remained the same.