Dev Dreams, Volume One (8 page)

“Free period. Lucy is meeting me here.”

“Oh.” Sophie stopped abruptly. “Is that going
to be weird?”

He didn’t answer and his eyes drifted past
Sophie. She turned around to see Lucy coming into the
lunchroom.

Jake reached down and pulled a cane out from
under the table. He stood shakily, leaning on it.

“See you around, Sophie,” he said, “I’ll get
my jacket from you tomorrow.” She heard a tightening in his
voice.

Sophie watched Lucy’s face as Jake walked
unevenly toward her. Lucy wasn’t watching him. She was leaning on
the doorframe, looking bored, and scanning the cafeteria to see who
was around. To her, Sophie didn’t even register: she was just
another piece of furniture.

Jake followed Lucy into the hall. She stopped
in front of a locker, but her eyes darted to the people walking by.
He waited for her attention.

“People are staring at us,” she hissed.

“They’re curious, what do you expect?”

“Is there somewhere we can be alone?” she
said.

“I don’t want to walk that far,” he said and
watched the red spots of embarrassment spread along Lucy’s
neck.

“Jake,” she said, “Please. This is hard for
me.”

“That’s funny, it’s been easy for me.”

“Don’t be a jerk. It affects me too.”

“Can you put that on hold for a minute? Just
forget about yourself for a tiny moment?”

“This is really heavy. This is more than I
can deal with.”

“Is heavy in again? Are we using that word
now?”

“See, how can we get through this when you
can’t even talk about a serious subject?”

Jake sighed. “You are no fun to talk to,
Lucy.”

“Well, lucky for you, you won’t have to talk
with me anymore.” She flipped her hair over her shoulder and walked
away.

He had planned to break up with her anyway,
but he preferred that it be done in his own time. What kind of girl
breaks up with her boyfriend right after he’s been diagnosed with a
progressive neurological disorder? Wasn’t there a required waiting
period?

He turned around and went back to the
cafeteria. His brother was sitting with the usual two cohorts.
Sophie was still wearing his jacket. He smiled at the way all three
spoke so enthusiastically to each other. Jake's friendships were so
much about appearances and not saying the wrong thing, he could
never be as free as that.

He walked over to the table and said, “Hey,
guys, can I join you?”

They all turned around and looked behind
them, trying to figure out who he was talking to.

“That's funny,” Jake said. Alex pulled over
another chair and Jake sat down. There was a pizza in the middle of
the table. “Where did that come from?” Jake asked.

Alex snuck out and got it during his study
hall,” Sophie said.

Jake looked over at her plate and raised an
eyebrow. She had picked each element of the pizza off and had them
all arranged separately on her plate.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“This is how I eat pizza,” Sophie said,
crossing her arms in front of her defensively.

“Seriously?”

“Don't make fun of me! Just because Alex lets
you control his life, doesn’t mean you have any business telling me
how to live!”

Alex looked away, but there was a smirk on
his face and Paul caught his eye and started laughing. “Just let
her eat her pizza,” Alex said.

***

The next morning Jake was watching the back
of Lucy's head in calculus class. She was sitting in the front,
pretending he didn't exist. Jake sat on the side, not even
pretending to listen to the teacher. He just let his eyes bore into
her. She could feel it, he knew she did. And she was listening in
her head to all her justifications over and over and over.

When the bell rang Lucy rushed to throw her
books and papers together and get out the door, but everyone was
rushing out and she had to wait. Jake got in her way and she had no
choice but to look at him.

“Hello, Jake,” she said.

“Hello, Lucy, what? happening?”

“Not much.”

“No? Not too busy?”

“What are you doing?”

“Having a conversation. People who know each
other do this.”

“Don't be a jerk.”

“I'm just being friendly.”

“And I'm leaving.” She passed him and hurried
down the hallway.

“Man, what are you up to?” Paul asked.

“Just making her squrim.”

“You know you guys were totally wrong for
each other.”

“I know.”

“Let's go meet Sophie and Alex for
lunch.”

Jake didn't argue. He hadn't hung out with
his supposed-friends in days and he was having a hard time caring
if they saw him with his brother's friends.

That night Jake was supposed to go to the
symphony with his family.

“Too much walking for me,” he said. His
mother began to make tittering noises. Any reminder of what the
diagnosis upset her. Jake caught Alex's eye and grinned. His
brother knew it was just an excuse. Although, it was true he felt
very tired.

“All right, Jake,” their father said. “Take
it easy, we'll be home late. Come on, Alex.”

After they left, Jake settled on the couch
with a ham sandwich and turned on the TV. Rather than watch it, he
thought about what had happened to him. As an infant he had learned
to walk, but now he wondered why he had bothered, if the ability
was simply going to be stolen away. His body, even at his young
age, had rebelled. The limbs no longer obeyed him and he was now
condemned to spend the rest of his life losing things: movement and
functions and also girlfriends, jobs and, most likely, his
sanity.

He couldn't imagine what the future would
look like, he had no concept at all. He looked at the cane leaned
against the wall and felt a strange combination of hatred and
gratitude. His feet were not going to stay stable against the
ground, the cane at least let him continue to move without falling
over constantly.

The doorbell rang and Jake grumbled to
himself. His one evening to be alone and undisturbed, but he
couldn't be left in peace. He considered not answering, but it rang
again and his curiosity got the better of him. He held onto the
furniture as he made his way to the door, looking down at his feet
as he walked, fascinated by how they seemed to not even be his.
They were doing their own thing, barely under his control at all,
like wayward pets.

When he opened the door, he discovered Sophie
standing on the stoop.

“Do you have an aspirin?” she said.

“Come on in,” he said.

She walked past him to the kitchen and began
digging around in the cabinets. “I've got a bad headache,” she said
when he made it to the kitchen, well after her.

“So you came all the way here. You must have
more on your mind then a aspirin.”

“You're a sharp cookie.”

“Why do you think I get As in school?”

Sophie laughed before she swallowed the pills
and put the glass in the sink. She sighed. “How do you know I just
didn't have aspirin at home?”

“So you took the bus all the way over here.
Wait a minute. My brother.”

“Okay, yes, Alex asked me to check up on
you.”

“I don't believe this. He's out of the house
one night...”

“He's just worried about you, and Lucy, and
everything. Come on, don't be mad. I brought my toothbrush, we can
have a sleepover party.”

“Want to watch a movie?” Jake said.

“Sure,” Sophie smiled. “Can I ask you
something?”

“What?” he said, already walking to the
living room to rummage for the video.

“Are you scared?” Sophie said.

Jake stopped and turned to look at her. He
said, “No one will talk about it.”

“You know me,” Sophie said with a smile,
“Asking the hard questions, searching for the answers.”

“Have you been watching the news for fun
again?”

“Tell me really.”

He put the DVD in and sat back down on the
couch. Sophie came and sat beside him. As the movie started, Jake
said, “Whatever I have, I will lose. It is scary. It's scary to
think that I don't know what I'll be able to do and not do months
from now and years from now. I've always been the strong one, I
can't find my place any more.”

“You're still you,” Sophie said quietly. “And
whatever comes in the future, you'll figure it out.”

“Thanks,” he said.

She nodded and eventually said, 'Thanks for
letting me stay over.”

“No problem,” Jake said, “But next time you
talk to my brother you can tell him that if he doesn't mind his own
business I'll break his neck.”

“I'll be sure to relay the message.”

Sophie stretched out on the couch. She sighed
and pressed her head back into the couch's throw pillows.

Jake watched the whole movie, and when he
pressed stop and turned off the TV he discovered that Sophie was
fast asleep. He shook her legs gently, but she just moaned and
pushed her head further into the pillow.

He leaned over and touched Sophie's face
gently. He brushed her brown hair back away from her face. Sophie
didn't wake up. That medicine must have been the drowsy kind. Trust
Sophie to never read the label.

She was an adorable walking disaster. He was
glad his brother had befriended her when she moved to town. His
life would not be the same without her daily mishaps.

He put a blanket over her and went next door
to his father's study. Lately he had been sleeping on the couch
there.

***

Sophie woke up uncertain where she was. She
had slept through the night and was wakened by the sun coming in
the living room window. She thought back and remembered starting to
watch a movie with Jake, but then her memory went blank. Oh dear.
Somehow she had fallen asleep and left him alone when she was
supposed to be keeping him company.

She should do something nice to make up for
it. She wandered back to the kitchen and started poking around the
refrigerator. Sophie didn't really cook, but she remembered her
mother once told her you could make eggs sunny-side-up in the
microwave.

She took a couple out and broke them into a
bowl. After the microwave was finished, she pulled out the bowl and
looked down skeptically. The eggs looked rubbery and there was a
crust over the yoke. She took a fork and started poking at
them.

When the fork tine hit the yoke, there was a
sudden pop and Sophie shrieked and dropped the bowl. The egg had
exploded and pieces of it were covering the room. There were bits
of yoke in Sophie's hair, on her cloths, on the ceiling of the
kitchen, and the counters and floor and chairs.

Moments later Jake was in the doorway staring
at her.

“What on earth have you done?”

“Sorry,” Sophie said, biting her lip. “I made
kind of a mess.”

Jake laughed. “Well, let's just get it
cleaned up, then.”

Jake's parents and brother all arrived in the
doorway at the same moment. “Are you all right?” his mother asked
Jake.

“Do I look like the one in trouble here?” he
said.

Everyone cleaned up while teasing Sophie.
There was no doubt that Sophie was a klutz. Jake had never been
clumsy in his life until recently. Sophie fell over for no reason
all the time, but no one had ever given her the excuse of a
progressive neurological disorder.

She was foolish to think that Jake was ever
going to see anything in her. She always screwed things up. He
needed to be with someone who could take care of him as his body
weakened, not someone who was likely to cause more trouble. The end
of the year was approaching fast. They would all graduate and she
would probably never see him again.

***

Jake was often alone in the hallways now, as
he took his time to walk between classes. Sometimes he took a
little more time than necessary. The teachers wouldn't complain
anymore. They had had some kind of secret meeting in which his
condition had been whispered. One day he was walking around a
corner when he saw someone huddled on the floor at the far end of
the hall.

“Are you okay?” he called, but the figure
didn't move. He started to walk closer, then he recognized the
briefcase laying on the floor. He had to stop himself from trying
to run, remembering that his legs would no longer allow it. He
walked as fast as he could and quietly cursed the strange jerking
movement of his legs. “Paul?”

Paul lifted his face and looked up at Jake.
His eyes were puffy and black, almost swollen shut. Blood was
oozing from a cut on his cheek and his lip was swollen up. He
clutched his stomach and Jake saw more blood puddling under
him.

“Oh my God” Jake dropped to the ground and
touched Paul's shoulder. “What happened?” But it was a stupid
question. He knew what had happened. Derek had happened. “Hang on,”
Jake said, “Just hang on. He pulled a cell phone out of his pocket
and dialed Alex's number.

“I'm in class, Jake, this better be an
emergency,” his brother's voice said.

“It is.”

“Are you okay?” Sudden alarm in his
voice.

“Come to the hallway outside room 128 and
hurry.”

Another student came walking around the
corner. “Hey, you,” Jake called, “Get the principal and the nurse,
would you?” The student nodded and stared at Paul while he started
to run toward the office.

Jake called 911. Then Alex came into sight.
His eyes met Jake's, then he looked down and his face changed.
“Paul?” he whispered. He ran faster than he had ever run before and
dropped to his knees in front of his brother and friend. “Paul, can
you hear me?”

“Stay with him and wait for the ambulance,”
Jake said.

“Of course.” Alex gently lifted Paul's head
onto his lap.

“Help me up.” Jake put his hand on Alex's
shoulder and struggled back to his feet.

“What are you doing?”

“Fulfilling my part of the bargain.”