Devil’s in the Details (27 page)

I thrust my hand in the bowl, grabbing a large handful of the salty and buttery reprieve from my past. I was so lost in thoughts of the past that I forgot my silly trick to flirt with Victoria, telling her about the last person I was in love with. I wanted to play the vague game and test the waters to see if I could tell her what I felt about her and how long I had felt that way. That she was the third person I had fallen in love with, and probably the last one I ever wanted to fall in love with. That she was my heart, the air I breathed and everything else I had searched for in my pursuit of love.

But now I had deflated myself and wanted nothing more than to gorge on popcorn and end this stupid question game.

"And the third?" Victoria's voice was so delicate I barely heard it.

I glanced at her, chewing around the piles of popcorn in my mouth, "The third what?" I was hoping that if I acted dumb she would move on.

Victoria poked my knee, smiling, "The third person you were in love with. Who was the lucky dog?" She was trying to ease my mood, bring me back to the silliness I had indulged in since we started this game.

Shaking my head, "It's not important."

I swallowed the popcorn, reaching for the beer we had switched to a couple of hours ago, "All I will tell you is that the third isn't a were, but an is. Someone I am in love with." I quickly chugged the beer, avoiding looking at the blonde. "Anyway, we should stop. It's almost two in the morning and you’re sitting on my bed." I motioned to the large clock hanging on the opposite wall from the television that had some random classic movie on, the volume muted.

I went to stand up and grab the half empty bowl, catching the way Victoria was looking at me. It made my heart skip a beat and drop into my stomach. Or course she would catch on to my vague word puzzle, and now I was dreading her reaction. "I can clean up and then head back home." I was nervous, the look in her eyes bore straight down to my soul and I couldn’t get a read off of Victoria.

Hurrying into the kitchen, I dumped the popcorn in the trash and went to place the bowl in the dishwasher before I collected the empty tea and beer bottles. I grimaced as I tried to ignore Victoria as she walked slowly into the kitchen with the empties from the living room. What was I thinking? Professing my love to her after a day? It would just scare her back into the dark cave she had lived in for the last year. I knew I loved her with everything I was, but I also knew I was jumping the gun.

"Alex."

I smiled tightly, dumping out the last splashes of tea and beer, "It's okay. I only had two beers. I should be able to make it home."

I heard her huff in that way that told me she was gently irritated with me. "Alex, you had four beers, but that's not the point." I felt her hand on my upper arm, stopping me from cleaning, "I want you to stay."

Leaning on the edge of the island, I looked up at Victoria and felt all of my will dissipate. I bit my lip. "I don't want to impose, and I feel like I could wear out my welcome at any minute."

"Never happen." Victoria pulled me into her arms with a smirk, her silly Navy lingo making me roll my eyes. "You can take my bed and I will take the couch, or the fold out in the spare bedroom." She held me tightly, "Alex, this thing we are doing, starting, I know where it can lead to, will lead to. I'm just as scared as you are, but I’m in no rush." She leaned back to look in my eyes, "We have plenty of time to do things, say things, be something. All I know is that I want to take it one day at a time, with you. I don’t see a need to rush anything with you." Victoria smiled at me, "Just so you know, you were my first kiss. The first kiss, from the first person that actually really meant something to me."

I bent my head down, blushing, "When did you become this hopeless romantic who continues to sweep me off my feet?" I pressed my palms against her back, wanting her to draw me back into her arms.

Victoria shrugged, "Blame Cary Grant, Rock Hudson, Gregory Peck, they all taught me the ways of winning a lady's heart." She bent forward kissing my forehead, "You also make it very easy." She backed out of my arms, picking up the rest of the empties. "You can have the couch or my bed, ladies’ choice tonight."

Staring at the blonde, I wanted to blurt out that we should share a bed, but I didn't. "I'll take the couch. Baby will keep watch over me."

"Okay. If you need anything, you know where my room is." Victoria tossed the glass bottles into the recycling bin and went about checking all of the doors, "There should be an extra pair of sweatpants in the laundry room in the dryer with your scrubs. Feel free to borrow them." She raised an eyebrow at me, "But, in the morning, they stay here. I can't have you stealing all of my favorite Navy gear."

I held my hands up like a caught criminal, "You got me! I will promise that your sweatpants and this shirt with the angry goat will be here after I leave."

"He's not an angry goat, he's a fighting goat." She groaned mockingly at me, "You have so much to learn about the Navy, Alex." Victoria turned, moving to the staircase she looked over her shoulder, "If you need anything..."

I waved her off, "I know, you're right upstairs. Shoo! I need to get some sleep."

Victoria grinned, shaking her head as she laughed going up the stairs, "Goodnight Alex."

"Goodnight Victoria."

I watched her until she disappeared at the top of the staircase, letting out a heavy sigh when she was gone, I turned off the lights in the kitchen and headed to the laundry room she had shown me to earlier. After quickly changing into her grey Navy sweatpants, I curled up on the couch. Smushing the pillow into the perfect ball, I stared over at Baby. He stared back at me, giving me what I thought was a "What are you doing" look? "Why aren't you up in her bedroom?"

I flicked his tiny black tiger nose, "Knock it off, and go to sleep."

Baby seemed to glare back at me, and then it struck me.

I didn't kiss her goodnight.

Sitting up on the couch, I plucked at the edge of the blanket. I didn't kiss her goodnight. We had parted like friends, or friendly roommates, nothing more to it. This was not how I wanted to leave Victoria, thinking we were still in the friend zone.

I flung the blanket off after sitting and debating back and forth with the stuffed tiger for at least twenty minutes, and marched my way to the staircase.

Lying in my very large and very empty bed, I stared blankly at the far wall. The day had been exhausting in the most amazing way. I had given more to Alex than I had ever given anyone. I told her things that I never told anyone in my adult life, not even past partners. It was incredible how easy it was to shed off the layers of thick skin I had grown over the last few years. Hiding behind a stoic, cold and controlled persona.

It was the most comfortable I’d ever been, sitting with her and eating popcorn. Sharing secrets like two girls having a slumber party, but yet, there was so much more to it. It was me letting her in, hoping that the further I let her in, the more she could keep me centered. Distract me from thinking about who I was and who I had become. That in time, Alex could replace the smell of blood as my calming point.

Rolling up into my blankets, I settled deeper into the pillow. I knew what Alex was trying to tell me when I asked her about how many times she had been in love and for a split second, I wanted her to say it so I could say it back and tell her I was completely in love with her. In love with her from the first moment I decided to get involved that day she looked over at me while I hunched over a copy of Popular Science.

I sighed into the pillow, in time it wouldn't be this fumbly and new. I would find the confidence and she would find it as well, bridging the gap from being just friends to being more. It didn’t help that I literally ached for Alex.

The ache intensified with every small touch of her arm against mine, fingers grazing fingers as I handed her a beer. The way she hugged me from behind at the grill, kissing my neck in a manner, that made me almost lose my senses and dragged her into the house and up to my bed.

Alex was different. She was worth more than a quick run to the bedroom. She deserved more from me before I even thought about taking it to the next step. Never mind the fact that not only did I have emotional scars, I had physical ones. Scars that I wanted to keep hidden from her for a bit longer. Even though it would be the hardest thing to do in my life, refrain from groping Alex and slowly removing her clothes to reveal the stunning beauty I knew was underneath.

I rolled over again, yanking the blankets over my head groaning louder as my sexual frustration mocked me, when I heard a soft knock on the door. I sat up in the bed, squinting in the darkness as the light from the hallway slid in. I easily made out Alex's shape in the shadows, "Alex? Is everything okay?"

I heard her take in a shaky breath, "Yes." She stepped inside my room, "No, no everything is not okay."

Moving to push up from the bed I paused when Alex suddenly rushed to the side of the bed, murmuring, "Everything is not okay, because I didn't kiss you goodnight."

I had no chance to react or counter her statement before her hands slid across my cheeks and her lips met mine in an overwhelming, yet perfect amount of force. I had to grab onto her side to prevent from falling back and taking her with me. When I was steady I kissed her back, pushing my mouth harder on hers as the day’s desires began to take over. Wrapping my arm around her waist, I pulled her onto the bed to sit in my lap as we kissed. Teeth nipping at lips, tongues moving over the same spots, it quickly became a feverish game of give and take.

I had to break away from her when I heard a quiet moan fall out of Alex's mouth just as she pressed our bodies closer together. God, did I want this, but it wasn't right. Not now, not on the first day of our new beginning.

Lifting Alex up and away, I gently sat her back down on my lap. Her hands falling from my face to rest on the tops of my shoulders, I kept my firm grip around her. I had to swallow to catch my breath, "Um, wow."

Alex smirked, equally breathless, "Yeah, wow." She ran her hand across my shoulder to rest on my neck. "That was a first."

I cocked my eyebrow at her, trying so hard to keep my hands where they were and not move them to the edge of her shirt, "A first?"

She nodded, running her thumb over my pulse, "Mhmm." She stared down in my eyes for a moment before rolling off my lap to sit on the edge of the bed next to me. "My first real goodnight kiss where I didn't stay after to indulge any further." She stood up. It was obvious she was experiencing the same struggle I was in keeping it innocent. "Back to the couch for me." Alex paused, "I just couldn't fall asleep knowing that I hadn't kissed you goodnight like I should have."

Alex moved to walk out of the room when I grabbed her wrist, stilling her, "Alex. Stay with me?" I didn't want her to leave and I didn't want to go any further with the woman. I just wanted her near me. To feel the warmth of sleeping in the same bed with someone, the warmth of being in the same bed with someone I loved.

Nothing more, nothing less.

She looked at me, her lips pursed tightly together. I could still see her heart racing in her neck, "Victoria..."

I tugged her back to the bed, "Just sleep, Alex." I looked over at the empty side of the bed, "It's been a really long time since I innocently shared a bed." I half smiled at her, "All it will be is cuddles and snuggles." I rolled my eyes, "And maybe a little snoring on my end." Alex tilted her head down laughing. I wiggled her arm, having successfully chased out the sexual tension, and slowly began to pull her back to the bed, "And I will even let you choose which side."

She sighed, shaking her head at me, "Fine." Crawling up onto the bed, Alex slipped under the covers next to me. After adjusting her pillow, she pointed at me, "But no hanky-panky, Ms. Bancroft, or I will not be responsible for my actions."

I held up my hand, "Scout's honor." I laid down onto my back, pulling the blankets up, smiling at the way Alex's body heat created the perfect temperature and filled the bed. I closed my eyes to focus on sleeping and not curling up into the woman next to me, when I felt an arm sneak its way across my stomach followed by Alex snuggling her entire body up against mine.

She kissed my shoulder, mumbling against it, "Goodnight Victoria."

I grinned in the darkness, dropping my hand to find hers, linking our fingers together. I bent and kissed the top of her head, "Goodnight Alex."