Devil’s in the Details (81 page)

James nodded, returning both hands to the steering wheel, "I will, Alex."

I closed my eyes, pressing a hand over my heart trying to feel if it was still beating, even that felt numb and cold, but it continued to beat. Pressing on with living while I struggled to find the answers why what happened and what I was going to do next.

"We're home." James leaned forward, turning the rental car up into the driveway.

The lone sight of the house had my throat tightening. This was her house and it became ours, but now it only reminded me that she was never coming home. I sucked in a ragged breath, tears welling up, I almost asked James to back up and take me anywhere but here.

Then I saw my mom step out of the front door, a tight comforting mom smile on her face as she held a wiggly Holly. I gasped out a quiet sob, pushing the car door open, I ran straight towards my mom. I ran right into her open arms, burying my face in her shoulder as the dams reopened and I sobbed harder than I had the first night. She whispered, kissing the top of my head, "Oh Ava, I'm so sorry."

She squeezed me harder while Holly yipped to get in between us. I cried until I couldn't breathe, holding on to my mom as she tried her best to comfort me. I could only close my eyes and choke out, "She's gone mom."

"I know, Alexandra. I know." The tears were thick in her own voice, echoing how much was really lost to us all in this world now that Victoria was dead.

I held onto my mom for as long as possible until Holly became too forceful in her determination to get closer to me. My mom handed her off to climb in my arms and helped me into the house. All I could do was hold the little dog close to my chest and hide my face in her fur. I didn't want to look around the house as I walked in. I didn't want to see the remnants of our fight I never bothered to clean up, the empty glass in the sink from Victoria and her bourbon, the grocery list on the fridge with her handwriting all over it. More than anything, I didn't want to accept that this house would never have Victoria step inside. Have her sit outside on the patio drinking coffee while she watched me water the lone tulip plant, meet her in the living room on Saturday nights for popcorn and movies. I would never have her near me anywhere in this house and it smothered my heart to the point it struggled to keep beating. Even if she faked her death, I wasn’t sure I would ever see her again. There was a reason why she left me.

"I'm going upstairs." I mumbled the words out, hearing James greet my mom and set the bags down next to the laundry room.

"Okay Alex, if you need anything. I'll be here for a little bit longer. I'm staying at the hotel down the road for a few days while I try to work on things." James kept his soft tone, "If you need anything, I'm a phone call away."

I nodded with my back still turned to him and continued up the staircase towards the bedroom.

My eyes remained closed as I walked down the hall, I couldn't even look at the excited puppy in my hands, she was just another reminder and another face I would have to tell why her person was never coming home. Pushing the bedroom door open, I snapped my eyes open and saw the bedroom exactly as I had left it three days ago. A messy bed, clothes on the comforter and on the chair as I rushed around packing.

I bit my lip hard, desperately trying to hold back the never-ending rush of tears, and set Holly down on the floor to let her scamper off to her bed, barking happily. I stood in the middle of the room, looking and immediately picking out everything that was her.

Her half-finished fiction novel with one of my business cards sticking out as a bookmark. Her black framed glasses sitting next to it and her watch. Over in the chair under my folded scrubs, laid the last thing she slept in. A Navy rugby shirt and baggy sweat shorts. I covered my mouth to keep some of the sobs inside, and walked towards the bed and sat down on her side.

It still smelled like her. Her shampoo scent soaked into her pillow and the blankets, giving life to the ghost in the room. I grabbed the pillow with a trembling hand and crushed it into my body, trying to capture whatever was left of her. I fell to my side and let go, let go of the contained sobs and curled into a ball and cried heavily. I murmured in between sobs until Holly ran back to the edge of the bed and jumped up. She crawled over to me, poking her nose under one of my balled up fists, her way of checking on me. I glanced at the bright brown eyes of the little dog, and shook my head, "She's not here, Victoria's not here."

The dog stared at me for a second before crawling over me and flopping down right next to my head, slowly licking my cheek and whining softly. I cried more, running my hand over her head before pulling her into my arms. "I'm so sorry, this was my fault that she's not here." I sighed hard, struggling to catch my breath.

My mom appeared in the doorway, "Alex, James left for the day." She paused looking at me, her face fell as she moved to kneel in front of me. Brushing some of the hair that started sticking to my cheek from tears, she searched my eyes, "He told me what happened."

I scrunched my face up as the memories stuck fresh knives into my heart, "I never got to say I loved her one more time. She died thinking I was angry at her and that I didn't love her anymore." I met my mom's eyes, "She laid in my arms, thinking I hated her." I squeezed my eyes shut, huffing out a strangled sob. I let the grief overcome what little rational thinking I had left. I was tired, exhausted and confused. I wanted nothing more than to cry in my mother’s arms. 

"She knew, Alex. She knew exactly how much you loved her. You never had to tell her, she could always see it. We all could see it, you two were something incredible." My mom paused, realizing the tense she was using. Blowing out a quiet breath, she pressed a palm against my cheek, "We'll get through this. It's going to hurt like hell, but she'd want you to live." She smiled tightly, nodding at Holly, "The both of you. Live the life she fought for you to have."

I shook my head, wanting to tell her that I found life pointless now that I lost most of my heart. That life would never ever feel the same without Victoria next to me. Regardless of the lies, the deception and what she had done, Victoria was my one and only true love, and there would never be a replacement for her.

~Five Days Later ~

"Bill is coming down tonight. He was wondering if you'd be up to going out for dinner." My mom smiled at me over a frying pan full of eggs. "Get out of the house for a minute."

I shrugged, staring down into the blackish brown depths of the coffee in front of me, "I guess, but not too far. James called this morning to tell me Dani finally contacted him. Told me to expect her to drop by."

I clenched my jaw. I had not left the house in a week and had no plans to in the near future. I would only move around the house, shuffling room to room in pajamas holding Holly or staring at pictures of Victoria in the house. My mom would move around me, cleaning up after me, cooking for me, taking Holly for walks and then sit next to me to try and get me to talk, but I wouldn't. I was focused on getting answers from Dani. I had James calling her incessantly while he met with the Naval Intelligence Officers to be debriefed on what we both witnessed. It was the one thing that kept me from falling apart every three minutes when I saw another piece of Victoria, or stared at her ring for too long.

I had also started my own digging and placed a call to my contacts in hospital security. They were digging around in Angela Diablo’s files and all of the security footage they had of her. It was going to take a few days, but I was promised I would have something by the end of the week.

I hadn't slept much, finding it hard to sleep in the empty bed without a warm body next to me. Holly tried her best to fill some of that void, but it wasn't the same. I would lay in the middle of the bed staring at the ceiling and cry on and off. I was so tired, but every time I closed my eyes I would see that night. Watching Victoria die followed by the sight of Diablo carting her off. It only made me restless and angry, so I remained awake before I exhausted myself and could fall into a dreamless sleep.

"Okay." My mom wiped her hands, pushing a plate of eggs and toast my way, "I'm going to take the girl for her walk. I'll be back in a half hour." She smiled, walking over to me and kissing my forehead, "I love you Ava."

"I love you too, mom." I poked at the eggs with a fork, sighing I shoved them away and held my face in my hands. I begged my head to stop spinning and my heart to start beating normally again. I begged anyone who would listen to tell me what I was supposed to do next, or at least tell me how I was going to live the rest of my life like this.

I heard the front door open and Holly bark like a maniac, like she always did at people she saw on the street. I heard my mom shush her and then whisper to someone that I was in the kitchen. I raised my head up, wiping my eyes, "James, give me a minute."

"I'm not him, but I'll give you two minutes, Alex."

I spun around at the sound of Dani's voice. She was standing at the edge of the kitchen dressed in a dark blue uniform with all of her ribbons and gold cording around the sleeve. She had her white hat tucked under one arm and a thick wooden box with an envelope tucked under the other. She looked at me with red rimmed green eyes and a tight painful smile on her face. The sight of the woman in front of me twisted my stomach into knots.

"What are you doing here?" I rasped the words out angrily, sliding off the stool to face her. "Why haven't you bothered to call me back for a week? What the hell happened?" I shook my head, my eyes welling up quickly, "You have so much to answer for."

Dani smiled tightly, dipping her head down, "I know, Alex." She moved to the island I stood in front of, "There was things I had to take care of, for her." She paused, her jaw clenching tightly, "I couldn't call you or see you until now."

"The fuck you couldn't. You were her best friend. I know she would want you to tell me everything." I shook my head, “Start talking." I glared at her, “Who is Angela Diablo and why did Victoria fake her own death?” I spoke the words quickly, hoping to gain any kind of reaction out of Dani. I got nothing but a solemn sigh and sad green eyes.

Dani let out a slow breath, "I need to do this one last thing." She set down the envelope next to me and moved the wooden box. "Victoria had specific requests about what to do if, this ever happened. Things she made me promise way back in the desert." She held out the wooden box. "She never had any family or real friends to speak of, until you, but the Navy acts quickly when there is no family." Dani cleared her throat, "Victoria was buried at sea three hours ago as requested. Over in the middle of the Pacific, where she was laid to rest." Dani looked away from me as she spoke the last few words.

I shook my head, "No, stop. Stop it and tell me what the hell happened! Who is the woman who stabbed Victoria? Does she work with you?" I was enraged, the stupid Navy and this infuriating redhead had taken so much from me.

Dani looked up at me, a lone tear rolling down her cheek, "I can't tell you anything. I have no idea who killed Victoria. James and I spoke about that woman you are suspicious of, but there’s nothing there, Alex."

She sucked in a breath, “Victoria is dead. I’ve read all of the reports, watching the video and it was bad luck. Our bad, shitty luck coming back to strike.” Dani sniffled and held out the wooden box, "On behalf of the President of the United States and the Chief of Naval Operations, please accept this flag as our symbol of our appreciation of Victoria's service to this…."

I lunged at Dani, shoving her back at the shoulders, shouting, "Stop it! Go! Leave! I can't hear this!" My eyes blurred with more tears, "I don't need more proof of what I already know. I need proof and answers that Victoria is still alive, I know she is alive. She’s too smart and too strong to let this happen to her." I shoved Dani again, harder. “Why can’t anyone ever tell me the fucking truth?”

Dani let out a breath, and when I came at her again she dropped the flag on the stool next to me and grabbed my upper arms to stop me, "Alex, trust me. This is the last fucking thing I ever hoped to do. This wasn't supposed to happen like this. We had a plan, and it got fucked up at the last minute."

She tipped her head down, "I made a fucking promise to my best friend, let me fulfill what I can, Alex." She looked back up, tears rolling freely down her cheeks. "Please, Alex. I'm so incredibly sorry that this happened and there wasn't a thing I could do to stop it, stop her."

I shook my head, struggling to break out of her grip, "You could have called it off, convinced her to find another plan!" I shouted at the crying redhead, "You could have done a million other things without orchestrating all of this! You could have taken me to Sweden instead of New York!" I stumbled, "I was the reason why she lost her focus, why she felt she had to do this."

I bent my head down, gasping for air, "It was my fault." I rasped the words out, "I shouldn't have been there." I looked up into teary green eyes, “Tell her, tell her to come back. I’m sorry and I’ll forgive her.”

Dani's grip loosened on my arms and slowly pulled me into a tight embrace, "Alex, I can’t bring her back. She’s dead.” She stumbled over the words in a whisper, before clearing her throat, “This was not your fault. None of it. Never blame yourself for any of this. If anyone is to blame, it’s me. It’s Voltaire's fault, but it will never ever be your fault." Dani held me tighter, "You gave Victoria back her humanity, the chance at love and the fire to fight for it." She sighed as I resisted her hug, "She loved you, very much. Her last words to me were, I will always love her, please make sure Alex knows that."