Devoted (12 page)

I
f Jake’s
thoughts hadn’t ground to a halt the instant Russ began touching him, they would have completely flatlined at that request.

He’d had so many ridiculous fantasies about this, but none compared to what was really happening.

Russ had initiated this contact. Russ was
touching
him in a way that couldn’t be construed as anything other than sexual. Denial wasn’t going to save him now. Not when Russ’s hand was wrapped around his cock.

And yet a part of Jake was still afraid to take it any further. Every fiber of his being absolutely ached to touch Russ; to feel proof that he was just as turned on as Jake. But what if this was just some fleeting thing? Russ could chalk it up to curiosity. What would Jake say in his own defense after enthusiastically jacking his best friend?

He didn’t know, and right now he didn’t care. Lust hummed through his veins. Every stroke from Russ already threatened to send him over the edge.

His gaze flicked down between them and he watched Russ tug him in a slow, sure stroke while he reached for his friend’s fly.

Undoing the buttons, he pulled the zipper down, turning his wrist so he could move his hand over the front of Russ’s pants. Russ moaned at that little contact, and the sound sent liquid heat through every inch of Jake’s body.

God, he could get drunk on that sound.

But as much as he wanted to take his time, savor every moment, the build-up was too much for him. He’d been thinking about this for almost twenty years. He needed to know what Russ felt like. He needed to see him hard and begging for release.

Reaching into Russ’s pants, he slipped past the fabric of his boxers and wrapped his fingers around Russ’s rigid length.

Jake felt himself tense just at that contact, his balls drawing up against his body. Fuck. He was going to come just from
touching
Russ.

Drawing in a deep breath, he tried to find some kind of center outside of the insanity of what was happening between them. Russ still stroked him, though the movement was stuttered now as Jake withdrew Russ’s cock from his pants, tugging slowly from base to head.

Russ’s skin was velvety smooth, his shaft thick and heavy against Jake’s palm. He was long and cut, and Jake sucked in a breath, unable to keep from imagining what it would feel like to have Russ inside of him.

He bit back a whimper. If he didn’t stop getting ahead of himself, this was going to be over before it really got started.

He’d never wanted anyone as badly as he wanted Russ. He knew that was why he hadn’t put a stop to it when Russ touched him. He knew that was why he had no intention of stopping it now.

He stroked slowly, applying more pressure than he would for himself. Russ shuddered against him, moaning softly. Jake drank it in like the energy he needed to survive, growing more and more bold by the moment, meeting Russ’s eyes as he jacked him.

“You’re really fucking good at this,” he said in a voice that Jake would play over and over again when he lay in bed.

“Been thinking about it for a long time.”

Lust made him admit things he would never have spoken aloud. But Russ didn’t look surprised. If anything, the emotion that flickered through his half-lidded eyes was an even stronger sense of desire.

Russ’s hand had stopped moving, and Jake took advantage of the pause, desperate to feel Russ’s dick against his. His hips rolled forward, and he moaned as the length of his cock rubbed against Russ’s. Russ must not have expected that sensation, because his knees practically buckled, and his hand went to Jake’s shoulder.

Seeing such a strong reaction from Russ was dizzying, feeding his lust and making him greedy for more. He opened his hand, loosely gripping Russ’s cock as well as his own.

“Move against me,” he murmured in Russ’s ear.

Russ didn’t waste any time. His hips rolled slowly, and he thrust up against Jake in a stuttered rhythm. Jake didn’t have the focus to offset it perfectly, but he added friction to Russ’s movement, and they both moaned in response.

“Oh, fuck.”

The hand Russ had at his shoulder moved to his neck, and Russ drew him in for a needy kiss. Jake’s moan was muffled against his mouth, and as Russ showed him exactly how much he appreciated the lesson, Jake’s movements became more erratic. He couldn’t help it. He’d craved this for so long, and now that he was getting it, his senses were going haywire.

Jake’s hand stroked them both, moving quickly, jerking up and down in an effort to get Russ closer to where he was. Finally, he felt Russ tense against him. He let out a cry that Jake could practically taste on his lips, shuddering as he came. The sight and sound of Russ coming undone thanks to him was too much, and Jake’s head dropped back as his own release took him.

His heart race, his chest rose and fell in wild abandon. He felt the feather-light brush of Russ’s lips against his throat, right over the pulse point, and another shiver raced up his spine.

Jake’s hands came up to cradle Russ’s face. There was so much he wanted to say, and it was all on the tip of his tongue.

But the phone rang, making him nearly jump. Russ let out a warm laugh, burying his head against Jake’s shoulder, and Jake reached for the phone. He wanted to ignore it. He wanted to continue forgetting the rest of the world even existed. But as reality sunk in, he realized he was already supposed to be on his way to work.

“Hello?”

He expected Patti, or maybe even Lynn, but the voice on the line was foreign to him.

“Hello, I’m looking for a Mr. Jacob Larson.”

“This is him.”

Russ’s hot breath still played across his skin, and he tried to ignore how much he wanted to continue where they left off.

“Did you recently update your policy?”

“I did, yes. I had a change in status in February.”

Russ stilled against him, lifting his head to meet Jake’s gaze. Jake tried to give him a reassuring smile, but nerves coiled in his stomach, quickly replacing the feeling of bliss.

“It says here you were recently married?”

“That’s right.”

Jake didn’t realize he was holding his breath until he felt Russ do the same.

“And your dependent has very recently undergone a costly procedure?”

He didn’t like where this was going.

“Yes, my stepson had surgery a few days ago.”

“You understand why I’m calling, don’t you? The fact that you’ve made a claim on a dependent’s behalf so soon after adding that dependent to your policy is… unusual.”

Jake’s jaw clenched, but he tried to affect an even tone.

“I certainly understand that. I’m happy to submit any documentation or anything that would—”

“It’s company policy to conduct a formal interview. A representative will need to meet with you and your husband to discuss a few of the discrepancies,” she said, interrupting him before he had the chance to finish.

Jake’s blood ran like ice through his veins. Fuck. He and Russ had caught the system’s attention, and now they were going to be put through more rigorous scrutiny. This had never been part of the plan.

“Of course. Right. I understand. Let me check with my husband, and I’ll give you a time that works for us.”

Russ’s eyes widened, and Jake swallowed hard.

“You too. Bye.” Jake closed his eyes briefly before meeting Russ’s gaze. Everything they’d just shared was washed away in an instant, undone by a sharp twinge of fear. “Don’t freak out, okay? That was the insurance company.”

“Yeah, I got that,” Russ said.

“They want to send someone out to the house later this week.”

“Fuck,” Russ said, dragging a hand down his face. “They know. Jesus, Jake. They already know.”

Jake set the phone aside and moved his hands to Russ’s shoulders. He seemed to calm then, letting out a breath.

“They don’t know. And they won’t know. They’re sending someone out here to make sure our claim is legitimate. They’ll go over the paperwork with us, maybe ask some questions, and that’ll be the end of it.”

He could tell from the panic in Russ’s eyes that he didn’t think so.

“And what if they dig deeper than that? What if they start checking to see if there’s… I don’t know, more than one toothbrush in the bathroom? Indentations on both sides of the mattress?”

“Russ, come on.”

Jake had the same worries, but he wouldn’t allow Russ to see them. Not now, when Russ was coming apart at the seams.

“You have to move in.”

Jake’s lips parted, and he just stared at Russ for the longest time. He wasn’t sure what he expected, but that… wasn’t it.

“I’m serious,” Russ said. “Just until this blows over. We can’t afford to get caught. Not now. I’m not going to let you put so much on the line just for me, Jake.”

A familiar flutter danced through his chest. Jake had so much less to lose in this. Russ should be worried about himself; about Ryan. Especially since Jake was the one who’d gotten him into this mess in the first place.

“I can’t move in here, Russ. Ryan—”

“Ryan will be glad to have you around,” he said. “If you’re worried about the message it’ll send, we can just tell him you’re here to help me with his recovery.”

“I don’t know…”

What message was he sending by moving in? Especially after what had just happened. He was still naked, for Christ’s sake, and Russ still hadn’t backed away.

“I know I wasn’t the best roommate ever, but would it really be so bad to live together again?”

Russ quirked a half-smile. What could he even say to that? He’d never felt safer and more at ease than when he’d lived with Russ, but such an admission seemed too heavy for the moment.

Jake’s gut twisted. What if this was just a fluke? Just a moment of misguided lust, driven to its desperate end by a lack of sleep and an inability to think through the consequences. Seeing Russ every day, knowing what
this
felt like… it would destroy him.

“Russ, what happened today…”

“One thing at a time,” Russ said.

The sound of static came through the door, and Jake realized it was the baby monitor. He felt heat rise in his cheeks as the weight of what they’d done truly sunk in.

“Go on,” he said. “I’ll… get cleaned up again.”

Russ looked up into his eyes for a moment, and Jake held his breath. Before Russ could say or do whatever he’d planned, though, Ryan’s voice came through the monitor, calling for him. He swore quietly under his breath, zipped up his pants, then gave Jake an apologetic look before leaving the bathroom.

Most of the steam had dissipated, and Jake was left feeling cold. He braced his hands on the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. Whatever answers he sought there, they seemed well out of reach.

Jake only knew that he had to get his shit together, and fast. What happened today, it couldn’t happen again. Not if they were going to salvage their friendship by the end of this.

O
nce the last
of the anesthetic faded and Ryan got used to the pain pills, he wasn’t quite as easy to handle.

Russ wouldn’t say his son ever threw tantrums, but it was hard to keep him confined to bed. Especially since Jake had gone back to work Monday morning.

Giving Ryan the tablet had only gotten him so far. Ryan wanted to get up and move, and Russ couldn’t blame him at all. At the very least, he was already tired of staying home, of not being able to talk to his friends. After two solid hours of trying to bargain with his son, Russ had finally decided to run an HDMI cable from Ryan’s Xbox to his computer monitor, setting the monitor at the foot of the bed so Ryan could hang his head over the side and play.

So far, it seemed to work. Ryan got to talk to his friends and lose himself in his virtual worlds. Russ’s involuntary form of escapism was far less fun. He sat at the war table now, going over his credit card statements, trying not to think about Jake.

They still hadn’t had a chance to talk about what had happened between them. Every evening, Jake brought a few more things over, planning to finish the process of moving in fully before the week was through. But while Jake was staying there now, sleeping in the master bedroom—or last night, the couch, since he’d insisted on Russ taking the bed—they’d both been so busy they’d managed to dance around it over the past couple of days.

This morning, though, as Jake got ready for work upstairs, it was all Russ could think about. Especially when he heard the pipes start to knock and creak as Jake ran his shower.

He tried to focus on the papers in front of him, but his mind just kept supplying him with images that were far more interesting. Jake, breathing heavily, droplets of water sluicing down his naked torso. The flush in his cheeks, the way his lips parted just so and his eyes glazed over with lust when Russ touched him. The little tremors that ran through his strong body, and the needy sounds he made in the back of his throat.

Russ groaned, trying to focus on the numbers in front of him. It was too early to be packing wood. He adjusted in his seat, and scanned the column to find his place again.

Just as he punched numbers into the calculator, he heard the stairs creak. The weight was too heavy to be Ryan, and he knew without even turning to look that it was Jake.

He tried to keep focused on what he was doing, but there was some invisible force that seemed to tug him toward Jake with every passing moment these days. He was too weak to fight it, and immediately grateful that he didn’t.

Jake was dressed for work, wearing a sleek button-down shirt and slacks that made him look even taller than he was. Russ never thought he’d find himself admiring the width of a man’s shoulders, but it was definitely something to admire in Jake. Especially when he remembered running his hands along that span of skin.

Jake gave him a smile that was a little bit shy. Not quite the dimpled smile Russ was hoping for, but endearing nonetheless. They’d both been dancing around the elephant in the room since that day with the shower, and as much as Russ just wanted to clear the air, he wasn’t really sure what to say or what to do.

His friend seemed to share that sentiment, because he deftly avoided talking about it.

“Did you sleep last night?” Jake padded over to the coffee pot and poured a cup, getting the honey out of the cabinet.

“A little,” he said, ignoring the look he got from Jake.

He was familiar with this exchange. It was a lot safer than talking about his feelings and how mixed up he was about this whole thing.

“How much is a little?” Jake came over to the war table, pulling out one of his own high-backed chairs. The slight scent of his aftershave drifted across to Russ, and a twinge of interest coursed through him.

“Four hours, maybe a little more. Ryan had a nightmare, so I stayed up with him for a bit.”

“Shit,” Jake said, worry lines furrowing his brow. “The Percodan will do that sometimes. You could’ve woken me up to help.”

“And have us both not sleep? Nah. It was fine, he just needed to be calmed down.”

Jake let it drop, thankfully, and sipped his coffee. Russ glanced at the antique clock that hung above the stove. It was a little after seven, and Jake would have to run off to the clinic soon. Probably not the time to start up a conversation about what was going on between them, even if he could feel a weird, tense vibe emanating from Jake.

He went back to number-crunching, trying to figure out what he could get away with for the minimum payment. But it wasn’t long before he noticed something strange. His brow furrowed as he scanned the rows again.

“Hey, have you had any accounting delays at the clinic?”

“Not that I know of,” Jake said, putting his coffee down. “Why?”

“This is my statement from last month, and I know I put that appointment on this card, but I don’t see it. It should’ve been two hundred ninety-seven dollars.”

“Ah, that…”

Russ looked up, not liking the way Jake said the words. Jake had never really been the type to hide his gaze, but it looked like he wanted to. He shifted in his chair and reached up to rub his clean-shaven jaw.

“There something I should know about?”

He had no idea what it could be. Maybe Jake took it off his card and gave him the appointment as a freebie because nothing really came of it? But that didn’t make sense. Ryan had had x-rays done; there was no way they could just let that visit go.

“I paid for it.”

Russ stared at him across the table, waiting for Jake’s lips to quirk and for him to admit he was just kidding. Why he would joke about that, Russ didn’t know. But the idea of it made no sense to begin with.

“I remember running my card. I even have a receipt from it.”

“I know. I had Patti cancel your card and run mine instead. I just thought it would make things a little easier on you.”

Russ sat back in his chair, letting his pen drop on the table. It rolled a few times before stopping, and he tried to gather his thoughts. But it didn’t matter how much time he took with it. The end result was the same.

His best friend had lied to him.

“Why the hell would you do that, Jake?”

“I know I should’ve talked to you, I just thought it would help.”

“It was nearly three hundred dollars. Jesus, how hard up to do you think I am that I can’t add three hundred dollars to a credit card?”

“Russ, I didn’t think—”

“Yeah, you didn’t. Christ, Jake. What is it with you? Why do you always feel like you have to come to my rescue? I bet you married me out of pity, right? Because you didn’t think I could support Ryan on my own?”

There was a part of Russ that knew he was being unfair. Jake had been trying to help, and probably hadn’t thought much about covering a $297 bill at his own clinic. But to Russ, that was just another straw dropped precariously on top of an already huge pile.

It wasn’t about the money. He’d figure out that part of it. He always did.

It was the fact that his best friend—a man he was starting to care about as more than a friend—didn’t have enough faith in him to think he could support his own son.

“You know it’s not like that.”

“I don’t know what it’s like. We haven’t talked about what it’s like. You won’t let me even think about paying you back for the insurance shit, so what am I supposed to do?”

Before Jake could answer, Russ’s phone rang. He hoped it was a fucking collector; he needed someone else to yell at.

Picking up the phone, he swiped it to life before even looking at the caller.

“What?” He growled.

Jake seemed to shrink a bit in his chair, and Russ felt a stab of guilt.

“Mr. Callaghan? This is Tom Reynolds. I emailed you a few days ago about nailing down the details for a kitchen remodel?”

Russ was so disoriented, so wrapped up in the argument he was having with Jake that he drew a blank. It took a few moments for the name to click in his mind. Tom Reynolds. Shit. Tom was a contractor, and he loved ordering custom cabinetry for his clients. He’d paid Russ over $5,000 for the last job he commissioned. Russ couldn’t afford to hang up on him. He needed that money.

Especially if he was going to have a leg to stand on in this argument.

“Sorry about that, Mr. Reynolds. You didn’t catch me in the best mood. I’m happy to take down the details.”

He glanced across the table, only Jake wasn’t there. He was already heading toward the door.

“Brilliant,” Tom said, apparently skimming right over Russ’s admission that he was in a bad mood. “I’m doing a full kitchen remodel for a client who’s working with a very small space. I need custom cabinets, an island, and some slide-out storage. I’d like it to be similar to the last job you did for me, but—”

As Tom continued with his laundry list of desires, Russ glanced at the front door. Jake was gone. For a long while, he half expected the door to open again. For Jake to have forgotten something.

But that didn’t happen. Instead, he heard the garage door open.

Jake was gone. Maybe just to work, but maybe gone for good. Unreachable in every way that mattered.

Fuck
.

“Mr. Reynolds, I’m really sorry. Can I actually call you back in a bit? I’ve got an emergency to handle,” he said distractedly, not waiting for an answer.

Russ started for the door, grabbing his own keys off the counter and knocking over a prescription bottle in the process. When he went to right it, he realized it was one of Ryan’s.

His fingers closed around it, and he stopped in his tracks.

Shit. He couldn’t go after Jake. He couldn’t leave Ryan alone, even just for a half hour. Backtracking to grab his phone, he tried to dial Jake’s number, but it went straight to voicemail.

Fuck.

“Dad,” Ryan called from upstairs, sealing his fate and squelching that last part of him that wanted to rebel against what he knew he had to do.

“Be right there, bud.”

He’d have to trust Jake; trust that his friend was willing to give him a second chance, and that they could figure out whatever was going on between them.