Dial L for Loser (22 page)

“Aaaand cut!” Rupert shouted. Claire could hear him smiling.

“Mercy.” Conner touched his lips. “Nice going, babygirl.”

“Thanks.” She grinned.

“Brilliant, dahhh-ling!” Rupert rubbed the top of her head. “I knew you could do it.”

“Do
what
?” Abby twisted off her mini-mint-filled ring and dumped them all in her mouth. “Act like a porn star?”

Massie and Alicia high-fived her like they were lifelong BFFs.

“She was wondaful,” Rupert insisted.

“‘She was wonderful,’” Abby mocked. “Molly would
never
kiss like that. She has no experience.”

Despite the criticism, Claire welled with pride. Abby thought she was a good kisser!

“I’m just saying,” the actress continued, “before Molly got a makeover from
my
character, she was a major loser. And even though she got a cool haircut and new clothes, she still has loser in her blood. And no loser would be
that
aggressive.”

Claire clenched her jaw. How many more times was Abby going to remind everyone that she was playing a loser?

“It worked for Conner.” The actor’s cheeks were still flushed.

Abby marched over to him. “You know what else will work for Conner?” she snapped. “A Cup O’ Noodles up your butt!”

“What does that
mean
?” he asked, an endearing smile on his face.

“I dunno.” She shrugged. “It just came out.”

Their eyes met and they snickered like giddy schoolgirls.

“Listen.” Abby put her arm around Claire’s shoulders. “I don’t mean to sound all critictatious.” She gave her a reassuring squeeze. “I just want to do what’s best for
our
movie. And I don’t see your character being that, well, slutty. So maybe you can tone it down a bit.”

“Uh, okay.” Claire wasn’t about to debate acting with Abby Boyd.

“We’re ready to roll on this,” Rupert announced. “I need all cameras. Now!”

Seconds later, the set was bustling with crew members hauling their gear and getting it into position.

Gina appeared at Claire’s side with a bag of makeup.

“Uh, I need to make a quick call.” She tried to sound harried so Gina would think it was an emergency. It was a Massie technique she’d picked up when the girls first met. “Be right back.”

Stella was standing on the edge of the set scheduling interviews for her. “Here you go.” She handed Claire her phone as if reading her mind.

“How did you know—”

“It’s my job,” Stella answered.

“Thanks.” Claire still had a hard time believing Stella was there to take care of her every need. But as long as she was, there was no harm in asking for a favor, right?

“Stella, see those two girls by the coffee cart?” She pointed to Massie and Alicia.

“Conner’s guests?”

“Yeah.” She leaned in and whispered, “Would you mind having them removed from the set? They are ruining my focus.” She felt bad, but acting was hard enough without Massie and Alicia cackling every time she messed up.

“Not a problem.” Stella turned on the heels of her snakeskin stilettos and hurried toward the girls.

Claire crouched behind a massive klieg light and watched Stella do her dirty work. Whatever she said had Massie stomping her feet and Alicia craning to find Conner. Stella pointed to the exit, but the girls turned their backs to her. Finally, a stocky man in a mustard-colored
SECURITY
tee hauled them off the set. The instant they were gone, Claire exhaled. A weight had been lifted. But there was still one more thing crushing her. And it had Cam’s name on it.

While the crew finished setting up, Claire hit speed dial number one, then lifted the red, shimmering phone to her ear. She was overflowing with guilt about the Conner kiss and needed to speak to Cam before she did it again.

Please answer. Please answer. Please an
—

Someone picked up the phone but no one spoke.

“Cam?” She giggled. “Are you there? It’s Claire.”

Silence.

“Cam? Hello?” She checked the screen on her phone to make sure she’d dialed right. Maybe the signal was bad. “If you can hear me, don’t go anywhere. I’ll call you right back.” She stuffed the rest of her second-to-last gummy worm in her mouth.

“I can hear you.”

Claire’s insides warmed from the sound of his voice. “Hey, it’s me. I have a few minutes so I thought I’d call and say hey.”

“Hey.” His voice was flat.

“Hey.” She knit her eyebrows. “Is everything okay? Were you sleeping?”

“No.”

“Oh.” She could hear herself breathing. “I’m eating a gummy worm right now.”

“Really?” He sounded bored. “I thought your favorite snack food was Red Vines.”

“Huh?” Her heart started thumping.

“I saw your
Teen Vogue
interview online.”

“Oh, that.” Claire tried to sound casual. Why had she ever listened to Abby? “I said gummy bears at first but then—”

“And you said your crush was CF.”

“Yup,” Claire confirmed with pride.

“Conner Foley?”

“What? No!” Her sadness was starting to grow teeth. “Obviously CF is you!”

“Is that why you were just making out with him?”

“What?” She looked around the studio. Had he shown up to surprise her?

“Massie sent a picture to my phone of you making out with him.”

Claire lowered her head between her knees to keep from passing out. Was the ‘trash talk’ segment not mean enough? Was this
still
payback for having her off the set or leftover jealousy about the movie? Either way, it was beyond evil, even for Massie Block. “Cam, that was a scene from the movie.”

“Then where were the cameras?” His voice shook.

“It was a rehearsal!” She jumped to her feet. “We haven’t used the cameras yet.”

“So you’re going to kiss him again?”

Silence.

“Cam, you have to believe me,” Claire pleaded. “There’s nothing going on between me and Conner.”

“Correction,” he replied. “There’s nothing going on between me and
you.
”

Click.

G
ELDING
S
TUDIOS

Friday, April 3rd

11:00 A.M.

Two rotund
girls from the catering department burst into hysterics when they passed Massie and Alicia in the
studio.

“Your burgers taste like monkey balls!” Alicia hollered, then lowered her voice
to a whisper. “Why is everyone laughing at us? First Gina, then the lighting dudes, now the food
chicks.”

“They probably heard Claire kicked us off the set,” Massie murmured. “And
they think we’re losers.” “But we’re on our way to Conner’s trailer. How does that make
us
losers?”

“This is all
her
fault,” Massie sneered. “Claire
Lyons is so D2M.” She ditched her sugar-free hot chocolate on a table full of scripts to avoid
staining the chocolate-brown cashmere beater she’d bought at Fred Segal. It had been the last
one, and she desperately wanted Conner to see her in it while it was still clean. “Fifty gossip
points if you can guess why Conner wants to see us.”

Alicia tucked her Citizens into her
hunter green riding boots for the hundredth time. She’d mistakenly worn the wide pair, and they
kept bunching over the tops. “I think he wants to congratulate us. You know, on our final
Daily Grind
show. Maybe he has gifts for us.” She hurried to catch up with Massie. “I
heard he gave portable DVD players and a copy of all his movies to everyone on his last film.”

“What if he’s decided to just take one of us to the wrap party tonight?” Massie tried
to sound like this would be a bad thing. But she knew that if Conner did make a choice, he would
choose her. And there was nothing bad about that.

Alicia stopped. “But what about
Abby?”

Massie turned around. “He can’t take her. Their romance is a secret, remember?
He
has
to take one of us as part of his cover-up.” She slid her hand into the pocket of
her camouflage capri pants and clutched her lucky cell phone.

“Well, if he asks me,
I’ll tell him I’m not going without you.” Alicia finger-combed her dark, wavy hair.

“Cool.” Massie was standing in front of his trailer.

Alicia stomped her foot.
“What about
me
? Will you tell him you won’t go without
me
?”

“Shhhh.” Massie brought her finger to her lips. “His door is open.”

“Promise you won’t go without me,” Alicia whispered.

“Can we puh-lease talk
about this later? What if he hears us?” Massie hissed.

“I swear, Lenny,” Conner
shouted into his cell phone. “I am going to shoot a pumpkin ball up your butt if you don’t fix
this!”

Massie and Alicia burst out laughing.

“
What
is a pumpkin
ball?” Massie giggled into her palm.

Alicia’s face was Revlon red. She lifted her hand
away from her mouth to say something but cracked up and had to cover it again.

“C’mere.” Massie yanked her to the side of the trailer so they could eavesdrop.

“I don’t care how you fix it!” Conner roared. “But there’s no way she’ll go
with me
now
.”

Massie’s underarms itched. Was he talking about
her
?

Conner’s voice filled with regret. “I hired you to make her jealous, not to make me
look like a loser for hanging out with a booger-leaker and a butt-picker.”

Massie and
Alicia burst out laughing again and buried their faces in each other’s shoulders.

“Don’t tell Conner to calm down! Conner has every right to be angry!” He threw a
crumpled copy of
US Weekly
at the door.

“Sou-venir!” Alicia whispered as she
bent down to pick it up. “Look, his name is in the subscription window. This is totally worth
something.”

“Lemme see.” Massie tore it from her hands.

“Give it back!”
Alicia reached for the magazine, but Massie was too quick for her.

“Help me look for
coffee stains.” She flipped through the celebrity-filled pages. “They might increase the
value.”

“Give it!” Alicia grabbed for the pages. “I found it.”

Massie
turned away and kept flipping. “Eh. Ma. Gawd.”

“What? Give it!”

“Trust me,
you don’t want it.”

“Yes I do.” Alicia ripped it away from Massie.

Her brown
eyes widened. “Eh. Ma. Gawd.” She leaned against the side of the trailer and slid to the
floor.

“Did you read the headline?” She tugged on Massie’s pant leg. “It says,
‘Slim Pickings for Conner Foley.’ And there’s a picture of
us
at his pool!”

“I saw it.” Massie sat next to her. She pulled her lucky Motorola out of her pocket and
stomped on it with the platform heel of her Frye mules. Purple rhinestones bounced across the
studio floor, and plastic phone parts scattered everywhere. “I knew I heard something in the
bushes.”

Massie had no idea what to do next. No one had ever made a fool of her before.

“I have a booger hanging out of my nose!”

“Well, I’m pulling my bathing suit
out of my butt!”

“Now we know why everyone was laughing at us.” Alicia brought her
knees to her chest and lowered her head. “The whole country reads
US Weekly
,” she
mumbled. “This is a national disaster.”

Massie wanted to grab Alicia by the shoulders,
tell her the new revenge plan, and spring into action. She wanted to assure her that these stupid
LBRs in Hollywood were no match for them. And remind her that no matter what the stupid magazine
said, everyone would still side with the Pretty Committee. But she couldn’t. Not this time.

“I don’t care if you
tried
, Lenny!” Conner was still furious. “The idea
was to make Abby jealous, not to make her dump me for hanging out with… Forget your excuses.
You’re fired!”

Something whacked against the inside wall of his trailer.

“It’s a bad day for cell phones.” Alicia sighed.

“It’s a bad day for
everything.” Massie pulled her up. “We better get out of here.”

“Where are we going to go?”

“Canada.”

CURRENT (PATHETIC) STATE OF THE
UNION

T
HE
C
HOCOLATE
B
AR

D
IAL
L
FOR
L
OSER

W
RAP
P
ARTY

Friday, April 3rd

9:09 P.M.

Rupert was standing by the DJ booth in L.A.’s hottest new club. He had a glass of champagne in one hand and a micro-phone in the other. “And last but noht least, I’d like to thank my stahs, Connah Foley, Abby Boyd, and Cleh Lyons.” He paused for a round of roaring applause.

“That’s you, honey.” Judi’s eyes welled up. “I’m sorry.” She dabbed them with the sleeve of her ivory blouse. “I’m just so proud of you.”

“Thanks, Mom.” Claire grinned.

The applause died and Rupert continued. “Cleh, the moment I saw you I said, ‘Emma, I just found the most dahh-ling little loser.’” Everyone laughed. “But seriously.” He chuckled. “You have a great deal of talent and the beauty to match. I expect big things from you.” He raised his glass. “Cheers.”

Claire thanked Rupert with a gracious nod. He blew her an air kiss and she blew one back.

“So you really had
no
experience?” asked Vic Whitestone, the ancient CEO of Gelding Studios.

“Do you count
The Wizard of Oz
at an Orlando junior high school?” she asked.

A group of suit-wearing executives erupted with laughter.

“Well, word is you were simply wonderful,” gushed Lauren DiVine, one of the film’s producers. “And that you have next-big-thing potential.”

“Thank you so much.” Claire beamed. “I had a great time.”

“Do you see acting as part of your future?” asked Ric Bolster from the Artist Farm, one of the biggest talent agencies in the country.