Dial L for Loser (21 page)

“Thanks.” Massie tried not to look impressed by the high ceilings, the skylights, or the back wall that rolled up like a garage door and opened onto the pool. Her eyes grazed past the ginormous flat-screen TV that was mounted above the stone fireplace. And she did her best not to stare at the gray cashmere couch that hung from chains like a swing. It was best to let Estelle think she saw that sort of thing all the time.

“I just made a fresh batch of protein-enriched quinoa muffins. Would you like me to bring some outside once they’ve cooled?”

“Um, no thanks,” Alicia smirked.

Massie bit her bottom lip to avoid laughing in the maid’s face. “We’ll just head out back, if that’s okay.”

“Of course.” Estelle smoothed her black uniform. “Refreshments are on the bar. If you need something special, just give me a ring.” She shook an imaginary bell, then returned to the kitchen.

The girls followed the haunting sound of James Blunt’s old hit, “You’re Beautiful,” through the heavily air-conditioned living room and out to the pool. Massie imagined Conner singing that song to her during an impromptu night of celebrity karaoke and felt that tiny tingle again behind her belly button.

“Over here, babygirls.” Conner wiggled his fingers as he drifted by on a silver raft. His oil-slicked six-pack glistened in the afternoon sun, and Massie thought of a thousand reasons why she should feel guilty about Derrington. Nine hundred and ninety-nine had to do with Conner’s deep red board shorts and how ah-mazing they looked on him.

“Hey,” Massie and Alicia said at the same time. “Apple-C!” they shouted, a little louder than usual.

Conner chuckled as he brought a bottle of root beer to his lips.

Massie lowered herself as gracefully as she could and un-fastened Bean’s black-and-gold Chanel leash. The puppy shot toward the pool like a hairy cannonball and jumped in. Conner scooped her up and held her against his chiseled stomach.

After another sip of root beer, he placed the brown bottle in the raft’s cup holder and sat up. Bean was still in his tanned arms. “Why don’t you go change into your bathing suits. The cuh-ban-ya is all yours.”

“Ehmagawd, are you Spanish?” Alicia beamed.

Here we go,
Massie thought. Did she honestly think Conner would be impressed just because her mother had a different passport?

“No one in America ever pronounces
cabaña
properly. It’s so ah-nnoying,” Alicia continued.

“I’m not Spanish per se, but I was in Barcelona for two nights doing a press junket.” Conner removed his Dior wraparounds. “Why, are you?” He lifted Bean off his lap and plopped her back in the water. “It
would
explain your—dare I say
exotic—
charms.”

“Let’s go change.” Massie grabbed Alicia’s arm and they ran past the edge of the pool.

A stinging blast of air-conditioning welcomed the girls to the cabaña.

“Not bad.” Massie stood in front of the mirrored wall.

“I know,” Alicia agreed. “I love the whole mirrors-instead-of-wallpaper thing.”

“No, I meant my outfit.” Massie admired herself. “But the decorating is pretty cool too.”

A freshly vacuumed rug gave the glorified dressing room a touch of elegance, while the nautical blue couches and conch lamps were charming reminders that the beach was a few feet away.

“How many gossip points do I get for finding
these
?” Alicia waved a pair of Conner’s CF jeans like a flag.

“Ehmagawd, where—”

“They were hanging over the sauna door.”

“Ew, do you think they smell like butt?” Massie crinkled her perfect ski-slope nose.

Alicia sniffed them.

“Ew!” Massie shouted.

“Aahhhhhhh!” Alicia squirmed, then whipped the jeans onto the carpet.

“Ew! They smell?”

“No. I mean, I don’t think so.” Alicia’s expression was somewhere between laughing and crying. “But they
could
have.”

“In that case…” Massie opened her metallic Juicy Couture tote and stuffed the jeans inside.

“What are you
doing
?” Alicia was practically bug-eyed.

“Proving that we were here.” She made it sound like the most logical thing ever.

“Point!” Alicia lifted her finger. “But wait.” She lowered it. “What if he catches you?”

“Puh-lease, he probably has a million pairs. He won’t even notice they’re gone.”

“Point!”

The girls spent the next eleven minutes trying on different bathing suits and rating each other. Finally, Massie decided on her zebra-print bikini, while Alicia settled for a plain black one-piece. It wasn’t her favorite, but it didn’t make her boobs look quite as heaving as the others. And Massie wasn’t about to argue. The more Alicia covered up, the less Conner would notice her.

“So, are you gonna go for him?” She turned to the side and examined her cleavage profile. “Because if not, I will. Josh and I haven’t even kissed yet, so—”

Massie tied the string on her barely-there bottoms. “I think we should let Conner go for
us.
You know, let
him
decide. The last thing I want to do is compete with you. Ah-greed?”

“Ah-greed.”

After a quick application of vanilla-cupcake-flavored Glossip Girl, Massie side-braided her long hair and led the way back out to the pool.

“Mercy.” The actor ran a wet hand through his glistening black hair. “Conner likes what he sees.”

Massie sucked in her already flat stomach, turned ever-so-slightly to the side, and lightly joined her index fingers to her thumbs. It was a pose she secretly referred to as the Red Carpet.

Yap-yap-yap…

Yap-yap-yap…

She made a move for her phone but then realized the barking was coming from Bean. Conner had deposited her on the edge of the pool, and she was racing toward the rustling bushes that separated the property from the beach.

“Does Estelle do gardening too?” Massie tried to imagine her own maid, Inez, trimming the hedges. But it was impossible. Inez was never more than twenty feet away from the kitchen.

“No, why?” Conner lifted himself out of the pool and dried his hair with a black CF towel, leaving the sun to take care of the beading water droplets on the rest of his body.

“Looks like there’s someone in your bushes.”

“Probably a couple of tourists with a star map.” Conner scratched the back of his head and gazed pensively toward the horizon. He might as well have been shooting another Hugo Boss ad. “It’s the price of fame, Velvet.”

Massie felt like a soaring balloon every time Conner called her that. Poor Alicia. She didn’t have a chance.

“Would one of you babygirls like to be Conner’s date for the wrap party next Friday night?”

“I would!”

“Apple-C!”

“I would!”

“Double apple-C!”

“I would!”

“Triple apple-C!”

“Hold on,” he snickered. “Let’s have a race! The first one to the end of the pool and back wins.”

“Done!” Massie couldn’t believe her luck. Alicia was genetically incapable of speed.

Hmmmm, what does one wear to a wrap party?

“Okay, then.” Conner motioned for them to join him by the edge of the pool. “On your marks, get se—”

Splash!

Alicia did a stride jump into the water and took off. Her aversion to quickness must have been restricted to land sports, because she was hauling butt.

“Cheater!” Massie jumped in. Her zebra-striped top was sliding off and her bottoms were heading due north but she kept going. There was no way Alicia was going to beat her.

Left arm, right arm, turn to the side and breathe. Left arm, right arm, turn to the side and breathe. Left arm, right arm, turn to the side and breathe. Left arm, right arm, turn to the side and breathe.…

Bean was running along the edge of the pool, cheering her owner on until finally, Massie caught up. As she passed, she gave Alicia’s hair a quick tug, letting her know she was no longer in the lead.

“Ouch!” Alicia shouted. She grabbed onto Massie’s foot and yanked her back.

“Let go, cheater!” She kicked, doubling back and snapping the thick strap on Alicia’s one-piece.

“Gawd, how desperate are you?” Alicia jumped on her back and held on tight.

“Get off me, pumpkin eater!”

“I am not a cheater!”

“You are!” Massie tried spinning, hoping to shake Alicia off. But she was sticking to her like waterproof mascara.

“I slipped.”

“Well,
slip
on this!” Massie grabbed Conner’s silver raft and slammed it down on Alicia’s head until she lost her balance and fell off.

Someone was clapping. “Looks like a tie to me.” Conner had two CF towels draped over his defined rotator cuffs.

“Then who gets to go to the wrap party?” Alicia asked in a high-pitched squeak.

“Both of you.” He smiled.

Massie and Alicia glanced at each other and burst out laughing. And just like that they were BFFs again. But that didn’t mean Massie had to tell Alicia about the giant snot string dangling from her left nostril. Did it?

Bean started barking again.

“Sounds like the star-mappers are back.” Alicia climbed up the pool ladder and pulled one of the towels from Conner’s shoulder. She covered herself immediately.

The actor quickly spritzed himself with Hawaiian Tropic SPF 2. “Conner better check it out.”

The instant he was gone, Massie pinched her bikini bottoms and pulled them out of her butt crack. Much better!

“Who’s thirsty?” Estelle appeared with three glasses of mango juice.

The girls wasted no time lifting the tall glasses off her silver tray.

“Thanks,” they said.

“My pleasure.” She smiled. “I’m just so pleased my son has been hanging out with
nice
girls lately.”

“Your
son
?” Alicia asked. “You mean you’re not his—”

Massie cut her off. “Nice girls
lately
?”

Estelle nodded. “His girlfriend, Abby, had dinner with us last night.”

“
Girlfriend?
”

“Apple-C!”

“Oh yes.” Estelle dabbed her sweaty brow with a CF napkin. “They have been an item for almost three weeks. But they’re always bickering.” She quickly covered her mouth with her hand. “Ooopsie. You won’t tell, right? I mean, they’ve been trying so hard to keep it from the press.”

“No need to worry about
us
, Estelle.” Massie tried to suppress her grin. “We
never
gossip.”

“Never.” Alicia shook her head.

“I knew you seemed like nice girls.”

“Thank you.” Massie smiled. “We try.”

G
ELDING
S
TUDIOS

L
AKEVIEW
M
IDDLE
S
CHOOL
S
ET

D
ETENTION

Monday, March 30th

3:00 P.M.

Conner’s mouth was so close to Claire’s face, she could feel his warm breath on her cheek.

“There’s an attraction between us that can’t be denied.” He leaned a tiny bit closer.

“Would you be saying that if I was still a nobody?” Claire looked him straight in the eye.

“Of course I would,” he whispered. “True love doesn’t discriminate.”

Claire’s pulse quickened. Her palms became clammy and her insides bunched up.
This is it,
she thought.
He’s about to kiss me.

All of a sudden she saw Cam’s face. His blue eye and green eye filled with tears as Conner inched toward her trembling lips. How could she cheat on him again? Kissing Josh was one thing, a reaction to the pain Claire had felt when she thought Cam left her for Alicia’s cousin Nina. But Conner Foley? The teen dream? Cam would
never
understand. Claire turned her head slightly to the side, to create a bit of space between their mouths while she thought this through.

“
Cut!
” Rupert shouted.

Massie and Alicia giggled, like they had every other time Rupert called “cut” because Claire messed up. She hated having them on set, especially during such an awkward scene. But they were Conner’s guests. And he’d insisted they stay.

“Sweet-haht, what ah you doing?” Rupert paced the classroom set. He tried to sound patient, but to his credit, they had rehearsed the “first kiss” scene fourteen times, and Claire still wasn’t getting it.

“Afta Brad says, ‘True love doesn’t discriminate,’ yoh supposed to lean in so he can kiss you. You cahn’t keep turning away.” He unwrapped a stick of Big Red and jammed it in his mouth. Then he crumpled the wrapper in his fist and whipped it onto the ground.

“Sorry.” Claire lowered her head. Tears blurred her vision, making her Lakeview Middle School skirt look like a plaid puddle. She knew making out with a gorgeous actor wasn’t cheating if it was a scene in a movie. But still, it felt wrong.

“We have to staht rolling soon.” Rupert ripped open four packets of sugar and dumped them in his tiny espresso cup. “So will you please focus?”

Massie and Alicia giggled again. Claire shot them a dirty look, which made them giggle even more.

“I’m ready!” Claire took a quick nibble out of her second-to-last gummy worm and forced it down her throat.

“Very well.” Rupert sighed. “We’re gonnah try this again. Everyone back to one, let’s take it from ‘Theh’s an attraction.’” He cleared his throat. “And… action!”

“There’s an attraction between us that can’t be denied.” Conner shifted in his seat to face her.

Claire gazed into his olive-green eyes. “Would you be saying that if I was still a nobody?” She turned to meet him, their knees touching ever so slightly.

“Of course I would,” he whispered. “True love doesn’t discriminate.”

Claire took a deep breath, leaned forward, and jammed her mouth against his face. His lips didn’t move at first. But once he realized she was going for it, he gripped the sides of her face and forced his tongue into her mouth. Her cheeks burned. Could Conner tell she was a tongue-virgin? She did her best to follow his lead. And before long, Claire was fully at ease, fully at one with Conner, and fully into it.

“Somebody stop her before she swallowcates his jaw!” Abby snapped her fingers frantically.