Diamonds and Dreams (25 page)

“The minute is almost over, Goldie!”

“Oh, great day Miss Agnes, he’s gonna see me
naked!” With one smooth motion, she lifted the gown over her head,
feeling it caress the length of her entire body as it fell into
place. Lost in the wonderful sensation, she closed her eyes and
allowed herself to enjoy it. “I’m wearin’ silk. Pure silk, and I’m
really and truly wearin’ it.”

“And does it feel as nice as it looks?”
Saber asked.

Her eyes flew open. He was standing in the
threshold of the closet. “You—”

“I told you I’d give you one minute. The
minute ended, and here I am.”

“Well, it’s a damn good thing I got the
thing on in time, isn’t it?”

He was fully aware that his sudden return
into her room was thoroughly improper. He tried to summon shame
over his action, but instead grinned rakishly.

“You look like Smiley Jones, standing there
grinnin’ like that, Saber,” Goldie told him, unable to keep from
smiling back at him.

“I don’t recall ever being compared to a
mule.” How odd, he thought. Only two weeks ago being likened to a
mule would have annoyed him greatly. Now he found it amusing.

“You should be flattered,” Goldie informed
him. “Smiley Jones has a nice smile. Here, would you do me up?”

When she turned, the shoulders of the gown
fell away, sliding down to her upper arms. Saber saw the creamy
expanse of her back, and wondered what that skin would feel like
beneath his palms. He decided he would discover the answer for
himself.

He stepped closer to her. So close, Goldie
felt his warm breath wafting down to the top of her bare shoulder.
That ache...that strange, sweet ache began its slow-winding dance
within her.

Guard your heart, Goldie,
she
remembered suddenly, struggling to heed the warning. “Saber, do me
up,” she told him, trying to sound impatient.

Saber raised his hands, placing them upon
the ivory flesh of her shoulders. Her skin was so warm. So soft.
God, he wanted to taste it. “Goldie,” he whispered, his fingers
smoothing down her arms.

“Do me up,” she told him again, every fiber
of her being tingling with that yearning she always experienced
when he was near.
Breathe, Goldie,
she told herself when her
lungs began to burn with lack of air.
Breathe and calm
yourself!
“Saber, are you gonna do me up, or you want me to get
Big to do it?”

“I,” he said, bending toward her shoulders,
“will do it.”

Having had no idea, no forewarning of what
he was going to do, Goldie gasped when she felt his lips touch her
shoulder. Her knees buckled, but even before she knew she was
falling, she was in Saber’s arms.

And they were descending, she realized.
Slowly. He was kneeling, taking her with him. On the floor, he sat
and laid her across his lap, allowing her head to rest within the
crook of his elbow.

She looked up and saw his gaze overflowing
with that softness. It swept over her face. Smoothed down her
neck.

And stopped at her breasts.

With a trembling hand, she touched her
chest. It was bare. Her breasts were revealed to him. Figs. Little,
unripened figs! Embarrassment coursed through her. She tried to
cover herself with her arm.

“No, Goldie,” he told her, staying her arm.
Slowly, he raised his other hand.

She saw he lifted it to right above her
chest, then watched as he brought it closer to her. Nearer to her
breasts. Part of her screamed for her to get up and run. The other
part couldn’t bear the thought.

Yes, touch me,
her heart begged.
“No,” she said out loud. “Don’t. Please don’t.” Her heart pounded
as she waited to see what he would do.

His palm was only a fraction of an inch
above the treasures he longed to hold, to taste. “Goldie—”

“Saber, please. You don’t understand.”
I’m so afraid, Saber,
she continued silently.
So afraid
to trust this.

The expression in her eyes told Saber what
words could not. As much as he wanted to touch her, know the feel
and taste of her, he would not take what was not offered. “Very
well,” he whispered. “As you say.” He moved his hand to her
shoulder. There, his fingers caressed her bare skin.

Goldie realized she should get up. Every
instinct in her body told her to do just that. But the feeling of
lying in his arms...on the floor...in the dim sanctuary of the
closet...made her unable to do what she knew she ought. Wetting her
lips, she glanced at her breasts. “You’re seein’ me,” she said
nervously.

He took note of the blush on her cheeks.
“I’ve seen you before,” he reminded her.

She missed a breath. “But it was different
then.”

“Yes.”

Get up, Goldie,
she told herself.
“Did you want to touch me then, too?”

“Yes.” He moved his hand from her shoulder,
let it trail across her neck, then slid it up to her mouth. There,
he traced the outline of her lips. “But I was afraid you would run
me through with your claymore.”

She smiled.
I’m lyin’ in his arms,
practically naked, and I can still smile at him.
The
realization baffled her. “I need to get up. I have to get
dressed.”

“But do you
want
to get up? Do you
want to get dressed?”

“Yes.”

“Daddy’s honor?”

Her smile disappeared. “That’s not
fair.”

“And why not?”

“Because you know I can’t lie against my
oath.”

His fingers journeyed into her hair. As if
alive, her curls captured them, winding around them. He pushed his
hand deeper into the flaxen cloud, knowing he’d never felt anything
so wonderful. “Ah, then you admit to speaking a falsehood.”

She didn’t answer. She couldn’t. Her voice
wouldn’t come. Instead, she looked up into his eyes. The softness
was still there, but it was dark now. A smoldering softness, like
he was on fire inside. The sight of it caused a great need to rise
within her. It was more than the ache his nearness always brought.
It was almost pain. Her body throbbed with it.

“Saber, somethin’s happenin’ to me. I’m
almost naked. I’m in your lap, and you’re seein’ what no other man
has ever seen. It’s makin’ somethin’ happen inside me.”

Her innocent admission made his chest
tighten. “And what is it that’s happening to you, Goldie?”

The slight tilt of his lips made her realize
he already knew the answer to his question. “Saber...”

“Goldie...”

“I’m embarrassed.”

“You’ve no need to be.”

“I’m scared.”

“I’m doing nothing to you.”

“I—Yes, you are.”

“Really? What?”

“You’re makin’ me feel things. Things I
don’t understand.”

He never took his gaze from her face. “And
these things...are they unpleasant?”

She saw a knowing twinkle in his eyes. “You
know they aren’t.”

Her answer deepened his desire, and he
longed to show her everything he did, indeed, know. “So what would
you suggest we do with these pleasant things you’re feeling?”

She frowned slightly. “What’s to do with
’em? Don’t they just come and go like all other kinds of
feelin’s?”

He smiled gently. “Yes, I suppose they do,
but there are many ways to enjoy them while they last. In fact,
there are many ways to heighten them and make them last
longer.”

“And you know those ways, don’t you,
Saber?”

He wasn’t sure how to answer her, and
wondered if it would anger her to know he had experience with
lovemaking. “I might. Tell me, Goldie, do
you
know anything
about them? Anything at all?”

His question sent worry shooting through
her. She knew next to nothing about the intimate things that could
happen between a man and a woman. And if Saber knew that, he would
laugh at her, she knew. Or maybe he’d get mad at her. A man as
handsome as he...he’d want a woman who knew how to respond to him.
Who knew how to give him what he wanted. She felt her own ignorance
keenly.

“Saber, please—I don’t know...I can’t—We—If
you laughed, of course I’d get over it. In time, I would. But it
wouldn’t be easy. And it’d be even harder if you got mad. I hate to
make people mad, Saber.”

He couldn’t understand her fragmented
explanation, but detected a suspicious squeak in her voice. God,
how that sad sound tore at him. Helping her into a sitting position
upon his lap, he smoothed the curls from her eyes. “Goldie—”

“I’d try to find that silver linin’ you
talked about. Try to find the good thing about bein’ laughed at or
havin’ you angry at me, but—”

“But I’m not angry at you. Nor am I
laughing. Why would you think—”

“Well, for one thing, because of Melba
Potts!” she blurted, and felt her cheeks heat again. Quickly, she
pulled up her gaping bodice, feeling familiar inadequacies spin
through her. “Figs,” she mumbled, tears spilling down her cheeks.
“I’ve heard about melons, all round and full. But to have figs!
Unripened
ones! Oh, Saber, you’re a man, and you just can’t
imagine how hard it is to sprout
figs
instead of melons. Not
watermelons. I guess those would be
too
big. But cantaloupes
would be nice. They’re not all
that
big, but they’re big
enough. Well, think how you’d feel if instead of seeing
ropes
of muscles, you saw
threads
!”

“Muscle threads? Goldie, what are you
talking about?” Completely bewildered, Saber pulled out his
handkerchief, pressing it to each of her wet cheeks. “Who is Melba
Potts? And what is this about figs and cantaloupes? Why is the
thought of fruit making you cry? Goldie, what—”

“And your hands got trapped just like I knew
they would. Just like the bee did. But I can’t help it. I didn’t
ask
for this yellow bush, y’know. And given a choice, I
wouldn’t have picked yellow eyes either. No one likes to go around
with devil eyes, Saber, so don’t think for one minute that
I
do.”

“Goldie—”

“Saber, you just can’t know how nice this
has been,” she sniffled. “Lyin’ here in the closet with you, with
all this silk and satin hangin’ all around us, and you lookin’ down
at me with all that dark softness in your eyes. These feelin’s are
just too wonderful to describe. But Saber, I’m not—You’re the kind
of man—We aren’t—Together, we just don’t... Even though you make me
lose my swallowin’—Dreams never last, y’see. I—It’s about my heart.
It’s the only one I have. I have to guard it. If it breaks, God
won’t give me another one.”

His hands fell from her shoulders. She has
to guard her heart, he repeated silently. From me. Yes, from me.
How right she is.

“Then guard it well, Goldie.” With deft
motions, he turned her slightly, fastening the back of her
dress.

Goldie stood and watched him rise. She’d
have given anything to know what he was thinking. But all she knew
was that the softness was gone from his eyes. “Saber—”

“I will await you in the library,” he told
her, already leaving the closet and heading for the door. “Bring
the diaries.”

“Why?”

He opened the door. “I’m going to read them.
Do they not contain stories of noblemen? Would you keep such
information from me? And do you forget that time is passing? You
said yourself that you were afraid of what your uncle would do in
your absence, and Big echoed that sentiment earlier. You’ve been
here for two weeks already. I would think you’d want to hurry
things along.”

That authority was in his voice again, she
heard. So was a tinge of anger. And a bit of impatience, too. “I’m
sorry. For whatever I’ve done, I’m sorry.”

Her apology tore at him. It was all he could
do not to take her back into his arms. “You’ve nothing to apologize
for, Goldie. On the contrary,
I’m
the one who—”

“No! Saber, you haven’t done anything wrong
at all!”

“Goldie, we will forget this afternoon ever
happened,” he told her firmly, his insides coiling at the idea of
never being able to touch her again. “It was a mistake, and we both
know that. I’m sure you feel the same as I do in that you never
want it to happen again. Now, put yourself right, gather up the
diaries, and meet me in the library.”

He shut the door quietly, but Goldie jumped
anyway. Every nerve in her body pulsed with hurt. Her tears ran
freely until she noticed they were dripping onto the silk gown.
Horrified, she removed the beautiful dress and hung it back in the
closet before slipping into her brown frock.

She stood in the middle of the room, holding
the shoulder of the dress together.
It was a mistake,
he’d
said.
We will forget this afternoon ever happened.

“Forget,” she murmured, tasting the salt of
her tears. “How can I forget the way you touched me? The way you
looked at me? How—”

“Goldie?” Big called from the hallway. “I’ve
got your clothes. May I come in?”

She wiped her eyes on her dress sleeve.
“Yes.”

Big waddled in, her extra gown lying over
his arm. He stopped when he saw her. “Your dress is torn.”

She took her other one from him and slipped
behind the big mirror to dress. “Big, we have to hurry up. We gotta
make Saber into a duke as soon as we can. Before Uncle Asa does
somethin’ awful. Before Dane Hutchins kicks us all out.”
Before
my heart gets shattered all to bits.

When she stepped out from behind the mirror,
Big saw how red her eyes were. He bent his head and stared at the
floor. “You’re falling in love with him, aren’t you, Goldie
Mae?”

She made herself busy gathering all the
diaries into the burlap sack in which she carried them. “He told me
to meet him in the library. Said he was gonna read all the stuff
about noblemen that Aunt Delia wrote down. With a little luck, we
should be back in Hallensham in a little over a month. We’ll just
have to rush the duke-spyin’ in London.”