Diary of a Crush: Kiss and Make Up (13 page)

I so heart Sunday lie-ins. I was attempting to get out of bed in time to get to the local Farmers’ Market to buy cake when my phone rang.

I groped for it on my bedside table, still stupid with sleep, but awake enough to feel a tiny flicker of hope. Maybe it was Carter. It wasn’t. It was Shona who I haven’t spoken to in forever.

‘Edie? Is that you? Did I wake you up?’

‘Yeah, you did actually,’ I mumbled. ‘But I was going to get up soon anyway.’

‘Well it is one o’clock,’ she pointed out. I could hear the irritation in her voice even down the phone line.

There was a moment’s silence.

‘So how have you been?’ I finally asked but Shona wasn’t in the mood for idle chatter.

‘I need to talk to you,’ she said abruptly. ‘Can you meet me?’

‘If it’s about Dylan, then no,’ I snapped. ‘We just work together. That’s all and we’re, like, totally chaperoned all the time so if someone…’

‘What the hell has Dylan got to do with anything?’ she asked. ‘Or are you just doing a really crap job of covering up the fact that you two are
still
seeing each other?’

‘We are NOT seeing each other!’

‘OK, sorry,’ she sighed. ‘I’ll meet you by the lake in… can you be ready in an hour?’

‘Yeah,’ I agreed in a resigned voice and hung up. I didn’t know what Shona wanted but I knew it couldn’t be good.

I felt sick as I walked towards the park. Shona had a real nerve. ’Cause if you think about it (and I have done quite a lot), Dylan and I would never have broken up in the first place if it hadn’t been for the whole Mia business, which would never have happened if Shona and Paul had sorted out their own freaking mess, instead of getting Dylan to do it. I couldn’t even remember the last time we’d hung out together, just the two of us. Which wasn’t that surprising because you’d think her and Paul were conjoined twins or something, plus she so obviously prefers Veronique to me even though you’d have to be a complete mentalist to do that. That’s my latest theory. That Dylan and Shona and their crowd are all addled in the head. Why else would anyone actually want to spend quality time with that witch?

Anyway, I digress. It was really hot, the sun was glaring down and I was glad I’d smothered myself in sunblock before I left the house. It was way too hot to wear anything more than a loose cotton dress, definitely no man-made fibres.

Trying to put off the icky situation a bit longer, I stopped to buy an ice cream from the van at the park gates, but there was no escape, Shona was waiting for me by the bridge and I tried to casually stroll towards her like her phone call hadn’t freaked the hell out of me.

‘Hey,’ she said pensively.

‘Hey,’ I replied through a mouthful of Mr Whippy. We walked around the lake and made polite conversation about the band and Shona’s job at a web design company. This used to be the girl who I could talk about anything with and now we were having serious problems trying to sustain a five-minute conversation.

I couldn’t bear it any longer.

‘What’s all this about, Shona?’ I asked her. ‘We haven’t spoken in months so something must be wrong if you suddenly need to talk to me.’

Shona pulled a face. ‘Let’s get out of the sun.’ Shona always reckons she has Eskimo blood in her veins. She is the whitest person I’ve ever seen, apart from, like, Goths, so I pointed to a bench under the shade of a willow tree.

‘Let’s go and sit down.’

I looked at her curiously as she sat down. Even though it was easily ninety degrees, Shona was wearing a big baggy
jumper
. Obviously my mentalist theory had been bang on the money.

‘Aren’t you hot?’ I said.

There was a pause. ‘No…’ The pause carried on for several millennia, while I tilted my head and waited expectantly, which was actually not a good choice of word because finally she blurted out: ‘I’m pregnant.’

‘What?’ I hadn’t been expecting that.

‘I’m two weeks late, Edie, and I’m usually regular to, like, the minute,’ Shona said bitterly.

‘Oh,’ I was stumped for what to say. ‘So are you and Paul pleased?’

She gave me a furious look. ‘Do I look pleased? I’m twenty, I’ve just started my career, I’m still living with my parents. I think it’s safe to say that I’m not exactly jumping for joy.’

‘I’m sorry,’ I muttered. ‘How did it happen?’

‘How do you think it happened?’

I blushed. ‘I know
how
it happened but I thought you were using some protection.’

Shona slumped on the bench. ‘The condom split and I didn’t have time to get any emergency contraception with work and stuff. I thought it would be all right.’

She looked so utterly miserable sat there that even though we’d stopped hanging out I put an arm around her. ‘Shona, it’ll be all right,’ I said. ‘Paul loves you to death…’

She twisted out of my hug. ‘It won’t be all right. He won’t talk about it; he just pretends that it isn’t happening. I can’t talk to him about whether I’m going to have a termination or keep it or anything. He changes the subject.’

‘Maybe you could talk to Dylan, get him to have a word with Paul,’ I suggested nervously, not really wanting to mention the D word.

‘I don’t want to talk to Dylan about it… boy… girl stuff, urgh,’ Shona tailed off. ‘I wondered whether
you
’d talk to Paul.’

‘Me?’ I squeaked. ‘Why me?’

‘’Cause you’re a disinterested third party,’ said Shona. ‘And Paul’s always liked you.’

Which was news to me because I only ever thought of Paul in terms of someone else. First he’d been Dylan’s mate and then he’d been Shona’s boyfriend. ‘Well I’ve always liked him too but, God, I haven’t spoken to him in months,’ I pointed out. ‘I wouldn’t even know what to say to him.’

‘Look, you just go round to their flat, pretend you need to see Carter or something and then mention that you’ve bumped into me and you’re worried about me and you think—’

‘You’ve thought this all out, haven’t you?’ I interrupted. ‘You want me to go and tell your boyfriend that you’re upset about, that… I mean, what do you actually think I could say to him that would make any difference?’

‘I don’t know,’ snarled Shona. ‘You think if I knew what to do I’d ever have phoned you?’

I could feel icy shivers tracing a path down my spine. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ I asked.

‘Well, Edie, you haven’t really been much of a friend in the past have you?’ said Shona. ‘You treated Dylan like hell when you were going out with him, you tried to split up his relationship with Veronique even though you could see that they were happy and then you stop talking to me because I actually had the audacity to be friends with Dylan’s girlfriend.’

It was like having a bucket of cold water thrown in my face. Yeah, those were the barest of bare facts but that wasn’t really what had happened. I didn’t even have the energy to argue with Shona. How could I explain to her why I’d done all the stupid, crazy things I had? And how could I tell her that Dylan had been more than agreeable when it came to sneaking around behind everyone’s backs?

‘You can think what you like,’ I told her quietly. ‘It’s all history now and it’s between Dylan and me anyway.’

‘Oh, are you going to cry now, Edie?’ taunted Shona. ‘Isn’t that what you usually do when it all gets too much?’

‘Maybe I’ve changed,’ I said. ‘And maybe you have too. Like, when did you become such a bitch? Look, I’m sorry that you were caught in the middle of me and Dylan and Veronique and I’m sorry that we don’t talk any more and I’m sorry that you’re pregnant but I’m not a bad person. I had my reasons for doing what I did.’

Shona looked at me like she was seeing me for the first time. ‘You
have
changed,’ she said slowly. ‘You used to be really sweet.’

‘I’m out of here,’ I announced, standing up. ‘You’re going through stuff, I totally get that, but do whatever it is you have to do to deal and don’t sodding well take it out on me.’

Shona caught hold of my wrist and tugged me back. ‘I’m sorry. It just makes me sad. You used to be all innocent and sparkly. It’s why I don’t hang out with you these days ’cause you never really smile any more. It’s like you’re hiding behind this wall you’ve built up.’

Seemed like Shona still knew me a little too well. ‘No I don’t,’ I denied desperately. ‘I’m still me. I got messed over Dylan and it’s taken me a while to get over it. And I do smile. I smile all the time, but you’re just not around to see it these days.’

I should have asked Shona about pregnancy tests and if she’d seen a doctor but all I said was, ‘So couldn’t you have asked Veronique to talk to Paul? I mean, you guys hang out all the time.’

Shona pulled a face. ‘I don’t really want to talk about Veronique with you but she can be a little tactless sometimes and her and Paul don’t really get on.’

‘OK,’ I said. ‘I’ll go and see him but I’m not promising anything.’ I didn’t know why I was agreeing to this stupid plan but if you could have seen how hurt and defenceless Shona seemed, you’d have done the same thing.

If I’d gone to meet Shona with a heavy heart yesterday, then the walk round to the lads’ flat today was even worse. It was a crazy idea and no good could come of it, I thought as I rang on their doorbell. Shona had reckoned that Paul would be in on his own when she’d phoned earlier and thankfully she was right.

‘Hi Edie, Carter’s out,’ he said when he saw me standing on the doorstep. ‘Or did you come round to see Dylan? You didn’t, did you?’ he added uneasily.

I managed to smile. ‘No, I came round to see you. Can I come in, I’ve even brought my own supply of Diet Coke?’

It took a while for Paul to find a glass and clear one of Dylan’s art pieces off the sofa and for us to talk about the weather but eventually we were sitting down and I started to launch into my prepared speech. But as I started to stutter about bumping into Shona and how she seemed really depressed I could see Paul fidgeting and not really getting it, so I decided to just let him have it.

I told him that Shona was beside herself with worry and that he was being a complete wuss and if he really loved Shona he’d be supportive and if she did decide to have the baby he was proving that he’d be really crap Daddy material. It took me a good ten minutes but when I finally ran out of steam, Paul was looking very shamefaced.

‘But she hasn’t even done a pregnancy test,’ was all he could think of to say.

‘Well go and buy her one then,’ I shouted. ‘And get her a bunch of flowers while you’re at it.’

He was already on his feet and scooping up his keys when Dylan suddenly walked in.

Paul and I whirled around and I guess we both looked guilty because Dylan said in a suspicious voice, ‘What’s going on?’

Paul shot me a warning glance. ‘Edie was just passing and she needed to, um, well she’d been meaning to, well…’

‘I was looking for Veronique!’ I squeaked. Where the hell had that come from?

Dylan looked even more wary. ‘And why would that be?’

I looked to Paul for some help but he shrugged helplessly. I turned back to Dylan. ‘I needed to see her because I’m having a… barbecue!’ He was never going to buy this. ‘Yeah, I’m having a barbecue and I wondered whether she wanted to come!’

Dylan arched an eyebrow and my heart started pumping painfully fast. ‘So you could have told me about it tomorrow at the café.’

Paul decided to give me some help as he disappeared out the door. ‘You know what Edie’s like, she gets an idea and she has to act on it.’

Dylan was still standing in the middle of the room. ‘Hmmm, you always were impulsive,’ he said softly. ‘It used to keep me on my toes.’

The atmosphere had changed. Now Paul was gone, the air in the room seemed to sizzle in a way that had nothing to do with the heat of the day. Dylan was looking at me in a really sultry way that made me very aware of the thinness of my dress and my bare legs and the way my toes were peeking out of my clumpy Dr Scholls.

‘So anyway I bumped into Shona and we hadn’t really had a chat for ages,’ I started burbling to fill the silence and because I still wasn’t sure if Dylan was convinced by the whole Veronique invitation thing. ‘And we decided it would be cool to have a barbecue and we should have it at my place ’cause, y’know, ’rents off the premises and then we thought it would be good if it was just girls and it would be a chance for me and Veronique to get to know each other…’

Dylan put a finger to my lips and I jumped back like he’d burnt me.

‘What did you do that for?’ I demanded in a wobbly voice.

‘I thought you were going to pass out if you didn’t stop to take a breath soon,’ Dylan said huskily. ‘You always talk too much when you get nervous. Am I making you nervous?’

‘Of course not,’ I said, though you could have heard my heart thudding in the next county. ‘I should be going.’

Dylan and I hadn’t really been alone in the same room since Veronique’s ultimatum and now I knew why. ’Cause I couldn’t trust myself with Dylan and I couldn’t trust him either. Plus he was being all flirty, which usually led to us getting all kissy and then it was always me who had to deal with the fallout.

‘Can’t you stay for a drink?’ Dylan asked pleadingly. ‘It’s too hot to go racing round the streets of Manchester.’

I dithered. ‘Well, I don’t…’

‘Oh, c’mon Edie,’ drawled Dylan. ‘We have more Diet Coke in the fridge and ice cubes and a fan.’

Of course I stayed. Just call me Princess Pushover.

Dylan moved the fan so that we got blasts of delicious cold air wafting over us as we sat on the sofa. The breeze lifted Dylan’s dark hair and I itched to stroke it. I stole surreptitious glances at him as the fan moulded his T-shirt to his lean body and his mouth wore a special half-smile that he always had when we talked.

And we did talk. Like the months we’d been apart had melted away to nothing. Even when Dylan and I talk about silly things like the dress I want to buy or the boys he works with in Rhythm Records, the conversation means so much more than the things we’re actually talking about.