Diary of a Dieter (4 page)

She gave me a smile that was as fake as her oversized boobs. “Oh, you know how it is. Busy. If I’m not running the house, I’m running errands.”

I gave her a confused look. “You have a maid. What running do you have to do exactly?”

She put on her best giggle and grinned. “Well, I supervise. Janine can’t get it right all the time, and if I don’t point out where she can improve, the poor girl will always be mediocre. I’m investing in her future, and she’ll thank me for it someday.”

I snorted a laugh. “Her future? Nadine, she’s working for you to pay her way through law school. I think her future is solid.”

Now she looked puzzled. “Janine? Law school? Are you sure?”

See, I told you. This bitch lived in la-la-land, and if it didn’t directly affect her or improve her status, information about others was useless.

“Yes. Law school. She told me last time I came over for that God-awful dinner party you hosted.”

My mother glared at me. “Charlene! I’m getting really tired of your smart mouth. It’s Christmas, for goodness sake. And besides, if not for Nadine, your big day would be in shambles. Thank God for your
organisation skills.” She gave Nadine a warm smile. I have to be honest. I was slightly jealous of the way my mother fawned all over her. She never looked at me that way.

“You’re right, Mother. Thank you, Nadine. The wedding really couldn’t happen without you.”

Adam cleared his throat behind me, and I shot him a warning look. He shook his head at me and slumped back against the cushions on the sofa. Pushing past me, Nadine made a beeline for him. She leaned over the back of the sofa and wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him a peck on the cheek.

“Oh, Adam. It’s so nice to see you. It’s been far too long. I’m sure this one keeps you hidden away so she can keep you all to herself.”

Raising an eyebrow and casting an eye back at me, he gave her a weak smile. “Uh, yeah. I guess it’s been a while.”

I rolled my eyes and turned my attention to my mother and Gareth who were hauling Nadine’s designer suitcases from the car. A tapping on the backseat window caught my mother by surprise, and as she poked her head around the door, she groaned.
Excellent
. There was only one person in the world who could make my mother feel that instantly uncomfortable.

Running over, I pulled the door open and offered my hand.

“Gran, Merry Christmas.”

She took my outstretched palm and turned her nose up. “If you say so, dear. I’ve just spent two hours on a slippery leather seat, listening to Miss Too-Much-Money-And-Too-Little-Brain go on about her new
jewellery. And all for some dry turkey, awkward conversation, and forced pleasantries with
you
people. I’d rather be stuffed myself and put my head in the oven. But if you insist … Merry Christmas.”

Gran was my mother’s kryptonite. I always got a certain amount of satisfaction whenever she visited. Okay, she was a cantankerous, miserable old bag, but she made my mother unhappy and that, in turn, made me happy. For all the
criticising, nit picking, bullying, and general back handed compliments my mother gave me, my gran had some equally great ones for her own daughter. Karma was brutal, and so was my gran.

Walking over, my mother plastered on a smile. “Mum, good ride over?”

I had to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing as my gran gave my mother a snorted laugh and walked right by her. For an eighty year old woman with a cane, she sure could move. I looked at my mother and shrugged before following in after my gran. When I got there, I found her gripping Adam’s cheeks like they were hard candy. “Oh, Charlene, why couldn’t you have married this one? He’s so cute,
and
he’s a doctor.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know why gran.”

“Ah, yes, the member of our family that’s not a member of our family. Maybe that’s why you’re the only one I can stomach.”

Adam smiled at her before assisting her to her
favourite armchair. My heart always skipped a beat whenever anyone sat there. It was Dad’s chair. Coming up behind me, Gareth rested his chin on my shoulder.

“The old witch was a fucking nightmare. I had to pull over three times just so she could stretch her legs. This dinner is going to be a disaster.” I giggled and glanced back at him. “I bet it won’t be boring though.”

He had no idea just how much of a disaster it would be. I was going to tell everyone the truth all together, at the same time. That way, I could get all the tears, tantrums, and comments dealt with in one swoop. And that was just my mother. God knows what the others would say. But I had a feeling one person would be thrilled at the news. Nadine. She had made no secret of the fact her wedding was the wedding to end all weddings. I was pretty sure that was her motive for taking such an active role in planning mine. The little tart just wanted to make sure I didn’t out-do her. Well, I certainly wouldn’t be now.

Fisting her hands on her hips, my mother sighed loudly. “Right, shall we make our way to the table for dinner and then after, we can do gifts.”

We all nodded in agreement except Gran, who mumbled something under her breath as she rose from her squat on my dad’s chair.

I walked toward the dining room, but Adam caught my elbow, halting me as everyone else left the room. “I told you to do it earlier. You
realise this is going to be hell, right?”

I nodded. “Yes. But at least this way I only have to shove that dislocated limb back in once. Rather than doing it over and over again with each of them.”

Giving me a half smile, he wrapped his arms around me tightly. “How are you feeling, by the way?”

I shrugged as I nuzzled my face in his broad chest. “Numb. It doesn’t feel real. We’ve been apart so much recently that it just feels like another business trip or family thing taking him away from me. I’m angry at him, at her, but mostly at myself for not being smart enough to
realise he was screwing someone else.”

Gripping my arms, he gently pushed me away from him and stared at me. “This was not your fault, Charlie. That guy is a dick, and he doesn’t deserve you. Look, sometimes we have to go through painful endings just so we can start a new beginning. You
will
get your happily ever after. Just not with him.”

Shaking my head, I pulled myself from his grasp. “No, I won’t. Because they don’t exist. Come on, better get this over with.”

Taking my hand, he laced our fingers together, and we took our seats at the table. I gave him a quick squeeze before settling down for what was going to be the most traumatic meal of my life.

* * * *

Dinner was uneventful. Nadine spent the whole meal bragging about her gifts from Gareth while he nodded and smiled where appropriate. My mother grinned at her while my gran rolled her eyes and tutted at them both. Adam and I had kept a dignified silence. That was until Nadine cornered me.

“Charlene, I’ve been meaning to ask you—your bridesmaids, will they be wearing the same sickly shade of pink you chose for the flowers? I’d hate to wear pink and look like I was part of the wedding party.”

Bitch
.

I shook my head. “No, they won’t be wearing pink. In fact, they won’t be wearing anything.”

My mother gasped. “Charlene! I will not have my daughter being one of those new radical brides who make a mockery of marriage by throwing one of those awful themed weddings. And nudity is certainly not acceptable.”

“It would make the whole sorry mess more bloody interesting than that
one’s
was.” My gran pointed over at Gareth and Nadine, and I had to hide my enjoyment.

“All ice sculptures, harps, and fancy food that I wouldn’t have fed the dog. I was so hungry after that meal, I had to snack on the awful tasting crisps they put in the middle of the table.”

Nadine gave her a confused look. “Crisps? We didn’t put out crisps.”

Gran rolled her eyes. “Of course you did. You know, those funny
coloured ones that went with the flowers.”

Almost choking on the gulp of water he’d just taken, Adam immediately burst out laughing, and I couldn’t contain my own giggles any longer either. Patting her arm, I spoke breathlessly through my fits of hysterics. “Gran, those weren’t crisps. That was potpourri.”

Gareth grinned and held his hand over his mouth as my mother bit her lip, staring down the table at my gran.

“You ate my
centre pieces? Good God. Gareth, it isn’t funny.” Nadine nudged him, but all that did was loosen his hand and a loud guffaw escaped his mouth. The three of us roared with laughter as Nadine huffed and puffed like the big bad wolf.

“Well, if you had put on a proper spread, I wouldn’t have been forced to eat it. No wonder my shit smelt like roses for two days,” Gran stated.

That piece of information caused my mother to crack and throwing down her napkin, she threw her head back and laughed. Tears were streaming down our faces as Adam and I caught each other’s eyes. It hardly seemed like the right time to bring up my bad news, but was there ever a good time?

Once the laughter had subsided and Gareth adequately calmed Nadine and his incessant petting of her ego, my mother cleared her throat loudly. “Well, I think it’s safe to say we shan’t have any potpourri at your wedding, Charlene.”

Adam’s hand slid beneath the table and gripped my knee. I stared at him as he nodded slowly at me.

“Mum, there won’t be any potpourri. There won’t be any flowers at all.”

She interrupted me before I could continue. “Oh, Charlene, why must you be so difficult? This wedding is going to be very dull if you keep changing things and at the last minute, too! How are we meant to make arrangements if you cannot stick to the original plans? Nadine, do you have your planner?”

Urgh. Nadine and her damn planner. That filo-fax followed that woman everywhere. Inside were detailed specifications for every aspect of my big day. The big day that was now to be completely cancelled. The two of them began flicking through the pages and oohing over fabric samples and pictures of the venue. My stomach churned, and my eyes began to well with unshed tears. I wasn’t numb anymore. I was angry.

“Will you both just shut the hell up? No bridesmaids, no flowers, no potpourri, and no wedding! Okay?” I was screaming so loud, I was convinced the entire town had probably heard about my non-existent nuptials.

The whole room fell deadly silent as all eyes stared at me. I gulped a breath and tried to calm my anger. My mother smiled and shook her head as she began to collect plates and tidy the table. “It’s just cold feet. You’ll be fine on the big day. Now, Nadine, you were saying about seasonal flowers?” Standing abruptly, I slammed my fist on the table.

“No! Did you not hear me? There will be no wedding! It’s cancelled, over, vetoed, and done.”

My mother’s jaw dropped as she gently and slowly placed the stack of plates she was holding down on the table. She stared at me, and I could feel the tears slowly sliding down my face.

“You called it off? I can’t believe this. Less than three weeks until the big day, and you decide to have a break down and selfishly call of your wedding! Brad must be devastated, the poor man. Charlene, how could you be so cruel? Don’t you have any care or consideration for anyone but yourself? This is so typical of you!”

Adam opened his mouth to interject, but I quickly placed my hand on his arm and shook my head. This was my battle.

“I didn’t call it off, Mother! He did!”

Across the table, Nadine gasped and held her hand over her mouth. “You mean you’re a jilted bride?”

I could see the smirk on her face even with her bony, thin, witch fingers covering her big collagen-filled mouth. I was about to shoot her a sarcastic remark or venom-filled insult, but Adam quickly jumped in before me.

“No, she’s dodged a bullet. She’s a survivor.”

My mother glared at me. “What on Earth did you do, Charlene? Why would he call off the wedding like this? Don’t give me that hurt expression, young lady. I demand to know what it was you did to make that poor man have to call off his wedding.”

His
wedding?
His
wedding! Was she serious right now? Not only had my mother completely missed the point, she was actually blaming me for it! Tears were now streaming down my face, and I heaved a breath. Then came the sobs.

“Are you freaking kidding me? You think I caused this? You really are a royal bitch sometimes, Mother. I didn’t do anything. He’s having an affair! He’s been fucking someone else for weeks, probably months! That’s why he called it off. Because he chose her instead!”

My gran cleared her throat beside me and shook her head. “Well, I warned you that if you gave the merchandise away so freely, no one would buy the store. Once again, no one listens to the rambling old woman.”

My mother glared at her. “Oh, do shut up, Mother! This is none of your concern!”

Cool, calm, and as straight as a ruler, Gran gave my mother a large dose of her own medicine. “When it comes to marriage, men, and keeping one, you, my dear daughter, have no opinion or advice worth hearing. Pregnant by a married man who decided his thirty year old wife was preferable to his twenty year old fling. First husband up and died on you, and the second decided you really weren’t worth the trouble. Tell me, where do you feel you earned the right to weigh in on anyone’s relationship?”