Die Tryin' (11 page)

Nick Black wiped the sweat from his forehead and gulped.

‘One.’

He closed his eyes again.

‘Two.’

And took in a deep breath.

‘Three!’

Then lifted.

At first it felt like the thing was glued to the fucking floor, and he quickly realised he had to exert more pressure. He put more into it, and a groan bolted from his chest. He had never even lifted a dumbbell in anger in his life, and so this was totally alien to him. He felt whatever muscle he had in his arms flex, and the lid started to rise, sending a jolt of excitement through him, and now he began to understand just why all those freaks got a buzz out of weightlifting.

His joy was short-lived once he noticed the corner to his left was rising much more rapidly than his. Then he realised that of course was Tony’s corner.

‘Push harder!’ Marco said loudly, and Nick Black did, closing his eyes and grinding his teeth. He pushed from his legs upwards, straightening them inch by inch. And the lid was rising. Rising all the time. He took a look down to see it more than halfway off. The bastard was heavy all right. Fucking heavy.

‘A little more!’ Marco said, and he was right.

Nick Black looked up to be face to face with that damn dragon again. And now it seemed to have an angrier stare. It knew what they were up to, and wasn’t best pleased. Nick Black just closed his eyes again.

Out of sight, out of mind…

Then there was a wobble that almost sent him toppling, and he realised it was because they had finally managed to get the lid off. A nasty fetid reek hit his nostrils and flew to the back of his throat. He instantly wanted to retch.

‘Steady!’
Marco said. ‘Don’t drop it!’

Nick Black turned his head away. ‘That fucking stinks!’ he blurted.

‘Just ignore it!’ Marco ordered.

The worst of the smell dissipated and Nick Black managed to flip his palms under the edge of the lid. He began pushing with his arms instead of his legs. Soon, they had the lid suspended in the air.

‘Slowly, take it to your side,’ Marco said to Tony and Nick Black.

They both began to sidestep away from the open tomb, the weight of the lid starting to hurt Nick Black’s arms. He felt his legs trembling.

‘A little more,’ Marco said.

Nick Black puffed his cheeks and shifted over more, his wiry arms now screaming.

‘Okay, that’s enough. Put it down slowly…’

Nick Black dropped his arms down in response, out of sync with the others.

‘Whoa, whoa. Slowly!’ Tony exclaimed.

Nick Black groaned and took up the weight again, this time bending his knees, allowing the lid to ease down. After what seemed like an eternity, the lid finally touched the ground and the pressure was taken off his aching arms. He jumped back, grabbed them and rubbed, relieved to feel the pain slowly vanish.

He puffed his cheeks. ‘Bloody hell, that was hard!’ he said. Nick XR2 gave him a serious nod of agreement.

‘No problem for me,’ Tony said, shrugging nonchalantly. ‘You’re just a bunch of pussies.’

‘Whatever, Tone,’ Nick Black replied, still trying to catch his breath.

For a second back there he thought he was going to drop the thing. He had never—

‘Ker-
fucking
-ching!’

Nick Black’s eyes flicked upwards to see Marco by the edge of the tomb, shining the torch inside, staring downwards from behind his visors. Nick intuitively guessed that if Marco wasn’t wearing those shades, he would instead be looking at two big bug eyes staring on in awe.

‘What is it?’ Nick Black asked, and it was an inquisitive voice, borne out of a train wreck curiosity suddenly overcoming him. Part of him was still apprehensive about seeing something he didn’t want to, but Marco’s response completely challenged that feeling. Now, his curiosity had been piqued, and he found himself
wanting
to know what was in there, and like a moth to a flame, he was drawn, unable to stop himself. They all approached the tomb simultaneously, driven by that same train wreck inclination.

They had come this far, now they had to complete the task.

Nick Black craned his neck forwards to peer inside, keeping his hands folded behind his back, acting as if a shark was waiting in there to bite off his fingers if he got too close. Slowly, slowly, piece by piece, the whole scene came into view, and as it did, his jaw became slack and then completely collapsed. He needn’t have worried about laying eyes upon a rancid moulding corpse infested with maggots because the woman lying there looked like a waxwork model, her eyes closed, at perfect peace. She could easily have just been asleep as far as Nick could see.

Her arms were by her side, her wrists smothered in bracelets that glinted seductively in the torchlight, decorated with a dazzling combination of chocolate pearls, smooth and gleaming like globules of dark honey; crimson rubies like hardened droplets of blood; emeralds, viridian cat’s eyes staring at them in the gloom. A low cut, black velvet dress displayed the huge swell of her breasts, fat gold chains shaped like Diamond Back snakes writhed around her neck and disappeared inside her deep cleavage. A diamond studded tiara was perched perfectly on her head as if she were about to be wedlocked. She lay there with her riches and gothic attire like a vampiress in her crypt, awaiting the sanctuary of night.

Other gold coins and jewels had been rained down on top of her like priceless confetti, and Nick Black only now spotted the bones, the remains of her husband, lying next to and beneath her, his skull, minus its jaw bone, sitting underneath a gold crown.

They were intertwined like true lovers.

Nick Black stared on in disbelief. All four of them the same, as if they had each taken a hit from Medusa’s beam. He started shaking his head. It was like a scene straight out of
The
Goonies
—One Eyed Willie on his pirate ship, except this was Big Titted Ellie in her dying crypt, lying there with all her gold, and suddenly Nick Black knew what that kid Sean Austin felt like when he saw Willie’s dodgy eye and needed a long toke on his inhaler. He was as equally breathless.

‘I-I can’t believe what I’m fucking seeing here,’ he gasped. ‘Tony, pinch me.’

‘There’s no need, you’re not dreaming, mate,’ Marco replied in a cool tone. Cool because he knew exactly what lay in this tomb, what he was seeing was no surprise. No surprise at all.

Marco smiled wryly and clapped his hands together. ‘Okay, gentlemen,’ he said. ‘Grab the loot.’

Nick Black turned to see Tony just staring in awe at her cleavage, transfixed.

‘They’re not real,’ Marco said to Tony, smiling. ‘Implants.’

‘You sure?’ Tony said, his stare never diverting from them.

‘Yeah.’ Marco shrugged. ‘Like I said, rich bitch.’

He then bent in and slowly unclipped a bracelet from her wrist and held it up to his face, lifting his shades up to get a better look at it. A golden all-seeing eye of Horus hanging from it glared back at him. He nodded his head in appreciation.

Nick XR2 had his mobile phone out and was dialling. When he was done, he put it on loud speaker and held it like a walkie-talkie.

Charlie’s voice then came on loudspeaker.
‘Is that you?’
he asked anxiously.

‘Yeah , Charlie,’ Nick XR2 replied.

‘What’s taking you so long?’
Charlie asked and Snoop barked in the background.

‘The lid was a real bitch,’ Nick XR2 answered, glancing at Nick Black as he spoke.

Nick Black just ignored him and unpicked a stud-encrusted brooch shaped like a scarab beetle from her dress.

‘How’s Taki doing?’

‘He’s doing all right, the faghead is still messing round with his car, but I don’t know how much longer he’s gonna hold him for.’

‘All right. Sit tight and we’ll be out sharpish, we’re filling up the bag now.’ There was silence from the other end. ‘Did you hear, Charlie? I said we’re filling the bag now.’

‘I heard you, I ain’t deaf.’

‘Don’t you wanna know what’s in here? It’s a sight, believe me!’

‘I don’t care, re. Blood money. You’re all welcome to it.’

‘Does that mean we get to keep his cut then?’ asked Marco, carefully plucking the tiara from her head.

‘Do what you like,’
Charlie replied indifferently.
‘I’m just here to make sure you lot don’t get into trouble.’

‘Well, you keep doing that, Charlie. And let us know if anything’s up,’ Nick XR2 said.

‘Okay
(bark)
…’

Nick XR2 clicked ‘end call’ and turned his attention back to the tomb. ‘I can’t believe this shit,’ he said, shaking his head.

‘Believe it, mate, ’cos it’s real,’ Marco retorted, shoving a load of bracelets into his bag.

‘I just can’t get my head around the fact all this gold and wealth is just sitting here,’ Nick Black marvelled. ‘Right under everyone’s noses.’

‘You’d be surprised what secrets are buried right under our noses,’ Marco said. ‘Make your skin crawl.’

Nick Black didn’t like that expression right then. Didn’t like it at all.
Make your skin crawl.
..He shivered and his skin did indeed start to crawl. Tony then caught his attention. He was bent over the tomb, still transfixed by the rich bitch’s tits. Nick Black watched on as Tony slowly reached out for them, his fingers wiggling on the air like the letch that he was. Nick Black was overtaken by revulsion.
What the hell was he doing?
He really didn’t want to watch what Tony was about to do, wanted to just turn away. Tony licked his lips, his wiggling worm like fingers getting closer and closer, beads of sweat forming on his forehead, his eyes locked on those twin peaks.

Nick Black couldn’t stand any more and reacted. ‘Tony!’ he shouted. ‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?’

Tony didn’t respond. Instead, he licked his lips more. His eyes widened as his hands hovered over her tits. Nick Black winced, expecting him to grab and squeeze. But, to his amazement, Tony’s wiggling fingers carried on going. Like squid tentacles, they attached themselves to the Mr. T-like mass of gold chains dangling round her neck. He fiddled for a bit, his tongue jammed between his pursed lips, before he unlatched a few and pulled them away.

Nick Black puffed his cheeks.
‘Christ. I thought you were gonna…’
he said in a relieved gasp.

‘What?’ Tony replied, staring at the gold in his hands, fixated.

Nick Black held up a hand. ‘Never mind…’

‘Come on,
re
, stop stalling!’ Nick XR2 urged Nick Black. ‘Grab the shit. We ain’t got much time.’

‘He’s right,’ Marco said, shoving jewellery into the steadily bulging holdall. ‘Keep going.’

Nick Black was intrigued with the way Marco just casually reached in and touched dead bodies and bones. It was almost like he had done this before.
Well, yeah, silly, he’s a professional grave robber. That’s what he does…

Nick Black thought that could well be the case. He shrugged and tentatively opened up her hand to release the small pile of Krugerrands she clutched. Her cold hand almost made him want to throw up. He closed his eyes and thought of the cash, and only the cash,
just the cash…

‘How much do you think this shit is worth?’ Tony asked no one in particular, staring at the gold chains in his hands.

‘A lot,’ Marco replied. ‘Trust me. This is all pure. Twenty-four carat gold, type 2 diamonds, Burmese rubies. These people were rich when they were alive, and trust me, didn’t give a fuck how much it all cost. Now come on, we gotta go.’

Now all four of them were wading in, grabbing whatever they could, and shoving it in the holdall.

‘It’s a shame your mate out there don’t want his cut,’ Marco said with a wide grin on his face.
‘All this lovely money.
Imagine what you could do with it…’

‘What are
you
gonna do with your cut, Marco?’ Nick Black asked in an excited voice, his earlier nerves now dissipated.

‘Haven’t decided yet,’ Marco replied with an air of overconfidence.
‘Might wing round to Tony’s in a flash motor, and take his sister out…’

Nick Black froze.

His blood suddenly ran cold, and it wasn’t the dead body causing it.
Oh no, you prick,
he thought with extreme apprehension.
What the hell did you just say? And why oh why oh why did you just fucking say it?

He stared at Marco open mouthed, his breath baited. Maybe Marco was just trying to get on with Tony better by ribbing him. Maybe he was trying to get even for the other night. Maybe the excitement rushed up to his head and he didn’t know what he was saying. Maybe the crazy fucker even actually meant it. But whatever the reason was, it was never reason enough to joke about Maria like that to Tony. Rule number one, dickhead—don’t talk to Tony about Maria unless you absolutely have to. But, what you never ever did, under any circumstances, without exception, was make jokes about her, especially jokes that implied you wanted to fuck her.

That, my friend, was suicide.

The world seemed to stop dead. Nick Black felt his own eyes widen to bursting point. He watched Marco come to a slow stop, and he stared at Nick Black nonplussed.

Stupid fucker doesn’t even realise what he just said,
Nick Black’s mind verified.

Then, from nowhere:
‘What the fuck did you say?’
Tony bellowed, simultaneously throwing expensive jewels across the mausoleum as if they were nothing but cheap Christmas cracker trinkets.

Nick Black knew what was coming next because he could see that blank look in Tony’s eyes coming on. That wild-eyed, demonic stare that made his eyes look totally black as if his pupils had dilated so large they swallowed his irises whole. It always reminded Nick Black of those gingerbread men his mum used to buy him from Tesco’s when he was a kid, the ones that had Smarties for eyes. They were flat and perfectly round, just like Tony’s eyes when he lost it. Black Smarties.

Tony marched towards Marco, grabbing the first thing he could find, which was a femur bone from inside the tomb.

‘Tony!’ Nick XR2 shouted, but Tony didn’t hear because Tony Savva wasn’t home.