Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission (48 page)

Although whipping has been condemned as an erotic practice since the end of the 19th Century, it long remained a favorite means of enforcing discipline among schoolchildren. Even today children in some parts of America are subjected to corporal punishment. From the 16th to the 20th centuries in Europe, whippings with canes and birches were accepted pedagogy.
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It has been suggested that these unsavory acts of violence against children
have helped perpetuate the adult interest in whipping that continues in contemporary English pornography. Many psychologists have observed that the sum effect of such arduous punishment, instead of inspiring distaste, may instead excite erotic pleasure.
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Certainly the historical record indicates that there is something about the intense stimulation of stinging blows to flesh—even the most innocent flesh—and its asserted expiation of sins that may compel recipients to crave repetition. In any situation, whipping carries a high risk of physical injury and emotional trauma.

Since all of the acts described in this book are assumed to be mutually consensual, we will not discuss the many cruel and vicious methods of whipping used over the millennia to degrade and abuse people. A whipping that takes place in a D&S context is specifically intended to serve both partners’ erotic and psychological pleasure.

D&Sers, as a rule, love ritual. In some cases, a flogging may be a ritualized part of a larger ceremony of submission, such as the “one year and one day” contract of submission one interviewee entered into with a dominant.

A whipping may begin with a careful selection of the appropriate implement; the submissive may be required to kneel and to kiss the whip’s handle before the activity begins. Such head trips are a kind of foreplay to the main erotic event.

Submissives are sometimes ordered to count the strokes of the whip
aloud or to say, “Thank you, may I have another?” after each stroke. There are numerous variations on this theme. A dominant may announce in advance the number of strokes to be given so that the submissive knows what to expect. Partners frequently introduce other control elements, such as providing the submissive with a safe word or having the submissive beg.

A consensual whipping usually entails a lengthy physical building-up to prepare for more intense sensation.

Some prepare for a whipping by gently stroking the area to be struck with a lightweight implement, or with fingers, or even with a feather or fur. Commonly soft sensations—such as tickles or caresses—are intermingled with moderate blows, especially during the early stages. A number of very mild implements are available, such as a whip with silk or deerskin strands. As the whipping progresses, some dominants continue to alternate gentle sensations with intense ones, by rubbing a bit of fur or silk over the sensitized skin between strokes, for example.

Tops will often consciously develop as much proficiency as possible with a variety of implements. As a rule tops also pride themselves on their ability to prolong the submissive’s anticipation by raising the level of stimulation notch by notch, until the submissive enters an ecstatic state.

The reasons why people like whipping are as diverse as the reasons why they enjoy any other D&S play; many people, however, settle on whipping as an activity of choice. This is probably because whipping is associated with rigorous adult punishment (in contrast to a spanking, which is usually considered a more childish punishment) and also because whipping is an activity so associated with sadomasochism as to be a cliché. D&Sers, and particularly those in the Scene (as opposed to strictly private practitioners), display a strong tendency to observe and to revere tradition. Many people who would not otherwise have experimented with whipping have become adept because it is a fixture of D&S erotica. Few, however, continue unless they find the experience to be erotic.

A whipping, like any other form of corporal punishment, is a physical manifestation of the same power exchange which others may experience uniquely through psychological control. The pain and disgrace of punishment may elicit powerful feelings of submission. With each blow, the reality of the dominant’s power is impressed upon the submissive, who may in response grow more sexually excited.

Typically, submissives accept whippings as a demonstration of devotion. Both partners take pride in each other’s performances: Dominants are often emotionally gratified that the submissive will go the extra mile.

Among the whipping enthusiasts we interviewed there was virtual consensus that, in its highest form, whipping leads to ecstasy. This ecstasy is usually described as profoundly spiritual, even as an out-of-body experience.

Depending on the couple, whipping may be a punishment or a reward. Some people will whip the partner only to enact a punishment scenario; masochists who enjoy being whipped, however, may receive whippings as a reward.

Others may perceive the experience as a physical trial which, once endured, allows them to transcend normal limits and to feel empowered.

Some are drawn primarily to the physicality of whipping. For them, it is not a spiritual trial but a physical challenge.

D&Sers often demonstrate safe whipping techniques at support group meetings so that novices or less experienced dominants can learn to avoid inflicting real damage. Safety demonstrations are a key element in the D&S community’s educational outreach. Learning the appropriate use of every implement takes time and ever-increasing skill. Some dominants experiment with new equipment by testing it on themselves first, striking their thighs or arms to evaluate the weight and sting of each implement before using it on their submissives. Others claim that the best training is to “work from the bottom up” by submitting, to gain firsthand knowledge of the bottom’s range of physical and emotional feeling.

In conversations with practitioners, a recurring complaint was that rash newcomers and those who do not grasp the subtleties of slowly arousing erotic tension are likely to cause harm.

Inflicting damage, even accidentally, is viewed with repugnance in D&S circles. Trust is the key component of all heavy play: The submissive trusts that the dominant knows how to use the equipment, knows when to stop, and does not cause undesirable pain. When affirmed, such trust deepens the couple’s bond; abuses destroy relationships. The trust, however, goes both ways: The submissive has to know that the dominant will respect his limits, and the dominant has to know that the submissive will communicate what he is feeling.

Once the area being whipped is sufficiently stimulated, the dominant may select a more severe piece of equipment, again gradually building the intensity. This allows the submissive to stretch his pain limits and accept a higher degree of stimulation. As the severity of the blows increases, ensuring that none miss their mark is vital: Bad aim can cause serious harm.

The rule of thumb is that any area close to sensitive organs must be avoided. Thus, buttocks and upper thighs are preferred; the upper back, though popular, requires a conservative approach. Whipping skin to the point of cutting into the epidermis is known but uncommon, particularly in the era of AIDS and concerns about the dangers of disease transmission through open wounds. Serious injury or infection from whipping is virtually unknown in the D&S communities, where individuals educate themselves fully on the inherent risks.

Finally, many interviewees emphasized the importance of sobriety. Alcohol or drugs impair a dominant’s judgment and physical abilities, and most players refuse to submit to anyone who is not in complete control of her or his faculties.

Virtually anything can be used to whip.

In the D&S communities people typically either make their own equipment or purchase equipment expressly fabricated with safety and sensuality in mind.