Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission (43 page)

Eleven

A
lthough spanking is commonly associated with the disciplining of children, adult spankings long have held an accepted, often humorous, place in popular culture. Spankings in films, for example, are usually depicted as an expression of male authority over misbehaving women: John Wayne asserted himself over Maureen O’Hara (
McLintock!
), and Howard Keel “tamed” Kathryn Grayson (
Kiss Me Kate
) in an adaptation of Shakespeare’s
The Taming of the Shrew
. Even television macho Latino Ricky Ricardo took the impish Lucy over his lap (
I Love Lucy
) after one of her scatterbrained pranks.
Such nonconsensual, male chauvinistic spankings have generally been portrayed as a spirited woman’s due.

Spanking is not merely the stuff of sexist Hollywood fantasy or childhood punishment. A coterie of enthusiasts enjoy the experience (whether giving or receiving) as an enhancement to their sexuality. So widespread is the interest in adult spanking that a proliferation of videos, audiotapes, magazines, books, and newsletters caters uniquely to spankers. In this chapter we hear from four individuals who share insights into their enjoyment.

Spanking has always been an acknowledged form of lighthearted play between partners.
The Kama Sutra
offers advice “On the Various Modes of Striking, and on the Sounds Appropriate to Them.”
The Kama Sutra
delineates not only the appropriate places to strike (including the buttocks) but the four kinds of blows and the eight kinds of sounds which lovers should make. The text suggests that rough play may be an intrinsic aspect of sex, with a clear implication that the striking is done by men as a manifestation of natural masculine energy, though “the excitement of passion … may sometimes cause contrary results to appear,”
¹
and women may do some striking of their own.

There are no contemporary statistical studies on spanking and little formal research specific to it. Human-sexuality scholars view spanking as an aspect of sadomasochism. According to the Kinsey Institute,

While this hardly makes it so, many spankers (whether giver or receiver) vehemently insist that they have nothing in common with sadomasochists. And while the act of spanking may be an intrinsic aspect of much D&S lovemaking, spanking purists rarely pursue other forms of dominant or submissive activity.

Early clinical sexual theorizing focused on the correlation between spankings in childhood and a recurring craving for spankings in adulthood. Havelock Ellis, and later Wilhelm Stekel, described cases of children who achieved orgasm as the culmination of a spanking. Magnus Hirschfeld elaborated on the effects of spanking of children. He noted that “this does not mean that a few smacks on its behind will damage every child sexually for life … It is, however, an undeniable fact this method of chastisement … 
very frequently
leads to a deflection of the child’s sexual impulse.”
³
Hirschfeld cites other researchers to demonstrate how spankings defeat their punishment purposes by providing the young victims with erotic stimulation. But he stressed that a child’s inherent makeup ultimately determines whether she will become a sadist or a masochist.

In the 1940s Eustace Chesser described the case of a female client who recalled being frequently threatened with an over-the-knee spanking by her parents and who subsequently sought out opportunities to reenact this scenario throughout adolescence and adulthood. The spanking enthusiasts with whom we spoke rarely recalled being spanked as children, but many remembered witnessing spankings. All acknowledged that their fantasies began in childhood.

Some enthusiasts reported that a spanking was the only time in childhood when they had physical contact with their parents. Others received memorable spankings during puberty from teachers or baby-sitters. The
association between spanking and pleasure seems, in nearly all cases, to become firmly fixed in the erotic imagination at an early age.

Spanking is a form of corporal punishment in which blows are inflicted—almost exclusively—on the buttocks. To the devotee, a spanking must fulfill certain criteria, which make the experience believable, and must follow rules of etiquette, so that the experience is pleasurable to both parties. It is difficult to inflict any real injury in spanking the buttocks, particularly if one uses the hand, a factor that adds to its attractiveness. However, thresholds for real pain differ with individuals, so in order to make it a truly pleasurable experience, one must know where this threshold lies with one’s partner and with oneself, and not go beyond it. A spanking may occur as foreplay to coitus or other conventional sex acts, or it may be pursued for its own sake.

Many enthusiasts have difficulty accepting their unusual erotic interest.

The spanking’s duration and severity are matters of individual preference. The recipient usually wants the giver to inflict as much stimulation as is tolerable without severe pain or upset, but this limit obviously varies from person to person and is often carefully negotiated.

The favored position for a spanking is over the knee. Spanking submissives describe the thrill of being hoisted onto a partner’s lap, ankles lifted off the ground, erogenous zones pressing against the dominant’s lap.

Other popular positions for spanking include being bent over a chair, a bench, a desk, a bed, or a table. Spanking benches, whose precise design varies according to the client’s specifications, are popular. Typically, a spanking bench has a surface at a height comfortable enough for the recipient to bend over, and features restraints for ankles, wrists, or both.

Men and women may occasionally achieve orgasm from giving or receiving a spanking.

While achieving a climax after a spanking is often desirable, spanking enthusiasts agree that the spanking itself often provides complete gratification.

Some individuals feel that sex detracts from the spanking experience. They wish only to enjoy the disciplinary and punishment aspects. Sex, in such a case, would be an undeserved reward and would infringe on the credibility of the punishment.

Spankers cite many reasons why they do not elect to combine sex and spanking. Those whose mates disapprove of spanking, for example, may seek nonsexual relationships outside of their primary partnership to realize their spanking fantasies. They may be adamant about remaining monogamous insofar as actual sexual contact is concerned.

The joy, completion, or relaxation that a submissive experiences after a spanking are comparable to postcoital feelings.

Enthusiasts often feel a conflict between their enjoyment of spanking and their discomfort at breaching taboos. In general, spanking purists tend to be highly conservative. Yet many spanking scenarios flirt with a profound cultural taboo: incest. It is not surprising that those who seek out incestuous
roleplaying seem most likely to express an aversion to consummating the spanking with sexual activity. Indeed, the lack of explicit sexuality in the encounter reinforces the incest taboo, rather than threatens it.

In spanking, as in D&S, a majority of partners are “switchable” and will experiment with giving and receiving. Usually, role reversal does not occur within a scenario: Partners switch roles at different times.

Most, if not all, D&Sers who practice corporal punishment include spanking as a part of their play. They generally have fewer (or no) rules governing equipment, techniques, apparel, scolding, or preferred positions, and they may do little or no roleplaying. In a D&S context spankings are seldom intended to enforce a feeling of childishness. Instead, a spanking is likely to enhance the submissive’s sense of physical vulnerability or is performed simply to give the submissive pain. And, while blows are ordinarily directed to the buttocks, some may also fall onto the upper thighs (some spanking purists will accept slaps to their thighs; others will not) and other sensitive areas. D&Sers may spank breasts and genital regions, though with far less force than is applied to the buttocks.