Dirty Little Secret (Dirty #1) (25 page)

MELISSA

Cutter.

I struggled to pull myself to consciousness.

I felt like I was in a dream.

I could smell wood.  It was earthy.  Intoxicating. 

Hands, rough but gentle, combed through my hair.  They stroked my face, and were accompanied by a deep, soothing voice.

A voice I knew and loved.
  My heart raced.

Cutter.

My stomach dipped, and I struggled to remember why.  It seemed faraway. 

Brandy.

A baby.

Cutter.

Tires on wet pavement.

Pain.

Cutter.

“Baby-doll,” he murmured. “I don’t know if you can hear me or not…The doctor said you
were just sleeping, and not in a coma or anything, and that they gave you something to keep you out a while longer…But I’m so worried.”

His words dragged me from the edges of my drowsy state, making me aware of little things.  The steady beat of my heart, in time with the soft beep of a machine.
  This hiss of oxygen, and the plastic tubes pressed into my nose.  And Cutter’s long body, hard but comforting, tucked in beside me.

Thank God.

I latched onto anger and hurt, held them tightly, then – somehow - let them go.

“
Are we still fighting?” I asked.

My voice was a croak, but when he answered, his was much worse – raw and deep and regretful.

“Oh, shit. Baby-doll. You’re awake. Thank fucking God.”

“Cutter, are you okay?”

He chuckled, and it sounded both relieved and regretful at the same time. “Jesus. Baby-doll, do you know where you are? What do you remember?”

I blinked.  Th
e light was dim, and I could see tubes and monitors.  The room wasn’t clinical or cold, but I couldn’t quite place where I was.

“
Not a hospital,” I stated.

“Not quite. This is my dad’s house.”

I frowned, thinking maybe I’d heard wrong. “Your dad’s?”

“Yes. He’s helping me. Helping
us
.”

“Why?”

I struggled a bit against the sheets, trying to sit up so I could ask for clarification, and Cutter’s hands found my shoulders.  Gently, he pushed me back onto the pillow.

“Stubborn girl,” he murmured. “
We can talk about it later. Right now, you have a broken arm, and your body is covered in bruises. Lie down and relax.”

“Was I unconscious?”

“The doctor said not really. Your head is the one place you didn’t get bumped. They gave you something to help you sleep, and it really knocked you out. Said you could be out for twenty-four hours.”

“
Oh. Are you supposed to be in my bed?”

“
From a medical perspective? No, probably not. I just –“ His voice broke a little, and he cleared his throat. “I know what the doctor said, but you were so fucking still. I was scared you weren’t going to fucking wake up, and it would be my fucking fault, like so much other shit in your life as of late –“

Gingerly, I
leaned over and cut off his tirade with a kiss.  For a second, Cutter didn’t move.  I was glad.  It gave me chance to explore his lips with mine, probing the width of them.  Soft but firm, tasting just a little bit of salt.

“Perfect,” I breathed.

He pulled away. “Baby-doll.”

“Mmm.”

I leaned in and kissed him again, this time a little more forcefully.  Ignoring the way my body hurt pretty much everywhere, I wrapped my free, un-casted arm around Cutter and pulled him close.

He let me kiss him, but kept his mouth sealed when I tried to tease it open with my tongue.
  Frustrated, I bit down on his lower lip.  He drew in a pained breath, and I immediately took advantage of his parted lips, darting my tongue insistently into his mouth.

For one, sensuous moment, he yielded to desire.  His tongue met mine, and his hands roamed my back.  Then he dragged himself away and
started to sit up.

“I need to
call the doctor to let him know you’re awake. He’ll come in to check on your…vitals…your memory…whatever.”

My memory? Did he think I forgot everything that just happened
right before my accident?

“You said I didn’t hit my head,” I reminded him.

“You didn’t.”

“I remember it all. Right up until I thought I was going to lose you.”

“
You
lose
me
?” he replied, a begging-to-be-smoothed frown creasing his forehead.

“I’m sorry for saying goodbye,” I told him. “For walking away when it got tough.”

“Baby-doll, that wasn’t tough. That was you finding out what a fucking monster I am.”

“You’
re not a monster.”

“You’re the only person who doesn’t think so.”

I took a breath, and said the words I had to say. “Your baby won’t think so. He – or she, I guess – will love you just as much as I do.”

His eyes widened, like he couldn’t decide which part of my statement to deal with first.

“It’s not mine,” he said vehemently.

“But it could be.”

Cutter shook his head. “The second you left, Brandy started in on me. She was screaming so loud, especially when I went after you. If I’d just been a bit quicker…A little less weak…” He paused, his face full of regret. “Brandy followed me, and we both saw it happen. You…The truck. Jesus. I’ll never forget the way you crumpled against its bumper. The fucking
sound
of it. Brandy told me the truth right away. It doesn’t change what I did before you and I met, but it’s
not
my baby, Melissa. It’s not even a possibility. She’s two months along already. It’s her boyfriend, Billy’s, but he kicked her out when she told him.”

I felt a small, strange tinge of sadness.  I squeezed Cutter’s hand.
  He took a breath.

“There’s more,” he said.

“Okay.”

“Your mother found out about Brandy’s pregnancy and then about Brandy and
me
, and tracked her down. She paid her to say the baby was mine.”

I swallowed against the thick lump in my throat. “Where is she now?”

“Your mother?”

I nodded.

“My father fast tracked a restraining order,” Cutter explained.

“You did the right thing,” I replied softly.

“Did I?” There was a nervous desperation in his voice. “I had myself appointed as your next of kin. Your mom called
that
move ‘pretty fucking ballsy’. It’s all temporary, but shit, baby-doll. She wanted
me
arrested for this. She wanted to have me charged with aggravated assault. Whatever the fuck I did – whatever the fuck I do in the future – I would never put you in danger. But your mom had the cops on me for parole violation and they were dying for an excuse to drag me away from you. I
had
to keep her away and give myself a legitimate claim for doing it. Even then…I had to threaten to expose her before she stopped.”

“
None of this changes what I said about you not being a monster,” I told him.

“I took the money she gave me, Melissa. I took every penny she gave Brandy, too. I used it to hire my dad’s law firm and to pay for all this medical equipment. Pulling this shit together in twelve hours cost more than I made last year. And I’m sorry.” His face was
filled with pain. “I know I’m not the kind of man who deserves a second chance.”

I brought his palm to my cheek.

“Yes, you are,” I said simply.

Silent t
ears formed in his eyes, and spilled out onto his cheeks.  I wiped them away, then leaned forward to kiss his damp face.

“Cutter,” I said softly. “
When I’m with you, I feel things I never even knew I was missing. Hopeful. Worthwhile.
Alive
.”

I traced my hand along his jaw, down his chin, and to his collarbone.

My heart rate monitor jumped.

“You’re going to have to turn that off,” I whispered.

“I don’t –“

“B
ig green button at the bottom.”

He turned over and reached one of his long arms up to the monitor.  I used the three, free seconds to untie my hospital
-style robe, and slip it from my shoulders.  When Cutter turned back, he inhaled sharply.

“Baby-doll, what are you doing?”

“Getting undressed.”

“That
is a very bad idea.”

“Why?”

“Because…” He trailed off, his eyes roaming my body. “Just because.”

“I
’m not wasting another second. Shirt off,” I commanded.

When he didn’t comply, I gripped the bottom of his t-shirt with both hands
, and pulled.

“This is going to hurt me if I
have to do it for you,” I said.

“
Stop,” he pleaded.

I yanked harder, wincing at the shooting pain in my arm.

Cutter tried to wiggle away, but my cast got stuck to him, and the more carefully he tried to extricate himself, the more stuck he got, and the further up his t-shirt rode.  In just a few seconds, it was up to his armpits.  I let myself enjoy the view of his taut abs before covering a grin with an exaggerated yelp.

“Ouch!”

Cutter immediately stopped moving.

“Are you okay?” he asked in a muffled voice.

“I’m stuck.”

He tried to bring the shirt down and I yelped again.  He
had no choice but to pull the t-shirt off completely.  He shot a nervous glance at the door.

“Worried your dad’s going to catch us?” I teased.

“We’re not going to
do
anything.”

“Kiss me,” I ordered.

“Baby-doll…”

“
Cutter.”

“You’re killing me.”

“I’m not killing you. I’m proving to you that you’re worth loving, and worth a thousand second chances. Now kiss me. Please, Cutter.”

Slowly, tenderly, with his eyes wide open, he brought his lips to mine.
  The sweet heat in his blue gaze was enough to drown in.  But as he tugged on my mouth, I couldn’t help but close my eyes and lose myself in the kiss.  Cutter’s mouth was warm and inviting, demanding and delicious.

When he paused for a breath,
I tipped my head back.  His mouth found my throat, trailing kisses downward.  His hands skimmed the surface of my bare stomach, but when he reached my breasts, he paused.

“I
really don’t want to hurt you,” he murmured.

“You won’t.”

Cutter’s tongue traced a circle around one nipple, then the other. He teased gently, bringing each one to full attention.  I gasped and arched against his mouth.  He released me slowly, then brought his hands up to cup both breasts.

“More, baby-doll?” he asked.

“Please.”

He drew in a mouthful of nipple
, sucked until it ached, then switched sides, and did the same with the other.  The heat that I’d only ever felt with Cutter began its steady build, and I welcomed it.  I knew where it was going, and I wanted it.

His lips finished their
reverent ministrations and made their way back up my neck, then closed on my ear.

“So fucking beautiful,” he whispered.

I ran my hands over his shoulders, down his strong, well-muscled torso, and stopped them at his waist.

“Pants, please,” I said.

He jumped up, hurried to the door, and locked it before climbing back in bed and unbuttoning his jeans.  As he slid them from his hips, and faced me, my hand closed over his cock.

“This,” I told him. “Is so fucking beautiful.”

At my words, his erection twitched in my hand, and I moaned at the feel of it.  I stroked him firmly, enjoying the rumble of appreciation in his throat and the look of pure pleasure on his face.

“Oh, God, baby-doll,” he groaned, and the wetness between legs made me squirm.
 

“Roll over,” I said.

“Baby-doll, if I roll over, you
will
get hurt.”

“I want to make love to you.”

Cutter shot me a sly, sexy smile. “Later.”

“I don’t want to
wait. Cutter, I -”

My words
cut off in a gasp as his hand slid between my legs and cupped me firmly.

“Do you want me here?” he teased.

“Yes,” I moaned.

One finger worked into me, playing over my clit, then slipped out, tormenting me.

Cutter’s dragged his palm up my stomach, grazed each breast, and then to my mouth.  He traced the shape of my lips with his thumb, and the taste of my own want made me shiver.  His hand moved back down, and he paused over my heart.