Dirty: The Complete Series (Secret Baby Romance Love Story) (53 page)

We sat down to eat up some of the
Christmas dinner leftovers we’d had from both Joanne’s parents and my own,
talking about what we wanted to do during the week that I would be off for the
holidays. I always took off from Christmas Day until the day after New Year’s
Day, every year—I wanted to make the most of Landon’s holiday break from
school, so I wouldn’t put a strain on my siblings, parents, and in-laws, and so
I could reconnect with my son.

As I was cleaning up, while Landon colored
another page in his new coloring book, my phone rang. For a second, I thought that
it might be Mack—that she might have more courage than I had. Instead it was my
sister Jessica.

“Hey, Jess!” I balanced the phone on my
shoulder and closed the door on the dishwasher, giving it a nudge to start.
“What’s going on?”

“I know I just saw you yesterday, but I
swear these children of mine are going to drive me out of my mind and I have
got
to get out of this house.”

I laughed, glancing at Landon, who was
humming to himself. I only had the one kid—Jessica had four. “What did you have
in mind?” I asked. It was almost seven at night, and while Landon needed to be
in bed by nine, I thought that would give Jess plenty of time to decompress.

“Come by my place, drop Landon off so that
he can help my husband drain the energy out of my kids, and you and I will have
some sibling bonding time over a nice cup of coffee far, far away from
screaming children.”

I thought about it; I would trust Jessica
with my own life—and with Landon’s. I’d been friends with her husband for
years, and if Landon somehow managed to fall asleep before I could get Jessica
back to the house, he could stay the night with no problem. I’d just pick him
up in the morning, maybe have breakfast over there before we went out and did
anything, or invite their family to come with us.

“I need to get out of my own head for a
bit anyway,” I told her. “I’ll get some warm clothes on the kid and we’ll be
over in fifteen.”

“You have always been my favorite brother,
Patrick,” Jessica told me, relief in her voice. “I’ll see you in fifteen.”

Chapter Nine - Mackenzie

The day after Christmas I made excuses to
my family and went into the city; as much as I loved them, I needed a little
bit of time away from their questions and comments and concerns about me. So I
pretended that I’d gotten a phone call from the office that someone had called
out sick, and I would have to go back into the city for a few hours to cover a
few of the sessions. Mom and Dad had been upset, but they’d pretended at least
like they understood.

Instead of going into the office—which was
already closed by the time I’d had enough—I went back to my apartment and did a
load of laundry, and then I decided to do a little wandering around the city. I
would take the opportunity to return a few of the presents I’d gotten that
hadn’t fit, or exchange them for other things. As I was leaving the apartment
to head into the downtown area, I started thinking that it’d be nice to check
out the after-Christmas sales, too; Lush was having a buy one get one sale, and
assuming that it wasn’t incredibly packed with people, and that I could make it
there, I might be able to find some relaxing bath things.

I spent some time wandering around, going
from one shop to another; I probably should have done more of my trips in the
car instead of on foot, but after two days of hanging out with my parents,
eating myself almost sick, it felt good to walk steadily for a few hours. I
decided that I was going to spend as much time as possible before New Year’s
Eve away from my family; as much as I loved them, and as glad as I had been to
see them, I didn’t like the questions.

I’d been so sure that telling them that I
was dating someone would help matters—that my parents and my siblings would
back off a bit, since I had the prospect of a boyfriend. But more and more
questions had come up over Christmas.

“What kind of guy is this Patrick dude?”

“Do you have any other guys on the hook—in
case the one with the kid doesn’t work out?”

“Is it weird to date someone who you see a
bunch of times per week?”

I obviously couldn’t tell them that I
wasn’t even sure that the relationship with Patrick was going to go any further
than it already had; if I admitted that things had gotten strained and weird
between me and Patrick, I’d have to hear a million more questions about what
I’d done wrong, and why I was pushing yet another guy away. I truly believed
that I hadn’t actually done anything obviously wrong in my previous relationships;
I hadn’t picked fights, I hadn’t consciously tried to push anyone away. Things
just never seemed to really work out. Guys always tended to expect a girl to
stop working or to get serious on a schedule. I’d met lots of guys who had
wanted me to want to get married and have kids, and when I hadn’t been serious
about them—when I’d been serious about my studies and then my career
instead—they’d gotten more and more distant.

I’d thought that with Patrick that
wouldn’t be as much of an issue. He obviously spent a lot of time at work
himself, and whenever he wasn’t at work he tried to be with Landon as much as
possible. I’d figured a guy like that would be able to understand that I had
priorities in my life that weren’t him. But now that things had become so
strange between us, I had to wonder if I’d been wrong about that too.

The possibility that Patrick had gone cold
on me because he didn’t think that I would be a good co-parent for Landon
nagged at me even as I made my way through the crowds hanging around different
shops. I tried not to think about it, but it was definitely a possibility, and
if it was the reason that things had gone sour between us, I couldn’t exactly
blame Patrick for it. I didn’t know if I would be a good co-parent. Even though
I’d wanted kids since I’d been a teenager, I didn’t know if I would be good
even with my own kids—much less someone else’s kids, as a parent in their life
long after they’d already set up a dynamic with their first parent. I liked
kids—I wouldn’t have gone into the specialty that I had if I didn’t—but I knew
that it was very different to be around a particular kid every day on an
intimate level, instead of only seeing them for an hour several times a week.

I exchanged the presents I’d gotten that I
didn’t want, or that were too small—one of the nightgowns that Mom had gotten
me was not my taste at all, and the slippers Dad had bought for me, while cute,
didn’t fit on my feet. I got a new pair of slippers that did fit, and a
nightgown that I liked a lot better—and which was made of nice, warm flannel
instead of thin, gauzy nylon. I browsed the makeup counters and sniffed at a
few perfumes, but I reminded myself that for the amount of money I was
spending, I wasn’t going to get very much use out of them. I couldn’t and
wouldn’t wear perfume to work, since so many of the kids had allergies that
would be affected.

I made it to Lush and gave into the
frenzied bustle going on around me; while I couldn’t justify spending a hundred
dollars on a perfume that I would get to use at best one night a week—and that
was assuming that I went out at all—I was more than happy to put good money
down on bath goodies to enjoy at the end of a hectic work week, especially with
the weather being so cold and dry. I grabbed a basket and browsed as much as
the press of other customers would allow me to, picking out a few of my old
favorites and then moving on to look over some of the newer items. My basket
slowly but surely filled up with one item after another: a few bath bombs that
I wouldn’t get another chance to buy now that the holiday season was over, a
couple of small bottles of shower gel in scents that would be nice, and some
lotion.

I added a few more items to my basket as I
wandered around, already starting to feel better about life in general. Maybe
when I got home I’d fill my bathtub, toss in one of the bath bombs, and soak
for an hour or two while I listened to music. I’d exfoliate from head to toe
and put a treatment in my hair, and then I would use one of my new shower gels,
and give my feet a thorough scrub, and get out and slather myself with lotion
afterwards. I’d sleep like the dead, and have enough energy and patience to
deal with my parents’ questions for an entire day once more.

I waited in line for the register and
thought about some of the couples-minded items that Lush sold as the people in
front of me inched forward. I’d always wanted to try their massage bars, but I
hadn’t had anyone to use them on—or to use them on me. It was a small loss, I
told myself as my turn at the register finally came up. I left the store before
anything else could tempt me, and headed into the cold once more. I decided
that I’d find somewhere good to grab dinner, and I’d maybe hit a couple of
other stores while I was out, maybe pick up some pantry things just for the
sake of making the trip less than completely gluttonous, and then I’d go home
and just spend the rest of the night pampering myself.

I wondered how Patrick’s Christmas with
Landon and their family had gone. I’d been wondering off and on since I’d
admitted I was seeing Patrick to my family—but I hadn’t been able to find the
courage to call or text him to ask. If he didn’t answer me, I wouldn’t know
whether it was because he was simply busy or because he honestly didn’t want to
talk to me—and I didn’t want to stress myself out even more. I hoped that at
least when I saw Landon again in a few days, at his next session, I’d be able
to ask him about the kite I’d gotten for him, and find out whether he’d liked
it. I hoped that Patrick would come in with his son, and stop playing games.

As I was making my way back to my car, I
remembered that I still had the big family New Years party ahead of me; now
that I had told my family that I was seeing someone, they would expect me to
show up with a date for the event. For a moment my heart sunk; I didn’t even
know if Patrick wanted to see me at all again—and having to explain the fact
that he wasn’t there to my parents would be more than a little bit awkward and
annoying. But then I thought about it; if I didn’t have a date for New Year’s
Eve, then I didn’t think that he would.

I had to give him some credit; in spite of
the fact that things had gotten strained between us, he had made an effort to
see me again a few days before. Even if it had just been dinner and shopping,
it had been nice to spend time with him. I thought about how it had felt when
Patrick had kissed me next to my car; that at least had been just as good as it
had ever been.

As I looked for my car, I spotted the café
where Patrick and I had gone on our first date and smiled to myself. It was
packed—as I would expect on the day after Christmas—and it was easy for me to
remember how nervous I’d been at the beginning of the date, and how much I’d
wanted to see more of him by the time the date was over and we made out at my
car.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I
realized that I could see Patrick in the café; he was sitting close to one of
the windows, and my heart started beating faster.
It’s a sign. You should call him.
I shifted my shopping bags around
and reached into my purse, smiling to myself. I had been thinking about how
much better it would be to have Patrick with me at my parents’ annual party,
and here was the perfect opportunity to invite him. If I played my cards right,
I might even be able to run into the café and have a quick cup of coffee with
him, and talk about where our relationship was. I was feeling brave and
happy—and I looked up again to make sure that he wasn’t getting up to leave
before I made my call.

Instead of seeing him leaving though, I
noticed that he wasn’t sitting alone. There was a woman at the table with him,
and as I watched, Patrick laughed at something she said, reaching out to tousle
her hair. All of the warmth in my body, all the happiness at spotting him at
random in the big city right when I most wanted to try to make things better
with him, evaporated.
Well that explains
why he’s been so weird,
I thought as my eyes began to sting. I started
walking away from the curb, back towards where I remembered parking my car,
with my phone still in my hand. The last thing I wanted to do then was go into
the café and talk to Patrick about anything.

But I have never been a coward. I’d seen
what had come between us: another woman, and though I hadn’t been able to make
out much of her face, she was beautiful. Gritting my teeth, I decided that it
was time to say something to Patrick after all. I pulled his contact
information up again and instead of tapping the icon to call him, I opened up a
new text message to him.
I was going to
give you a call—I’d seen that you were at the café we went to. But I’ve noticed
that you’re seeing someone else. I wish you would have just told me.
My
fingers tapped on the screen, and I blessed the fact that I had gloves that
would let me use my phone without having to freeze my fingers.
I was going to invite you to come with me to
my parents’ New Year’s Eve party, but obviously you’ve probably got other
plans. It was nice to meet you, Patrick.
I took a deep breath, debating
whether to say anything else, and decided that that was more than enough. I
tapped send, stuffed my phone into my pocket, and hurried to my car.

Chapter Ten - Patrick

“I cannot tell you how glad I am that you
agreed to get coffee with me,” Jessica said for the third time since we’d left
her house. As soon as I’d arrived to drop Landon off, I’d understood why she’d
been so desperate to get out; the kids were in rare form, playing some
make-believe game with their father, and I knew Landon would jump right in as
soon as he could—which would be great for getting him to go to bed on time. The
kids had all gotten spoiled by their grandparents that year, each of them
getting a pile of noisy, stimulating toys, and I had said a little prayer of
thanksgiving to myself that I only had one kid to contend with when it came to
rambunctious playing.