Disciplined by the Dom (3 page)

“Then why haven’t you chosen a trainer? Why haven’t you committed?”

“I only wanted you, and you won’t look at me,” she blurted out.

Immediately she wished there was somewhere to hide, but Jake didn’t release her, and she didn’t think she could have moved even if he had. What she’d said had been absolutely true, and she knew that he knew it. It was humiliating, and exposing, and pathetic, and thrilling to know she had just put herself in his power. His expression had frozen, a flat, unreadable mask, except for the pulsing of a vein in his forehead. His grip on her wrist tightened imperceptibly.

Oh God, what had she done?

“I don’t… I didn’t mean… This is just how I try to understand things—by studying them, by watching. I’ve just been too scared to jump in. I’m not the cannonballing type. And I was never going to out anyone, I promise, it was just…academic.”

How many lies can you tell at once, Catie? At least one of those things had been true.

She hated herself, but it’s not like she could tell the truth. Telling the truth would mean she’d lose her shot to save what was left of her family. And it would mean that this man she craved in some incomprehensible way would walk away from her forever.

He might do that anyway. She might lose everything anyway. It was all up to him.

“What if you trained me?” she said suddenly.

Jake had been frozen in some sort of controlled Zen state, but this jolted him out of it.

“Catie…” he said.

She didn’t want to hear all the reasons he couldn’t do it. It was her only shot, and the thing she truly wanted. She’d figure out how it was going to work with all her lies and planned betrayal later.

“You can train me,” she went on, “and you can read all my notes. You can read the paper before I hand it in. I’ll obey you in everything, take out whatever you want me to take out. Please,” she begged. “
Please
just don’t tell anyone.”

Jake inhaled deeply. He looked like Dr. Jekyll on the verge of turning into Mr. Hyde. Catie was ashamed to find that she wanted them both. She opened her mouth to speak, but he put his fingers to his lips, silencing her.

“Do not speak over me again, Catie, not in this context. That is the first thing you will learn, and you will learn it right now.”

She nodded slowly, afraid to break his gaze. Did this mean…

“Ethically, I must consult with Master Roman. I will promise not to reveal your secret, as far as those ethics allow. But that does not mean you will be allowed to stay, or that I will agree to train you.”

For all his calm, formal language, Jake was breathing hard. He hadn’t let go of her wrist.

“I understand,” she said, looking at the floor.

“No, you do not. I am going to speak with Roman now. You will wait here for me.” She felt his thumb move against the inside of her wrist and suppressed a shiver. He continued, “Naked.”

 It took her a moment to comprehend.
Wait
—
naked?

She said, “This is Lola’s office…”

Jake squeezed her wrist before letting it drop to her side. Her skin felt cold where he no longer touched her, and she looked up at him imploringly.

“Naked,” he repeated. “Strip.”

He stepped back from her, as though to get a good view.
This is what it’s about
, she thought, feeling slightly dizzy.
This is how it works
. A rush of adrenaline flooded her system, covering the guilt she still felt for lying, and spiking physical sensation in her entire body. She became aware of the heat growing in her pelvis, of the dull, thudding, drive building there. Her nipples grew tight in demanding little points under her thin dress, evidence of her desire.

He’ll see that…

“Right now, Catie.”

The window behind her was still open to the cold January air, but she could barely feel it for the heat rushing through her body. She locked eyes with Jake as she shrugged off one shoulder strap, then the other. He didn’t look away, didn’t reprimand her for what felt like a challenge. Catie wasn’t exactly sure what was happening. She wanted to obey, but she also wanted to fight him, and then she wanted him to win. So she locked eyes with him the whole time, until she stood before him completely naked.

After a moment, he gave the barest hint of a smile.

“You will wait here until I release you,” he said.

And then he was gone.

chapter
3

Jake barely escaped with his mind still intact. He had never wanted a woman so badly in his entire life. The way she looked at him! She was a sub who issued challenges without even knowing it. Did she know what kind of dance that was? Impossible. The way she’d looked at him….

It had only been a few minutes. His world had been upended in only a few minutes.

He stalked through the dimly lit halls of Volare NY, arguing with himself. Neither the Zen simplicity of the lines nor the rich sensuality of the fabrics did anything to calm him. He knew people were watching. He was famous for his reserve, his stern fortitude, his severity, and now he paced the halls muttering to himself. Well, let them watch.

Let her wait.

Oh God.

The thought of her—the memory of her—waiting for him, naked… He stopped abruptly. Why had he done that? He’d already engaged in a scene with her, without thinking, without negotiation, on the pretense of further thought. He never acted so impulsively. He was never
moved
to act so impulsively.

And he
must
think about it. Away from her. Away from the deafening lust she aroused in him. He’d wanted her since the moment he’d first seen her, but he had dealt with that with avoidance, and it had been manageable, if only barely. But somehow it was worse now, following this discovery. This…violation. There’d been something in her eyes, something beneath all the fear and sadness and regret—she
liked
getting caught. Did she really?

He felt his abdominals coil inside him and he licked his lips. It was impossible that he could make a rational decision in the grips of this…whatever it was. Lust. It was lust.

But hadn’t he always wanted to feel this strongly, about anything? It wasn’t love, but it was passion, of a kind. He
wanted
. He
felt
.

That might make him a terrible trainer. But she’d said he was the only one she’d wanted. Dare he believe her?

No, that part had been true. There had been more lies in the things she’d said, maybe more even than she’d intended. And he would discover them all. But that part had been true.

“Damn!”

He’d come to Roman’s office. The heavy, dark wooden door cracked slightly open, indicating Roman’s availability. Roman was not just the Master of Volare NY; he was Jake’s friend. He had saved Jake’s life, as far as Jake was concerned, when he’d brought him into Volare. Roman would offer him good counsel.

So why did he hesitate?

Slow down. Think
.

He had promised not to reveal her betrayal. Why had he done that? That had been unnecessary and unwise. He hadn’t thought; he’d just done it. Again, unlike him. And yet now that the promise was made, he couldn’t break it. That was a line he simply refused to cross.

And there was another promise he was bound to keep. A promise that said he couldn’t turn away from someone in need of help. Someone who was lost. That was the look he’d first seen when he’d caught her: she’d been lost, and afraid, and alone.

That was it. Her lies, her challenge—strength covering weakness, an offense hiding a wound. That was something with which he was familiar, that was something his heart—what there was of it—recognized immediately, even if it took his mind a moment to catch up. Perhaps that was what had drawn him to her all along.

Yet, it also left him with only two options. He could accept her as a trainee, take the duty seriously, try to ignore his own passions and hope to bring her far enough along that she would no longer consider the publication of anything that might be harmful to Volare. After all, she already had the information. She'd already been here…how long? Months? Long enough to do some damage if she felt like it.

And his second option was what? To kick her out. No. He already knew he wouldn’t do that. He’d already committed himself to that, hadn’t he?

He had. The minute he’d promised not to reveal what she’d done. The minute he’d ordered her to strip. He’d already made his decision without thinking it through, without considering all the angles, and without consulting with Roman, as he was obligated to do.

What had come over him?

Hadn’t he always wanted this? Something that made him feel enough to compel him to…do anything? Something? Even if it was only lust, it was…

Human.

So why did he feel nearly nauseous?

“When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers,” he said to himself, and opened Roman’s door.

Roman sat at his desk, his distinguished jaw resting in his hand as he surveyed Lola with a look of amused boredom. Jake knew it was the sort of thing that would infuriate Lola, and knew that it in fact had infuriated her, based on how rigid she held her back as she went through the binder that she held on her lap. Neither of them would ever admit to provoking the other, of course.

And there, between them, knelt a naked woman with a ball gag in her mouth.

Jake cleared his throat.

“Jacob.” Lola gave him a warm smile, perhaps warmer than she might have if she was not in the middle of sparring—on some level—with Roman. She’d always told Jake that he reminded her of her brother, and by some small stroke of luck, Jake had never found himself attracted to the voluptuous redhead. They were genuine friends.

So he knew she’d forgive his rudeness.

“What do you know of Catie?” he said abruptly. The hoarseness of his own voice surprised him. He sounded like he’d just run a marathon overnight to get this particular intelligence about Catie.

He felt that desperate, too.

Roman smiled that slow, cat-like smile, but otherwise didn’t move a muscle. “I approved her application personally,” he said.

“That’s not what I asked.”

“But that’s the answer you have been given.”

There was a tense silence, and then Lola laughed. She said, “Just do what you have to do, please. I have a lot to do today, and Roman’s attention is difficult enough to commandeer without this silverback posturing.”

“Party planning is boring,” Roman sighed.

“It is not a party,” Lola said. “It is the Valentine’s Auction—our major yearly event, and our biggest fundraiser, and we have to do it all in secret. It is
not
a party; it is an event. Speaking of which…” Her laser focus shifted to Jake, and he suddenly realized he’d interrupted Lola while she was in the middle of Organizing, which was a little like walking into a tornado. But her eyes softened as she said, “This year, I thought the proceeds would benefit Stephan’s House. I know you’re planning an expansion, and I thought Volare could help. With your ok, of course.”

Jake was bewildered. He felt as though his head had been removed, placed in a paint-shaker, and then screwed back on the wrong way. He’d come here to talk about
Catie
. Not his brother. Not his charity.

“Yes, of course,” he said. “But about Catie…”

Lola’s green eyes narrowed. “Yes, I’d like to hear about Catie, too.”

Roman stretched his back and neck with that peculiar refined animalism that was so characteristic of him, and rose to his full six-foot height. “There is nothing more to say,” he said.

Jake frowned. “That’s not quite true. I learned something about her that might pose a threat to Volare.”

The silence that followed was like a vacuum, needing to be filled. There were two dimples in Lola’s forehead, the ones that formed when she became worried.

Jake took a deep breath. He’d have to disclose his stupidity one way or the other. “I promised not to reveal it. I think I can contain the situation if I act as Catie’s trainer, but I am…concerned…about my ability to do so. Objectively. Without a conflict of interest.”

Lola and Roman spoke at the same time.

“She’s asked you to be her trainer?”

“What conflict of interest? Because of your interest in her?”

The Master and Mistress of Volare NY looked at each other and smiled. Sometimes it seemed as though they could read each other’s minds. Jake often wondered if they’d be happier together, but no one—
no one
—ever broached that particular topic.

“Yes to both of you,” Jake answered. He didn’t like the glint in Roman’s eye, didn’t like the suggestion that Roman knew quite a bit more than he was saying. But he also knew how these things went. Roman had his code, just like Jake. And his own reasons for honoring it.

Now Roman let himself look truly happy and reached down to stroke the back of the gagged woman’s head. Lola turned away slightly.

“I trust you,” Roman said. “Whatever you decide, Jacob. I would be happy to see Catie participate. There is…”

“Something about her,” Jake finished. His heart was thudding against his ribcage. The sight of the naked, gagged woman reminded him of how he’d left Catie. The idea of anyone else walking in on her made his blood pound painfully in his head. The knowledge that she waited like that in obedience to
him
made it throb in an altogether different way.

Roman looked at him carefully. “Be careful, old friend.”

“Yes.”

“But not too careful.”

And then Roman smiled, his white teeth flashing. If Jake had the resources to devote to solving puzzles, he would have interrogated his old friend, would have tried to figure out what pleased Roman so much about this, what the man saw that Jake didn’t. But there was simply not enough blood left in his brain for such an endeavor.

No. You must control yourself.
This proposition—this idea that he would train Catie, that he would oversee her work for the sake of Volare—it was only palatable if he could tell himself he was helping her, too. Helping whatever part of her was lost and wounded, whatever it was he had seen in those blue eyes. Without that focus, he might simply lose himself in lust.