Dismantling Evan (30 page)

The silence between us is deafening.

“Seems to me that you are carrying Gavin Ferguson’s troubles on your shoulders.”

“I can’t stand to see Brody giving everything for his brother and still not making a dent. If I can help in any way...”

“To make you feel significant?”

“Excuse me?”

“I’ve lived in this town for a long time and the intolerance and ignorance runs deep, believe me. The system is flawed and yes, students slip through cracks every single day. There isn’t enough help for those of us that want to fix the flaws. The teacher’s, they do what they can, but like me, their hands are tied by the bylaws, rules, and lengthy systems our education system has deemed standard and necessary to maintain its current status... running, it is just running and running and I can’t do the job that I dreamed of doing for years.” She shakes her head from side to side as she sits back, exhausted. “Evan, it is going to take a lot more than a girl from California making a stand and telling her teacher that he doesn’t know what the fuck is going on in your lives, and how it doesn’t apply to the mundane tasks of a classroom. It is going to take moving Heaven and Hell to make a dent in system that is failing Gavin Ferguson.”

I’m speechless now, not because I am being a bratty little bitch, but because I am without words. An adult, one that has been educated to help students like Gavin Ferguson, sees what I see and doesn’t have an answer for it; an explanation even.

“It doesn’t excuse the way you spoke to Mr. Thompson.” Mrs Warren sits up in her chair and begins to write on a slip of paper. When she is done, she hands it to me. “Here, take this.”

I take the slip from her hand, bewildered. Mrs. Warren goes back to her computer and begins to type. “I am emailing your parents letting them know that we have talked.”

Was that it? Was she just going to give me a light slap on the wrist for being insolent with a teacher and basically telling her that she isn’t doing her job for the students of this school?

I look at the slip and expect it to say something along the lines of lunch detention or in school suspension, but to my surprise it is a hall pass. “A hall pass?”

She glances at me. “Yes, you need to get back to class.”

“So, that is it? No punishment?”

She peers at me over her reading glasses. “I will email Mr. Thompson and inform him that you have been under a lot of pressure and you intend to apologize the next time you see him. Did you want something more stringent?”

I can’t decide if she is giving me a break because she is overworked and doesn’t have time to go through all the steps needed to have me fulfill a punishment, or if she feels that punishing me for telling her what she already knows as true would be flawed and moronic.

I rise up from the chair slowly and she fixes her eyes back on her computer screen, tapping at the keys quickly.

I’m about to leave when she calls for me, “Ms. Phillips.”

I glance back at her, giving her my attention.

“You come and see me when you are ready to talk about college, all right?”

I nod and start to turn again before she interrupts me, “And Ms. Phillips.”

I look back again.

“You are being a good friend to them.” She smiles lightly before returning to typing on her computer as I slip out of her office.

Nikki snags me as soon as I leave the counselor’s office, pulling me close to her side and leading me down the hall. Asher comes up to the right of me and walks casually by my side. “I knew you were bad ass Evan, but shit...” he chuckles under his breath, scanning the halls as we walk along.

“You are definitely the topic on the lips of every chatterbox gossiping teen in this school,” Nikki leans in to me and whispers.

Damn it. I should have known this would happen but I don’t friggin’ think when I am spiraling like that. Hell, I’m not even sure it was a true psychotic spiral. I mean, I meant everything I said... well except for the profanity.

I look up at Asher. “I shouldn’t have said used the language I did. It was a mistake. But I meant everything else.” Curious about what was being spread, I ask, “What did you hear?”

Asher takes the lead, “I overheard a group saying that you freaked out about your grades or some shit. You tore into Mr. Thompson. Gavin’s name came up too, but I don’t listen to everyone’s bullshit about Gavin. I went to the source.”

“Is he all right? I mean, what did he say?” I ask urgently.

Nikki picks up, “He was shaken up, but Brody, Lia, Ash, and I took him out to the courtyard for a minute to find out what happened.”

“He said that you were protecting him.” Asher looks at me intensely. “Evan, Brody is pissed.”

“Why?” I squeak. “Mr. Thompson was calling him out in the middle of the class, making a spectacle of him. He was already stressing because of the papers he was handed back.”

I stop in the middle of the hall to make my point, “I wasn’t going to sit there and watch Mr. Thompson do that to him. I took a stand! Somebody needed to!”

Nikki and Asher look at each other than back at me. Nikki is the first to speak. “I get it Evan. We have all been there, in that position, but you could have made it worse for Gavin... and you.”

What the hell is she saying?
“What? Do you think I should have just continued to let Mr. Thompson make Gav into a spectacle, setting him as an example for the rest of the class? All it did was add fuel to Spencer and Chad’s endless nagging at every little thing Gavin does.”

“Gavin said that Spencer and Chad have been on you more lately,” Ash comments.

“Yeah, but I don’t care. This isn’t about me.”

Asher folds his arms over his chest as I speak, obviously not accepting my logic.

“It may not be about you, but all you are doing is stirring up shit, Evan.” Nikki’s face is dead serious as she stares at me with worry in her eyes. “I don’t want to see this bring you down. Yes, they are ignorant. Yes, they are intolerant. And, yes, they are targeting Gavin, and Brody, and anyone else on his side. But, all we do when we fight back is put a spotlight on Gavin, even if it is to stand up for him. It can make him and us an even bigger target.”

“What? So we just HIDE in the CORNERS OF THIS SCHOOL!” A few students stop walking and look in my direction. I tone down my voice as I continue to plead with Nikki. “Keep to ourselves, ignore the comments, the bullying...”

“Don’t you think I know that, Evan!” Nikki has never lost her temper with me. I mean, I have seen her lose it over Celine and Spencer, and Chad’s bullshit, but not on me. “Don’t you think Ash and Lia and Brody and me know that? Don’t you think we have felt this pain for as long as we have known the Fergusons?” She shakes her head at me and looks at me like she doesn’t recognize the person that is standing before her. “It is a fine line. A fine line that we are walking to keep Gavin above water without drowning ourselves.” She breathes in deeply as she turns away from me.

“Nikki,” I call to her and actually make a move to touch her shoulder, show her that I’m sorry for acting the way I have, but she brushes my hand away as she walks down the hall away from Ash and me.

I look over at Asher. “I’m sorry Ash. I didn’t mean to...”

Before I can finish, he cuts me off, “I’m taking Gavin and Lia home after school today. Brody told me to tell you that you are riding with him.” Asher’s face looks full of sadness. “I’ll see you later.”

He jogs to catch up with Nikki, leaving me standing in the middle of a now empty hallway.

I don’t go to the cafeteria. I hang out by my locker. I’m not hungry anyway. The rest of the day I feel like I’m back at my old high school in San Francisco, hiding, pretending that I am invisible and that I can’t hear the whispers, “..that is the girl.,”,”...seriously, what a freak!”, “...isn’t she the one Celine was talking about?”

I cloud my mind with meaningless thoughts to filter out the comments: Brody wants to talk to me alone. It works until the last bell of the day rings and I exit the school.

My idea is to avoid the back parking lot where Asher and Brody park, wrap around the front of the school, and walk home.

Yeah, it is chicken shit, avoidance, whatever, but I don’t think I can handle Brody yelling at me after what happened with Nikki earlier. Plus, it will be the first time Brody and I would be alone together since the night we kissed in the work shed. I don’t want that moment replaced with him hating me.

Walking along, I notice Celine standing out in front of the school talking with a group of girls. As soon as we make eye contact, she breaks away from them and starts walking toward me.

My immediate reaction is slowing my pace, and thinking of a way to avoid her, but she is on me too quickly, blocking me from moving around her. “You are only making things worse for yourself, Evan.”

The smirk on her face is so smug, I contemplate what it would feel like to wipe that look off her face. “So I’ve heard,” I mutter and push past her.

“You are seriously unstable, Evan,” she says calmly as she follows along side of me.

I pick up my pace and she falls behind. In the distance she is barking at someone, then a warm hand clasps around my bicep and pulls me close. I’m about ready to swing my arm, when I look up. Brody is striding next to me, tugging me along as I trip over my feet. He tows me off the sidewalk, out of the way of passing students, then releases me gently standing face to face with me. “Ash was supposed to tell you I was taking you home.”

I rearrange my backpack on my shoulder. “He did.”

“Then where are you going?”

“Home.” I turn to start walking again, but stealthily he moves in front of me and rests his hands on my shoulders, keeping me immobile. “We need to talk, Evan.”

Brody looks over my head and behind me. Celine is standing there in the middle of the sidewalk, her minion friends’ concerned faces looking up at her. I wonder if Brody was the person she was yelling at. Did he tell her to back off me? Is that why she let me walk away?

Cold rain drops begin to slowly tap on my head. This is like the worst time for it to rain ever.

“Please, Evan.” His plea for me to go with him has me focused back on him now.

The wind picks up and the fall of the rain steadies. I fight with myself about what I should do while students begin to scatter to their cars or to the closest shelter. Everyone except Brody and me. His hands soften their grip on my shoulders and slowly, softly slide down the sides of my arms along with the unfaltering raindrops.

Brody Ferguson isn’t the type of guy that pleads, but right now, he is pleading with me.

“Okay.”

The rain hammers the ceiling of Brody’s car as we sit in the parking lot, soaking wet, each of us staring out our own part of the windshield, like there is some invisible partition in the middle keeping us from looking over at the other.

“Why did you take up for him?”

“I care about him,” I say matter of fact.

He groans, runs his hand along his mouth, keeping his eyes forward on the rain blistered windshield. “Ah, you can’t go and do shit like that, Evan!”

Deja vu.

“All it does if fuel the fire with the people in this fucking school,” he says more calmly.

The silence between us is occupied only by the spasmodic battering of the shower on the roof. It seems like we sit there for a while, when Brody finally speaks. “I know you want to help, California, but I don’t want you getting hurt doing it, and these people…” he waves his free hand in the air gesturing, “Spencer, Celine, Chad, the others that egg them on... it is going to take more than you, Evan Phillips, to change them. Yeah, it is a sad thing, but that is the way it is. That is how it was long before you came to Braxton Springs and that is how it will be long after you leave.”

He leans his head back. “Do you think you are the only one that has tried? Why do you think Lia is known as a school slut and resorts to cutting herself to push away the pain? Why do you think Asher isn’t playing football anymore? He was ousted, found too many things wrong with his game, he was benched. Why do you think Nikki went from being best friends with Celine two years ago, to being enemies? Nikki Bell was co-captain of the friggin’ varsity cheer squad before she sided with Lia.”

The social toxicity he describes rekindles my frustration, but also my sadness. All my friends, these good people have been made to appear toxic because of who they have chosen to protect and stand up for. Someone that has never stood up for himself - Gavin.

Brody’s voice is scratchy and rough as he speaks in a low tone. “There was a time I thought I could change things, take a stand too. A year ago, when Spencer and I got suspended, I tried to fight back, take a stand, show them that I wasn’t going to let them treat me or my brother the way they had been. Talking their shit about my dad being a deserter...” He trails of into silence. I look over at him and see the redness creeping in around the corner of his eye and I understand his silence.

Brody turns his head to look at me now and I take in both of his glassy reddened eyes and the torturous sadness pulling at his face. “Gavin told me everything you said to Mr. Thompson.”

He shifts his eyes down to the space between us. “It’s funny how Gavin remembers every single thing you said in that classroom, but can’t figure out where he puts his damn toothbrush every single night of his life.”