Dismantling Evan (39 page)

I push away from the table and just before I rise I add, “Mrs. Ferguson would like all of us to come to Thanksgiving second dinner. I plan to go and she would love it if you did as well.”

The three of us wait, silently. I think Mom and Dad aren’t sure of what to say exactly. To be honest, I’m not sure where that came from; it was building up over the last few months, I guess.

“Second dinner, huh?” Dad asks as he picks his fork up again.

It did sound strange.

“It’s what Gavin calls it since everybody comes over after they have already eaten their first dinner with their family.”

“Mrs. Ferguson asked for us to attend?” Mom asks carefully.

I bow my head. “Yes, she did. Said she would look forward to talking with you since you hadn’t since the Bar-b-Que.”

Visibly humbled, Mom closes her eyes for a moment. All of a sudden she tilts her head, reopens her eyes, and fixes them on me. “I think it is a great idea. We will be there.”

“We will?” Dad asks as he chews a mouthful of casserole. Maybe he notices the determined looks in our faces as he seems to change his tune. “We will.”

WEDNESDAY, I SPENT MOST OF the day helping Mom in the kitchen while the other part is spent in the work shed, developing Gavin’s and my films and getting some prints. I want to take them over to him tomorrow at Thanksgiving second dinner. I realize, working in the shed, that I probably spend more time in here at night then I do during daytime hours, well, up until two days ago.

After almost a week, of the new dose of my antidepressant, I seem to be sleeping well. I don’t dwell on it. Doing that usually jinxes me to fail and fall off the “sleep” wagon.

Grandma and Grandpa come over Thursday morning. Grandma starts helping Mom get the turkey in the oven and Dad and Grandpa sit side by side in the two recliners, watching football. After dinner #1 with Grandma, Grandpa, Mom and Dad, the three of us start over to the Fergusons.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out with one free hand as I balance pecan pie in the other; it’s a text:

Nikki:
Are you on your way over?

Evan:
Yes. Walking over now.

Nikki:
Okay. We need to talk when you get here.

I’m a little worried by her text, but respond mindlessly.

Evan:
K

Mrs. Ferguson and Nikki’s mom greet us at the door, taking the two casseroles from Mom, the bottles of wine from Dad, and the pie from me. Nikki snags me by hooking her arm in mine before I can even say hi to Brody who I spot carving the turkey with Asher in the kitchen. He gets out a wave, just as Nikki pulls me onto the front porch.

“What’s up?” I ask.

“They have taken it to the next level,” Nikki says, arms crossed.

I’m not following. “What are you talking about?”

She pulls her phone from her back pocket, seems to open a screen on it, then shows it to me. “Spencer, Celine, Chad, and all of their followers.”

She holds her phone up so I can see the screen. “This shit is all over Facebook.”

I take the phone from her and hold it between my two hands.

“It’s like a cyber-slam book for our school. Just went up yesterday,” Nikki adds.

I notice a picture of Gavin walking on campus, his head down and slightly behind Brody. Under the picture is a caption. It says: “Fucking Tard. You should disappear like your father.”

I see the number of likes next to it - five. Five people in this group liking this comment makes me want to throw up.

A comment below that says: “I hate that stupid hat he wears every day.”

Below that: “He shouldn’t have the right to wear it. His dad is a traitor.”

Eight likes next to that one.

Another comment: “Probably joined up with the Afghan militants!” Four likes below that one.

Shaken by what I am seeing, I ask her urgently, “Why are they doing this? Who is doing this?” I look at the name, Sugarpenny7.

“I don’t know, maybe because passing judgment is ingrained in their DNA? Fuckers,” Nikki mumbles and pauses only for a second, before explaining.

“Sugarpenny7 is an assumed name to keep their identity hidden. All of them are bogus profiles too.”

Under that is another comment by a different user, Eyebasher: “Don’t touch him, he might fall to the ground and throw a fit like last year! lol”

Beneath is a picture of Lia sitting in the cafeteria with her lunch in front of her. I see a small portion of me in the picture and realize that this had been taken recently. Lia’s picture has a caption under it as well. “1800-IPUT-OUT.”

Beneath that, a chain of slams fill most of the screen of Nikki’s phone.

I look back at the caption on Lia’s picture and click on the user name, Dandymancan.

Wearily, I ask, “Has Lia seen this?”

“Unfortunately, she saw it last night,” says Nikki.

I think of Lia cutting and look up from the phone to Nikki. “Did she talk to you? Did she seem okay?”

Nikki tilts her head. “Yeah, she did.”

“Is she okay?”

Nikki shakes her head. “No, but that is why she called me. I told her I was going to tell her parents what she is doing to herself if she doesn’t get help.” She snickers somewhat to herself, then says slyly, “I told her that if she didn’t, I would fucking go over to her house, knock on their giant ass wrought iron door and tell them.”

I can’t explain how relieved I am. “I’m so glad you did that Nikki.”

She points at the Fergusons’ door as she says, “She is in there. So are her parents. She said they are going to see a shrink tomorrow.”

I am proud of Lia for getting help and feeling safe enough to tell Nikki. Then I feel remorse for not telling Nikki about my trips to the shrink.

Nikki looks at me with interest. “Don’t say anything about it to her, all right? Let her tell you.”

“I won’t,” I say and look down at the phone as I scroll the page.

“I can give you three guesses though,” Nikki says snidely.

She is talking about Celine, Spencer, and Chad. They are the likely accusers. I stop when I get to a picture of Brody leaning over the side of a car with the hood up; he is working on it. “Wait, somebody took this of Brody at work?”

I look at the user name, Braxhs, as Nikki hovers over my shoulder. “Yeah.”

I read the thread below it. “Slavin’ away because his daddy went AWOL. Poor Brody. No more football for you. #dreamsshattered.”

I look down the thread at the cartoon thumbs up, comments and the fifteen likes.

The front door opens suddenly. “Hey, what are you two doing out here?” Asher asks playfully.

Nikki grabs her phone from me, tucks it in her pocket and puts her arm around my shoulder and acts like nothing is going on. “Nothing babe, just girl talk,” she says.

Asher grins. “Ah, got it. Food’s ready though so come on.”

Asher takes Nikki’s hand and pulls her in. Nikki turns to me and whispers, “Don’t...”

I cut her off just as Brody shakes Dad’s and Mom’s hands, then makes a bee-line straight for me.

“I won’t,” I whisper, and replace my troubled look with a small smile.

“Hey.” He takes my hand in his and interlocks our fingers, then leans close, brushing his lips against my temple and resting them there as he whispers, “Happy Thanksgiving.”

All my worries slip away as I focus on Brody’s words and his lips and breathe against my temple. I smile and whisper back, “Happy Thanksgiving.”

Remembering where I am, in a room with my mother and father, I look for them to see if they have caught Brody and my minor public display.

They are both eyeing me, but not in an angry way. They are distracted when Mrs. Ferguson calls out, “Okay everyone. I think we are ready.”

Brody tugs on my hand and leads me to the table.

“We don’t have a big enough table, but we have plenty of chairs in the living room and here in the kitchen,” Mrs. Ferguson continues.

Mom goes to her side and places her hands on Mrs. Ferguson’s shoulders. “It is perfect, Sarah. We are so thankful to be here and everything looks so good.”

Mrs. Ferguson smiles graciously then looks down humbly. I see where Brody gets his bashful look... from his mom.

Everybody starts moving around each other, as they dish out their food. Gavin is standing right in the mix of it all, which is strange, because he is usually out of the way. He isn’t talking, like everyone else. He is just smiling from ear to ear; that goofy smile that is all Gavin. Brody nudges me. “Okay, California?”

I nod and grin at his continued use of “California” as a term of affection.

“Yes.”

Seeing everyone just like this, happy and at peace, it feels like everything is perfect.

December2013

“Yet do not cast all hope away. Tomorrow is unknown.”

Tolkien, The Two Towers

Everyone I love was here for Thanksgiving, well... except Dad. I’m still holding out that some news will come before Christmas. Not casting hope away.

Ernie, Justin, and I are studying and I’m going to try to fit in more. It will be easier since Brody won’t be at school because of the suspension. I won’t have to worry about him looking for me, telling me to stay away from them.

I’m taking my camera. At Thanksgiving second dinner, Nikki said that she needed Evan and I to take pictures of the clubs and sports teams doing things together around campus this week. I may have sounded overly excited. Everyone stopped eating, then looked at me strangely. I don’t really care about that. Mom told me something last night when I told her I was taking my camera to school today. She said that some people believe that taking someone’s picture captures their soul. Logically, I don’t see this happening. But, if I were to imagine Tolkien or Shakespeare saying something like this, like in some kind of metaphor...I can believe that.

The picture does capture something, and if it is a candid picture of a person doing something then maybe it does capture their soul....the good and the ugly.

Anyway, that stuck with me so I’m going to try and focus on capturing the souls today.

I’m going to ask Evan if I can use her work shed to develop them too. I don’t know if she will let me without her being there.

Brody just called me. Says Evan is here. She is supposed to watch out for me this week.

Bye.

-G.F

“HEY,” BRODY SAYS AS HE opens the front door. He is wearing just a t-shirt and track pants, ‘hang around the house’ clothes.

“Hey.” I step through the door.

Mrs. Ferguson is buzzing around the kitchen. “Brody, I will be late today. Are you going in to the shop this afternoon?”

“No, I’m going in this morning so I will be here when Gav gets home. Thank you so much for looking out for him this week,” he adds.

“No thanks necessary. I’m happy to help.” It feels real nice to be a part of something; doing this for them.

Mrs. Ferguson turns off the kitchen light. “Thank you Evan so much for helping with Gavin this week.”

“No problem, Mrs. Ferguson. I think of Gavin like a little brother.”

She stops in front of me and smiles softly. “You have been such a gift to both of my boys young lady.”

Off the cuff, she pulls me into her arms and rocks side to side a little. It would feel awkward if she wasn’t such a sweet woman. As it is, my body softens and I melt a little into her arms.

She releases me and turns to Brody, giving him a quick hug. “Okay, I will be home later. Call if anything comes up. Bye Gavin!” she yells back to the hallway, just as Gavin appears.

“Oh, sorry honey, I thought you were still in your room.”

He looks at the three of us, his backpack on his back, his army cap on, and his camera around his neck.

“Ready to take some pictures today, Gav?” I ask, making conversation.

He starts to say something then hesitates. Brody closes the door behind his mother, saying goodbye again as she reminds him of their appointment on Wednesday with the insurance companies.

I move closer to Gavin, “What is it, Gav?”

He shakes his head and looks at me shyly. “I wanted to know if I could use the darkroom sometime, like when you aren’t around. I want to try developing on my own.” He shakes his head. “It is okay if you say no.”

“What? Of course you can. Why would I say no?”

Brody catches the tail end of the conversation. “Say no to what?”

“Gav just wanted to use the darkroom, that’s all. I told him yes, of course.”

Gavin is looking down shyly, so I bend over to make eye contact and smile. “No need to ask Gavin. Anytime.”

He smiles widely, then scoots around me into the kitchen.

While Gavin is getting something to eat, I ask Brody cautiously, “So, Wednesday is the meeting?”

Brody breathes in deeply. “Yeah, it shouldn’t take more than a couple of hours. I’ll text you when we are done.” Brody looks beyond me at Gavin. “If this happens though, Gavin will finally have more people in his corner; doctors, medication, counseling.”

The sound of a horn honking interrupts Brody as we both glance at the door. “It’s Ash, Gavin. You all have to go,” Brody says as he opens the front door for us.

Before I step through the doorway, Brody tucks his arm around my back and draws me to him. His lips are gentle as they take mine quickly. It isn’t passionate like the time in the work shed, but it takes my breath away; I don’t think that will ever stop.

A strange cackle from Gavin as he walks around me and out the door keeps me from swooning and falling deeper into Brody’s arms. I pull away to hide my reddened cheeks as I follow Gavin to Ash’s car.

Nikki climbs out and lifts the seat forward, I hear Brody say what he has only said once before in the work shed in the heat of things between us. “I love you, California.”

My eyes meet Nikki’s instantly and she is wide eyed and grinning like a Cheshire cat. His profession paired with his tender name for me, makes it easier to turn back to him and possibly tell him what I was too afraid to say that night in the shed. Watching him lean against the door in the open doorway, his hair disheveled perfectly, I boldly go there; “I love you too Texas.”

Gavin laughs from the backseat of the Jeep and Ash whistles loudly.

Nikki sighs, “True love.”

I smile at her boldly then she says in the most sickening sweet tone, “Get your true lovin’ ass in the car sister-friend.”

On the drive to school, I finally ask her, “Could you please tell me what sister-friend means?”

She turns down the radio and angles back to face me. “Sister-friend is like a way of saying that I think of you like a sister and you are my friend.”

I nod, then ask, “Is it a southern thing?”

She shrugs and shakes her head. “Not sure.” All of a sudden she reaches back, puts her hand over mine, and squeezes. “All I know is that no matter what, you are like family now, Evan.”

With her eyes locked with mine, I rest my other hand on top of hers and squeeze tightly as I contemplate when I should tell my friends my own secret.

December 2013

Captured lots of pictures yesterday and today.

I’m sticking with my theme (that is what Evan told me it was called) of capturing the souls... the good and the ugly. I took a whole roll yesterday. Today, I finished another. Some of them were not so good, but some of them... they showed the souls of the subjects (that is what Evan told me that is what you call the object or person you are taking a picture of).

Evan said that I was a photographing machine. That made me laugh. She said that she was proud of me too.

I didn’t tell her, but last night I snuck out of the house to develop my film strip. I told Brody that I was going to read in my room, then go to bed. I climbed out my window and snuck into the work shed. I remembered everything Evan had shown me and made sure I put everything back the way I found it. The subjects I chose to print turned out good... I think. Definitely captured their souls.

I’m going to sneak out again tonight and get today’s film done. I hope Evan doesn’t mind. I won’t tell her until I have the prints finished; maybe tomorrow.

I’m glad Evan gives me some space at school. I wouldn’t have been able to get some of the shots I did. And, I wouldn’t have been able to hang out with Ernie and Justin. We had just finished studying and Justin had an idea. He told Ernie and I to follow him into the boy’s gym locker room. No one was in there, but Ernie said it was all right.

I wanted to fit in so I did it.

We took clean towels off the shelves and threw them into the middle of the shower stalls. Justin turned on all the faucets. Ernie told me to take some of the towels and stuff them in the toilets. At first I was scared and told him no, but he called me “chicken shit” which didn’t sound good at all. I didn’t want them to be mad at me so I did it.

Then Ernie yelled for us to run and we did. Justin said I was cool. Yeah, he actually said that.

We ran back to study hall then and no one knew what we had done.

I know what we did wasn’t right, but it felt good to be accepted at least.

Ernie and Justin told me to skip study hall today and not to tell anyone. Said there was something really cool they wanted to show me. Told me to meet them between the gym and cafeteria.

Gotta go. Brody and Mom have to leave for a meeting and I hear Evan’s voice.

Bye.

-G.F