Dismantling Evan (36 page)

I take the phone from Nikki and look at the word “crazy”.

“Who the hell sent this?” Brody growls.

Gavin hovers over my shoulder looking at the picture in my hands, then chuckles and snorts at the same time. I look at him angrily, wondering why he is laughing at such a terrible picture. He looks down at me. “Doesn’t even look like you, Evan,” then he walks over to the bronze star and leans against it as he looks over the museum map. He is completely clueless as to the fact that someone thought it would be perfect to pick on Evan. I hand Nikki back her phone and the look she gives me is a mixture of animosity and pity.

“I knew this would happen. I told you it would, Evan,” Brody says as he paces in front of us looking back at the museum doors. “This is what they do. This is what they have done with us. Fuck, this is what their parents do. The find out the worst shit on us then spread it like a virus.”

Suddenly, the look of anger on his face turns to rage. I look and see Spencer, Celine, Chad, and their friends exiting the doors.

“That asshole and that little bitch did this,” Brody seethes.

I put my hand on his chest sensing that if I don’t, he’ll charge them. “Brody, it is all right. It doesn’t bother me. They are just making shit up.”

He looks down at me. “Yeah, well it fucking bothers me.”

Asher stands next to me, a better barrier than I am. His voice is level but low, “Listen man, don’t do shit. No strikes remember?”

No strikes?
Asher must talking about last year and Brody’s suspension.

“Great, now it is on Facebook, “Nikki mumbles then she nudges my arm and holds the phone out in front of me to see. Comments are already popping up below the distorted psychotic image of me.

“Who sent it?” I ask Nikki, thinking back to the text her and Asher got.

Suddenly, Brody’s phone pings. He pulls it from his pocket, looks down at it for a half a second, then puts it back in his pocket without saying a word.

“The number is an out of state area code. Probably used an anonymous texting site. Can’t track it to see who sent it, but I know who did,” Nikki says as she continues to glare behind me at what I suspect is Celine.

“Looks like your new girl is a real nut job, Brody. You sure can pick them,” a familiar voice comes from behind us - Spencer. He is walking towards us, cool and collected, with a smirk on his face.

Celine hangs back, watching us like she’s a fucking spectator at a show and we are the entertainment.

Chad branches off from Spencer and makes a move toward Gavin. Brody sees this and starts towards him, but Spencer rushes Brody and pushes him to the ground. I can’t feel my arms and legs; I’m weak. I have never been this close to a fight and even though he had only shoved Brody, I knew that this was going to be a fight.

Nikki wraps her arm around my shoulders, keeping me back, but really she is keeping me standing. Everything happens so fast.

Asher is standing between Gavin and Chad. Chad has his hands up. “Dude, I was just trying to talk to him.”

“You don’t fucking talk to him. Period,” Asher roars.

Gavin has his head bowed looking at the ground, rocking back and forth with the map of the museum dangling from one hand.

Brody is on his feet and standing eye to eye with Spencer. It happens so fast, I don’t have time to blink.

“What? You do her fucking dirty work now, Spencer?”

“You don’t know what the hell you are talking about man. Looks like you need to keep your bitch on a leash though. She is a real psycho...” Spencer looks over at me before he finishes, “...just like her mother.”

My mother?
Wait, no one knows about my mental state except Dad, Grandma, and Grandpa. When I asked Mom she said she told no one.

“
She lied,”
the small voice deep inside me affirms what I presume to be true.

I glance back at Celine and her group. She is already sauntering over to us, her arms folded over her chest like she is proud of what she has done. “I told you I wanted to get to know you better Evan. Your mom sure likes to talk. Her, Mom, wine, decorations...”

She told Mrs. O’Keefe. She fucking told her of all people?

Celine takes her eyes off me to look at Brody, still standing eye to eye with Spencer, “You know Brody, you are really scraping the bottom of the barrel with this one.”

I’m stung by her words and look at Brody, hoping he isn’t considering the crap spewing from her mouth.

“It is really adorable that you feel sorry for her an all, but it is a pity. I mean, first you have a brother that is... well, ‘out there’, and you have to care for him because your poor mother has to work now that your father has... well, whatever he has done.”

Nikki steps in front of Celine. “Shut the fuck up Celine.”

Two of Celine’s friends move in beside her as she stares Nikki down.

“Now a mental girlfriend to boot.”

Celine folds her arms over her chest and glares at me. “He only wants one thing and once he gets it from you, he will drop you. Luckily you won’t fall too far, being that you are almost at the bottom already.”

Spencer pipes in, “Yeah, tell me, has she put out for you yet, cuz I’m sure she is a wild one.”

In a split second, Brody swings and hits Spencer square in the jaw just before tackling him to the ground.

Students race toward us from the museum, whooping and hollering, Nikki yells for Spencer to stop, and teachers bark at the students to move back. All I can do is stare at Brody and Spencer rolling on the concrete and Asher trying to pull Brody away with no success.

Gavin stands next to the star, rocking side to side, lost in the chaos. I wonder whether he knows that his brother is fighting only a few steps away. Chad is nowhere to be seen, so I rush over to Gavin, leaving Nikki hollering for someone to stop the fight and cursing Celine intermittently.

I want to put my arms around him and let him know I am here, but that will only make things worse so I tell him, “I’m here Gavin. Everything is going to be all right.”

My words are so faint that I can’t imagine Gavin understands me if he is even listening.

Two teachers break apart the growing crowd and help Asher pull Brody and Spencer apart. Brody’s lips is bleeding and Asher’s face is bright red as he shrugs off the teacher. The teacher yells for Spencer to get back in the museum lobby and at everyone else to get back on the buses. Brody looks at me as the teacher takes him by the shoulders, then up at Asher.

“Ash, stay with them,” is all he says through his broken lip before the teacher hauls him off. I can’t hold the tears back any longer and I break. Nikki’s arms are around me, as she leads me to the closest bus with Asher and Gavin close behind us.

The ride back to school is a blur and I’m full of worry. What did they do with Brody and Spencer? Do they have them on another bus?

Somehow, I am sitting in the same seat as Gavin, my arm brushing up against his. I quickly scoot away, hoping that Gavin is still stuck in one of his seizures and didn’t notice me touching him. Nikki and Asher sit behind us. Everyone else on the bus is buzzing about the fight and giving us sideways glances... well giving me, the psycho, sideways glances.

I look at Gavin. He is staring out the window, rocking in time with the movement of the bus. I make a conscious effort to scoot close to him again, our shoulders barely grazing each other. Yeah, it is probably an insane move risking Gavin exploding into a fit on the bus, but I can’t explain the need to be close to him right now. I don’t know if I do it for him, for me, or for the fact that Brody isn’t here and Gavin needs to know someone is. It is the only way I can tell him, because I am at a complete loss of words. After today, I might not have a friend to sit this close to. I’m surprised when Gavin doesn’t flinch or stiffen by my touch and I tell myself it is because he doesn’t believe what has been said about me.

The ugly truth is that I have been exposed by Celine and Spencer to the only friends I have ever had in my entire life. Yeah, the chances of Asher, Nikki, Brody, even Lia believing them is slim, but when it is the only information you have to go on from the girl that has kept herself fairly invisible up until now, there is a chance they will believe some of it. It’s just a matter of time. I can’t keep my “condition” a secret forever. I just wish they could have found out differently. They’ve trusted me with so many secrets, so much pain, and I have trusted them with nothing because of my stupid fear of being rejected. Anything I say now to redeem myself makes me out to be a liar and fraud. Who would want to be friends with someone like that? Who would want to fall in love with someone like that?

When we unload from the buses, we are supposed to head to the cafeteria, but I walk aimlessly to the benches in the courtyard.

“We should leave campus. The rest of the day is going to be bad,” says Asher.

I’m not worried about skipping at this point. I don’t want to be here, that is for sure. Plus, it is the Friday before Thanksgiving break, so the chances of anyone reporting it are slim. That is what I keep telling myself.

But going home, admitting I skipped school because Brody got in a fight over someone calling me a psycho-skank, is a discussion I’m not prepared to have with my parents... yet. I need to think, so I offer to stay with Gavin until Brody and his mom get home. Asher and Nikki don’t argue. They don’t say anything actually.

When we pull into Gavin’s driveway, Nikki lets him and me out of the back seat. I thank Asher while I keep scanning any sign of my mother.

Before I get too far away from the car Nikki calls to me, “Hey.”

Prepared to hear that I am a liar and that she never wants to see me again, I look back at her.

She still has the same look on her face from earlier, animosity and pity. “The spare key is under the mat on the back porch. I’ll call you tomorrow,” is all she says before getting back in the car and pulling away.

Gavin is already walking around the side of the house and I join him, still keeping an eye on my house for any sign of Mom. Gavin unlatches the side gate a little too loudly for my liking and I hold my breath as I follow behind him and close it behind us.

Once I unlock the back door, I open it for Gavin to enter. “I’m going to stay with you until your mom and Brody get home, okay?” I say.

“Okay,” Gavin says stiffly as he walks through the living room and down the hallway.

“Do you want something to eat?” I ask, but the only response is the sound of his door shutting.

November 2013

Now they are hurting Evan.

It isn’t going to stop. I don’t know what will make them stop. Brody fighting them isn’t stopping it.

I can’t remember where Brody went after the fight at the museum; I got stuck; another seizure. He wasn’t with us on the way back to school though. That is when I snapped out of it.

Evan was sitting next to me; her shoulder touching mine. I don’t know if she knew that her shoulder was touching mine. But, for the first time....ever...I didn’t mind.

I wish Spencer and Celine would be nice like Justin and Ernie are being with me now. Maybe someday they will realize what they are doing.

I wish Dad would find his way home.

If he was here, everything would be better....I know it.

He is out there, trying to get home. We just have to hold on for a little longer.

I hear a car. Gotta go.

-G.F

AN HOUR PASSES AS I sit in the Fergusons’ living room, deciding how I am going to talk to Mom about what happened. She may not hear from the school today about my truancy, but I don’t plan to let things settle, not after what Celine and Spencer did at the museum. She needs to know. I need to make her see what is happening, and find out why she lied to Dad and me when she told us that no one other than family and Dr. Larson knows about my mental state. Oh, and about her mental health! Yeah, the big secret she kept from Dad and me! She trusted Mrs. O’Keefe so much that she told her, and now everybody knows.

I hear Brody’s car engine rev as he pulls into the driveway. I rise just as he bursts through the front door. His eyes meet mine first, then search the room for Gavin. “Where is he?”

“In his room.”

Brody shuts the door behind him and walks further into the living room. I want to go to him, hug him even, but he stops and just stares at me.

“
He doesn’t even want to come close to you,
” I hear that bastard bipolar voice say deep inside of me.

It hurts to breathe as I try to hold back the painful emotions and keep them from surfacing, releasing, and making me look like a blubbering fool.

I start toward the door, but Brody catches my hand in his. “Don’t leave.”

Gently, he pulls me closer until I am standing in front of him. I have no other choice but to look at him or close my eyes and wrap my arms around him. I can’t look at him. I can’t look at his broken lip again knowing that he got it because of me; because he was defending my fake honor.

“Look at me Evan,” Brody says, tenderly.

I shake my head, denying him, denying myself the chance to look into his eyes.

“Please look at me,” he says again.

I shake my head and go over in my head the scene in front of the museum. My mind stops on one thing that I haven’t thought much about until now. “When your phone pinged, you checked it then put it away without saying anything about it. What was it?”

I keep my eyes fixed on his blue and gray open flannel shirt, waiting for his response.

His voice finally pierces the silence between us. “It was Celine.”

“What did she say?” I ask him, still unable to look at his face.

“She asked how hell was,” he says in a tired tone.

She is crazy! Yeah, I have no room to talk, but that sounds completely psychotic to me.

I meet his eyes. My mouth seems to have a mind of its own, and I start speaking uncontrollably. “I’m so sorry Brody. You shouldn’t have fought back for me. I don’t deserve you fighting for me.”

“You don’t deserve... Evan, what are you saying?” Swiftly, Brody pulls me into his chest.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” I wrap my arms around him, frightened that this will be the last time he will ever let me this close to him.

“It’s not your fault, California. I’m sorry they said what they did about you,” he whispers into my hair.

Over the sound of him hushing me the front door opens behind us. His mother is standing in the open doorway looking at Brody and me, holding each other. She has been crying and my heart breaks even more now, knowing that when I leave here, things are going to get bad.

“Evan, you best be getting home,” says Mrs. Ferguson.

I let go of Brody, pick up my backpack, and start to the front door. Mrs. Ferguson moves away from the door to let me pass and I’m surprised when Brody tells her, “I’m going to walk her home.”

I fully expect his mother to tell him he can’t, but she doesn’t. He follows me out the door.

Half way down the driveway he stops me by the hand. “Evan, I don’t believe anything they say. If there is something you want me to know about you, you will tell me when you are ready. I just needed you to know that, all right?”

I can’t believe what I am hearing?

“I’m a pretty perceptive guy and I see things... see things in you... it isn’t a surprise.”

What has he seen exactly?

He finally settles his eyes on mine. “It doesn’t change how I feel about you. Nothing will, Evan.”

I don’t know what he knows, but now isn’t the time to ask. I am too torn up and undone by everything that has happened today. I change the subject to something I can handle. “What happened? Where did they take you?”

“Two of the teachers drove to the museum. Spencer was taken in one car and I was in the other. We are both suspended the first week back from Thanksgiving break.”

A troubled look settles between his crinkled brows. “I’m going to talk to Nikki, Ash, and Lia, but will you watch over Gavin that first week back? He hasn’t been without me at school since last year and with everything the way it is now...”

I speak over him not needing to know anymore. “Of course I will.”

“Thank you,” he says as he gently squeezes my hand then kisses me softly, before turning and walking back up to his door.

I’m not greeted by Mom like I had expected. She is sitting on the sofa, staring through me with her cell phone in her hand. “Where were you?” her voice is crippled with sadness.

She waves her hands at me and shakes her head. “No, the better question is why the hell did I just get a call from Mrs. O’Keefe telling me that you were involved in some kind of fight and that Brody Ferguson has been suspended. Were you with him just now?”

“Yes, I mean no!”

“Which one is it Evan? It isn’t that difficult of a question!”

“Jesus, just listen to me! Yes, I was but only until Brody and his mom could get home to be with Gavin.”

Abruptly, Dad walks through the front door, looks from Mom to me, then slams the door behind him. His silence is frightening as he takes off his jacket and tosses it on the rocking chair. “Ditching school now. Brody Ferguson is behind this too I presume!”

“What? No, he isn’t!”

“So he wasn’t in a fight today, like your mother said?”

“Yes, he was and it was because of me. Brody was defending me!”

“Why?” Dad asks, perplexed.

I look over at Mom, sitting silently and I want to put her in her place. “Because someone thought that confiding in Mrs. O’Keefe about her daughter’s condition over a few glasses of wine wouldn’t harm anyone.”

Mom’s dazed look sharpens as soon as my words sink in. She looks between Dad and I apparently frightened by my discovery. “I only told her because she asked me directly about the thing with Mr. Thompson. We were talking about our lives after high school and college and the difficulties we had as young ladies and how we were worried about our own daughters. She told me that she feared that Celine wouldn’t find success in college because of her lack of interest in much of anything other than popularity. The entire conversation was so candid and it had been so long since I talked like that with another mom....” Mom shakes her head slowly as her eyes tear up. “I thought I could trust her. I only told her that you were seeing a doctor for your mood and anxiety.”

Fucking brilliant!

“Well, Mom, Celine’s mom took what information you gave her and ran with it. And now your secret and my secret are being spread around Braxton Springs High School!”

Mom shakes her head.

“I can’t believe she would do that,” Dad says.

His disbelief and Mom’s asinine naivety boils my blood even more. “Believe it. She talked to her beloved daughter and her precious little girl decided that picking on my flaws, showing them to the entire school in some damn anonymous text would be a great way to get back at the girl who is dating her ex-boyfriend.”

“What?” They both ask simultaneously.

I knew they would say that.

“Yeah, Brody and I are dating... kind of... and I have been sneaking out at night for months to talk with Brody and Gavin because I am a fucking insomniac!”

Mom’s voice grumbles as she rises from her seat, “Evangeline Phillips!”

I stop her in her attempt at putting me under the bus. “No, Mom! Don’t even go there! You don’t have a clue how hard the past few months have been. My friends, the strange kids you think are bad for me, make life meaningful, manageable, and the happiest I have had in my entire life. So, I’m not going to stand here and listen to you tell me that my friends are a bad influence and that I will never see them again, because at this point I don’t even know if they want to see me again. Brody says he doesn’t believe the terrible things that Celine and Spencer said about me. How I am a psycho skank...”

“Pyscho skank?” Dad bellows, utterly shocked by the unsavory image he is obviously getting from the word combination.

I shake my head. “Look, I haven’t had sex with anyone! Spencer just wanted to say something to set Brody off. It worked and Brody took the first shot. They fought and I stood there shocked and stunned knowing that part of the rumor was a lie and part was true. The secret about me having a mental illness was out for everyone to see and Celine, her mother, and you... Mom put it there!”

Mom covers her mouth with her hands, her face streaked with tears now, just like mine. “I’m sorry Evan. I shouldn’t have said anything...”

“Look, I will call Mr. O’Keefe. We will get our two families together and talk this out,” Dad’s attempt at bringing peace to the situation is naive.

I close my eyes and lean my head back, “No, you can’t do that. It will only make things worse. Believe me, the Fergusons know firsthand about being alienated because of Gavin and his differences and because of Mr. Ferguson’s disappearance. So does Nikki, and Asher, and Lia; all of them have been victims of rumors just like me.”

Dad shakes his head, seeming not to believe what I am saying. I continue on with a trembling voice, “Gavin, Brody, Nikki, Asher, Lia, they are all victims. Now they have added me to the list because of who I have sided with. Because I chose to stand up for Gavin.”

I flop down on the chair, exhausted.

“It isn’t right, Evan,” says Dad.

“They can’t get away with this,” Mom adds.

I shake my head from side to side and close my eyes. “They already have. If you call the school, and make a bigger scene it will only be harder on me.”

“We need to do something damn it!” Mom yells.

Maybe we do but none of us know what. Fighting doesn’t work, parents getting involved doesn’t work. We would be beating our head against a brick wall just like the Fergusons. Why should we expect any better results?

After sitting in silence, I decide to get up and go to my room. I don’t know how long Mom and Dad sat down there. Not much talking takes place. I can tell they are as stumped as any other parent might be. Lying on my bed, I look up at the ceiling and the shadows of tree branches cast by the light of the moon. Mrs. Ferguson, of all people, pops into my mind. I imagine how she and Mr. Ferguson might have reacted for years and years as Gavin was endlessly ridiculed and Brody was punished for defending his brother at school. I think of how things got worse after Mr. Ferguson disappeared. Not only are Gavin and Brody victims of ridicule, Mr. Ferguson is as well in his absence. Again, Mrs. Ferguson is left to try and pick up the pieces, much like my mom and dad wish they could.

I realize that when I left their house today, I made a mistake. I mistook the sadness and fury in her eyes as being directed to Brody for fighting. Now that I think back at that look, I guess that she didn’t yell at him for fighting. She probably went on with the night, made dinner, rallied Gavin out of his room, and gave Brody a knowing look that she understood why he did what he did. Because what else could she do except go to her room after everyone is supposed to be in bed and cry by herself. Cry for her two sons and lament over her missing husband.

I fall asleep on my own somehow, and stay in bed all day Saturday. Only getting up to use the restroom and pour a glass of water. Mom and Dad take it in turns to bring food. Mom takes lunch duty and Dad brings dinner. I eat some even though it has no taste. I hear Brody’s car leave that morning and return that night, but I deny myself the luxury of sneaking a peek out my window.

I’m afraid. If he sees me, will he wave? How will I react? Will I wave back like nothing has happened? Like I, Evan Phillips, haven’t been outed as a fruit loop after keeping it from my friends and the guy I’m in love with. Will he tell me that everything is going to be fine and that his father has been found and will be returning before Christmas, just like Gavin hoped?